Chapter 20: Bring Me Back: Chapter 20

Going through Phoenix’s family belongings the other day made me want to go through my mother’s boxes.

Guilt rises in my gut as I gaze down at all of her old stuff. “It’s sad, isn’t it? That we’ve kept her hidden away in a box all this time?”

“We thought it was best for Dad. But now I’m not so sure.” Leo glances up at me. “Do you think he’d want to see all of this?”

“I don’t know, but we can ask him. He might like to remember these pieces of her.”

“How do you remember the good without remembering the bad?”

I shrug because I still haven’t figured out how. “Maybe we don’t need to forget the bad. Maybe that’s where I’ve gone wrong all this time. Maybe we should remember Mom for all that she was—the happy and the sad parts, because that’s who she was.”

Leo smirks. “Being with Phoenix has done you some good, big bro.”

“She makes me want to be better. She makes me think about everything in a way I never did before.” I brush my fingers over the satin strap on Mom’s apron. “I wish I knew her when Mom was still alive, so I could’ve tried to understand her more.”

Leo nods. “I wish we could’ve done a lot of things differently, but that doesn’t mean it would’ve made a different outcome.”

“You’re right.”

Leo tosses another picture onto the pile. “You tell her you love her yet?”

My heart wrenches in my chest. “No.”

“Don’t be a chickenshit. She needs to hear that.”

I scoff. “I’m not being a chickenshit. I’m just waiting for the right moment.”

“There is no right moment. Look at what we’re doing right now.” He gestures to Mom’s things sprawled out on the floor around us. “This should serve as your reminder that life is short, and you shouldn’t hold back from the things you want to say and do.”

“I’m not like you.”

He rolls his eyes. “I know. You don’t have to tell me how superior you are.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

“Then what?”

“I’m not fearless like you. I’m cautious and scared, and I worry about the outcome of every move I make.” I swallow. “I wish I could be more like you.”

Leo’s eyebrows hit his hairline. “You think I’m fearless?”

I nod. “You would’ve told your girlfriend you loved her as soon as you felt it.”

“What’s the point in holding it in? It doesn’t make you feel it any less.”

I smile. “No, it doesn’t.”

If anything, it’s been swelling bigger and bigger, ready to explode at the surface.

“Why don’t you tell her when you’re fucking her? Girls love that romantic shit.”

I clear my throat. “Yeah, good idea.”

But Leo sees right through me. “Wait a minute. You’ve been with her, haven’t you?”

I shake my head. “Not that it’s any of your business, but no.”

His eyes widen. “How? How have you not?”

“She’s in control of that decision. I’m waiting for her to make that move.”

“Damn. That must be hard.” He gestures to my pants. “So hard, it’s probably about to fall off.”

I laugh. “Shut up. There’s more to life than sex. You should take a page out of my book for once before you catch a disease and dick falls off.”

“Not a chance.” He side-eyes me. “I wonder who got the bigger dick. How long is yours?”

I push off the ground to stand. “Okay, that’s enough.”

“Fully erect, not flaccid. Come on.”

I walk toward the door. “I’m taking a lunch break.”

“It’s big, isn’t it?” Leo rubs his palms together. “Mine is huge, bro. I bet Dad’s is massive.”

“Never refer to Dad’s dick again.”

I walk out of the garage and tap out a playful text to Phoenix.

I take the stairs by twos, and head to my bedroom. I lock the door behind me and send another text.

My phone buzzes with an incoming call.

“Hi, beautiful.”

Phoenix’s voice is low and soft. “Come to the window.”

Heat rushes over me as I stalk to the other side of my room.

Phoenix is standing in front of her window with the phone pressed to her ear, in nothing but a towel. “I could send you a picture, or I could give you a show.”

My eyebrows lift. “What kind of show?”

She drops the towel. “One I think you’re really going to like.”

I step closer to the glass, my eyes roaming over her luscious curves. “Why don’t I just come over?”

She shakes her head. “You’re going to stay right there like a good boy.”

My dick twitches. “I like it when you’re bossy.”

She grins and cups her breast with her free hand. “I’ll let you touch yourself while you watch.”

I sandwich the phone between my ear and my shoulder as I fumble with my sweatpants, pushing them down and following suit with my boxers.

