Chapter 24: CH 24

Are you interested in our Xiao Yan?

TN: Please read before continuing!

Author touches on some dark topics here: child abuse, suicide, abortion, infidelity. The discussion is short, but still wanted to put a warning here! I will mark the backstory with **, so you can skip it if you would like. I will summarize at the end  Thanks for reading and please stay safe everyone!

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When the lights went out, Xia Zhiye initially didn’t think too much.

He had just been fiddling with the bracelet on his wrist, when he heard shrieks in the surrounding area. He raised his head and found it pitch-black as far as his eyes could see. Other than the fragmentary lights from across the river, there was only the light from other people’s cell phones.

And Song Yan’s phone was still on the table.

With this kind of darkness, if one didn’t have their cell phone, then it would be difficult to make out one’s surroundings. What if Song Yan accidentally fell down?

That little lame leg has only been healed for a few days, he can’t hurt it again.

Xia Zhiye thought this, then picked up Song Yan’s phone, and walked towards the bathroom.

This hot pot store had quite an extensive shop front, and the outer portion of the bathroom was built into an antique style bamboo residence. They even lit some incense, and the surrounding area was very quiet, as if no one was here.

Xia Zhiye pushed aside the outer door, and lazily called out: “Song Da……”

He hadn’t said ‘Xi’ yet, when he saw under the feeble light of his cell phone flashlight, a familiar, slim figure leaning against the counter of the sink, taking in large gasps of air.

One hand propped himself up against the edge of the marble counter, while the other hand grasped his collar. Because of his excessive strength, his muscles could be seen on the back of his hand. His originally pale skin became gloomy and dismally white under the cellphone light, and his forehead was even suffused with a fine layer of sweat.

A normal person’s fear of the dark wouldn’t result in such a reaction.

Also they lived together for so long. Other than insomnia, he had never seen Song Yan with any other abnormality at night.

Ah, that’s not right, the day Song Yan drank too much, it seems he clearly expressed that he didn’t like being alone in a room at night.

So could it be that Song Yan couldn’t stay alone in dark, enclosed rooms?

Xia Zhiye thought up to here, then immediately restrained any improper expression, and walked towards Song Yan, supported the other’s shoulder and, lowly called out: “Song Yan.”

Hearing the other’s voice, Song Yan immediately released his strength, and his fingers on the countertop slowly loosened its grip. Xia Zhiye took the opportunity to pull the other’s shoulder, turn him around and hug him into his arms.

The youth who had always been cold and stiff didn’t push him away this time, but instead grabbed Xia Zhiye’s waist, as if he were a drowning man grabbing a life jacket.

His forehead leaned into Xia Zhiye’s broad and even shoulders, and took in large breaths of that familiar, citrus scent on Xia Zhiye’s body, as if searching for some kind of long desired sense of security.

It was a gesture of complete confidence, to the extent that his desire could be completely entrusted in the other.

Xia Zhiye never saw Song Yan like this, and he extended his arm to softly but firmly pull the other into his arms, as if trying to transmit some of his comfort and warmth through his own body temperature and heartbeat.

“Don’t be scared, it’s fine, I’m here.”

After saying three short phrases, a tacit and silent trust grew in the company of the dark.

In that moment, it was as if Song Yan was a lonely traveler who had trudged through the desert for a long, long time, who had endured for a long, long time, and who had supported himself for a long, long, time, finally found the only oasis who would accept him. After obtaining this long-lost tranquility and indulgence, he then lost himself in it without moving a muscle.

He thought, if this was just a mirage, he was willing to die in this illusion. It was better than continuing to support himself alone in that hopeless desert.

He depended on, and even enjoyed this hug. Until a door-opening ruckus broke apart the fantasy.

Xia Zhiye heard the movement, turned his head, and saw Shen Jiayan who had his cell phone flashlight on in one hand, while the other hand cupped an unknown item, standing at the door dazedly staring at them.

He hugged Song Yan, raised his eyebrow, and the general idea was to express ‘do you know what all this is about’.

But in Shen Jiayan’s eyes, it became ‘why are you here’, ‘do you not know whether or not you should be here’, ‘seeing such a scene, shouldn’t you slip away and get outta here?’

So with his desire for survival, he prepared to pretend as if he didn’t see anything, and lower his head to leave.

But then, with a ‘boom,’ the electricity resumed, and the room immediately brightened.

While lying on Xia Zhiye’s body, Song Yan had also adjusted his mood, and after hearing movement, released his hand, stood up straight, raised his head to look at Shen Jiayan’s complicated expression, then regained his indifferent mood: “Something wrong?”

