Chapter 19: Bound By Vengeance: Chapter 18

“There’s something you should know.” Growl leaned against the kitchen counter as he so often did. He almost never sat down, as if he always wanted to be prepared to run. Though in his case attack was probably more accurate. But his gaze worried me. Something told me I wouldn’t like what he had to say. “Ok,” I said slowly. “What is it?” So many horrible things had happened in the last few weeks, there wasn’t much left that could devastate me, and then fear struck me. “Is it about my mother or sister? Has Falcone decided he doesn’t need them anymore?”

Growl frowned as if he couldn’t imagine how I could have drawn that conclusion. Perhaps worry for others was something entirely foreign to him.

“No,” he growled. “It’s about your fiancé.”

“I doubt he is still my fiancé,” I muttered. Who would want me after everything that had happened? I was a pariah in our society.

Growl’s frown deepened. “He’s not. You’re right.”

His gaze was starting to unsettle me, which was surprising considering that in the beginning everything about him had unsettled me. Apparently now I needed an additional reason to feel uncomfortable in his presence. “Good,” I said firmly. “I wouldn’t want to marry him anyway.”

Doubt crossed Growl’s face. “Why?” he rumbled. There was something in his voice I couldn’t quite place.

I huffed. “Why? Do you really need to ask?”

Growl remained silent, that same stoic expression on his face.

“He betrayed my father to better his own position. He betrayed my family. He betrayed me. I don’t want a man like that. A man who only looks for his own advantage, who doesn’t care whom he hurts to reach his goals. I don’t want a man I can’t trust. He’s a pig, and I wish I could spit in his face.”

“You will get your chance,” Growl said.

I paused. “What do you mean?”

Growl ignored my question. “What I need to tell you is that Cosimo and your friend are going to marry.”

I wasn’t sure I’d heard correctly. “My friend?”

“That Anastasia girl. Falcone told me last night. They announced their engagement yesterday.”

I couldn’t move. If this was a nightmare, I wanted to wake now. “Are you sure?”

Grown nodded. “Cosimo has a position of power now. He needs a wife and an heir.”

I laughed bitterly. “Didn’t take him long to find a new woman to marry.” I hated how the news made me feel. Despite my hate for Cosimo, I felt crushed. Not because I wanted to marry him, but because this made my life as it was now even more of a reality. There was no going back. Change was irrevocable. And Anastasia, how could she do this? I’d always known that Anastasia could be vicious and selfish, but we’d been friends since we could walk. We’d experienced so many things together. Didn’t that mean anything? How could my friend do this? Had Anastasia known about everything? Had she perhaps already known at Falcone’s party? Perhaps that explained why she’d looked so pissed when I had danced with Cosimo.

No, it couldn’t be.

I didn’t want to believe that my friend wouldn’t have warned me. It seemed cruel. Crueler than what Anastasia was capable of. She liked to trash talk and destroy people’s reputation, but this was a different matter.

Maybe Anastasia was a victim. Maybe her parents and Falcone had forced her to marry my former fiancé now that I wasn’t eligible anymore. After all, Anastasia was the same age as me and from a good family. I wanted to believe that. But the look Cosimo and Anastasia had exchanged at the party flashed in my mind. There had been something like familiarity between them. Or was I reading too much into it now that I knew of their engagement. I wasn’t in the right state of mind to think clearly, so I pushed the image away. I wasn’t able to bear the idea of my friend’s horrible betrayal. Not as long as I didn’t know all the facts. There was no sense in driving myself insane going over all the possibilities.

Growl was still watching me. I wasn’t sure how long I’d been lost in my thoughts and I hoped my face hadn’t given away too much of my inner turmoil. “This doesn’t concern me anymore,” I said. “It’s not like I’m still part of their circle.”

“Why would you say that?”

Was he serious? “Oh come on. Even you must realize what’s going on in our society. Even if you don’t care about any of it. There are rules. And I was as good as exiled.”

“Because you’re with me.” Was there hurt in his voice. His constant growl made it even harder to hear the nuances of his emotions.

I pursed my lips. Had I offended him? “With you?” I asked curiously. “You make it sound like we’re a couple when I’m only your gift.”

Growl nodded. “You were. But now that you’re mine, you have the same status that I have.”

“That’s not true,” I said, frustrated at his lack of understanding. Did he really think that any part of the life I’d had before could survive? I had made the best of my fate but that didn’t mean I’d have chosen it.

Growl looked as frustrated as I felt but I didn’t care. I didn’t have the energy to explain anything to him. Sometimes his deficiency to grasp human relationships drove me insane.

“Maybe you aren’t as special as you were before,” Growl said, the word special like a curse from his lips. “But you are part of this world.”

I glared at the counter. “I don’t want to be part of this world anymore.”

