Yuvaani
It has been much time I'm explaining myself that it's okay. When it's not. It pains. It really hurts hard to know the one you love, already loves someone else.
Poets effortlessly show that Unrequited Love is beautiful. No one actually tells that how it hurts. How it pains. Maybe this is because I'm in this phase right now. I'm in love with him, but he still loves her. He's close to me, but he isn't. He's practically here, but-
Umm, leave it. I'm just bringing up the dead talks! A tear rolled down my cheeks, missing him. It has been a week I last saw him.
He's trying to contact but I'm not replying him. What will happen? We'll talk then everything will get back to normal and I'll end up expecting the same from him, just because I love him. I just wish if my feelings weren't involved, I would be at peace!
I feel like anything in this world can't equate my emotions. The way I feel. I feel like going to the ocean bed, where the ocean is of emotions. I never knew I was this bad at handling them.
I sighed. I know I miss him. And any logically correct suggestion can't lessen my hurt and my feelings for him. I love him way too deep. I know I would run an extra mile for him. But the question is, will he do the same for me? That too willingly? Will he reciprocate my emotions and efforts? Will he love me the same as I want him to?
I'm being so selfish that I want to experience his love. May it be even for a split second- I will capture it in my heart forever. But these expectations of mine will bury me to ground. They'll be crashed just the way they used to.
And this explains the very reason I don't want to take a step towards him. I want to guard myself, my heart. My feelings. My unrequited love.
I still believe love is beautiful, it's just that I didn't get to experience its beauty. I want to feel how being in love feels like.
Aarush
My heart yearned again. I've lost count . I've been taking his name in a day. My phone pinged with a notification. I took it and checked it. It was Aarush sending me babies' videos.
"Momma" Priyansh chirped
"It's mumma, baby. Not momma"
"Mum-mum-mum" This time it was Pihu.
"Say hiie to mumma, Pihu" Aarush
"Mere bacche" I muttered to myself as the video ended and touched the mobile screen as if I was touching them. I replayed the video again and this time I looked at their dad.
I missed him too
But I don't want to talk with anyone, not even him. It's like- my whole world is falling apart and I'm alone. Rest others are on the other side of the world.
He has been texting and asking me like three times a day if I had my food, my medicines, proper rest! But I didn't reply to him even once.
Why should I? I am just his forced wife. He didn't even consider me one on his own.
"Vaani" my mom called out. But I don't want to go.
"Vaani beta come here please" she called me again from the kitchen or the living room maybe.
"Va-" This time I just heard half of my name, but who cares.
My chain of thoughts broke as I suddenly hear my door slammed open, revealing him. He took steps and reached me, I stood in anticipation.
What is he doing here?
Even though my heart skipped a beat seeing him, I want to see him more and more. He got more handsome? Maybe yeah. Or maybe because I'm seeing him in real after so long!
"Vaani" He muttered. And I failed to observe since when he has been calling me from that name. It has been a while, I guess.
"Why weren't you coming out, hm? Your mom was calling you" he asked me softly while placing a strand of my hair behind my right ear but I just closed my eyes.
I can feel the proximity. Him touching me is- ah!
I forgot to speak and there was an unknown emotion stirring in me seeing him. I don't want to be weak again, God. Not in front of him at least.
"Y-you're here?" I slutterd
"Do you have any idea, what have I been through this whole week? You just left. You are distancing yourself right?"
He missed me?
Put down your assumptions, dear me.
One of the reasons you have feelings for him and he doesn't.
"I am not-" I tried to cover up. But my voice left my side. It cracked. I couldn't control my emotions when he's in front of me.
"How have you been?" he asked in a softer tone. My heart melted a bit learning that he's using this tone for me.
Melted a bit?
More, maybe.
I just nodded at his statement as a reply. I don't know what to talk! I can't just hug him and tell him what I feel? I am feeling like I myself have created a barrier between us. By not replying him. I just saw him putting efforts for me and didn't reciprocated back.