“……”

Shen Jiayan didn’t dare say something was wrong.

After all, his many years of experience watching TV dramas told him, those who accidentally broke up a romance never had a good end.

And those who accidentally broke up a romance who didn’t have the ability to make discerning judgment to admit his wrongs, were even more likely to die without a corpse.

So he falteringly held the saucer of pickled vegetables in his hand: “Um, just wanted to come ask……Do you wanna eat?”

“……”

Song Yan and Xia Zhiye stared at the sign on the door to the restroom, then stared at that saucer filled with scorched looking food in Shen Jiayan’s hand, and silently left the crime scene.

Shen Jiayan who was left behind, stood there alone, dazedly standing in his original spot, and began to realize that something was not right.

Didn’t Song Yan say he thought Xia Zhiye was annoying??

Why was he the one crying under the car1?!

Once they returned to their seats, no one mentioned the situation just now.

Song Yan didn’t want to talk about it.

Xia Zhiye knew that Song Yan didn’t want to talk about it.

And Shen Jiayan clearly wanted to talk about it but also didn’t know whether or not he should talk about it.

The atmosphere at the table then became quite lousy.

Originally, they didn’t order that many meat dishes, and Xia Zhiye had even scooped them all out for Song Yan. But Shen Jiayan, as a veteran foodie didn’t say anything, only silently observing the pair’s movements, and the more he observed, the more he felt something was fishy.

This was called annoying? Was it that he had some kind of misunderstanding with the word ‘annoying’, or was it Song Yan that had some kind of misunderstanding with the word ‘annoying’?

Also, there was a 1.74meter living person beside you breathing in air, can the two of you look up and look at me a little?

Shen Jiayan deeply felt he had been tricked.

But Xia Zhiye once again picked up a piece of fatty beef covered in chili oil, then swished it around the clear soup before handing it over to Song Yan, and Shen Jiayan became confident.

There was definitely something fishy between these two.

If he, Shen Jiayan, didn’t ask about it clearly, then he was unworthy of being a flower of the capital!

So after they finished eating hot pot, the three of them exited the business district, and prepared to part ways. But Shen Jiayan, who held the taxi door open, stuck his head out: “How about classmate Xia come back to the hotel with us.”

Xia Zhiye slightly raised his eyebrow.

Shen Jiayan explained: “It’s no fun if you go back to the dorms this late, also you’ll still go out to play with us tomorrow. It’ll be too inconvenient for you to come pick us up then, so why don’t you sleep over for a night. The three of us can Fight the Landlord.”

What Shen Jiayan said was reasonable, but his intention was excessively obvious, and it was clear he had some kind of ruse.

It seems Song Yan’s not that intelligent little wooden horse had something to say to him.

Thinking back to Song Yan’s abnormality when the electricity went out, Xia Zhiye had also not yet figured it out, so he just bent over at the waist, and looked over to Song Yan who sat inside: “So does this little classmate mind taking care of me for a night?”

That tsundere little classmate continued to stare out the window: “If you want to come, come. It has nothing to do with me.”

Xia Zhiye lowered his voice and laughed, then got in the car.

The room Shen Jiayan booked was an executive suite. There was a living room, a double room, a single room, as well as two bathrooms.

He originally thought he and Song Yan could have one room each, but now that plan had to change.

Because there were some things he didn’t dare ask Song Yan, and could only ask Xia Zhiye.

So he summoned his courage, and suggested: “Xia Zhiye and I will sleep in the double room.”

Song Yan dully raised his eyes, and stared at him.

What was originally a calm, inquisitive gaze, shocked Shen Jiayan into trembling, and he guiltily explained: “Um, I just thought you slept lightly, and I also am not well-behaved when sleeping. What if I disturb you, and then you can’t sleep. That would be too bad.”

After saying this, he exerted his strength to look at Xia Zhiye with a meaningful glance, as if he were seeking help.

Seems this little classmate really isn’t too smart.

But he also needed the other’s help as well, so Xia Zhiye lazily agreed: “It just so happens that I feel familiar with this classmate Xiao Shen, we’re very compatible, so we plan to have a long, intimate discussion at night.”

These two both don’t like to talk, what exactly are they going to discuss? How come he’s never seen them talk to him? Also these two big young men exchanging flirtatious looks all the time, do they think he’s blind?

Even if Song Yan were an idiot, he would be able to tell that Shen Jiayan was cooking up a scheme.

But what kind of scheme?

