Gumihou: Lots of explanation, which means lots of stiff and awkward dialogue for Gumi to fix
âAruji?â the Ancient Dragon rumbled.
âWe are that humanâs familiars,â explained Fer. âThe Pixie Dragon is one of us too.â
When the Ancient Dragon turned its rugged face towards me, I could feel my balls shrinking away. Hey, donât look down on me. Having a huge dragon staring directly at you will do that. Even Dora-chan had frozen in place.
âThe one who could fight me to a draw is now a familiar of that little human [5a]?â
Uuh, me? A little? I guess to an Ancient Dragon humans are rather tiny? [5b]
From what I have heard, Ancient Dragons were supposed to be old. Like, really, really old, old enough to be thought of as âAncientâ
Suddenly, deep, powerful laughter echoed inside the huge cave.
âGuhahahahaha!â
The Ancient Dragon was slapping the floor with one of his forepaws and laughing.
âGuhahahaha, you a familiar of that?? Guhahaha, if you want to make up a story, make a better one.â [5]
âHumph, you laugh because you donât know the reason why I became that humanâs familiar. [8]â
âOh?â [5] the Ancient Dragon stared at me again.
Being stared at by such a huge beast was unnerving. I began to stammer, âAh, no, that isâ¦â [5]
ââUncle Dragon, Aruji makes really yummy food~~ââ
âFood?â
ââYes, Uncle Fer became Arujiâs familiar because of food~~ââ
âOi!â [5]
[8] âWait, did you really sell your dignity as a legendary predator for food?â [5b]
[8] âWhat about it?â Fer began to growl, âYou say I sell myself for food? Well, I didnât. I sold myself for very good food. Since I have to eat to survive, I might as well eat something excellent. Humph, as expected, an old geezer with no taste wouldnât understand.â
[5] [8] âWhat? Youâre nothing against a gourmet dragon like me.â
[8] âA gourmet? Hah! You just eat your food raw.â
As I watch the escalating argument with increasing anxiety, I thought, Fer-san, you were the same as the Ancient Dragon not too long agoâ¦
âNothing is better than raw meat still dripping with warm blood.â
[8] âHah! What kind of gourmet just feed on raw meat?â
âGununununuâ¦â the Ancient Dragon was glaring at Fer. Suddenly the glare was turned towards me. âSo, youâre saying that this human could make food that is better than fresh meat.â
âUhmâ¦â
âOi, little man. Feed me the food that turned this Fenrir into your familiar.â
[8] âAahâ¦â [5]
âWhy should we feed you? Thereâs no food for you here, you old geezer! Youâre not even his familiar, so why should he feed you?!â [5]
âHumph, how stingy. Well, I refuse to fight until I get something to eat.â
âWhat are you saying?!â
âIâm saying I refuse to fight a stingy Fenrir who refuses to let me eat food made by that little human.â
âGununu, werenât we supposed to settle our duel?â
âHmph, I donât care.â
â¦what is going on?
Why are these two titans arguing about me feeding them?
Isnât this argument kind of pointless?
Dora-chan was similarly disillusioned, ââSo, this is what a Ancient Dragon is likeâ¦ââ
ââWhat a disappointment,ââ I answered back via telepathy. I mean, Iâm not stupid enough to openly diss them, but telepathy gives me plausible deniability.
Finally, after a âHump, if you donât want a fight. Fine!â Fer stomped over to us.
âSo⦠what now?â I asked. [5c]
ââDonât tell me we have to go back the hard way, Iâm not trekking through that field of snow again,ââ said Dora-chan indignantly.
âHey, um, hereâs a thought. Do we have to defeat the Ancient Dragon? Or, is destroying that Black Dragon enough to make the magic circle appear?â
We all stared at the twitching Black Dragon that had slid down the wall and was now twitching pathetically on the ground.
âUmu, I met this guy outside. So, he is not part of this dungeon.â
âSo, if we defeat the Black Dragon, will a magic circle appear?â [5]
âHumph, even if a magic circle appear, do you think that fellow would let us leave?â
âAhhâ¦â
ââAruji~ Aruji~ Sui is hungry~~ââ
âOh, Sui. Sorry, weâre talking about something important here, could you wait a bit?â [5d]
[9]n/o/vel/b//in dot c//om
ââMuâ¦ââ
âSui!â
âWait, fufufu, mwahahahaha!â
âEr, Fer?â
âWhat an excellent idea, Sui! Indeed, let us eat! Make us a feast, master!â
âUh, okay. Are we feeding the Ancient Dragon too?â
âNo, we are going to feast, and that guy is going to watch. That will be my revenge against that old geezer!â
âA⦠revenge?â
âExactly, we shall eat deliciously in front of him.â
âIsnât this⦠kind of mean?â
âExactly.â
â⦠â¦â
âMake sure to cook something luxurious, make it smell good too. Fufufufufu.â
Ferâs laughter was very villainous.
I looked at the Ancient Dragon, then at the still laughing Fer.
Uh, you know what? Iâll just⦠make extra food. Loads of extra. It was well and good for Fer to want revenge against an Ancient Dragon. However, I have no intention of offending a creature capable of swallowing me in one gulp.
Letâs make lots of extras.
As for Ferâs request for something that âsmells goodâ, hmm, maybe something with garlic?
Yes, letâs make âthatâ.
[Gumihou: Yeah, a third of this chapter was just erased]
[1] Structural Change: Combine 2 paragraphs
[2] Structural Change: Combine 3 paragraphs
[3] Structural Change: Combine paragraph & dialogue
[4] Structural Change: Change passive sentence to dialogue
[5] Delete Repetitive or Pointless Information⦠starting to delete pointless scenes now
[a] Delete the scene where he wondered how the Ancient Dragon understand Sui etc etc
[b] Delete all mention of âdwarfish humanâ, replace with âlittle humanâ. I think the joke doesnât work here.
[c] Delete scene where Mukouda âtries to calm Ferâ. Serves no purpose.
[d] Shorten the very long and ploddy scene where they âplottedâ to eat in front of the Ancient Dragon as revenge.
[6] Additional Information for Aesthetic Purpose
[7] Add Dialogue Tag
[8] Creative License â ⦠fix dialogueâ¦
[9] Redid scene for [5d]
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