“That’s not up to you. We’re invited to Cosimo’s and your friend’s engagement party,” Growl said.

My breath hitched and My eyes flew up to look at Growl. “You can’t be serious.”

He stared. He obviously wasn’t joking.

“I’m not going,” I said, my voice shaking. Coco trotted toward me and rested her head on my knee. I put my palm atop her soft head but it didn’t manage to calm me. Even Bandit had come from the living room to watch me with curious eyes.

“Yes, you are. Falcone wants us there, so we will be there.”

“I don’t care what he wants. I hate him. And he only wants to humiliate me anyway. Everyone knows that Cosimo was my fiancé and that Anastasia is…was my friend. They will all laugh at me.”

I could only imagine the humiliation I would be subjected to. I didn’t think I could stand it.

“Nobody will laugh at you when I’m at your side,” he said in a low voice.

I paused. “Why do you even care?”

“You’re mine, and I won’t let anyone talk shit about something that belongs to me.”

Of course. It was an ego thing. He didn’t care about me. He only wanted to make sure people showed him the necessary respect and that included respecting his belongings. I wanted to scream in frustration but I bit it back. This party was my chance to ask my friends for helü. We’d known each other practically all our lives. Now that Growl had made it clear that he wouldn’t help me against Falcone, they were probably my last chance.

I’d dreaded this day since Growl had told me two days ago, but I promised myself to hold my head high. I was stronger than I used to be. I would get through this party.

Growl stood in the living room, tugging at his dress shirt collar with one hand while a tie tangled from the other.

It was obvious how uncomfortable he felt dressed up like that. It wasn’t who he was. Putting him in a suit was like putting a tiger in a cage. On Falcone’s party he’d hid his discomfort behind a mask of indifference but now in a moment where he thought himself alone, his defenses were down. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen a glimpse of something human. It was disconcerting because I didn’t want to see him as anything but a monster. It made things easier. I didn’t want to risk actually hoping for something that was absolutely unrealistic.

Growl put his tie around his neck and then fumbled for a minute with both ends until he made a sound of frustration and threw the tie on the ground. That was probably why he hadn’t worn a tie at the last party. A small smile tugged at my lip and I stepped forward. “Do you need help?”

Growl’s eyes darted toward me, looking caught. Then they slowly slid down the length of me. Only moments before I’d felt bad because the dress wasn’t new, because everyone would knew I’d worn it before, but now, with the way Growl looked at me that suddenly didn’t matter that much.

I quickly looked away, scared about the way his expression mattered to me, and pointed at the tie on the ground.

“Can you do a tie?” he asked with a hint of surprise.

“Of course,” I said as I walked toward him. His eyes followed every move. I often had trouble reading his expressions, but now there was no need for guessing: lust and appreciation. It sent a thrill through my body.

“You look like a lady,” he rasped.

Growl

Her movements were pure grace. There was nothing mundane, nothing cheap about Cara. She was a girl born to be a princess and now she’d been degraded to being a mere servant. Maybe Falcone had wanted to take everything from her, but this, her upbringing, her beauty and grace, that he couldn’t take from her. Perhaps he’d hoped he’d break her so irrevocably that she’d become someone else, that she’d lose that part of herself. But he wouldn’t do that.

He was a monster. Would always be. But he could appreciate something precious, something as valuable as Cara, and he would never destroy it. He wasn’t good, there was nothing grey about him. He was all black but he was trying to be good to her. Never as good as she deserved but as good as he was capable of. It wasn’t enough, he realized it every day. He would never be enough.

She picked up the tie and stepped close to him, her sweet, flowery scent filling his nose and making him want to bury his face in her long brown hair.

Her long, elegant fingers nimbly tied the knot. Fingers meant to hold breakable glasses of Champagne and be decorated by only the finest jewelry.

She smoothed down the tie once she was done. There was no hesitation or fumbling. She was made to be the wife of a man who wore suits every day. Growl sometimes caught himself wondering if she’d imagined being Cosimo’s wife, of tying his knot in the morning and greeting him with a kiss when he returned in the evening. She admired her work, then peered up at him with her blue eyes. “Done.”

He’d never felt less worthy than in that moment. The dress she wore was perfection on her, as if it had been made for her. She was made for cocktail parties and elegant soirees. He was made for dingy pubs and dark-alley clubs.

Their paths would have never crossed if it weren’t for Falcone’s vengefulness. Cara’s suffering had led to the most precious thing in Growl’s life, and still he couldn’t regret it. He was selfish. He was glad he’d been given the chance to have someone like her.

He peered down at his watch. “We need to leave.”

Cara tapped a finger against the glass of his watch. “I wouldn’t have pegged you as the Rolex wearing kind,” she said curiously.

