Chapter 19: Chapter 18

If a dancer met a lover and stopped dancing,

you’d question his/her choice.

If you brought a flower inside

and it stopped growing,

you’d give it back to the sun.

So tell me, if you’re unhappy,

why are you standing still?

-Erin Van Vuren

The male watches me from the side, taking in my exercise.

“My rib is fine.”

He only shrugs, but I can tell it is what he is thinking about.

I continue.

My side does hurt. I know it is slowing me down. But I let the pain focus me.

I fall beside him, letting my head rest back as I take in the sky.

A week had passed. It was almost time to return.

“Are you ready male?”

A long sigh leaves his mouth as he nods. I close my eyes and smile, letting the sunlight hit my skin.

I don’t open them as I feel his hand slowly trace my face.

Almost instinctively I turn to him. There is no sight. Only sound and sensation as his fingers press against my neck, going up behind my ears before stroking the uneven edges of my hair.

“I should probably cut it,” I whisper.

I open my eyes and look up to see an intense expression upon the male’s face.

“I did it before I left.”

It had grown out a little. The length almost reached the end of my chin. But the uneven edges were still jagged. Clipped and creating a rough looking appearance.

He stands and holds his hand out. I let him pull me up as he leads me into the house.

The parents eye us as we pass them. I want to get away from them.

I wonder if that was why the male stayed with the wolves. If that was why he shifted and chose fur.

Because it was an easy excuse to not talk to those around him.

He leads me into the small room I had been sleeping in. His room.

He had refused to sleep in it with me.

Instead, he left each night.

I could only wonder what he did.

Though I had a vague theory that he snuck away and slept in the woods wearing fur instead of skin.

“What are you doing?”

He leads me into the small bathroom and sets me down on the edge of the bathtub.

I watch as he opens a drawer and pulls a pair of scissors out.

A smile spread across my face as he climbs over the rim and bends his knees- letting himself be level with me.

“Are you cutting my hair?”

He answers my question by doing just that.

The smile on my face widens.

“You surprise me male.”

The scissors pause.

Until I hear his deep voice behind me, “Call me by name.”

I still at his request.

“Orion.”

There is a silence before he continues.

He faintly traces the top of my ear. I feel heat fill my cheeks when I realize there is a scar on it. A scar showing what had happened the last time I attempted to cut my hair. Another one shows on the left ear from where the wolf had bitten me. When I had been accepted into the pack.

Camilla’s voice comes back to my mind, she’s covered in scars.

But he says nothing about it.

It does not last long.

In the next few minutes, he is sighing and setting the scissors down, ruffling my hair.

I hear a satisfied sound coming from him as he traces down the back of my neck.

Before he can stop me, I move back, letting his chest connect to my uneven spine.

He does not move.

I remain still, trying to memorize the sensation of his chest against me.

I watch as his arms slowly grip the edge of the tub, falling upon either side of me.

And then his hot breath is washing over my ear, fanning down my neck.

“Soraya.”

My name leaves his lips.

I press harder against him. The grip upon the tub tightens. I smile at the white knuckles. Slowly I bend my head back, letting my eyes take him in.

His hair falls against me. I almost want to laugh now that it is longer than mine.

But it suits him.

It only adds to the wildness that seems to invade his appearance.

I lower my lips, letting them slide slowly up his cheekbone and against his ear as I whisper, “Orion.”

My tongue darts out into his ear. Something he is not expecting.

He jerks away, eyes startled as his hand slams onto his ear in an act of protection.

I laugh at his bewildered expression before standing.

“Oh,” I look in the hanging mirror and admire his work, “I like it.”

I turn around to find that he is still in shock over what I have done, his hand clamped tightly to cover his ear.

I only laugh and shake my head at his actions, before I walk out the door.

“You are leaving tomorrow?”

I nod at Camilla, “in the morning.”

She looks at Orion and sighs.

“Will you remember us?”

He stares at her for a few seconds, the silence making me look uncertainly back and forth between them, until he nods, “I won’t forget you.”

A sigh of relief falls from her lips. Dylan smiles at his son. I look at the odd family in bewilderment. And I thought my own family was strange.

“Orion, you know we will be gone.”

He smiles at their words. Some understanding that they have, and I don’t know about passes between them.

Camilla and Dylan almost look excited now as they turn to me, “take care of him.”

“Sure,” my arms are crossed as I stiffly nod at them.

They both get up at the same time.

It’s not a goodbye that I’m expecting. Maybe I had been comparing it too much to my own family. Thinking of what they would have done if this was mom and dad sitting across from me instead of Camilla and Dylan.