If Xia Zhiye wanted money, the other had no money, but if he wanted sex……

Seems there was some to be had.

Song Yan remembered Shen Jiayan had complimented Xia Zhiye as being handsome, and even complimented the fact that Xia Zhiye was boyfriend material, and even said Xia Zhiye was a little gay, and Shen Jiayan had also never seemed to have ever liked a girl ever since he was a child.

Think this far, Song Yan didn’t want to think any further, then coldly ‘Mm’ed, then walked into the single room alone.

Once the door closed, Shen Jiayan scratched his head: “Why do I feel Xiao Yan isn’t that happy?”

Xia Zhiye stared in the direction that Song Yan’s silhouette had disappeared into, then thoughtfully said: “Maybe.”

“What do we do?”

“It’s fine, I’ll coax him later and it’ll be alright.” Xia Zhiye said this while turning to look back at Shen Jiayan, then with an unhurried voice, “So can you say it now?”

He was taller than Shen Jiayan by several centimeters, and when he casually glanced at the other, there was a distinct sense of pressure.

Immediately, Shen Jiayan became a bit panicked: “Say……say what?”

“Say why you insisted on staying with me.” Xia Zhiye calmly stared at him, his face full of the expression ‘let me just quietly watch your performance,’ and Shen Jiayan who saw this felt a bit nervous in his heart.

He originally wanted to indirectly probe the other, but now it seems he already exposed himself. It was clear his level of intelligence wasn’t enough to play spy in front of the other, so his heart simply turned, and felt since he was going to say it, then might as well say it directly to clear everything up.

So he grinded his teeth, hardened his resolve, directly pulled Xia Zhiye into the room, locked the door, then lowly interrogated: “Didn’t you say Xiao Yan didn’t like you!”

“Oh.” Xia Zhiye didn’t blush, nor did his heart palpitate, “He really doesn’t like me, you saw it yourself, he thinks I’m a scumbag.”

“……” Shen Jiayan heard this, was silent for a moment, then opened his mouth, “Actually, you can’t blame Xiao Yan for this. I was the one who saw someone on Tieba say you have a lot of girlfriends, and then I counted the people who called themselves your girlfriend in their ID. Turns out there were 45 people, so I told Xiao Yan……”

Xia Zhiye: “……”

Turns out the cause of the rumor was unexpectedly in front of him.

He reflected for a moment, and examined himself: “Sorry, it’s all because I’m too charismatic.”

Shen Jiayan: “……”

This person is so shameless.

But just in case, Shen Jiayan still confirmed: “So none of them are your girlfriend?”

Xia Zhiye unhurriedly replied: “Believe me, aside from me, they probably have seven boyfriends, eight sons, nine geges, as well as countless other husbands and wives on the internet.”

Shen Jiayan: “……”

Hard to refute.

“So is there anything else you want to say?”

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

“Thank you.”

“No problem.”

After the strange, childish model dialogue of courtesy, the air sank into an awkward silence.

After a moment, Shen Jiayan finally said: “Other than this, the relationship between you and Xiao Yan is actually pretty good.”

Xia Zhiye just wanted to say something, when Shen Jiayan interrupted him: “Don’t disagree, I already saw it all. With Xiao Yan’s character, if your relationship wasn’t good, he wouldn’t even chat with you on WeChat, play games with you, buy the same style of bracelet, nor would he hug you during a PTSD attack!”

“PTSD?”

Xia Zhiye grabbed onto this point.

Shen Jiayan nodded: “Mhm, Xiao Yan can’t be left alone in a dark, enclosed room, or else his traumatic stress disorder will flare up.”

Xia Zhiye thought of something, then asked: “Does it have something to do with a childhood experience?”

“Oof, it’s a long story.” Shen Jiayan sighed, “Actually, I shouldn’t be telling you this, because if Xiao Yan knew then he definitely won’t be happy, but he’s all alone in Nan Wu, and I don’t feel at ease, so I’ll tell you. You should keep it a secret.”

“Okay.”

Shen Jiayan asked: “You know Xiao Yan is from a wealthy family right?”

Xia Zhiye nodded.

Shen Jiayan continued: “But actually, their family was built up from nothing. His father was the top scorer from No.3 Middle High, then he went to Beijing University and his father met his mother in Beijing. They were both in the same business, so they got married, and suffered a lot before they created their current business.”

