Chapter 20: Chapter 20

*Slight trigger warning for SA

It had been five days. Five long, miserable days in which I threw myself into my job. Anna frowned as I turned up for my fourth ten hour shift in a row. Working was the only way to distract myself from the longing in my heart. I couldn’t understand it. I felt like each day was a chore, a struggle to even get out of bed. I wasn’t poorly, my body didn’t feel sick. There was no physical symptoms aside from my fatigue.

Because I couldn’t sleep.

I had no appetite, no motivation, I felt hopeless and I didn’t know why. I tried to tell myself that I was being stupid, there was no way my mood was connected to Mason, but every time I thought of him I could feel my eyes well with tears. My subconscious needed him back. As I dropped the third plate of my shift I couldn’t help but let a few treacherous tears fall.

“Oh honey,” Anna came around the corner and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.

But it felt anything other than comforting. It felt foreign...wrong.

“Why don’t you go home?” She asked gently. “You’ve worked over forty hours this week. You must be exhausted.”

“No,” I sniffed, wiping my eyes. “I’m fine. I need to work, I need the distraction.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

I shook my head firmly and straightened my shoulders. “I will be fine,” I said and she nodded, but I could tell she didn’t believe me. Hell, I didn’t believe me.

I continued to work monotonously. Pouring coffees, taking orders, restacking cakes. It was a welcome distraction, but there was absolutely nothing that could truly take away the grief I was feeling. At least, that’s what I likened this feeling to. Like I was mourning.

I sighed at myself, surely I was just being overly dramatic? A pang in my heart told me that no, whatever this was that I was feeling was real. I served a coffee to an elderly lady who looked at me with sympathy, even if I didn’t outwardly show signs that I was suffering, my haggard appearance surely would. I had awful purple bags under my eyes from where I lay awake night after night and my eyes themselves were red and puffy from crying. My hair hung limp and loose and my uniform was slacking on my body.

Not eating for five days really altered my body more than I thought it would.

The bell rang once more that mid-morning and I looked up, ready to plaster a false smile on my face to greet whomever was coming in. But instead, a real smile came across my face as none other than Josie walked through the door. I gasped and she squeaked holding out her arms as she embraced me in a tight hug.

“Anyone would think you girls had been apart for a month, not a week,” came the teasing voice from Anna over the counter.

“Good grief Sophie,” Josie cried as she held me from arms length. Her eyes narrowed, “Have you slept or ate at all since I left?”

I felt embarrassed, I didn’t know why I was feeling this way and I didn’t exactly want to explain it out loud either.

“That’s not right,” She muttered to herself. “You shouldn’t...”

“You need to come and see Mason, like now,” She said clearly.

“I can’t, I still on shift and-”

“Go,” Anna stated firmly. I frowned at her, why was my boss so invested in my love life? I didn’t have any time to dwell on it because I was being ushered out of the cafe and towards the manor.

“Wait, Josie I look horrendous,” I dug my heels in the ground and refused to walk another step.

“Trust me, he looks worse. The longer we wait, the longer the feeling is only going to get worse.”

“Wait, you know how I’m feeling...how?”

She looked torn, “You aren’t supposed to, or at least I don’t think you are. It’s complicated and only something Mason can explain to you. Come on.”

The shouting and yelling was the first thing I heard as I made my way up the brick steps into the manor. Josie opened the door and I stepped through, crunching on the glass that littered the hallway. I glanced at Josie, my heartbeat picking up as the shouting got louder.

“Mason you HAVE to calm down!”

Isaac.

The only sound that replied to Isaac was a low, reveberating growl that seemed to echo through my body and send chills up my spine. I stepped my way into the dining hall and stared at the chaos within. Chairs had been sent flying and the beautiful, indoor trees had been tipped over, their soil spread across the floor. In the midst was Isaac and Mason.

Or whom I thought was Mason.

His hair was dishevelled, his clothes were torn, his face was sunken and taut. His eyes were pitch black and his stance was defensive. I had never seen this side of him and Josie was right; he looked infinitely worse I than I did. Suddenly, he stopped resisting Isaac to smell the air. I frowned as he audibly breathed in and snapped his head in my direction.

“You’re here,” He whispered.

In three strides he had his arms wrapped around me in a vice-like grip, one arm around my waist pulling me into his body and the other on my neck, pressing my face into his chest.

“Next time, you’re coming with me,” He breathed as he bent his head down and kissed the top of my head fiercely.

I tried to pull back, but Mason held on to me even tighter, and while it felt like a relief to be back in his embrace, I was finding it hard to breathe.

“Mason, can’t breathe,” I groaned against him and he pulled back instantly, holding my face in his hands.

I looked around the dining room, but Josie and Isaac had left us be, so it was just the two of us.

“What happened in here?” I whispered, taking myself away from his hands, even though the warmth that was him was so wonderful I never wanted to leave.

Mason ran a hand through his hair, but the matted strands didn’t allow to be so effortless as it usually was. “I got into an argument with Isaac,” He said coolly, reaching down to pick up a chair.

“But he’s your best friend,” I replied, turning to face him with confusion written across my face.

“We’ll be fine,” Mason’s clipped voice sent a feeling through me that I didn’t like. “We have to talk,” He added, with finality in his voice.

I took another glance around the destroyed room and folded my arms, “Yeah I think we do.”

***

We decided to head into the garden and sit back on the ivy covered, wooden swing. I crossed my legs up on the seat and placed my hands together in my lap, I was more than aware that I looked less than desirable, but all those negative emotions had completely disappeared now that Mason was back and I just couldn’t understand it.