I grip my dick in my hand and squeeze. “Your body is so sexy, Phoenix.”

Her fingers circle her nipple, and then they skate across her chest to the other one. “I think about you whenever I touch myself. I pretend it’s you.”

My breath catches in my throat. “Show me.”

She trails her fingers down her stomach, her gaze locked on my hand as I stroke myself. “You’re so big.” The tip of her finger slides over her clit. “I don’t know that you’ll fit.”

I stifle a groan. “I’ll make you so wet and ready, you’ll be able to take all of me. Don’t you worry.”

Phoenix rubs herself in light, languid circles. She lets out a soft moan, and my dick swells.

“I’m ready to try, James. I want to feel you inside me. I want to be close to you.”

I close my eyes for just a moment as I thrust into my hand, imagining how it’ll feel to have her wrapped around me. “I’m going to make love to every inch of you.”

“Tonight.” She pushes a finger inside herself and rocks her hips. “I need you tonight.”

I pump myself faster, anticipation burning low in my stomach. “I work tonight, sweetheart.”

“After.” She slips in another finger and brushes her clit with her thumb. “Come over in your uniform.”

“Another fantasy?”

“Yes.” She’s breathless and moaning as she works her fingers inside, and I clench my jaw hard, wishing so bad that her fingers were my own, that I could feel her and taste her. “Say you’ll come here. Tell me you’ll give me what I need.”

“I’ll be there. I’m going to bury myself so deep inside you that you’ll feel me for days after. Every time you walk, every time you move, you’ll think of me and count the seconds until I can fill you up again.”

She moans loud. “James.”

My dick swells, ready for a release.

“I’m gonna need you to stop.”

I freeze. “What?”

A devilish grin spreads across her face as she removes her hand from between her legs. “Don’t finish. Let’s wait until tonight.”

My forehead falls against the windowpane as I close my eyes. “You planned this?”

Her laughter flutters through the phone. “I don’t want you tame when you come over tonight. I want you banging down my door, ready to tear my clothes to shreds.”

I stare down at my swollen crown. “That won’t be a problem.”

“And James?”

“Yes, beautiful?”

“Bring your bossy pants.”

“Slow down, boy. Easy. I have to get the mail.”

I pull back on Wilbur’s leash. I’ve been taking him on runs with me, and it seems like he’s getting stronger by the day.

“Bill, bill, another bill.” I sift through the mail until I spot a blank envelope. No name, no stamp, or return address.

I tear it open and pull out a white folded sheet of paper. My jaw drops when I unfold it. It’s a sketch.

Of me.

Soft pencil strokes make up my hair and facial features, fading into the edge of the paper at the bottom of my neck. It looks exactly like me.

Whoever drew this is incredibly talented. But who would do this? Can James draw? And why would he give me a picture of myself? Why would he stick it in my mailbox?

Something low sounds in the back of my mind, like a faraway siren.

A warning.

Unease creeps into my gut.

I tug Wilbur’s leash and hurry inside to call James.

“Hey, gorgeous.”

“Hi.” I unclip Wilbur’s leash and hang it on the hook by the door. “How’s work?”

“Just counting the hours until I can see you.”

Someone makes kissing noises in the background, followed by a loud, “Ouch! That hurt, fucker.”

I laugh. “Hi, Phil.”

“Hi, Phoenix. Got a hot sister or cousin for me?”

“No, but I have a brother.”

“Not into men, but thanks anyway.”

James grunts. “All right, let me get back to work.”

I pull at the string on my hoodie. “Hey, did you leave a picture in my mailbox?”

“A picture?”

“Like a drawing.”

“No. I can’t draw to save my life. I failed finger painting as a kid.”

I chuckle. I don’t want to alarm him, especially when I don’t know who this is from. The man worries enough.

“Okay. It must have been sent to the wrong address or something.”

“Yeah, I get a lot of junk mail too.”

“Be safe, you two. See you later.”

“Can’t wait to see you, beautiful.”

Phil pipes up again. “Bye, beautiful. I love—”

James ends the call, and I shake my head as I laugh.

I go upstairs, shove the picture in my drawer in my nightstand, and try to push it from my mind for now. I have the day to myself, and I want to spend it working on my book.

I’m writing the first sex scene.

