Chapter 20: Bound By Vengeance: Chapter 19

I exhaled slowly. I needed to get a grip. I’d nearly lost it in front of Falcone. At least in front of my treacherous asshole of an ex-fiancé I wanted to keep my cool. He didn’t need to know how broken I was. Anastasia was busy not looking my way but even she must have realized that I’d arrived at the party. Everyone had fallen silent at our arrival after all, and Anastasia had always had ears and eyes for gossip. But her ignoring me gave me the chance to sort my thoughts and calm myself. I sipped at my red wine. The alcohol was starting to relax me. It wasn’t surprising that so many people in our circles were alcoholics. This life could often only be tolerated drunk.

Cosimo’s eyes briefly came to a stop on me and I froze with the glass against my lips. Slowly I lowered it, but then Cosimo looked away. His face had been emotionless. There hadn’t even been pity or anything really. He truly couldn’t care less about me. Why that still surprised me, I wasn’t sure. After all, he’d acted no different when he and Falcone had come to my family’s house to ruin our lives.

There was only one couple in front of us now, and my palms became sweaty with nerves. This was perhaps my only chance to talk to Anastasia and find out the truth. Growl leaned down, his warm lips brushing my ear and I couldn’t stop myself from remembering how his lips had felt on other parts of my body. I shivered.

“Remember, stay calm,” he rumbled into my ear, then straightened, and suddenly we stood right in front of Anastasia and Cosimo. It was our turn to congratulate the happy couple. Even the thought left me feeling nauseated. But I put on a brave face and smiled. Anastasia looked unsure and her smile was more than just a little forced. I wasn’t sure what to make of it. She made no move to hug me or step closer. When Cosimo and Growl shook hands and engaged in conversation, I used my chance and pulled Trish tightly against me, trying to ignore the way her body tensed at our closeness. Was she worried I’d attack her? Or was she actually disgusted by being so close to me now that I was less? I banished the thought before it could distract me from my plan. I brought my mouth close to her ear. “Please, Anastasia, help me. We can help each other run away.”

Anastasia gripped my upper arms, nails digging into my skin, and pushed me a few inches away before she leaned just close enough so nobody would hear her words. “I don’t want to run away,” she whispered, then loudly. “I couldn’t be happier.” She gave her best Grace Kelly smile into the round of gathered guests, looking like this was the moment of her life.

I stared, unable to comprehend what was going on. Was Anastasia putting up a show? Was she worried about someone overhearing them?

But when I stepped back to allow the next people in line to congratulate Anastasia and Cosimo, I allowed myself a closer look at Trish. She wasn’t putting up an Academy Award worthy performance. There weren’t the telltale signs of lines around her eyes when she was forcing a smile. This was real. Growl started to lead me away, but I kept glancing back at my former friend and my former fiancé. They looked happy. Nobody had forced Anastasia. She really wanted to marry him.

Nobody could help falling in love, right? If Anastasia had told me, I would have tried to convince my father of letting her marry him. I would have wanted Anastasia to be happy, and I’d never even cared about my fiancé.

How could Anastasia have let this happen? How long had this been going on? But even now, I didn’t want to believe that she had known before the party. Maybe she had found out afterward, when it was too late. I allowed myself one last glance at Anastasia before I turned away. She didn’t want anything to do with me tonight, and I suspected that wasn’t just because other people were around. She had a perfect future ahead of her, the one she’d always wanted. She wouldn’t risk it for me.

I emptied my glass and put it on a tray a server was carrying past. Suddenly I felt tired, and not just from alcohol. This evening was like a nightmare I would never wake out off.

Growl stopped in a corner of the room and leaned against the wall. I glanced up at him. He seemed to be done with this party too.

“Can’t we just leave?” I asked.

Growl shook his head. “Do you really want to show them how much this is bothering you? Show them your strength. Don’t cower.”