Together, Orion and I watch as they both leave the room without another word. I already know that they will not rise in the morning to see us off. They have said all they needed to with just those few words.

It seemed this family did not need words. They spoke to little.

Whereas mine spoke too much.

Orion stands, a deep sigh leaving him.

The sound of his sigh makes me stop him from going outside. He pauses to look down at my hand that gripped his arm.

“Wait.”

He doesn’t move as I stand and lead him into his room. Inviting him into something that is his.

“What was that?”

He just shrugs.

“Orion. What did your mom mean when she said they would be ′gone’?”

I push him down onto the bed, hands on my hips as I glare down at him. He looked like one of the rodents we used to hunt within the forests.

Trapped.

“They are not part of a permanent pack.”

I nod, “that is strange...”

“It’s because of me.”

I still at his words. My eyebrows lower in confusion as I take in what he is saying.

He surprises me by speaking, “They moved from their pack twenty years ago because of me, when I was ten. I did not fit in.”

“So go to a new pack,” I shrug. The solution seemed easy to me.

But a sad smile is on Orion’s face.

“I did not fit in.”

A tightness fills my chest as I listen to his words. Watch the expression that matches to them.

“So, they chose to not be with a pack...they chose...”

Suddenly it dawns on me what he means. He didn’t fit in with the human side. He didn’t fit in with skin. This was not something he had developed over time- to be with the wolves. He had always been different. He had always stood apart.

“Oh...”

He is looking down now. Staring at the ground.

Orion is...awkward...

Camilla’s words ring through me.

“They gave up a pack to be with you.”

He nods.

They gave up a lifestyle of the wolf for their son. They gave up the feeling of connection and sense of community to help him find his own.

“Why did they not just let you live there? Why did they have to be with you?”

He smiles at my words, “maybe I’ll understand that question when I am a parent.”

I look away, my eyes suddenly unable to take him in.

“Now that you are leaving though...”

He lets me think. Lets me fit the pieces together for myself as those grey eyes watch.

Now that he was leaving. They were free. The burden of their son passed on to someone else. They could go to a pack. Live with the community.

I’m about to open my mouth and ask him- why did you not just suck it up and live in a pack. Why did you have to live in the wild?

But then a realization comes over me as a new voice- my father’s voice- enters my mind.

Why can you not just train to be a Luna? Why must you hurt yourself and try so hard to be something that you may not get? Something that will only bring you pain.

Lilah’s voice hisses into my ear, why are you causing such trouble to my Alpha? Why are you making him suffer? Why are you making my Luna suffer more than she already has? Why can you not just do as you’re told. Why are you not just satisfied with what you have- with being a Luna and a great warrior?

And it hits me.

Orion had cast away that guilt long ago.

Because sometimes you needed to let go of the suffering you caused to others. Sometimes you had to realize that maybe you could not help them. You could not protect everyone.

Sometimes you had to put your own needs and desires first.

And Orion...

“Orion...I meant what I said before. You don’t have to come with me. You can stay with the wolves. I’m going back to my pack. I need to go back. But if you don’t like packs...”

As much as I felt a sense of connection to this quiet male- I wouldn’t give up what I wanted for him. And I did not want him to give up something he loved and wanted for me either.

But he surprises me.

Slowly he stands and wraps me within his arms.

I stiffen at the contact.

But there is familiarity in his scent.

It is not a sign of affection on his part.

I know immediately what he is doing. Like that of the wolf- he is offering me comfort.

I breathe in his scent, closing my eyes to let it fully consume me.

“You are my pack.”

His words are whispered into my ears.

He pulls away from me, but I stop him.

“Don’t go into the woods. You can stay with me.”

He pauses before nodding. I pull the covers back to the bed and smile when I hear the familiar sound of bones merging and realigning. The sound of fur invading skin.

I turn around to find the tan wolf staring at me.

I get in the bed and pat the empty space. I can’t help but laugh when he jumps up, rocking the frame dangerously from the added weight.

And then a deep sigh leaves him as he settles on his side, his back pressed against me.

I ease forward, waiting for him to move away from me- but he doesn’t.

And slowly he allows me to wrap my arms around his frame- inhale the familiar scent of the forest from his fur.

I let my head rest on the top of his.

A smile spreads across my face when another deep sigh leaves him as he pushes closer to me.

My chin dips deeper into the fur- his ears tickling my cheeks.

The soothing smell of his scent, along with the warmth he provided- all added together within my mind. And I found my eyes closing just a few minutes after we had settled in. Sleep taking us both away.