It’s been so hard not to get myself off, especially after teasing James earlier. But it’ll be worth it when he comes in like a crazed animal.

I’ve had sex because it’s what I thought I was supposed to do. Lose your virginity and find out what all the hype is about. I’ve had sex because it’s what a guy wanted. I wasn’t really into it, but I didn’t want to disappoint him by saying no. I’ve had sex because I was trying to feel something other than pain and sorrow. And sometimes, I was trying to feel something because it was better than feeling nothing at all. I’ve had sex for all the wrong reasons.

But now, with James, I’m not just giving him my body. I’m giving him my mind. My heart. My soul. I’m giving him a piece of me I’ll never get back because I’ve never let myself go there with anyone before. It’s not about an orgasm. It’s not about a fleeting moment of euphoria. It’s about feeling so completely at one with someone—so absolutely certain that you belong to him, and he belongs to you.

He sees me for who I am. For what I’ve done. For who I want to become.

He accepts me.

He supports me.

He cares about me.

He has my back.

He has given me so much, and I’m going to show him the kind of love he deserves, because he deserves it all.

When James finally walks into my house, my heart thumps in anticipation as I hear each step he takes on the stairs. I’m waiting for him on my bed in nothing but my silk robe. I’ve instructed him to come in his uniform, but that’s as much as I’ve let him know about my fantasy.

His lips curve up when he sees me waiting on the bed. “Hi, my beautiful girl.”

“Hi, officer.”

He takes slow steps as he walks toward my bed. “I like the robe.”

“You’ll like what’s under it even better.”

He takes his bottom lip between his teeth as his eyes trail down my bare legs. “You thought you were cute with your little stunt earlier, didn’t you?”

“Maybe.” I open my robe and bare myself to him. Then I lift my hands over my head and clasp them together.

As if he can read my mind, he unclips the handcuffs from his belt. He looks into my eyes as he clicks the cuffs around my wrists. The bite of the cold metal sends a shiver down my spine. I’m splayed out for him, completely bare, and I squirm under his heated gaze as it roams over every bare inch of my body.

“God, you’re beautiful.” He tilts my chin with his knuckles and lowers his mouth to mine. He kisses me, slow and deep, while he skates his fingertips along the dips and curves of my skin.

I reach out to pull him closer and hook my wrists around his neck, longing to feel his body against mine.

But he presses my wrists back down onto the pillow and bends over to swirl his tongue over my nipple. “Be a good girl, Phoenix. I said no touching.”

I rub my thighs together to ease the building ache between my legs and let out a frustrated sigh. “You’re no fun.”

He smirks and sucks my nipple before releasing it with a pop. “Oh, I’m going to show you just how fun I am.”

He leans a knee onto the mattress beside me and unclips his baton from his belt. Starting at my ankle, he slides it up my shin and over my knee, inching higher.

Then the baton stops, and he taps it against my thigh. “Open.”

I widen my legs, but only a little, knowing he wants more.

He arches an eyebrow, and a devilish gleam flashes in his eyes. “I can’t wait to fuck the stubborn right out of you.”

I lift my chin. “Good luck with that.”

He trails the baton along the inside of my thigh and coats the smooth tip of it in my wetness. “I won’t need luck.”

I open my legs wider on instinct and release a moan.

James palms himself over his pants, watching his baton tease me in slow circles. I lift my hips, grinding against it for more friction.

“James.” His name is a breathy moan as pleasure mounts deep in my core.

“I know, baby.” His voice is raspy, and he’s got a wild look in his eyes, like his control is slipping.

I want him to lose it.

I open my legs as wide as I can and draw out his name on another moan, begging for more.

He tosses the baton onto the bed and works the buttons on his shirt and strips out of his uniform like it’s on fire and he can’t get out of it fast enough. He towers over me—the wide span of shoulders, his smooth round chest. I lick my lips as my gaze lands on the deep shape just above his boxers, leading down toward the bulge straining in my direction.

Reaching into his boxers, he pumps himself. I stretch forward, breaking the rules once more, and jerk his boxers down just under his ass so his dick springs free. It’s long and thick, with a perfect smooth crown.

He climbs onto the bed and kneels beside me, stroking his length just inches in front of my face.

“Open that sassy mouth for me.”