“You look tired,” He voiced as he sat down next to me.

“That happens when you haven’t slept in a week,” I replied flatly.

“You haven’t slept? Why?” Mason asked, his voice rising with concern.

I shrugged, “I don’t know. For the past five days I’ve felt awful. Like I’ve been grieving.”

“But you shouldn’t be...you should have been fine that’s why I agreed to go!” Mason stood up quickly, making the swing shake.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, grabbing a hold of the iron chain to keep myself steady on the swing.

“Are you okay now?” Mason asked, ignoring my question.

“I feel fine. What are you talking about?” I repeated.

Mason shook his head, “It doesn’t matter.”

I stood up, “If you’re not going to talk to me, then I’m going,” I exasperated.

Mason grabbed my hand and I tried my hardest to ignore the electricity that was shooting up my arm.

“Please, I, I struggled when I was away from you. Don’t leave yet,” He pleaded.

His usual cool, composed exterior was melting away under my touch. He normally radiated power, but now he looked desperate. I looked into his eyes and knew at that moment that I could never leave him. I nodded and sat back down on the swing.

“Sophie, I, I wasn’t sure how I wanted to do this. I’ve mulled the options over in my head for over a month. Ever since I met you. At first, I thought if maybe I ignored you, the feeling would go away, but of course it never did. Then you waltzed into the bar that day and I almost collapsed. Every time I see you, it’s like seeing you for the first time. Every time I touch you, I never want to let you go. I see other men eye you in the street and I just want to grab your hand and let them know that you’re mine.” He stopped and placed his head in his hands.

“This was supposed to be easy,” He growled beneath his breath, but I still caught it. “You were supposed to feel the same way.”

I cocked my head to the side, “Mason I do,” I said slowly. I took a breath in, “I like you Mason, but...”

“But?” He whispered, and my heart cracked as I looked at the pain in his eyes.

“But I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“That you’ll hurt me.”

My drifted to a time when I was seventeen. Old enough, I thought, that I was clever enough to be sneaky around him. That he wouldn’t notice if I came home a little later than usual, or if I smelled of a boy’s cologne. That he wouldn’t notice if my hair was a little out of place, or the jacket I was wearing was a bit too big.

How naive I was.

“Jacob,” I giggled as he kissed down my neck. “Jacob stop it.”

“Come on Heidi, come back to my place,” He muttered against my skin. I could feel his fingers digging into my hips and any minute now, those fingers were going to end up somewhere dangerous.

“You know I have a curfew,” I sighed, pushing him away just as his fingers drifted across the very edge of my dress.

“Fine. I’ll take you home.”

As we pulled up, I could see Dan stood at the threshold of our house, arms folded and waiting. He looked calm and vomit threatened to rise up into my throat. He knew. He knew and he was going to punish me.

A stray tear fell down my cheek and I brushed it away before Jacob could see.

“Is that your dad?” Jacob asked, craning his neck to see.

“Step-dad,” I corrected, trying to make my voice sound normal, but it quivered and Jacob noticed.

“Are you okay?” He asked, his voice etched with concern.

I plastered a false smile on my face, “I’m great. I’ll see you soon ok?”

Jacob leaned forwards to kiss me, but I turned and opened the car door before he could touch me again. I strode up towards the house, feigning confidence, but my face faltered as I looked into Dan’s eyes. His stance was normal, but his eyes were murderous. I stepped past him and into the hallway, flinching as the door slammed behind me.

“So,” Dan began calmly, “You think that you can just go around parading yourself as a whore. How many guys have you fucked hmm?”

“None,” I gasped, “Please Dan, he’s just a friend. Nothing has ever happened.”

Dan grabbed my wrist and pulled me to him, “I know what your body feels like. I know every little inch of you. You expect me to believe that other men don’t also want to have that pleasure?”

Dan sounded sober. Normally, it was the alcohol that made him like this, but tonight the fear in my blood was ice cold. Because Dan was sober. Dan knew what he was doing. Dan wanted to do this to me.

“Please I swear on mum. I’ve never had sex with anybody other than you,” I begged.

Sex was a regular occurence now since my sixteenth birthday. Dan loved having the ability to choose between me or mum. It was with dread that I realised Dan was choosing me more and more.

Dan frowned, “I believe you. You see him again and I’ll kill him while you watch. Understand?”

I nodded, I absolutely believed him.

“Couch,” He pointed, “Undress for me.”

I didn’t notice that I was crying until Mason’s arms wrapped around me pulled me out of the flashback. I cried against his chest as he stroked my hair and whispered soothing words into my ear. I gulped and tried to swallow my tears and the lump in the back of my throat. This was the second time that I had cried against Mason, and now I knew it was because I felt safe with him, like I could tell him everything.

Suddenly, my name coming from his lips felt wrong.

“Heidi,” I whispered.

“What? Whose that?” Mason asked.

“Me, my real name is Heidi,” I took a shaky breath in.

“What?”

I sat up and turned to face him, my face still blotchy and stray tears still falling from my eyes.

“This is what I meant when I said I’m complicated,” I sniffed, “Please you can’t tell anybody else.”

“Why did you give yourself a fake name Sophie?” He asked, warning lacing his voice.

“My real name is Heidi. I did it because me and mum...” I paused for a moment, knowing that I was about to reveal my biggest secret to a man I had only known for seven weeks.

“We’re on the run.”