“I’m not. The watch belonged to Falcone and he gave it to me as a gift for a job well done.”

Cara’s expression became stone, eyes flashing. “Like me.” A bitter smile tugged at her perfect red lips. “But I’m not as valuable as that piece around your wrist.”

“You are worth more than anything I’ve ever owned or will ever own.”

Cara

He meant it as a compliment but the words stung nonetheless. Being compared to a watch, even if you won in the end, wasn’t something I enjoyed. I knew he couldn’t grasp the effect his comparison had on me. He was trying to be kind to me, and that was still surprising me every day.

There was a moment of silence before Growl cleared his throat, a rough and deep sound. “We shouldn’t be late.”

I nodded. I didn’t care if we were late. Everything in me screamed at the mere idea of going to that party, but I had to keep my calm if I wanted to get through the evening without making a complete embarrassment out of myself.

Growl headed toward the door and unlocked it. Bandit and Coco accompanied us to the threshold and watched us close the door with accusing eyes.

I let my gaze wander over the neighborhood. An elderly black couple sat on their porch two houses down. I’d never seen them before and they looked too decent for this area. Perhaps they’d lived here all their lives and only in the last few years everything had become run down. Their heads turned our way as Growl and I strode toward his car. We were probably liked an apparition dressed in our finest evening wear. People around here usually had no occasions to get dressed up at all. Growl nodded at them and they nodded in turn but then quickly turned their heads away.

To my surprise Growl opened the door of his car for me and I climbed in, careful not to jam the hem of my dress in the door.

I gathered my hands in my lap and started rubbing them against each other when Growl pulled out of the driveway. My fingers were icy despite the mild weather. When rubbing didn’t help, I raised them to my face and blew warm air into my palms. Growl turned his eyes away from the street to look at me. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” I said quickly.

Growl grabbed one of my hands, startling me. “You’re cold,” he said surprised.

“It’s been like that all day. Probably nerves.” The moment the words left my mouth, I regretted them. I hadn’t wanted to admit that much to Growl.

“Nerves?” I was glad when he finally had no choice but to return his attention to the street. “Nobody will hurt you.”

I laughed humorlessly. Not physically perhaps. “That’s not what I’m worried about. I just don’t want to see Cosimo and the others.”

“Why?”

I often forgot how little Growl knew of the human nature. He reminded me of someone who’d grown up around animals and now had to figure out how human interactions worked.

“Because it reminds me of everything I’ve lost,” I admitted eventually.

Growl scowled at the street. “Did you love him?” His lips twisted at the word, as if it left a bitter taste in his mouth. “Did you love Cosimo?”

There was a hint of something hard and dark in his voice. And this time I caught the hidden emotion behind his coldness. Vulnerability and hurt. I shook my head. Love? I knew nothing of love. “No. I never wanted to marry him. I barely knew him. My parents chose him for me.” My father. But saying his name aloud was too much tonight. I wouldn’t arrive at that horrid party teary-eyed. I wouldn’t give any of them that satisfaction.

“Then why are you sad that you lost him and that he’s going to marry that girl?”

Was I sad? Not about having lost Cosimo. I couldn’t care less about him now after everything. I was sad though. But it was only a small part of the emotions that I felt. With every passing second, another, a darker, emotion grew stronger in me. Hate. And the bone-deep desire for revenge. “I’m not sad, not about losing him. If I’d only lost him…” I laughed. “God, that would be splendid. But I lost everything.”

“And sad? No.” I said quietly. “I’m angry. I want them to suffer. I want them to regret the day they decided to kill my father and destroy my family. Cosimo, Falcone and everyone else who was involved in this.”

Growl nodded, as if that was an emotion he could comprehend. He wasn’t even offended that my list possibly included him as well. He had been part of the attack on my family, even if he wasn’t the head of the operation, merely Falcone’s brutal hand.

“Don’t say anything like that at the party,” Growl warned.

“I’m not stupid. I won’t say anything like that.” But I remembered the last time I’d seen Falcone and how I’d challenged him. My hatred for him had only grown since then. Stopping myself from trying to scratch his eyes out or better yet cut his throat with a oyster knife would be hard.

“I know you’re not stupid. But stupidity’s got nothing to do with it. Emotions follow their own rules.”

How would you know? I wanted to ask but kept the words to myself. As ridiculous as it may sound, Growl was perhaps my only alley at that party tonight. I wasn’t sure what to expect from Trish and Anastasia, even though I hoped we’d still be friends and they’d help me.