Tears welled up my eyes knowing I'm the wrong one here. Did I hurt him?
But he don't even missed me!
Gathering courage, I took a step forward to talk to him. But I saw his moist eyes which were looking everywhere but not at me.
"So-"
"Just don't-" He said and moved aside to hide his tears
"It hurts to love you"
"It hurts to know when you can't love me back" I added, bowing my head down.
I did it! I said it! But an unknown fear gripped my heart that what will be his reaction.
"And who said that?" I looked up at him, unsure of what he's saying.
Is this going where I dreamt of?
"One shouldn't assume the things one doesn't know."
I frowned, but instead of making me understand the meaning behind his words, he turned to me, and yanked my elbows, pulling me close and leaning in eagerly. Reflexively, I could only touch his arms. My eyes involuntarily closed. I could feel his breath on me, and in the next moment, his lips touched mine. Internally, my chest exploded with happiness. Blood rushed faster through my veins. My heartbeats accelerated. I could feel the adrenaline rush and butterflies in my stomach. Not to mention the butterflies, it felt like a full zoo in my stomach, celebrating my happiness! His lips moved and we plunged into a passionate kiss.
I didn't knew why and how this happened. But I feared that he would change tomorrow. He would regret this. But me being selfish, I wanted his love. May it be for a moment, but I wanted. I began reciprocating the action and it dwelled me in another world.
A world of my dreams.
I touched his neck softly as we were done. He kept our foreheads joined.
"Can I hug you?" I heard him.
"You kissed me without permission and you're asking me for a hug?" I joked to lighten our atmosphere, but failed miserably as I can't even make him smile.
"Sorry, I won't-" he muttered and looked down
"You can hug me" I spoke and his face lifted up to find my eyes.
Not wasting any other second he took me in a comfortable hug. He placed both his hands above my waist and below my shoulders.
It was a tight hug!
A type of hug, which I always dreamt of sharing with him.
He snuggled a bit in my neck and whispered "I missed you. You can't even imagine how I spent days-"
I immediately broke the hug listening his words.
"You missed me?" I guess my eyes glistened with tears but it had a tint of happiness as if a teenager is proposed by their crush.
That would never happed to me, but I liked this thought.
"Yeah"
"Like you really missed me?" I asked again
"I did"
My eyes clouded with tears as I knew he won't lie to me. I looked at him. His dishealved state. A loose office blue shirt which wasn't tucked in. His white jeans, his dishealved hair-
He looked tired.
"You should be at the office at this hour"
"That's a long story to tell. I will tell you, but tell me first are you okay now?"
"Hm" I nodded positively.
"Medications are on?"
"Last two days left"
"Okay"
"Will you like to come with me? To our home?"
I didn't reply to this. Do I really want to go with him?
"It's okay. I'm sorry to ask you that." his voice laced with a little guilt and sadness.
"I am sorry for whatever happened- I never knew you had an allergy- I am so so so sorry, genuinely! I-"
"It's okay, not your fault"
"Can you take me away from here?" I asked
"Sure"
"But not at your home."
"Our home" he corrected me.
"By the way, you came here for?" I asked him but my tone came out rough unexpectedly.
"To see you. It has been much time- I-"
I was not ready to listen all that. I just want to get out of these four walls.
"Just tell my parents you're taking me to our home" I spoke and he nodded.
I got ready soon and took my belongings and rushed to the main door but unfortunately was stopped by my dad.
"Aarush Vaani, where are you going?" he asked
"Papa, I actually came here to pick her up" Aarush mentioned.
"But at least have something before you leave"
"We're in hurry papa" I said and pushed him outside the door along with me and settled in his car.
"We should have bid them bye nicely-"
"It was nice." I interrupted him.
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Next chapter in few hours.
I re-edited this chapter as it felt like a dream, I hope it's not the case now. Please do let me know