“I’m not cowering,” I hissed, then sighed. “But I feel drained. I’m not strong. I don’t care if they think I’m weak.” It wasn’t true and I’d later regret my lack of control, but right now I just wanted to escape.

“Never show those people weakness,” Growl said in a low voice, leaning down until we were very close. “You are stronger than you think. No woman has ever given me such a hard time like you do every day. If you can act strong around me, you can be strong around those weaklings. They are nothing.”

I blinked up at his amber eyes. For the first time I actually considered grabbing his face and kissing him. I wanted to do it in front of everyone. And that, too, scared me. I nodded instead. “You are right.” I lowered my eyes, unable to stand his closeness any longer. I caught a few people watching us with open mouths. Apparently they were waiting eagerly for a scene between Growl and me. They’d probably be horribly disappointed if this evening didn’t end with me being beaten to a bloody mess by Growl.

I glared at them and they actually looked away.

“That look is good. Show them who you are.”

“If I only knew,” I whispered. Across the room I suddenly spotted Trish and relief flooded me. Trish had always been the kinder of my two best friends. Growl followed my gaze. “Go ahead and talk to her. She’s your friend, right?”

“How do you know?”

“I saw you at Falcone’s party together.”

“Ok,” I said distractedly, already thinking of how best to go about talking to Trish. I couldn’t risk scaring her away.

“And don’t do anything stupid,” Growl said when I was already a few steps away.

“I won’t.”

I hurried past people who openly stared and pointed at me, who whispered my name like a curse, and even laughed at me, but I ignored them.

All that mattered was talking to Trish and find out as much as I could.

Trish spotted me when I was still a good distance away and for a moment I was sure she’d turn around and run, but she squared her shoulders and waited for me. I was grateful for that small act of bravery on her part, especially considering the many eyes that followed my every move. When I arrived in front of her, we both didn’t do anything for a few heartbeats. Then Trish awkwardly patted my arm and I stiffened under the forced gesture. Any hope I’d had left for my friendship with Trish vanished then too.

I cleared my throat. But I wasn’t sure what to say. I’d made so many plans. They seemed silly now. My eyes darted toward Cosimo and Anastasia again.

Trish followed my gaze and nodded. “I’m sorry, Cara. You know Anastasia always gets what she wants.”

Her words stroke me as strange, but I put on a brave smile, remembering Growl’s words. “You can’t help with whom you fall in love.”

Trish huffed. “Love. Anastasia only loves herself, you know that.” For the first time, Trish voiced criticism against Anastasia, and I realized I’d underestimated her. I’d never pegged her as particularly clever, and she’d always played the stupid blonde, but her attentive eyes now made me realize how wrong I’d been. She’d probably seen through Anastasia a long time ago.

“What do you mean?” I asked quietly.

“She wanted him because of his position. He’s a good catch, and after the thing with your father, an even better catch. That’s all.”

My stomach tightened. “Did she know before it happened?” She couldn’t even say the words.

Trish shrugged. “Probably. She called me the same evening and told me about it.”

“But you didn’t know…” My voice died away. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take.

Trish lightly touched my arm. “No. I didn’t. And I’m sorry for everything.” Her eyes darted around at the people watching us and her expression became more guarded.

I knew what was going to happen. Trish depended on the appraisal of others like I had before everything had been taken from me. And she, more than I, had always been Anastasia’s sidekick. That wouldn’t change. She couldn’t let it change. Trish wouldn’t risk her reputation by spending time with me in the future. And the worst was, I couldn’t say if I’d done the same if our positions had been reversed.

I took a step back, forcing a smile. “I know we can’t see each other anymore,” I said firmly. “Just one last thing, do you know anything about my sister?”