Cosimo’s house was smaller than Falcone’s but he, too, had a fountain in his driveway, although smaller than Falcone’s. When Growl and I entered the house, every pair of eyes zoomed in on us. Conversation died down, only to pick up a moment later, but this time behind held-up hands and with stolen glances in my direction. Everyone was talking about me. Heat rose up into my head, but I forced myself to stand tall and appear relaxed despite the urge to flee. Growl put his palm against my lower back and for a moment the gesture actually managed to relax me, but people quickly noticed the touch and I could almost hear their nasty words. I took a small breath and let Growl push me further into the room. Small tables with appetizers were spread out in the large living and dining area. I supposed Cosimo had chosen the same caterer as Falcone. He seemed very keen on imitating his boss in every way possible anyway.

And though everything seemed like a cheap copy of Falcone’s party, I caught myself wanting to be the hostess. This was supposed to be my engagement party. The happiest day of my life, at least for outward appearances. And now…

My eyes registered Anastasia and Cosimo at the end of the room, near a huge golden Champagne cooler. Anastasia wore a new floor-length silver gown that made her look like a princess. And beside her stood Cosimo in a dark suit, one arm wrapped around his fiancée’s waist. Bile rose up in my throat and the smile plastered on my face turned painful. I needed something to drink. Something strong. Growl seemed to read my mind because a moment later, a glass with red wine appeared in front of my face. The other women drank champagne or white wine, so I was surprised by his choice.

“Red is supposed to calm people down. Maybe you too.”

I could have kissed him then. I’d have never expected something as thoughtful from a man like him. But my moment of peace was short-lived as we made our way toward Falcone who acted like he was the host of this evening, making grand gestures with his arms and laughing the loudest while the people gathered around him tried to act like he was actually saying something funny.

I took a big gulp of wine, praying it would calm me quickly before I did something that would prevent me from ever getting the chance to see my mother and sister again. I couldn’t lose it tonight. There would be time for revenge one day, but not at this party.

Growl’s grip on my back tightened when we stopped in front of Falcone as if he was trying to warn me.

“Nice party, boss,” Growl commented.

Falcone smiled broadly. “Not my party, sadly. Cosimo did a good job. He’s trying to impress his little lady.” Finally, his cold eyes settled right on me, boring into my own eyes, triumphant and taunting. My fingers tightened on my glass but I forced my face to remain calm. I doubted I was successful. Practically every inch of me was burning with hatred, with the need to make this man in front of me suffer.

“I hope you are as happy for your friend and Cosimo as everyone else,” he said falsely.

Say something. Say something. But all I could think about was if it was possible to smash the glass and cut Falcone’s throat with one of the shards before any of the men around us would come to his help.

Growl would probably be the first to save his boss.

“I’m happy,” I forced myself to say but the words sounded fake even to my own ears. Falcone sneered, then he turned back to Growl. “I’m surprised you managed to tear yourself out of bed. But even you, my Bull, need a pause now and then, eh?” Falcone clapped Growl’s shoulder in a gesture meant for buddies. “I hope you’re still satisfied with your gift. Otherwise there’s still another sister for you to try if you grow tired of this one.”

“Talia? Where is she?” I blurted before I could control myself. The triumphant expression on Falcone’s face told that he’d gotten what he wanted. He knew exactly where to push my buttons. He wouldn’t give me the answers I wanted.

Growl squeezed my side in warning again but it was too late. I pressed my lips together and had to fight back tears. Falcone was a worse monster than Growl.

“I won’t grow tired of Cara,” Growl said.

Falcone’s smile turned lewd as his gaze traveled the length of me. “That good, is she? Maybe I should have kept her for myself then.” He laughed.

Growl didn’t say anything. His face was stone, and his grip on my waist painful. I glared at Falcone, hoping he could see the promise in my eyes. You will die.

His smile widened only, but my resolve was set. I wouldn’t stop until that man was lying at my feet dead. I hated blood and death, but I would watch every second while the life drained out of his body and relish it.

Growl seemed to sense the growing danger. “We need to go to the happy couple now.”

“Yes, you should,” Falcone said but his eyes never left me.

I shuddered when we had walked a few steps away from him.

“You need to be more careful,” Growl murmured.

I glanced up at him. His gaze was set straight ahead, expression stony. People watched him with fear and revulsion, but he didn’t care. The only man who could control Growl was Falcone and that scared me senseless. “Don’t give me to him.”

Growl frowned down at me. “What are you talking about?”

“To Falcone. Don’t give me to him,” I whispered.

Realization flashed across Growl’s face, then determination. “Never. You are mine. He won’t take you away from me.”

“Are you sure? He’s your boss. He could tell you to give me to him.” It was a surprising twist of fate that I preferred being Growl’s possession, but anything was better than belonging to Falcone.

“You are mine,” Growl repeated and then he stopped and I noticed that we’d arrived at the end of a line of people who were waiting to congratulate Cosimo and Anastasia.