Jillian's POV
At age six I got nightmares every time I rested my head on a pillow. All vivid memories of my father and what he was going to do in the morning. In those dreams Dad was some kind of monster with sharp teeth and pointy wolf ears. He had an evil grin and he would beat me in a dark cell that smelled like blood and tears.
At age eight I had developed acute insomnia. I would lie awake in my bed and wonder when my monster of a father would come in and animalistically, in a sense, tear me apart. Soon I shrugged off the idea of sleepless nights. Sadly my father could no shrug them off, he often accused me of being ungrateful of a bed in which I could sleep, and lazy because I was sluggish during the day.
At ten I was matched up for my first attempt at sparring. I lost and somehow made my father embarrassed so I slept in my cell that night. He accused me of being weak, a disgrace to the family and a terrible daughter. That night I got my first dose of Lycanthrope orally. Father said that he was helping me, but he just kick started my shifting process in one of the most negative ways possible.
After that I was injected monthly, and I fully shifted at 13. I nearly died that day. Being the runt of the litter my body was not physically ready to break down like that. Gladys sent my body into shock and a coma for two weeks. When I woke up my father made sure to punish me thoroughly. After that I didn't shift until seventeen. That was after my sister found her mate and insisted that I move with her and him.
Of course Dad had a hard time letting me go. He argued for me to stay while my hot headed sister fought against him. My mom came into the conversation and she concluded I should go saying, "Maybe Jillian will find her voice being around new wolves." If my father fought anymore then it would be suspicious.
When I was eighteen and six months, I met my mate. An Alpha who loved me and cared for me. He never hurt me, he actually pushed me to be the best I could be. Now I was going to die before I could change his life like he changed mine.
Don't say that! We will see mate again, we will.... Gladys urged, I think she was telling it to herself more than to me. Last night she was pacing back and forth, her gut telling her that something was going on with our mate. We worried for his life, it was strange to worry about him, he was strong and fearless, but there was something going on with him that we could not identify.
I pulled at my chains and whimpered. My arms were on fire constantly. This cell was isolating enough, at night I was forced to sleep here all by myself, in the cold with the scary sounds of other prisoners wailing and crying while they got tortured around me. Easton hadn't come to see me since I spat on him. After that show of defiance, he slapped me so hard I began to see stars. He ordered my father to control his pup, I still felt pain in my ribs when I moved a certain way.
The latch of the door rose up and my eyes snapped open. It was Cross; every morning and every night he took me to the bathroom, even though I wasn't allowed to bathe or clean myself for fear that I might drown. So I smelled like blood, sweat, and dirt.
"Alright, come on" Cross unchained me form the wall, but my hands were still cuffed together. I could barely stand and he had to lift me with his beefy hands. My underarm was tightly held in his grip. He walked me through the door and lead me to the bathroom. Gladys snarled at him, she hated all these men and how they treated me, she wanted the satisfaction of killing each and every one of them. Feeling their necks break in her teeth, tasting their blood on her tongue.
Do something, she growled. With her anger and my fear we could be ruthless. But I could not shift with the silver and iron chains the had bound on me. I could see the pink burns the cuffs left on my wrists, the silver kept me form shifting, if they gave me wolf's bane they would eventually kill me, so they had me in constricting chains.
I groaned when I tripped over my feet for a moment, Cross held my arm tighter and I whimpered. Gladys began to bark and pace with anger. Rage boiled her blood. Kill him, run away, find mate. I don't know, do something!
I began to analyze the situation. I was a few steps behind Cross, but he still held my arm in his vice grip, there wasn't much I could do. But I had to do something, Gladys was right, no one should be treated this way. Tossed around, acting as a punching bag, being obedient and being rewarded with a beating. You shouldn't be treated this way, Gladys' ears slicked back on her head, teeth bared and tail stiff, she was ready to fight.
She was right.
The only opening I had was a very small one, but I didn't have chains on my legs so it was perfect.
With a growl I kicked the back of Cross's knee, when he got down I would run for it. Cross stumbled but never let go of my arm, then my legs flew from under me and I cried out. My face was slammed down to the floor, just mere centimeters away from the concrete. Cross got hold of the back of my neck and he squeezed tightly, making my eyesight tunnel, "Try that one more time and I will bash your head into the ground, you hear me? I will kill you" his words were growled into my ear and all I could think about was how terrifying it would be to die at the hand of a man who had no heart, no morals. It scared me to die without seeing my mate again.
Cross lifted me back to my feet, I gnawed on my lip with nervousness. Gladys was bummed that we would definitely be in trouble for this act.
I used the bathroom and once back in the cell Cross bound my legs with the silver chains. Gladys whined and whimpered with reluctance for more silver to be in contact with my skin. But something that surprised me was the fact that Cross didn't chain me to the wall again, he left the handcuffs and leg irons.
