Aarush
"Can you not yell at me, please?" Her voice was low calm and more like requested. Her tone wasn't accusing me, but I instantly regretted yelling at her today.
I didn't know how to make my words in front of her. Not that she was intimidating, her calmness was something I was more like- afraid of. I remember, Priya once told me 'Her silence spoke volumes, if she's silent'
Priya always taught me valuable things about human nature. Men tend to not notice things as finely as women sometimes, so I used to miss out points. She used to make me understand what the other person was expecting.
I really wish you were here to tell me how to handle this situation. I can apologise, and I will. But Yuvaani's eyes utter more than her simplified verbal communication. She looks kind of hurt- that's evident in her eyes. What should I do to mend that hurt, Priya?
I heard footsteps and came out of my blank thinking, and saw Yuvaani was going out of the room.
"Hey!" I immediately put her to a halt.
I can't let her go without her accepting my apology. If she didn't forgive me, I'll be in guilt. I don't want that.
But you're still guilty.
She turned and glanced at me. I took the opportunity and went to her.
"I'm sorry. I really and genuinely apologize for my behaviour. I know these are just words but- that's all I can say in my defence. Priyansh and Pihu are a part of hers, which indeed are special. I-I just can't let anything happen to them. And when I came to know he has a fever I can't just keep my sanity. I sincerely apologize"
"It's okay" she smiled and went to the guest room.
I too then, closed the door and stared at the cots. I bent and kissed them and dripped myself to bed.
Indeed, I missed you more today. I wish you were here to guide me as you usually used to do. I wish you were here to see how lost I am without you. I know you can't come here. But wherever you are please be happy. I even m-married to fulfil your last wish. Why on the Earth you have to pick that thing as your last wish? You know, Pihu is getting your face bit by bit. Jab bhi Pihu ko hug karta hu na, she reminds me of you. How difficult it must have been for you? To expect me with someone else? For our kids! Me as a soul, couldn't even stand it, seeing you with a guy which was not me. It's pain would be approximately closer to that of burning alive. I'm seeing your picture hung on the wall, and thank you for coming in my life, to make a part of it beautiful. I will always love you.
Two weeks went by swiftly. We've done with that implantation, and the doctor has informed me that she'll have a change in behaviour, due to hormones. Till now, I haven't seen any type of change in her behaviour, I think I might take time.
Nevertheless, I began missing Priya more as Priyansh's health was a bit low. I know she would have taken 'extra' care of him neglecting her health. That wouldn't be an issue as I would have taken her care.
At least, I can see her at the end of each day. In my dreams.
I felt a bit warm and grabbed her hand, for a second it felt real, so I hugged it.
You literally came to me?
I smiled at the thought as I felt the warmth of her hand. I felt that touch moving a bit so I groaned "Umm.. Priya!" and caught it again.
"I'm not Priya" a soft voice touched my ears which I immediately recognised was not Priya's. I opened my eyes to see Yuvaani there.
She held a small smile that wasn't reaching her eyes, as if she's trying to smile harder but can't do so. I felt a tung in my heart.
Shit- what have I done!!!
I apologized and made my way to the living room as I knew she would use the washroom for her morning routine.
After a few minutes I saw her going to the kitchen and I heard a loud Thud! We all rushed into the kitchen and saw her on the floor.
Di and Maa panicked. I went to her and tried making her stand by holding her arms but she couldn't. Seemed that she was in immense pain. She told us her feet swelled. Without wasting any time we went to the doctor. She told us there was nothing to worry about. While returning I brought her medicines which the Doctor had prescribed.
We got home and I took a bath and changed into my formals. Both the kids were in her arms and she was sitting on bed taking rest. Before leaving I kissed my little ones and drove off to the office.
_____
I was hell tired today! I just want to get home and sleep. I heard a ping sound of the lift indicating that I've reached my floor. I walked towards the door and rang the bell. Maa opened the door and I got in, going straight to my room.
