Chapter 65: Chapter 64

Losing the future they had dreamed together

was as hard as losing the past

- ATTICUS

Orion asked me one time to describe Vincent.

I couldn’t.

I couldn’t describe him, because I didn’t know Vincent.

I didn’t understand him.

But there was something I understood, that Orion would never understand.

A bond.

A connection.

Can blood connect someone?

Maybe since that day, Vincent and I had always had a connection- something forged of pain and hatred.

Something that we tried to ignore but couldn’t forget.

I can’t explain it to Orion, or Grandma, or Grandjay.

Not Bram or Rex.

Leo. If Leo was here he would understand.

He would maybe be outside with me.

He would have met me in the dark, a knowing look passing between us as we both set off into the woods.

Something we couldn’t explain, but knew. Instinct? Was it something with our wolfs?

I’m not sure.

Orion doesn’t move. I look down at the crib, taking in Tala’s sleeping form.

Orion doesn’t move now, but I knew his eyes would be open the moment she was awake.

I walk out of the bedroom.

Down the stairs.

Out the door.

The night is clear.

There are no clouds in the sky- just a vastness of stars and darkness that light up my vision as I stand before it, engulfed in the night.

I walk forward.

Why was I out here?

I pause to look back at the house.

And then a flash of pain along my spine happens. I shiver, a knowing feeling rising within me.

I knew why I was here.

I continue walking.

Did anyone see?

I felt weightless.

Like a ghost floating and part of the moon herself.

There were guards, but they were along the board.

The security was not perfect.

I knew where the weak spot was.

And I knew he would also.

How did I know?

Maybe if Leo was here, I wouldn’t feel so crazy with this urge.

I continue walking, the darkness swallowing me whole.

Was this wise?

I stop again, my unease growing as the woods closed in on me.

No. This wasn’t wise.

Maybe it was because of the recent period of bliss in my life. Most would be scared of having such a happiness taken away from them, but my mind seemed numb to that thought. I only felt gratitude that I was able to experience such a thing for so long.

I knew why I was walking out here.

I suddenly remembered, and then, my feet continued on their path.

Five minutes in.

Ten minutes in.

And then I stop.

I stand in the middle of the woods, shivering without knowing why. But there is a calmness in me. So many feelings inside my soul that I was unable to describe.

“Soraya.”

I hear him before I see him.

I close my eyes at the sound of his voice and turn to face it.

And he steps into the moonlight.

Ah. Now I knew why I walked out here.

“Vincent.”

He is a shell of a man.

Nothing but the crust of what once was.

He is hollowed out. A sculpture that looks as if it will collapse at any moment.

Am I dreaming?

The effect of the moon hitting his face and the extreme change to his appearance all make this moment seem surreal.

“You knew I was here.”

I don’t say anything.

His tone seems defeated. He knew I would know. He knew. That’s why he came.

We stand in silence. I watch as he walks towards a fallen tree, sitting his willowed frame upon the log.

“I’m glad you came.”

I don’t move. Too many memories are coming to my mind. I have to force down my panic and questions of why I came. Why did I come?

That peace. I cling desperately to that peace that had been inside my chest just a few seconds ago.

His eyes examine me, taking me in.

“You seem…different.”

“So do you.”

He smiles at that.

I don’t want him to smile.

It’s almost the smile of what the old Vincent would have done. Before his shift. Before any of this confusion and pain hit us.

“Soraya. I’m glad you came…” his eyes seem unsteady as he looks at me.

“I needed to talk to you before I go.”

I don’t move closer. He doesn’t seem to be waiting for me to talk or move.

He only inhales, and then sighs, turning to face the night.

“Do you hate me Soraya?”

I open my mouth, the answer on the edge of my tongue.

Yes.

I want to say yes.

But instead, “No.”

Vincent doesn’t look startled. He doesn’t look happy either. His eyes continue to stare at me in an unfocused way that has me looking at him cautiously.

“I need to tell you something.”

“So tell me.”

I don’t think he can hear me.

He is swaying, even as he sits.

“I don’t know where to start. I’ve thought about this moment for a while…”

“The beginning?”

He smiles at my words. The first sign of some emotion passing on his face.

“No…we already know the beginning…I don’t want to spoil the beginning…”

He turns to me.

“You don’t hate me. Why?”

Again, my mouth speaks before I can stop it, “because you’re my brother.”

He laughs.

“But I hate you.”

My heart skips a beat at his whispered confession.

He nods, suddenly a new tempo rising in him as the swaying in his body becomes unsteady. Somehow he manages to stay seated.

“Yes…I hate you…Sorry…but it’s…true…” his eyes blink open to stare at me.

“Let me tell you why.”

I want to say no.

Please don’t.

But I move forward, sitting on the edge of the log, as far away from him as possible. He doesn’t watch me. He is focused entirely on his story.

“I think it happened that night…You know the night…” he leans his head back to nod at me, “we both won’t forget that night.”

“Why-,” my whispered word is cut off as he continues his rambled speech.

“I was standing outside his office- dad’s?- his…and I heard them inside. Grandpa? Grandpa. It was him. I heard them inside. I heard what they said.”

He looks down at his hands before glancing at me, a smile gracing his face, “what a monster Vincent is.”

My heart drops from my chest as I take this new revelation in.

“Grandpa-jay?” Vincent laughs a short uncontrolled sound that stops just as soon as it began, “He thought I acted too much like his dad…who was his dad? I didn’t know him…They said in that office…maybe…maybe Soraya should be the one…”

Vincent’s hands squeeze into fists, “that’s not their right. It’s not their choice.”