Trish shook her head. “Anastasia probably does. Ask her.” I could tell that she was eager to end this conversation and I made it easy for her. I turned and started walking but I didn’t know where to go. Wherever I looked, I saw people who wanted nothing to do with me. Not all of them looked as if they thought my family and I had gotten what we deserved but nobody looked like they were going to help me, or even talk to me. I’d never felt more alone in her life, and this time there wasn’t even a mobile in my purse. And even if it were, there was no one I could have called. My desperate gaze settled on Growl who was no longer talking to the group of men. Instead he was standing by himself, a glass of red wine in his hand.

I stopped for a moment. But he was the only person I could go to. I glanced around again, toward the doors and windows, then stared down at my feet and laughed bitterly. When I raised my eyes, Growl was watching me. I knew he’d never taken his eyes off me. There was no way I could escape, not without help, and even though it hurt to admit, I knew no one at this party who cared enough about me to risk it. Trish twirled around the small dance floor with a young man I didn’t know and Anastasia was smiling up a storm at Cosimo’s side. Everyone was drinking and laughing and living their live. But I didn’t miss the glances they kept throwing my way. In some I caught pity and sympathy, but as soon as those few noticed me looking at them, they quickly averted their eyes as if they were worried my bad luck would rub off on them or perhaps that they’d feel compelled to help me.

But there were also the others, those who watched me with curiosity, desperate to still their craving for sensation. I was fairly sure that they’d have approached me to get an update on their gossip regarding Growl if that didn’t mean they would risk their reputation by being seen by me.

I headed toward Growl. When I stopped by his side, he held out the glass of red wine for me. I raised my eyebrows. “Are you trying to make me drunk?”

“You look like you need it,” he said.

I snorted. “I don’t think wine’s enough.”

Growl didn’t laugh or smile, only mustered me with his keen amber eyes. He was still holding the glass out and I finally took it.

“Isn’t that yours?” I asked but took a large sip before he could reply.

He didn’t seem to mind. “I don’t drink.”

“You don’t? They all do.” I nodded in the general direction of the other guests.

Growl didn’t take his eyes off me. “Alcohol makes people careless. It brings out the worst in them.”

“You kill for a living. I don’t think it gets much worse.”

Growl nodded. “Perhaps. But I won’t let alcohol dull my senses.”

I emptied the rest of the wine. “That’s exactly why I drink.”

“Don’t. It was wrong to give you the wine. It doesn’t make things better. It only makes you believe that it does.”

I was starting to feel shaky and dizzy. “Maybe that’s enough. If things can’t get better, than at least I can pretend they will.”

Growl sighed. “I will tell Falcone and Cosimo that we’re leaving. You will stay where you are while I’m gone.”

I leaned against the wall. I didn’t feel like going anywhere. The room was spinning and I was starting to feel hot. With another look at me, Growl headed off to where Cosimo was talking to Falcone. The crowd parted for him. And he towered over them, strong and tall and proud, despite their whispers.

I wished I could be like that. But I cared about what people said. It hurt to see them judging and pitying me. I closed my eyes against their scrutiny and soon lost all sense of time.

A touch on my shoulder roused me from my stupor. My eyelids felt heavy as I opened them. Growl scowled down at me and I shied back by the anger on his face. “Never close your eyes around your enemies. You won’t survive like that.”

I smiled tiredly. “As if you ever take your eyes off me. Nobody can hurt me when you’re around. If someone ends up killing me, then that’s probably you.”

Growl didn’t deny it. He wrapped his fingers around my upper arm and steered me toward the door. I followed him in a trance-like state. When we got outside, the fresh air helped me regain my senses and I gulped down the oxygen eagerly.

But I still wasn’t in the best state of mind and it took me a while to notice a man leaning against a car and smoking a cigarette. I didn’t know him but Growl seemed to from the way his fingers on my arm tightened in warning.

“Nice catch,” the man called.

Growl ignored him and tried to pull me past him. But the man pushed away from the car, threw the cigarette down on the ground and smashed it with his shoe. He smirked. “How do you fit your big cock into that small lady mouth of her?” He sounded drunk, and I swore to myself never to drink as much as tonight again.