I twisted the door knob and I saw Yuvaani sleeping in a sitting position. Her head leaned back, resting on the headrest of the bed. She was feeding Priyansh and the other two were sleeping next to her.
Motherly!
But Priyansh wiggled on her lap while having his meal and her saree which was on her shoulder fell off on Priyansh's face. I looked the other way and called her. She didn't reply. I called her again and I went and put it back on her shoulder while looking at the other side but Priyansh saw me.
"Da-da-da-da" he said and wiggled harder asking me to pick up, stretching his arms to me. His wiggle again brought her saree down and I immediately looked at the other side and placed it back in her shoulder! But this time in holding the saree on the shoulder. I called her again.
"Um.. Yes?" She was sleepy.
"Umm.. Priyansh is full" I said being hesitant. I looked away. Maybe by now she sensed what was wrong and I turned the other side in order to not make her awkward.
"Da-da-da-da" his voice was a bit high pitch now, all excited to come to me.
She hummed and I assumed she was done and I looked at Priyansh.
"Uh- I'm sorry! I haven't seen anything" I told her to as she might think I'm a creepy guy, taking advantage of the situation.
She didn't say anything and passed him to me. When he came into my arms he smiled and licked my nose making baby voices.
That's cute. This is the best thing about being a Dad.
He then, looked at her and tried to jump to her. But I gave him securely to her. He tried grabbing her chest, maybe telling her he's not full yet?
"I'll wait outside. You feed him" I told her and she nodded.
But as I began moving away from Priyansh's sight he began crying. So, I came to him and he held my finger, not letting me go.
And when I hold him in my arms, he wants to go in hers.
"I think he wants both of us" she muttered.
I nodded and looked away as she covered herself and him while he held my little finger during the process. After they were done, she made a pained expression.
"What happened?" I asked as I was concerned.
Is her body hurting?
"He bites sometimes" she hesitated.
"Um- I'm sorry on his behalf-"
"It's okay" saying that she gave him to me and used the restroom.
One week later
I was back from the office and got into my room. I saw both the kids playing and having a verbal fight to which God knows what they are saying!
I saw her near the vanity table looking in the mirror and setting her hair.
"Are you going anywhere?" I asked her as she seemed all dressed up in that Yellow suit.
She turned to me and answered "Yes, my friends have a small get-together, so I'm going there"
"Okay, come I'll drop you"
"N-no no, you just returned from the office, I don't want to bother you. Please have some rest" she was concerned about me. I liked her selfless nature more than anything. She always thinks about the other person first. There are only a few people who have this kind of nature. And I like that in her. It assured me that everything is in its right place, as far as she's involved in it.
"Aisa kuch nahi hai, and it's night time so that's why. Your safety first"
"It means, if day time me hota toh aap drop karne nahi puchte?" She asked almost immediately.
"Aisa nahi hai, agar office na hota toh mai drop kar deta day time mein bhi. But please Understand"
"Your call" she said with a poker face.
"Okay, I'll wait in the car"
With that I directly went in the car without meeting my kids as if they saw me once, they aren't leaving me anytime sooner.
Soon she got in the passenger seat and closed the door.
"Where?" I asked
"Tresind" she replied.
Which is one of the best hotels in Mumbai. I ignited the engine and began driving. The ride was silent and neither she was saying anything nor did I.
At first, Yuvaani used to initiate a conversation among us, but by now she grew all silent. I wonder why. Kuch hua hai kya?
"Kon kon mil rahe ho?" I asked her at least trying to initiate a conversation.
"College friends" she replied and continued looking out of the window.
"Kuch hua hai kya, Yuvaani?" I asked. I couldn't keep it in myself.
"Nahi toh, kyu?" She replied casually.
"Kuch nahi. Aise hi" With that I focused on driving and dropped her.
She unbuckled her seatbelt and waited a bit.
"Call me when you're done, okay?"
