A A R A V I
The silence in the room felt suffocating as I replayed the argument over and over in my mind. Nikshant ji's harsh words, my own bitterness, and the unbearable distance between us-it all blended into a painful ache that seemed to gnaw at me from the inside out. I had tried so hard, but every effort felt like it was in vain.
I could still feel the sting of his indifference, his cold, distant gaze when he looked at me. It wasn't just the way he treated me-it was the weight of his disregard, the silence that spoke louder than words. Did he even see me? Did he even care?
I thought about the vows we made to each other, about the promises I had whispered to myself when we got married. I promised to make this work, to give everything I had, even if it was just me fighting for the relationship. But now, I was questioning everything. Was it all worth it? Was I even enough?
My thoughts were chaotic, tangled with frustration, anger, and confusion. I had tried to understand his distance, but every day it became harder to ignore. He came home today, and I saw the same detached look in his eyes. It crushed me to realize that he didn't even want to try.
That's why I exploded. That's why I spoke to him like I did. But even as the words left my mouth, I knew I had crossed a line. I had never spoken to anyone like that-never with such venom. And it hurt. It hurt because deep down, I wanted him to see me, to hear me. But all he saw was a stranger, a burden.
I shook my head, trying to clear the thoughts that swirled in my mind. But they refused to leave. The guilt was overwhelming. I had hurt him. I knew I had. But how else was I supposed to react? He had pushed me to my limit, and in that moment, I had lost control.
I'm trying, Nikshant ji. I'm trying to make this work. But you don't even want me here. You don't care. I couldn't say it to him, but I felt it in every fiber of my being. I could sense his anger, his frustration with me, and it made me question everything. Why did he marry me if he didn't want me? Why did he make me feel like I was nothing more than an obligation? I didn't deserve this. I didn't deserve to be treated like this.
But I couldn't say any of this to him. Not now, not ever. The truth was too painful, too raw. I wasn't sure if he even cared enough to understand.
I pulled my knees to my chest, hugging them tightly as I sat on the bed, staring blankly at the wall. My mind refused to quiet, the sharp edges of my thoughts cutting through me like glass. I'm not worthy of love, I thought again. I'm not worthy of him.
I wasn't just talking about him, though. I was talking about everything-about the life I had built and the pieces that didn't fit. I wasn't pure enough to be loved. I wasn't the kind of person who deserved affection. My past, my scars, they all haunted me. They made me feel like I was a broken thing, incapable of receiving anything good.
I reached for my phone and dialed Shreya's number once more. I needed someone to talk to, someone who would understand.
"Aaravi?"
I exhaled deeply, trying to steady my emotions before responding. "Shreya, I... I don't know what to do anymore."
She was silent for a moment before replying. "What happened?"
I hesitated, wondering how to explain what had just transpired, but the words tumbled out before I could stop them. "I had a fight with Nikshant ji... and I... I said things I shouldn't have."
"Tell me everything."
I let out a shaky breath and recounted everything that had happened. The anger, the pain in my voice, my inability to control my emotions. I told her about how I had lashed out at him, how the words just kept spilling from my mouth like some dam breaking, each one more hurtful than the last.
"And then," I continued, feeling the weight of guilt press harder on my chest, "I just walked away from him. I felt guilty afterward, but at the time, I just couldn't stop myself."
Shreya was quiet for a while, letting the silence hang between us. Then she spoke, her voice gentle but firm. "Aaravi, you are only human. You can't keep everything bottled up inside. It's not healthy for you. And trust me, it's not healthy for him either."
I swallowed, trying to hold back tears. "But I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to be the cause of his pain, even if he's causing mine. But I can't just keep pretending like I don't care."
"I know," she said softly, her tone warm but filled with an understanding I hadn't expected. "But you have to remember one thing-if he can't see your worth, then he's the one who's blind, not you."
I let her words settle in, turning them over in my mind. Could I really keep giving everything I had to someone who couldn't even acknowledge my existence? Someone who saw me as a mere duty?
"But what if I'm wrong, Shreya?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper. "What if I'm just being selfish, expecting him to change? What if... I'm not enough for him?"
"Aaravi, you are more than enough. I've seen the way you give yourself to others, the way you care, the way you love. But you can't let someone's inability to recognize that tear you apart."
I nodded, trying to digest her words. She was right. I couldn't let someone else's coldness define me. I wasn't just his wife-I was someone who deserved love, respect, and kindness. But how could I get through to him when every attempt to connect with him seemed to be met with indifference?
"What is love, Shreya? What does it feel like?" I immediately poured out the question that had been eating at me all day.
Then she laughed softly. "That's a heavy question.