**

“I also don’t know the specific details, but anyway, before Xiao Yan was born, the relationship between his mother and father had already broken down, and when they were pregnant with Xiao Yan, his father wanted to get an abortion. His mother didn’t agree, and insisted on giving birth, but because of emotional abuse from his father during the pregnancy, his mother developed postpartum depression after giving birth. Then it worsened to the point where her mental health grew abnormal.”

“When she was happy, she would treat Xiao Yan well, but when she was upset, she would exert her strength to beat and scold him. At that time, I still lived in front of Xiao Yan’s house, and if my mom saw this, she would take him to our house to hide, but if she didn’t see it, he would have to endure it all alone. Once it was -10C or so, and he was locked outside for an entire day.”

“Later, his mother’s illness grew worse, and his father also wasn’t at home. When Xiao Yan was five years old, the day of his parents’ wedding anniversary, his father accompanied a female star to a ribbon-cutting event. His mother saw it on TV, and then locked her and Xiao Yan in a small, dark room, and wanted to take Xiao Yan with her to die.”

“But in the end, she probably wasn’t ruthless enough, and couldn’t bear to make Xiao Yan accompany her to death. So she swallowed a whole bottle of sleeping pills by herself, and fell asleep in front of Xiao Yan. It wasn’t until the next afternoon, when the aunty who came to make meals, discovered them.”

“So that night, Xiao Yan was left alone in a dark room with his mother’s corpse for an entire night. When he was rescued, he didn’t cry, or throw a tantrum, just that after that, he didn’t really like talking to others, and even developed post-traumatic stress disorder.”

**

“Although Xiao Yan’s temper isn’t that good, and has a lot of bad habits, but he’s really a good person. When we were younger, the two of us climbed a mountain and I accidentally fell through the railing. If it wasn’t for him risking his life to pull me back, I probably would have already been reincarnated by now. Then, it wasn’t until we went to the doctor for an examination did we find out his arm was dislocated because he pulled me back, and was unwilling to let me go. So because of this, he’ll be my best friend for the rest of my life.”

“But I’m also quite unreliable. I’m not that smart, don’t know how to fight, and I can’t help him with a lot of things. Not to mention the fact that he’s so far from me now. So if it’s possible, can I ask you to take care of him?”

“The reason why I’m telling you this is because I think he treats you quite differently. If he’s able to hug you during a PTSD episode, then he definitely really, really trusts you.”

After Shen Jiayan finished saying this last sentence, he looked at Xia Zhiye, his clear eyes filled with the purest form of sincerity and hope.

Xia Zhiye lowered his eyelashes, and after a long, slow silence, did he finally, lowly reply: “Don’t worry.”

He thought before that his Song Daxi probably didn’t have such a good childhood, but he never thought it could be that bad.

No wonder his name was ‘Yan’.

But such a sharp-mouthed, soft-hearted, pretty, intelligent young master should have been loved since he was a child.

Thinking back to the day he was drunk and the way Song Yan tilted his head to ask why no one liked him, Xia Zhiye’s heart grew forlorn to the extent that breathing became a bit difficult.

To the extent that he had to recover for a long, long, time before he could barely make out the sentence, ‘Don’t worry’.

And him telling Shen Jiayan not to worry, wasn’t because someone else entrusted this task to him. It was just that he wanted Song Yan to understand he was the most lovable little friend in the world.

His family’s Song Daxi should be a young master who was adored by others.

Xia Zhiye lowered his eyes, his gaze unconsciously gazing at that bracelet on his wrist, his light brown pupils lacking his usual leisurely hint of a smile, only expressing a kind of moodiness that he himself probably didn’t realize.

All this was seen by Shen Jiayan.

He opened his mouth, as if wanting to say something, but hesitated for a while before swallowing it down. But after repeatedly thinking it over, he finally couldn’t help it, and still questioned: “Um……Classmate Xia, there’s a question I have but don’t know if I should ask it or not.”

Xia Zhiye’s eyes were still drooping down, and he absent-mindedly said: “Ask.”

“After I ask, no matter what the answer is, you can’t hit me.”

“Fine.”

“That……are you interested in our Xiao Yan?”

The moment Shen Jiayan’s question was asked, Xia Zhiye raised his eyes.

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TN: i’m not crying, you’re crying.

summary: SY’s mother was mentally ill due to emotional abuse from SY’s father, and treated SY quite poorly when he was a child. She witnessed SY’s father ‘cheating’ (i say this loosely, but it is largely implied), and grew upset. She then locked her and SY up in a dark room to die, but instead committed suicide herself. SY was left in the room alone with her dead body, which resulted in his PTSD and personality today.

1. Meme for being pitiful.