I watch his scattered actions, something in his tone and the way he jerked and moved- it scared me.

“I met her.”

I look up to see some clarity in his eyes.

He is staring straight at me.

“I met her the day I shifted.”

I knew who she was.

There was only one her in a male wolf’s life that would cause his eyes to open like that.

I can’t say anything. I can only listen as he continues.

“What did your mate say to you? The first time you saw him…what did he say?”

The question startled me. I try to think back on it, but I can’t remember words. Only actions.

“I…I can’t remember.”

Vincent stares at nothing before him, “I remember. Every word.”

He closes his eyes, repeating something that I knew had been chanted a million times within his head.

“No Alpha, No mate. I don’t want you unless you have something you can give.”

My eyes widen in horror.

“Who was your mate?”

Vincent doesn’t look at me. He only shrugs, “You wouldn’t know.”

“I knew everyone in that pack-,”

“No. Not our pack. You wouldn’t know.”

I stare at him, at a loss for what to say.

“I needed it Soraya. I needed it and you were going to take it. My wolf needed her and he knew what to do to get her. I didn’t know how to stop it- so many emotions- such anger and hate. I hate you. I hated you. It just came out because they said in that one conversation behind a closed door…he can’t have it…the one thing he needed he couldn’t have…”

A sob leaves him. A sob that is mixed in with laughter.

“So he hurt you!”

I don’t want to hear this.

I want to put my hands over my ears and walk away. I want to pretend this moment never happened. I don’t want to feel pity or sadness for something that I had feared for years.

But I can’t leave.

Something in my body stops me from moving away as he talks and keeps talking.

“You didn’t tell them after…I was waiting for you to tell them, but you never did. Why did you never tell them?”

He looks at me, waiting for my answer.

I swallow thickly trying to swallow my emotions, “You made me weak. I didn’t want them to pity me because of you.”

“Ah…” he shakes his head, “I hated you even more because you said nothing. I hated you every time you woke up screaming because your back was on fire. I hated you, even more, when you rose the next day as if nothing happened…I hated you…and I hated what you were stopping me from achieving. What you wanted but didn’t need.”

He laughs. And this time he doesn’t stop. I flinch at the sound.

His hands grab his head, twisting violently into his hair.

“I feel like I’m losing my mind, Soraya. I watched Leo go through it and said I would never be like that but…” Vincent turns to me. I look away from the pained sight.

The pure raw pain that had me gripping my two hands together, nails digging into flesh.

“I can feel myself slowly unraveling. I can feel my mind breaking apart piece by piece.”

“She rejected you,” I whisper, “How could she…why did you tell no one?”

Vincent stills.

“I don’t know her mind. Only that I couldn’t give her what she wanted. And I knew you were better…I knew you were a bet-,”

He cuts off his words, still unable to say them out loud.

“You left,” I said.

“I left the night you had one of your episodes.”

He stares down at his hands, watching the exposure of a small cut on his palm bleed. “I couldn’t control my wolf…myself…I knew if I stayed…”

“Leo tried to stop you.”

Vincent scoffs, “I couldn’t stand being around either one of you. I hated you both.”

I watch him as he sways violently in place.

“Why did you come here, Vincent?”

“I needed to tell you.”

“That was selfish.”

The words are out before I can stop.

Vincent nods, “We are selfish people. But we already knew that Soraya.”

I want to ask what happened to her. What happened to the female Vincent was talking about. But there is a silent answer to his story.

Looking at his hollowed out frame- I already know.

“Vincent…” I won’t apologize. I won’t. I had nothing to apologize for. I know that. But we both made mistakes. Both could have chosen to do something different that would have eased our life.

He turns his head to me at the sound of his name.

I bite back the hesitation and ask, “Leo…Leo is at a pack that is helping him…I think you…I can take you there. Let me help you, Vincent.”

His eyes narrow. His lips turn into a smile.

A small laugh escapes him as he shakes his head.

“I don’t want help.”

“What are you doing now? Where are you going after-,”

“Stop trying to be a Saint Soraya. I don’t want it. That’s why I hate you and Leo so much. Both of you so self-righteous.”

He stands, the sudden movement startling me.

I watch the unfocuses way his eyes move- the color shifting from brown to gold, brown to gold. Unfocused, not in control.

The way he is swaying. How it looks as if even the breeze will carry him off.

I need to talk to you before I go.

“Vincent!”

I stand with him, just as suddenly as he had done.

He turns to look at me.

“You were the one who told that healer about Leo, weren’t you? She said someone told her…someone she tried to help but couldn’t-,”

“Annoying woman,” he turns back and starts to melt within the shadows.

But a panic I can’t stop is rising in me.

“Vincent…”

He stops. He doesn’t turn to face me. His back still is to me.

“Do you really hate us?”

Vincent stands silent for a few seconds until he turns back to smile at me.

And for that one second, my breath is taken away as the mist clears from his eyes, and I see a shattered future that could have been.

“Yes. I really do.”

A connection.

A bond.

Something blood deep.

If Leo was here, he would be standing beside me. We would be standing together. The three of us would be together, like how it once had been.

Vincent continues to walk forward, his steps unsteady. His body thinner than the trees surrounding.

My brother.

“Goodbye, Vincent.”

I don’t know why, but I’m crying.

I’m crying and I can’t stop the tears as they continue down.

He doesn’t stop.

But I can hear his voice, as he let’s the darkness close around him-, “Goodbye Soraya.”