"Hmm," she mused.
"Pyaar ek ajeeb sa ehsaas hai, jo ek saath dard aur sukoon dono deta hai. Yeh woh cheez hai jo aapko hila ke rakh de, aur phir sambhalne ka sahara bhi wahi ban jaye. Yeh ek aisi chahat hai jo bina kisi wajah ke dil mein jagah banati hai. Pyaar tab hota hai jab aap kisi ke liye apne aap se zyada sochne lagte hain, unki khushi mein apni duniya dekhte hain, aur unka dukh aapke dil ko tod deta hai. Pyaar meetha bhi hai aur kadva bhi. Yeh woh ehsaas hai jo aapko unse door rehkar bhi unka paas hone ka ehsaas karata hai. Kabhi kabhi, pyaar mein dard hota hai, ek aisi kasak jo raaton ko sone nahi deti, lekin fir bhi aapko zinda mehsoos karati hai. Isse kehte hai pyaar."
( Love is a strange feeling that gives both pain and peace at the same time. It's something that shakes you to the core and then becomes the support that holds you together. It's a desire that finds a place in your heart without any reason. Love happens when you start thinking about someone more than yourself, when you see your world in their happiness, and their pain breaks your heart. Love is both sweet and bitter. It's a feeling that makes you feel close to them even when they're far away. Sometimes, love brings painâa longing that keeps you awake at night but still makes you feel alive. This is what love is. )
Her response was gentle, soothing even, as she explained love in a way that made sense to me, yet made me feel more lost than ever.
Her words struck a chord deep within me. Wanting the best for them, even if it means sacrificing your own happiness... Was that what I was doing? Staying in this marriage despite the pain, hoping it would somehow work out?
Their happiness makes you happy.
Yes, I feel happy when Nikshant ji is happy.
Their pain gives you pain too.
Yes, if I see Nikshant ji in pain, it hurts me too.
Do I love him?
No, no, how can I? But Shreya's words keep ringing in my earsâwhat she said, I feel about him.
And then,
The realization hit me, and my eyes widened.
And as she spoke, I couldn't help but wonder-did Nikshant ji even know what that felt like? Did he even know how to love me?
"Thank you, Shreya," I whispered, feeling a small weight lift off my shoulders.
"I'm always here for you," she replied, her voice soft with affection. "Don't forget that."
I didn't want Shreya to get involved. I didn't want her to confront Nikshant ji, because I knew it wouldn't help. It would only make everything worse. And for some reason, deep down, I didn't want that. I didn't want him to change, not yet. Not until I understood him more, until I figured out what this marriage was really about.
But I was so tired. Tired of trying. Tired of pretending everything was okay when it clearly wasn't. I didn't know how much longer I could keep up this charade. How much longer I could keep pretending I was okay when inside, I was falling apart.
As I ended the call with Shreya, I felt more alone than ever. She cared, but she couldn't fix this. No one could.
I lay back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, my mind still racing with questions. What was I supposed to do now? How was I supposed to fix something that felt so broken?
I had given everything to this marriage, but now I wasn't sure if it was even worth saving.
I heard the faint creak of the floorboards as Nikshant ji entered the room, his footsteps tentative, as though he didn't want to disturb the fragile silence that had settled between us. But it was too late. The silence itself was louder than any words could be, and I could feel his presence in the room, heavy and suffocating. I didn't want to face him-not after the outburst, not after everything that had been said.
I stayed still, my eyes closed, hoping that somehow the night would swallow me whole, and I could disappear from this reality. The emotions inside me were a whirlpool, a storm that I couldn't control. I could feel the weight of them pressing down on me-anger, frustration, confusion, guilt. And above all, a deep, aching sadness that refused to be ignored.
Nikshant ji didn't speak, didn't ask me how I was or what was going through my mind. He just laid beside me, the bed sinking slightly beneath his weight. I could hear the rustle of his breath, the subtle sound of him shifting to get comfortable. But there was no warmth in it, no connection. Just two people, lying next to each other, in a space that felt far too empty for what was supposed to be a marriage.
I kept my eyes shut, trying to calm my racing thoughts, trying to find some peace in the darkness. But sleep was nowhere to be found. I couldn't escape the thoughts that kept running through my mind. Thoughts about him, about me, about the life we were supposed to be building together. The life that seemed to slip further away with each passing day.
I wanted to scream, to cry, to tell him everything that was building up inside of me. But I didn't. I couldn't. Instead, I lay there, pretending to sleep, while the ache in my chest grew with every breath I took. I could hear his steady breathing beside me, but it only made the silence feel more pronounced. The more he stayed silent, the more I felt like we were two strangers forced to share a space.