Growl suddenly tore away from me and I stumbled but caught my balance in the last second, bracing myself again another car. I gasped then whirled around when I heard a muffled scream. Growl had grabbed the man by the neck and threw him down on the ground. He kicked him in the ribs twice then leaned down and punched him in the face. The man moaned and blood spewed out of his nose and mouth. “Don’t,” Growl rasped in a voice that sent cold chills down my back. “Don’t ever talk like that again or I’ll gut you and strangle you with your fucking bowels.”

The man coughed.

“Understood?” Growl asked, shaking the man roughly.

“Yeah,” gasped the man in a blood-soaked voice.

Growl wiped his hands on the man’s suit before he straightened up and sent one of the bellboys a warning look. Then he returned to me with a calm expression. No sign of his previous fury was visible.

“Why did you do that?” I asked as he led me toward his car, which was parked on the side of the road near the entrance gates.

Growl helped me into the driver’s seat. “Because you’re mine and I won’t let anyone talk shit about you.”

“In the house, at the party, they were all talking about me.”

Growl looked back toward the brightly lit house and for a moment I worried he’d storm back and beat up a few more guests, but then he looked at me. “They were clever enough not to say anything when I could hear them, and most only feel sorry for you. They say bad things about me, not you.”

The way he stood there, with a few droplets of blood on his white shirt and cold determination on his striking face, he looked like my avenging angel. Who could be better to seek revenge than Growl? He knew how to hurt people, how to destroy them. Could I convince him to help my sister and mother? Even if he never let me go, perhaps he’d at least help them get away from Las Vegas and start anew. He was conflicted, I could tell. Could I make him go against Falcone after all? His amber eyes bored into mine, and a flicker of hope rose in me. I wouldn’t give up. He was my only chance.

Growl had been suspicious from the start. Why would Falcone invite them? Now he knew. It was to humiliate Cara, and by doing so, him. Growl had never cared about what people said, what Falcone said. He’d lived his life, tried to survive, never wanted or needed much.

Falcone’s only purpose tonight had been to humiliate Cara. Growl’s blood boiled at the memory. Growl didn’t let anyone humiliate what was his, especially Cara.

For some reason that girl meant something to him. He’d never cared for anyone, except for his dogs and perhaps himself, but with Cara, he wasn’t sure what was happening to him. He didn’t want to care about her. He knew she didn’t want him. What she was doing was tactic, a way for her to survive what had been meant as a horrible punishment.

Growl didn’t know what was going on in her. If perhaps she didn’t hate him as much as he suspected. Sometimes she looked as if she didn’t hated being around him that much. She enjoyed his touch and sex and his kisses, that was obvious. That was something he could understand, but beyond that she remained a mystery to him.

And it didn’t matter either way. She was his and he would protect her. Even against Falcone. That man had been ruining Growl’s life for far too long. He’d never found the motivation to go against the man despite everything Falcone had done to Growl.

Growl wasn’t even sure why. He would kill anyone that tried to kill him. He wouldn’t even hesitate. But Falcone? Growl wasn’t sure what had been keeping him from revenge all these years. Falcone was his father, but Growl didn’t think that was why. Growl didn’t feel anything when he said or thought the word ‘father’. It was an empty word for him. And yet his father was still alive. Had he deep down been hoping that Falcone would see him as his son? Growl couldn’t even answer that question. And now he didn’t have to anymore. It was irrelevant why he hadn’t taken revenge on the man yet.

Something had changed. And the reason for it was Cara. In some way, Falcone had set everything in motion. By giving Cara to Growl, he’d signed his own death warrant, because Growl wanted to help Cara get revenge. He wanted nothing more. Falcone always called him his killing machine. Falcone had created the monster, and now it would come to kill its creator.

Perhaps she’d stop hating him if he did. He couldn’t hope for more than that. He knew nobody could ever like him, and he’d accepted that.