Okay, Shoto was gonna go to work. With his boss. That he kissed- Snap out of it! It's not awkward.. It won't be awkward when you kissed something you swore to kill, right? Uuaagh!!! Covering his face with his hands, he groaned. Why can't his love life just be non-existent?
Him and Mysta haven't talked in a while aswell, not after that bombshell of information he spilled.. Shoto felt guilty, he really did. He didn't like ignoring such important people in his life. He cherished them as if they were his family, you can only imagine the pain it was to ignore ones he deemed as blood-related.
Opening the restaurant door, he decided to not go in early and clean. He wasn't in the mood to do it and he might run into Vox whilst doing so. He didn't wanna take the risk nor chances.
Shakily opening the wooden plank, he peaked within the small crack. He saw familiar faces, his co-workers and friends all hurriedly doing work.
He sheepishly and quietly rushed to their stations, going to the backrooms to unpack his belongings. Placing his bag on the table within the other carriers, he walked back to finally help around.
He was first approached by Ike, who may or may not have been a tad worried about Shoto.
"Shou!" He called out, making his way towards the lavender haired male. Waving a small hello, Shoto greeted his frazzled coworker. "Ike, hello..-" Stiff and awkward, he tried forcing the most sincere smile he could formulate.
"Where have you been? I heard you called in sick but for 10 days?" He questioned, tone worried and concerned. When did Shoto get this type of treatment again? Oh yes, when he was young to his now deceased mother.
Rubbing his nape, he reassured the male. "Aha- Yeah, bad cold. I'm all good now though!" He lied, he may be okay physically but he wasn't mentally present at all. His mind racing at every touch and sound, not to mention his keen sense of smell.
Sighing, Ike patted a hand to the boy's shoulder. It felt warm, too warm. Shoto wanted to scream from the touch, it almost felt like it was burning. Burning his insides in the process, god he wanted to leave.
"Mhm haha yeah.." Gently removing Ike's hand from his shoulderblades, he smiled before announcing he'll get back to work.
Nodding, the chef let him be and went on his own station. Shoto sighed a breath of relief before finally looking around and eyeing his surroundings.
He saw everyone, present and clear as day. Ike, Shu, Alban, Reimu and Vox. Yes, Vox. Mmmhm, Vox.
That name lingered his mind for God knows how long. Kept being repeated over and over. Just an awkward 'Ah, Vox.'
He thinks he's losing it, he's gone insane hasn't he? Shuffling to get the plates that had customers meals, he catered and served each and everyone of them.
Things were going smoothly. Yeah, they were! He was busy with work so he couldn't talk much to Vox nor explain to the chefs on why he was missing for 10 days straight. He was good, he was calm and okay. Though his mind was racing with millions of thoughts every millisecond, no one needs to know that. It's just Shoto and his secrets.
it's always Shoto and his secrets.
-x-
Everything was done, it was finally time to go home which shocked the demon slayer quite a bit. It was sooner than expected and lasted shorter than anticipated. Maybe today was gonna be the start of his life getting better.
He smiled before going to get his bag, draping it over his shoulder. He was ready to leave, to go home and write once more on his diary.
"Shoto?"
Stiffening from the sudden voice. A voice that he hasn't heard in such a long time. It was like he had a longing for it, to hear it again. To see the person he loves dearly, those cherry blossom lips that he matched with his- Fuck, what??
He didn't dare look behind him, staring at the ground as if that was the best thing in the world. He wanted to look back, but he didn't have the courage to. He couldn't, he might get unwanted reactions and emotions if he did. Could he really bear the sight of someone he wants to have but can't?
"Shoto? I'm sorry-"
"Sorry??" He turned around, finally facing Vox.
But to his surprise, Vox wasn't even looking at him. He was looking at his hands as he fiddled and fidgeted, he seemed anxious. An emotion that Shoto hasn't seen in such a strong person like Vox, mentally and physically.
Though the raise of his voice seemed to catch the taller off guard, squinting his eyes and scrunching up his face when talked back to. Like a child knowing what they did wrong and getting lectured for it. But in this case, Vox hasn't done any wrong. It's the complete opposite, why was he feeling guilty for something he didn't do?
"I-I'm sorry if what happened may have affected how you view me- how you view us. I'm so sorry, Shoto-" His voice finally wavering, as if he's been practicing this speech a hundred times but never getting it perfect. Like he was trying to rush out whatever he had to say before he doesn't get the chance to. Did he think Shoto would shut him out?
Brows tilting down, Shoto walked closer to the frantic male. "Vox.."
"No, please let me apologize." His voice cracking, he looked so hurt.. What has Shoto done to him?
"I want to apologize before you want nothing to do with me-"
"Wait, wait, what?" Shoto broke Vox from his rant, inching closer with a confused gaze. "Why would you think that?" He asked, genuinism slipping off his tongue.
This time, Vox finally looked up towards him. He looked so broken.. "Why?? Shoto, you didn't come to work for 10 days and didn't answer any of my messages-"
"Oh god- No! I just- I needed time...Vox-" He tried reasoning out, he can't believe he had hurt someone he loves to this extent..
Is Shoto just unlovable..? Always pushing and hurting people, is this why he's been so lonely? The reason why he was abandoned? Because he wasn't someone anyone could.. Love...?
Vox, who was hunched whilst standing still looked unsure. As if he didn't believe anything Shoto says.
Shaking his head, he replied. "No.. It's fine, you can leave here if you want- I can add you to a new department, away from me." Sounding so tired, like he spent countless nights awake just to talk to Shoto.
''No, Vox- Listen to me!"
"You listen, Shoto!" He almost yelled out, not angry but desperate. Desperate to get his attention, desperate to voice his opinion and emotions. And Shoto lets him, he lets him say whatever is on his mind. Whatever bothered him.
"I.." He started. "I'm okay if you don't want to see my face anymore.. I can-.. Handle that." He sniffed, eyes looking more watery and glossy this time. "I just want best for you.." Admitting and ending his sentence, they stayed there in silence for how long. They didn't know.
Clenching his fist, he could feel emotion start to build up inside of him. He couldn't help it anymore and started to quietly sob.
Tears trickled down his face as his almost-silent cries and whimpers escaped his lips.
He walked over to Vox, slowly. His moonlight hair covering his face, all the demon could see are the tears that kept falling. Shoto, finally grabbed the other's hands within his own. Lightly, not an ounce of strength left within his body.
He chuckled within his broken cries of desperation. "It's so fucking dumb.." He smiled, bitter and sadness overtook him and his emotions. Clouding his brain. He thought this was it, this was the end. Vox wanted nothing to do with him, his explaination already told him so much.
"Shoto..?" Voice meek but still as elegant as usual, he questioned the demon slayer.
Shoto, laying his head ontop of the other's shoulder. Tears staining his clothes, Vox didn't mind. He'll never mind when it's Shoto.
"It's so dumb, Vox.." Voice breathless, why wouldn't it be when he always finds himself losing his breath whenever he's with Vox. But in a weird way, the demon was also like his oxygen.
"Why?" He asked, not knowing what Shoto was implying. This time, he trailed a hand to caress Shoto's lavender hair. Silky and smooth, beautiful like Shoto.
The slayer sniffed even more, not wanting to bear the thought of them not being able to be together. "Because you're a demon and I'm a demon slayer.." He finally spilled the news, confirming any suspicions Vox had prior.
He let out a big long sigh. It felt amazing getting that off his shoulders.
Raising his head, now facing Vox with teary eyes and messy hair. He looked even more hurt when you notice his red nose and puffy eyes.
"Who says we're not meant to be?"
"We never were."