Was this how my life was going to be now? Was this the future I had to accept? A future where I was always second place, where I was never truly seen, never truly loved? A future where I had to hide behind a mask of calmness and smile through the cracks in my heart?
I didn't know how long we lay there like that-two people on opposite sides of a chasm neither of us knew how to cross. It was suffocating. I could feel myself losing myself in this marriage, losing my sense of identity, my sense of worth. What was I anymore? The wife he ignored? The woman who tried but was always falling short?
The tears I had been holding back for so long finally started to spill, silently, running down the sides of my face. I didn't want him to see, didn't want him to know how broken I was. But even in the dark, I felt the sting of my own vulnerability, and it terrified me.
In my mind, I turned to God, even though I wasn't sure I believed anymore.
"Hamesha main hi kyun bhagwaan?" I whispered to myself, the words a bitter prayer. Why is it always me, God? Why did I have to suffer like this? Why did I have to be the one who always gave and gave, only to receive nothing in return?
I didn't expect an answer. I didn't expect comfort. All I wanted was for someone to understand. Someone to see the pain I was carrying inside, to see the loneliness that had become my constant companion.
But there was no answer. No divine intervention, no magical moment where everything was suddenly okay. Just the quiet hum of the night, the sound of Nikshant ji breathing beside me, and the distant, unanswered ache in my chest.
I didn't know how much longer I could go on like this. How much longer I could endure the silence, the coldness, the emotional distance. I had hoped that things would get better after the wedding. I had hoped that with time, things would change, that I would learn to love him and he would learn to love me. But nothing was changing. If anything, it was getting worse.
I turned my head slightly, just enough to see his silhouette in the dark. I couldn't bring myself to look at him fully. Not yet. Not when the weight of the words we had exchanged earlier still hung in the air between us.
The anger in my heart had started to ebb away, replaced by a deep, gnawing sadness. Was it so wrong to want to feel loved? To want to be more than just someone he was living with? To want him to look at me and see me-not as a burden, but as his partner?
I closed my eyes again, wishing for sleep to take me, but the exhaustion wasn't physical. It was emotional, spiritual. And no amount of sleep would fix that. Not when my heart felt like it was slowly crumbling under the weight of everything I had to endure.
In the silence, I found myself asking the same question over and over again: What now? What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to keep going when the life I had imagined for myself-the life I had hoped for with him-was slipping through my fingers, like sand?
I didn't have an answer.
And maybe that was the hardest part of all. Not knowing how to fix things, not knowing how to make it better. Just lying there, in the dark, with the man I had married, feeling more alone than ever.
I could feel the tears slipping down my face again, but I wiped them away quickly, as if trying to stop the flood before it could drown me. I didn't want him to see. I didn't want him to know how much his silence was breaking me.
Somehow, sleep consumed me that night. It wasn't a peaceful, restful sleep. It was more like I had surrendered to the exhaustion of my mind and body, drifting through a fog of confusion and pain.
The next morning, I woke up to the sound of birds chirping outside my window, the sun already filtering through the curtains. I blinked a few times, groggily trying to make sense of my surroundings. The reality of my life hit me once again, and I felt the familiar weight in my chest-the heaviness of everything that I couldn't explain, couldn't control.
I turned to my side and looked at the empty space next to me. Nikshant ji hadn't even bothered to say anything, not even an apology for the words we had exchanged the night before. I wasn't sure what I was expecting from him, but at the same time, I didn't know how much longer I could keep pretending that everything was fine. The guilt from our argument still sat heavy on my heart, but it wasn't just the argument. It was everything else-the silence, the indifference, the loneliness.
I pushed myself out of bed and dragged myself to the bathroom, needing to wake up properly. My reflection in the mirror wasn't a pleasant sight. My eyes were swollen from crying, and the lines on my face spoke of sleepless nights. But I couldn't afford to wallow in my own misery. I had to get up, get ready, and go on with my day. I had responsibilities, things I had to do, people to talk to. But deep down, I knew I couldn't keep pretending much longer. Something had to give.
As I got dressed and prepared for the day, the thought of visiting Veer Bhaiya came to my mind. It had been too long since I had last visited him, and I realized I needed his support more than ever. He had always been my anchor, the one person who understood me completely. My brother. My confidante. The one who knew everything about my past, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I had always turned to him whenever life got tough, and I knew I needed him now. I just didn't know why. Why was I feeling this disconnect with Nikshant ji? Why was it that, despite everything he had done for me-everything I had seen in him during our time in Greece-he now felt like a stranger to me? I couldn't place it, but the chasm between us had grown so wide that I felt suffocated by it.
