Chapter 11: Voyeur: Chapter 11

CALLUM

I forced myself to look away as Oaklyn’s full lips stretched into a smile that would rival the sun and focus my attention back on lecturing the class.

The same way I’d forced myself to not visit her at Voyeur the past week. I hadn’t gone at all. I didn’t trust myself.

Instead I’d looked up porn. I’d opened up one of the videos I liked—one of my fantasies.

I’d jerked my cock as I watched the woman run her tongue up the length of his erection. I pumped harder and faster watching his hand dig into her hair, holding her to him as he fucked her mouth. I tried to tighten my muscles in advance of my orgasm when he came down her throat and a stringy rope of cum slid down her chin. But nothing.

Not a damn thing. No matter how much I watched or how much I imagined myself in the same position, I couldn’t come. Like my body was punishing me for depriving it of Oaklyn. I’d slammed the lid shut and ended up feeling as hollow as before I began.

I’d discovered Voyeur when I was looking for something more than a video. Something that helped me cope with the loss of intimacy. At least I was closer to it than I was staring at a computer. Somewhere along the way, I’d discovered that I just enjoyed watching.

After my failed internet search, I’d ended up with my hand clutched around a glass of bourbon, drinking way too much as I wondered what she was doing. Wondering what kind of performances she was putting on. Who she was putting them on with.

Why the hell was I so obsessed with her?

I’d been attracted to women before. Even found myself in fulfilling relationships. But this felt different. Bigger. I think it started as a physical reaction that bordered on obsession. An attraction that made me desperate to watch more of her. Then I’d met her. I’d talked and laughed with her. I began imagining touching her. Fucking her. And when I did, it didn’t fill me with the panic and dread it usually did when I tried to convince myself the next time would be different.

My thoughts of Oaklyn were more. Something about her felt different, and fuck if I knew what it was. It didn’t matter though, because she was my student. My nineteen-year-old student. It didn’t matter that she made me feel different than any other woman. I was older, and I should know better. So I stayed away from Voyeur as much as I could.

It hadn’t stopped the lunches and conversations in my office though. It hadn’t stopped my heart from beating double time when I saw her. It hadn’t stopped my imagination from running wild. But at least I wasn’t seeking her out. I was actively not going to watch my student strip down and finger herself as I watched her rose-tipped breasts heave in pleasure.

Sometimes, when I really missed watching her, I’d try and stay at work later, finding ways to keep her with me in the office past everyone else leaving. Meaningless tasks. I’d feed her dinner, so we had a reason to stop and talk.

But I’d had to be more careful. Shannon popped in to say goodbye every day since last week when she discovered we worked in the same building. I discouraged her

attention as much as I could without being rude, but she still stopped by randomly. I only hoped she didn’t notice my attraction to Oaklyn.

I felt like it was written all over my face.

“Please make sure to read the online assignment and answer the questions before the next class,” I said loud enough to be heard over the rustle of students packing up to leave.

Oaklyn’s eyes caught mine before I could look away. I managed to return her smile before turning away to pack my things. I couldn’t help but wonder if Oaklyn’s face showed more than she wanted me to see. The way she looked at me was anything other than the teenager I knew her to be. Her eyes sparked with more. With a yearning she couldn’t hide behind the demure tilt of her lips no matter how hard she tried. She looked at me like she knew what desire was and imagined me giving all of it to her.

Yes, I noticed her attraction. I tried to dismiss it; convince myself she was no different than some of the other students, especially the girls with their flirting and crushes.

But it wasn’t other students I dreamed of at night. It wasn’t other students I imagined sliding into and whose moans I heard, waking with my hand fisted around my cock.

Most dreams like those ended much differently. They’d morph from sex with a woman I wanted, to my worst nightmare, waking me up in panic, sweat coating my body, and my hand fisting the sheet instead of my dick.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to have sex. I just didn’t trust myself to not freak out. One night I’d even tried. I’d gotten drunk, determined to lose my virginity and I had. But as soon as she’d touched me, I broke into a sweat, somehow still pushing on before running from the room, swearing to never let myself be so vulnerable again.

I’d been vulnerable enough in my life and I didn’t want to be there again.

“Dr. Pierce.” Her gentle voice pulled me out of my thoughts, and I noticed almost the whole class had cleared out while I’d been lost in a dark memory.

“Yes, Oaklyn?”

She smiled when I turned my attention to her, looking almost shy.