Cross left me to myself in the cold cell. I thanked the goddess that I wasn't attached to the wall anymore, my shoulders would have broken off if I had to endure the torture any longer.
My sense of time was messed up form being hidden in darkness. I had no window, anything that could bring me possible hope was taken from me. I could not tell the time, I had no idea how long I was in this cell. I didn't know how many days, or hours I had spent sleeping. Then time flew by while I day dreamed.
My body needed to be moved, any form of exercise would be marvelous. Even if it was to walk, running sounded amazing.
To move my legs freely and feel wind behind my hair and dirt between my toes. The smell of grass and earth bringing joy to my senses. I wanted to kick and skip, run, jump. I wanted to play. Gladys wanted to escape too, she wanted to chase another wolf (specifically one who had black fur and a piney smell), she wanted to feel free.
Many wolves fear isolation. We are pack animals, we accept the hierarchy, we love the comfort of family and friends. Even a lone wolf has an inner human or wolf to talk to. Insanity is common for a werewolf if your inner wolf dies, or goes dormant unnaturally. Alone is never a feeling a werewolf understands.
I needed my family, Ruby, Sharpe, Josie, Christina....
I needed Damien.
A deep wailing scream came from my throat. I began to shake and writhe, my arms tangled in the chains and I screamed louder. Fear and doubt crept up my spine and a deep loneliness took over my whole body.
Damien would never come, his mate was a weak little pup. He must have been relieved to see that I was gone. The pack must have rejoiced to see their shy Luna gone and out of the picture.
Another scream erupted all the way from my stomach. I rolled on my back and kicked my bound legs.
Gladys howled with me.
â â â
Hours, seconds, minutes passed. My voice had gone hoarse from screaming. My throat longed to be quenched of thirst, but I had no water.
Even if I had the voice to ask, I would not get any. Peace would not come to me. My heart ached an longed for the comfort of a mate, the love, the kisses, the hugs, and the companionship.
But he was gone. I was alone, and I would die that way.
The floor was hard concrete, it scraped up my cheeks when I lie down on it. My head banged against it accidentally multiple times during my fit of fear and rage.
My chest heaved. Causing me to inhale dust and wheeze when I coughed.
A drink of water would be so nice.
Heavy footsteps pounded against the ground and shook the floor under me. I groaned when I recognized the scent. The all to familiar smell of fire and smoke reminded me of a tortured childhood.
The latches on the cell door rose and the door swung open. A man... my father entered.
I curled up on myself and never looked up. Any eye contact was an act of defiance and if I did so the punishment would be brutal.
"I heard you tried to escape" long fingers curled around the roots of my hair, I gasped at the pain when he wrenched my head upward. "Did you not know that there is no escaping me? You tried for years, but you have failed. While Cross won't hit you, Jillian, you know I will!"
Another attack on my head, no hair ripped out thankfully. Father pulled my limbs away from my chest, breaking the fetal position I was in, he landed a kick in my stomach.
All the wind was knocked out of me and I wheezed, clutching my stomach and bending at the waist. Another kick and I heard my rip snap. Silently I took the pain. He would no have the pleasure of my yelling.
I was lifted off the ground and thrown across the cell. My body crashed down in a heavy heap and I yelped. My head hit the wall and the smell of blood assaulted my senses. Crimson trickled down my forehead and down my nose, to my lips. I struggled to lift my arms and wipe it away.
Dad came closer and I scrambled against the wall in fear, "What did I tell you?! What did I tell you, Jillian? Tell me!" He kicked me again in the gut. I cried out and curled in on myself. Gladys was scared and her tail stayed between her legs.
"Are you deaf?" his hand closed around my throat and he rose me up again. The darkness in his eyes showed his heartless nature. The fire behind them was so hot and it stifled any hope of freedom I had. His hand squeezed tighter around my throat and I clawed at it. "Answer me! What did I tell you?" he roared in my face, his grip ever tightening.
"Y-you said-" I gasped for air to continue speaking. Darkness began to edge its way around my vision, everything was blury.
"Did you forget?!" He threw me down and I gasped of air, I gagged on my teary sobs. No, I did not forget.
"Are you stupid?! Answer me Jillian! You idiot! You pig, you're filthy!" He kicked me with his steal-toe boots. My ribs were killing me. One was defiantly broken, another must have been fractured. I screamed at the top of my lungs, "You said I would always deserve it! I'm sorry! I'm so, so, sorry...." I cried and focused on the blows to my back, between my shoulder blades.
This was all my fault. If I hadn't been so fragile I could learn from my beatings. If I wasn't so small, I could fight better, make my father proud. He wouldn't hit me.