I told Mom that I was heading to the Sachdeva office to visit Veer Bhaiya. She looked at me with a soft smile, though there was a trace of concern in her eyes. She knew something was wrong, but she didn't ask me to elaborate.
"Take care of yourself, beta," she said as I gathered my things.
I nodded, giving her a reassuring smile before heading out the door. As I sat in the car, I couldn't shake off the feeling that something was missing-something was terribly wrong in my life. But I pushed those thoughts aside. Visiting Veer Bhaiya was exactly what I needed right now.
The drive to the office seemed endless. The streets outside felt like a blur, my mind too preoccupied to notice much around me. I thought about how my life had been before I married Nikshant ji, the freedom I had, the dreams I once had. But now, I didn't know who I was anymore. I wasn't just a wife. I wasn't just a daughter. I was... lost.
When I finally reached the Sachdeva office, I felt a bit of comfort in the familiar sight of the building. It had been a place I had visited countless times over the years, but today, it felt like an oasis in the middle of my chaotic life. The receptionist greeted me as I entered, her smile warm but professional.
"Good morning, Mr. Sachdeva. How may I assist you?" she asked.
"I'm here to see Veer Bhaiya," I replied softly, hoping I didn't sound too distant or fragile.
She nodded and motioned toward the elevator. "He's in his office on the top floor, ma'am. I'll let him know you're here."
I thanked her and made my way to the elevator. My heart beat faster as I ascended, not knowing exactly what I would say to him. I had so many questions, so many emotions I needed to unload, but I wasn't sure how to begin.
When the elevator doors opened, I walked down the hallway toward Veer Bhaiya's office. I knocked softly before entering, and as soon as I did, his face lit up with a smile.
"Aaravi! It's been so long," he exclaimed, standing up from his chair and walking toward me. He enveloped me in a tight hug, and for the first time in what felt like forever, I felt a sense of warmth and security. Veer Bhaiya was the one person who knew everything about me. He was my brother, my protector, my superhero. He was the one person who had been there for me when no one else understood.
"I missed you," I whispered, not able to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill. "I've been so lost, Bhaiya."
He stepped back and looked at me, his face filled with concern. "What's going on, Aaravi? You don't look okay."
I swallowed hard, trying to keep my emotions in check. But it was no use. The dam inside me broke, and before I could stop myself, the words came tumbling out.
"I don't know what's happening, Bhaiya. I... I thought I knew what I was doing when I married Nikshant ji. I thought I could make it work. But now... I feel like I'm suffocating. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what to do. I've been trying so hard, but nothing feels right."
Veer Bhaiya listened quietly, his eyes never leaving mine. He didn't interrupt, just let me speak, as he always had. Finally, after a long pause, he spoke softly.
"I knew something was wrong," he said. "I could see it in your eyes, Aaravi. You've been carrying too much on your own. You don't have to do that. You don't have to carry this burden by yourself."
I looked at him, grateful for his understanding. "But I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm drowning in this marriage. It's not just Nikshant ji-it's everything. The silence......it's killing me, Bhaiya."
He gave a small nod, his expression growing serious. "I know you've been trying your best, Aaravi. But there's something you need to understand about this marriage. It's not just about trying harder. It's about understanding that you deserve more than just being someone's wife. You deserve love, respect, and care. You deserve to be seen for who you truly are."
I nodded slowly, feeling a lump form in my throat. But there was one thing I needed to ask, one thing that had been eating at me ever since I had married Nikshant ji.
"Why do you hate him so much?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. "Why does Nikshant ji make you so angry? I don't understand."
Veer Bhaiya's expression darkened for a moment, and I saw the flicker of something-anger, perhaps-cross his face. He sighed deeply, clearly torn between what he wanted to say and what he thought would be best for me.
"I don't hate him, Aaravi," he said slowly. "But I don't trust him. And I never have. He's not the person he pretends to be. There's a side to him that you don't see, and it's something I can't ignore. I've seen how he treats you, how he dismisses your feelings, how he takes you for granted. And it scares me, Aaravi. It scares me that you're not seeing it."
I blinked, processing his words. "But... he's been kind to me. He did so much for me in Greece. He's not always like this. He's just... distant sometimes."
( A/N- Itna sabh kar ke bhi yeh uski side le rahi hai ð¤¦ð»ââï¸ kya karu main iss ladki ka )
Veer Bhaiya's face softened, but his eyes were still full of concern. "I wish I could believe that, Aaravi.
I felt a surge of emotion rise in me. Could he be right? Was I really blind to the way Nikshant ji had been treating me?
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