Chapter 41: Chapter 40

We are made

of all those

who have built

and broken us

-atticus

The weeks came. They fell away from me as I watched each day come and go. Each hour, minute and second a racing clock that acted like a final countdown now. A timer that was waiting- ticking slowing away.

There seemed to be no physical change.

Orion was disappointed in that. He wanted the full belly and roundness that showed his future joy. My work as a warrior and Alpha made it so that my body could not betray me. It did not seem like I was with child. Just that I was sick. Unwell.

The signs all pointed to some sickness, but I don’t think the pack had a grasp on what ailed me. Something of stress -of lack of leadership and strength in the new position of Alpha.

Something like that.

The sickness showed well, but it was a cover that I wanted them to believe. For once I wanted them to feed into the lie of weakness in me, rather than finding out the truth. It wasn’t something Orion understood. But he didn’t need to understand it. He just needed to continue in the lie with me.

The office had become my retreat. A hideaway to cover my body from the wandering eyes of the pack. Henry now was becoming the focal point of their attention. The Beta in the front while the Alpha remained silent and behind in the back. I could handle that pairing.

I sat there, staring out the window and watching mom paint. Dad wasn’t with her today. Probably with Grandjay, talking next to the lake or training together. Doing something that children and parents should do.

Orion had taken his place instead.

He laid at mom’s feet, content to feel nothing but the sun on his fur as he listened to her idle talk of whatever topic came into her mind.

A knock on the door takes away my attention.

“Come in.”

Leo steps inside, a haggard look dragging down his face. I push aside the knowledge that I was the cause now for his sleepless nights. I was the reason so much burden and responsibility was falling onto him at such a young age.

“Soraya, I have the weekly report from the clinic, and the medical records you asked for. You need to come into my office later this week though so Nurse Joy can do your checkup.”

“I don’t need a check-up.”

“I’ll schedule it three days from now,” he says, ignoring my previous comment. He stands there, a sudden tremor running up his arms. It catches my attention. Another thing catches my attention- the smell coming from Leo. A new scent of sweat and nervous anxiety. He always was cloaked in the smell of ruined hopes and a crushed soul but this new addition caused a weight to settle on me.

I watch him as he closes his eyes, inhaling deeply before speaking.

“I have a request for you.”

“Yes?”

“I have to make a patient visit and I…I was hoping that the presence of the Alpha there would make it easier.”

I lean against the window, sighing at the request, “Leo I’m very bu-,”

“Just this once.”

The rushed interrupted words make me stop. He bites back whatever he wants to say next, swallowing down another breath of air to relieve the new tremor that is running down him. His eyes shut again, blocking me to look at him and see what emotion they held. To stop me from seeing the pain inside.

“Okay…I can go…when?”

“Right now.”

I scowl into the window, pushing my face back to neutral when I realize the reflection could be seen.

He is already out of the room, grabbing a large black bag and leading me down the stairs. Without another word, I follow him. Part of me wonders if I should tell Orion that I’m leaving. He was in a peaceful moment though, uninterrupted with my forceful mind.

It takes me a few minutes of walking to even wonder where this patient call was. Who was Leo going to that needed the Alpha’s presence?

He doesn’t say anything. Only silence as we continue our pace down the road.

“Am I going to fast? Do you need to stop?”

His eyes fall to my stomach, small concern leaking through his anxiety.

I snort at his question, “I can handle a small walk.”

He only turns back around, continuing down the path.

My heart speeds when I realize where we are going. When I take in the house we are growing closer to.

I remain quiet, the pieces silently clicking together.

Leo knocks on the door.

Mrs. Rive answers it. There seems to be a theme of haggard looks. Of sunken in eyes and sickness in our bones. She matches Leo’s appearance of nervousness, but something else runs through her frame- defeat. Shattering defeat of someone who doesn’t know why life has been so cruel as to keep pushing air into their resisting lungs. Why their bodies keep working but their mind has left long ago.

“Doctor Sixtus, thank you for coming on such short notice.”

Leo’s shoulders are rigid. He doesn’t move or speak. I don’t even think he is breathing as he nods and steps into the house. Mrs. Rive’s eyes fall on me in sad understanding as we both connect and look away.

“Where is Mr. Rive?”

“This way.”

She leads us to the adjacent room, walking quickly ahead. She, like Leo, wants us to be gone.

I know the irony. I can see it clearly.

All those years asking him to come, prodding me to get to him in the hopes that he would one day appear upon their doorsteps.

The moon goddess worked in mysterious ways. Cruel, mysterious ways.

I keep my composure as Mr. Rive comes into sight.

He is barely conscious. His chest falls and rises with stutters starts, sometimes stopping halfway before restarting again. Effort could be detected in every movement he made as wheezing air slipped through his teeth.

He was dying.

Looking at him, I knew why Leo had to come here. It was because the patient had no way of coming to him.

I turn away from the sight, not bothering to watch what Leo does. My eyes freeze on the pictures that hang around the wall.

A smiling girl, one who held a foggy place in my memory. I could faintly recall that red hair. I could somewhat remember the sound that came from those lips when they curved that way.

I couldn’t remember her name. I knew nothing but those few facts.

Leo ignores it all. He is working fast, hands moving swiftly to take a pulse, check the temperature- other things that I don’t know about but he seems to have knowledge of.

Soon he stands.

“I’ll run it in the lab and give you a call.”

Mrs. Rive and Leo don’t make eye contact. They both dutifully look down as Leo collects his things. Mr. Rive has no energy to respond.

“Is there a faucet anywhere?”

“Down the hallway,” Mrs. Rive points in the direction she speaks of, moving past Leo to attend to her mate. Leo steps around her just as she does- a silent dance that they do to move in a circle away from the other.

I stand in place, not knowing what else to do or say as Leo disappears.

Only silence that is broken by the labored breath of Mr. Rive can be heard.

“Congratulations Soraya.”

I jump, startled at Mrs. Rive’s words. It takes me a few panicked moments to realize she is talking about my win as Alpha. About my triumph in leadership.

“Thank you.”

She stares up at me, always that same unnervingly lost expression on her face as she speaks, “You’ve made some good changes in the pack. You should be proud.”

Her voice doesn’t match her words. There is no flash of pride in them. Only a hollow sound of emptiness as she reaches to grab her mates hand.

Pain enters me as I watch them.

Her mate dying in front of her eyes with no way to stop it.

I cringe against the thought, turning back to face down the hall.

My feet carry me away from the smell of sorrow and death. I need to find Leo, grab him and leave. We shouldn’t be here.

He shouldn’t be here.

I don’t make it far.

My steps stop when I hear a noise.

It’s faint. Distant. Almost like it is being muffled away- smothered for the world to never know.

I stop at the doorway- the cracked door just barley closed.

Slowly I feel my back press against the wall. I feel the hard wood of it slide down my ruined flesh as my legs give out from under me. As I’m no longer able to support my weight.

The sound of that muffled cry makes me sit there against the doorway, taking in the pain of the unanswered question.

I know why he asked me to come here. I know why. He couldn’t say it outright that he needed me. But he did. He did.

I sit with him, listening to the storm that he cries as he sits in her room- taking in the truth of what his life has thrown at him. Taking in the tortured remains that he was left to carry.