"Stop!" I kicked and thrashed when he picked my up by my hair again, "It hurts! Stop!! Please!! Please stop!" I was bleeding so much now, I was becoming dizzy. Vertigo overtook my body and my empty stomach lurched. Bile dribbled from my mouth.
"You want me to stop?!" he dropped me and I shook with agony. "I thought you deserved it, you always deserve it, Jillian! You said it yourself!" He took a fistful of my hair and shook my head all around, the room spun. He threw my skull down to hit the cement floor.
I flipped on my back and held my stomach, "Daddy, stop! It hurts!" My breathing was labored, and every time I tried to inhale my left rib hit my lung.
"Have you learned your lesson?" His fist landed on my side, if I curled up again, my rib would cause some internal bleeding, if it hasn't already. All I could do was lay there to suffer.
I anticipated another hit, maybe to the face this time. But it never came.
"Sadem! You have to stop! You could kill her!" Cross' voice came closer and the door opened. My eye opened lazily, "Who are you to tell me to stop?" Dad swung on Cross, but Cross grabbed his fist before it could hit.
"If she dies, you would die too. Easton wants her alive for a reason, that's all I'm saying." Cross' voice was softer than my fathers previous yelling. It was a relief to my ears. With one last snarl my dad and Alpha Cross left me.
***
The sleep I fell in was anything but peaceful. A fire burned away at my lung and Gladys was trying so hard to heal me, but failing because of the constant feeling of silver on my skin. I dozed in and out, never getting enough rest although I was beyond exhausted.
At least I didn't have to get up and pretend like nothing happened. Years of my life was made up of acting, people could assume that my dad hit me, but they were never sure. He made sure any evidence was well hidden. Hiding behind my hair wasn't only because I was shy, even after years of being free, the action was learned to cover up bruises.
Then I smelled something, paired with dainty steps. The clicks of heels loud enough to be heard by a human ear. The smell of flowers and freshness in contrast with the blood and bile was like a smell of clean air.
It was her, Vivianne Sadem, "Mamma! Mamma!" She would help me, I was sure of it. The footsteps stopped, "Jillian?" her voice was worried and confused.
"Mamma! I'm here!" My throat ached from all the yelling.
Her heels hit the floor hurriedly, "Jillian? What are you doing here?" she kept moving towards me then stopping to see if she could hear me again.
The she appeared at the cell. Her long blond hair was in beautiful beachy waves that ended just at the tops of her chest. A lavender dress adorned her skin as well as the rings that her mate had gotten for her. "Jillian!" she gasped and grabbed the bars of the cell wall, she instantly hissed and pulled back.
"Who did this to you?" she came closer again to inspect her pup. "Dad did, mamma" I had never told her those words before. I had never told my mother that my father beat me near to death almost every night under her care. Ruby had accused her of neglecting me, but I never said anything.
Mom's face dropped, "He did what?" her voice was dripping with venom. She stepped back in the hall and looked at the cell bars, she seemed to be testing their strength. Gladys just stared at her, You can't even touch the bars, much less push them down with your bare hands.
"Oh, Jillian. You're so dirty..." Mother stopped examining the bars and looked dead at me, "What did you do to deserve this?"
Gladys nearly popped a vesicle, What? What makes you think she did anything wrong at all? Your mate is an abusive monster and you think its Jillian's fault? She has been obedient for weeks, months, years even! Her entire life Jillian has been beaten down, thrown around and hurt, and you say its her fault? It's never been her fault!
Her hackles rose and Gladys growled. I laid there, trying to breathe with a broken rib.
"Don't worry, baby, I'll come back with help" Mom began to walk away. Her steps had purpose, but I could see right through them.
You see when I was young my mom had the ability to help, she had to know what was going on, but she blissfully ignored so she didn't have to get her hands dirty. Even if I didn't outright tell her, a mother should get the hint when her daughter 'falls down' all the time.
"You're not coming back are you?" I concluded, slightly saddened by the fact that my own mother did not care about me whatsoever.
Her brisk steps stopped and she turned around to meet my eyes with the piercing blue of her own, "You're right, I probably won't"
Author's Note:
Hellooooooo!!
Thank you for reading and commenting, voting and sharing. You all make my heart sing :)
So what do you think of Jillian's mom? (I hate her!- excuse me while I try to shut up Gladys)
In many abusive relationships (Whether its domestic or a significant other) people often victim blame and that is never ok. Like how Jillian's mom asked what she did to invoke the beating, the thing is that even if Jillian hadn't tired to leave, Sadem would have hit her anyway.
Does anyone see Jillian reverting back to her old, self hating ways?
Who is chanting for Damien to come and stop waiting?
Thanks again and see you next update!
Deanna :]