“I signed up for the last slot for the telescope, but I’m the only one, and I wanted to make sure that was okay. I can try and make another night, so you don’t have to make the trip just for me, but I’m not sure when yet.”

“No,” I rushed to reassure her. “That’s perfectly fine.

Maybe someone will sign up and join us later.”

Honestly? I hoped not. I loved any excuse that would get me alone with her. The thought of being under the stars—

just her and I—without any prying eyes watching us. The possibilities almost scared me,

“Awesome. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I watched her walk out, my eyes dropping to the way her ass moved under her leggings. Realizing my huge mistake, checking out my student in the middle of school, had me jerking my attention away. I berated myself as I collected my things and headed out to meet Reed for lunch.

I was almost to the restaurant when my phone rang.

Seeing it was my parents, I ignored the call. I didn’t have long to talk, and their conversations usually required an hour or more. I didn’t blame them for the long conversations. I knew they missed me and could only find so much time to come out and see me. One time, my mother tried to broach the subject of me coming home and I immediately shut it down. California was no longer my home. It only held the worst of my memories and things I’d rather forget.

I pocketed my phone and had the hostess show me to our table. Reed greeted me with a smile and a back slap

before reclaiming his seat. It wasn’t until our food came that he began harassing me.

“Hey, you never told me what happened with the girl from our last lunch. Please tell me you actually called her and went on a date.”

“You’ll be happy to know I went on two dates with her.”

“Did you fuck her? If I remember correctly, she had a nice rack.”

“You’re fucking married.”

“A man can notice. Karen knows I’m all hers,” he said with a shrug. “So?”

“No, I didn’t. And it’s a good thing because she works with me and that would have been hell.”

“What, you’ve never banged anyone you worked with?”

I glared at him as I rotated my beer bottle until the logo faced me. “The only women I work with who are single are an older receptionist and a new student aide.”

“A new physics major? In the middle of the semester? I thought you weren’t getting another student aide until next year.”

“No. She’s a bio major and does student work in their department too. She needed help paying for her tuition and is trying to pick up extra hours.” My lips twitched as I considered how impressed I was with her work ethic. I’d seen better people give up easier than Oaklyn. “She’s tenacious. Smart. Determined.”

“Oh, fuck no,” Reed said, bringing my attention back to him.

“What?” I asked. But I knew. Reed knew me too well to not pick up on the feelings I was sure were pouring out of me no matter how hard I tried to hold them in.

“You fucking like her. A student.” His voice rose with incredulity.

My stomach dropped at just hearing it said aloud.

“Would you keep it the fuck down? People I work with

could be here and what would they think if they heard you?”

“Then don’t like your fucking student,” he shot back, eyes narrowed in concern.

“I don’t like her. Okay?” I tugged at the collar of my shirt, trying to give myself more room to breathe.

“Bullshit.”

“It’s not bullshit,” I said harder than I intended. I lifted my drink to my dry mouth to give myself a second to think of my next words. “She’s a student and that’s that. I would never cross that line. She’s too young, and she’s my student.”

“Yeah, you said that already. Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”

We stared at each other, and I knew I wasn’t leaving that restaurant without at least admitting something.

I finished the last half of my beer in one go and set it down before looking back at Reed.

“Fine,” I admitted through a clenched jaw. “I like her.

She’s beautiful and funny. Fuck does she make me laugh.”

And she makes me forget, I wanted to say. My chest warmed just thinking of the ways to describe her. “She just.

. . Just makes me feel good.”

“Fuck, dude. I was hoping you’d tell me she had a tight ass and huge tits. I wasn’t expecting you to wax poetic about how she makes you feel.” He finished his beer too, probably feeling the severity of my admission. “I would have been a hell of a lot less worried if that was the case.”

“I know,” I said miserably.

“So, you met her in the office?”

I thought about telling him she worked at Voyeur, and I’d seen her there first, but I wanted to protect her. I didn’t want Reed to judge her.

“No, she’s my student. So, I saw her in class first.”

“Cal, what are you going to do?”

“Nothing.” My tone was hard and brokered no doubt.

“She’s my student. I would never exploit that. And no matter how I feel about her, I just bury it.”

“Okay,” he said. Simple. Which with Reed, the less he said, the more concerned he was. But no one could have been more concerned than me. I felt like I was constantly on the edge of a precipice with Oaklyn.

“Just be careful, Cal.”

Be careful.

It was easier said than done.