I do, and he pushes himself between my lips. I wrap my tongue around him and crane my neck to take him farther inside.

He lets out a primal groan, watching me from under hooded eyes, and his hips jut forward.

I stare up at him, entranced, turned on by seeing how turned on is in this moment, watching him unravel.

With my hands tied over my head, my body at his mercy, I’ve never felt sexier.

He forgets about the baton and slides his fingers over my clit. “So fucking sexy, baby. My cock in your mouth, your legs spread wide with that beautiful, wet pussy.” He grunts as his eyes rake over me. “You were made for me.”

I moan in agreement, sucking him deeper.

His fingers slip inside me before they glide back up over my clit, making languid circles and sending sparks to every nerve ending in my body. He’s teasing me, making me beg for it.

“James, please.”

He reaches for the condom on the nightstand, and after he rolls it on, he coats himself between my legs, rubbing himself over me, back and forth.

But before he continues, he unlocks the cuffs around my wrists. “I want your hands all over me.”

I claw his back and grip his ass, lifting my hips to meet his. He looks down to watch as he pushes his tip inside me, slow and controlled. I hold my breath, taking him inch by inch, relishing in the way he stretches me until he’s all the way in.

His eyes close, and he drops his forehead to mine like he’s saying a silent prayer. Then his eyes open and bore into my soul, something so vulnerable reflecting in his honey-colored irises. “I want to savor this moment. I always want to remember how it feels to be this close.” He pauses as he swallows. “I never want you to forget that you’re mine.”

I take his face into my hands and give him a deep, passionate kiss. “Then fuck me and show me who I belong to.”

His eyes darken, and he laces our fingers as he presses my hands into the mattress above my head, pinning me beneath him. He pulls himself almost completely out of me, and then he drives back in with such speed and force that I gasp. He pulls out and plunges into me, again and again. His grunts grow louder, sweat beading along his skin. I open my legs wider to accommodate him.

He releases one of my hands to hike up my knee, throwing my leg over his shoulder, pushing himself as deep as he can get. His punishing rhythm is exactly how I need it. I see stars. I’ve never been this close, this connected to anyone.

He releases a strangled groan. “You feel so fucking good.”

I grab a handful of his hair, rolling my hips to meet each of his thrusts. “I’m yours, James.”

“And I’m yours.”

.

“You have me.”

.

“Always.”

.

“Always?” I ask, breathless.

“Always, Phoenix.” He drives into me and locks his eyes on mine. “This is forever.”

An overwhelming surge of emotion clogs my throat, and hot tears sting my eyes. There’s so much I want to say, so much I need him to know. But in this moment, I can’t get the words out.

So, I give him my body and hope he can feel all that’s inside my heart.

He kisses me hard and rubs his thumb over my clit as he plunges into me over and over. Pleasure builds deep in my core as a wave of ecstasy rises until I can’t fight it anymore. It crashes over me and pulls me under.

I cry out, letting James hear what he’s doing to me. And when my orgasm fades, I watch as he succumbs to his own. A beautiful mixture of intensity and vulnerability is etched onto his face, and his eyes are ablaze as he gives me everything he’s got.

We’re both out of breath as he eases off of me and curls himself around my body, holding me tight. We’re too wrapped up in the moment to speak, and there’s a long moment of comfortable, sated silence as we lie together.

Then James’s low voice floats into the air. “I know you said you didn’t like the ending of my book, but I like the last line, ‘Surely, someday she would find him.

I’ve been drifting through my life these past several years, like I was wandering a desolate island after a shipwreck. I didn’t know if I’d ever find love, or if anyone was out there for me. Then you walked into my life—albeit with a baseball bat—and you found me. Everything clicked. It’s like our paths were meant to cross, like everything we’ve endured has been for the sake of something bigger.

“You make me incredibly happy, and I will give you everything I have in me to make you happy too.” He hugs me tight. “I love you. You have my heart, Phoenix. Do you understand?”

I blink through my blurry vision and turn in his arms to face him. “I do understand, because I love you too, James.”

And all I can think about for the rest of the night is the fact that I almost missed this. My life was almost cut short, and I would’ve missed out on knowing James.

On falling in love.

On this second chance at life.

And for the first time, I’m so damn grateful that my mother found me and got me to the hospital in time.