"I can take a cab. Aarush"
"Call me Yuvaani. I'm in town na, why are you hell bent on cabs when I'm here?"
"Fine. I'll call you! Bbye!" With that she went in and I drove myself back home.
I got fresh and played with the kids. It is one of the best stress busters. But, why was she opposing me today? She never did that before. I was saying that as I was concerned about her. Her safety. As a husband it's my job to keep her secure.
Husband? Kaafi jaldhi yaad aaya tumhe. Like nearly, shadi ke teen hafton baad. Nice.
My brain couldn't resist mocking and he did. But the term "husband" seemed strange to me now. Of course, I was a husband before. But Priya ke jaane ke baad, these words seemed to just vanish in thin air.
And after months, five to be exact. I'm realising I'm a husband too. When I was a husband then I was fully in love. And this time, it's nothing like that.
I know, with that one word comes numerous responsibilities. But it's three weeks of our marriage now and still she didn't say a word to me.
She didn't complain that I'm not giving her time. She didn't complain that we're not sleeping in the same room. She didn't complain when she had the Lactation Induction. She never complains about kids being cranky or hitting her or troubling her. She didn't complain even when I yelled at her unintentionally. She didn't complain when she was in pain, when her feet swelled, when the first week was so difficult for her to adjust the change of implantation. But it's human nature to complain.
Zyada nahi, par ek baar hi sahi. Shikayat toh sab karte hai.
Minimum two to three hours passed by thinking about her and kids and family and what not. I glanced at the clock which reads eleven six. I called Yuvaani as it was a bit late. She answered it in a go.
"Hello, when should I come to pick you up?"Â I asked
"I was going to call. Can you come now?"
"Okay, I'm on my way" with that I cut the call.
To my surprise, there wasn't much traffic today so I reached sooner than expected. I waited for her at the gate. But the watchman told me to park it as I'm blocking the way. I did.
I called her informing that I'm outside and she said she's coming. Within not more than five minutes I saw her approaching the gate with other two people.
One of them was a girl and the other was a guy. Before bidding bye, she hugged that female friend of hers as the bone crashing one and moved towards the guy friend of hers.
She hugged him and he kept his chin on her head while hugging. Their hug lasted more than her hug with the female friend. Nothing jealous, just mentioning.
Then when she was moving out of his hold, he gave Yuvaani a forehead kiss.
A forehead kiss.
Then I saw Yuvaani bidding them and came towards the car.
"Hey" she greeted me all cheerfully. I don't know if I'm noticing a bit more, but her cheeks were a bit pink.
"Hey" I muttered a slow return.
"Will you come to meet my friends, please?" she requested smiling.
I agreed and went to them.
"Aarush, this is Tara" Yuvaani pointed her female friend.
"And this is Sanskar" she added pointing the guy.
"And guys he is Aarush" she introduced us.
I shook hands with them, but the guy shook his hands tighter. Hm, I can sense something here. I stood beside Yuvaani and they introduced themselves a bit more.
"You're lucky, man! You got Vaani as a partner" Sanskar playfully punched my shoulder. He and Tara giggled on that.
While, my eyes met Yuvaani's. An unknown emotion was eradicating from her eyes, saying a million things at once. To which I smiled at her. And then at her friends.
"Yeah, indeed I consider myself lucky as she's my wife" Stressing in the last two words while holding her hands into mine and interwining our fingers. I can feel Yuvaani's gaze on me. Her so called guy friend looked at our interwined hands and then looked at me.
Sanskar tried to smile looking at me but I can easily remark it as fake one as it won't even reach his eyes. He then tried looking other way as Tara and Yuvaani bid each other the final time.
It wasn't hard to tell that Sanskar liked or maybe loved Yuvaani. But Yuvaani seemed to be quite engulfed in Tara's arms for another bone crashing hug.
Seems that they both are good friends.
"Let's go" Yuvaani said turning to me as they were done with their hug.