"Sometimes the pain gets too much that all I can do is stare at myself in the mirror, the salty tears falling down my cheeks, watching myself break before my own eyes."
So I haven't been very happy lately with a lot of things, I've just been crying because I can't handle it anymore. So that quote I just wrote has my emotions all in it.
Enjoy this chapter.
"Now, the big questions are... What is love and what is pain? What is right and what is wrong? When do you know that it is no longer love, but a crumbling mess of tears and broken hearts?" The lady stares at me, waiting for me to answer the questions that I can't seem to answer. "Well, Willow?" She urges for me to answer, I blink and look out at the gloomy sky.
"The first question, what is love and what is pain? Well, love is doing anything in your will to make the other person happy.
Love is waiting for the phone call and calling first, love is a fire burning deep within you that never really seems to burn out. Pain is waiting for that phone call you're never going to get, pain is sitting on the bathroom floor covering your hand over your mouth so no one hears you crying. Pain is eventually turning numb." The therapist nods, apparently I need therapy because I haven't been acting well lately.
"Good explanation! Now, what is right and what is wrong?" She asks waiting for my response.
"Right is leaving them behind if they no longer bring you happiness. Wrong is staying and letting them hurt you," she nods writing down things on a notebook.
"And the last one? When do you know that it is no longer love?" I think deeply about this one. "Cmon you can do it," she smiles.
"When all they do is bring you pain, when they don't ask what you want they just think about what they want. When nothing about them makes you happy anymore," I whisper, she points her finger at me and starts clicking her fingers.
"See? You know all of this. So why haven't you left him? If you aren't happy then you need to be brave and walk away. And if that flame is gone then you need to tell him," if only she knew that it's more complicated than that.
Sighing, I mutter, "if I had a choice I would leave. I wouldn't look back, I'd just keep walking. But he has this... obsession with me, and he can't let me go. It's an unhealthy obsession but he has it alright, he would never let me be free." She furrows her eyebrows and writes something down before leaning back in her seat.
"Then is it really love or just an obsession? When you love someone, you build up the courage... to eventually let them go and be happy. Love is thinking about their feelings before yours, he can't keep you there forever. One day he will come to the terms that you need to make your own decisions, and he will want you to love him without him forcing you. He will want you to love him because you just do, he wants that." I nod in understanding with where she's going, but still he won't let me go.
"And if he lets me go?" I whisper, gazing at her beneath my lashes. She smiles, a warm one.
"Then he really loves you."
||
"So, how was the therapy?" Cadence asks, chopping slices from an apple. She places them in a bowl and picks one up then puts it in her mouth, eating it.
"It was alright," I shrug recalling what was said. It was all about Valentino, everything was. He has been the source of my pain apparently, he doesn't know what's right and what is wrong, what's love and what is pain, what's an obsession and what's borderline love. Valentino just doesn't want to accept anything, he wants me to himself and no one will tell him otherwise.
"When are you going there again?" She asks me curiously.
"Next week," I shrug. I'm not going to tell them my conversations with the therapist, it's private and mostly about me being kidnapped. She may call the police, but not likely because I made her swear not to. "Let's go see Jarrad and Amalia," I grin, I'm super excited that she's pregnant! Plus there isn't anything else to do, Val has some 'business' to attend to so Aidan and Landon are going with him. Titus has gone to visit his sister, Emberly is somewhere unknown, I'm with Cadence, Jarrad and Amalia are at their home and lastly Nova and Mike are still on their honeymoon! Everyone's busy busy busy.
"Sure, sounds fun; there's nothing else to do anyway," she shrugs. I snatch her keys off the bench and skip out of the house, "sure you can drive my car Willow." I look back at her and smirk, she's giving me an unimpressed look.
"But I didn't ask," I joke, she chuckles and I get in the drivers seat. She sits in the passenger seat, after we are buckled up I drive to Jarrad's and Amalia's. "How are you and Aidan going, Cadence?" I ask, I don't really see them much anymore- well I haven't lately, I've got to catch up with the people whom I haven't seen. Except Landon, he's a creep.
She shrugs, "I love him but sometimes it just feels like he doesn't love me. The thing is that I shouldn't be questioning whether he loves me or not, I should be sure of his feeling. However, I just don't know anymore. Of course he says he loves me but it just doesn't seem like he really means it; Aidan is not always good at expressing how he feels towards people and especially me." Now I'm thinking about what the therapist told me. Cadence shouldn't be questioning Aidan's feelings, he needs to make things more clear. Aidan is definitely not into other girls, he doesn't spare them a glance, only looks at Cadence. It's weird, everyone can see how much he loves her but she can't; maybe she is just worried that he will stop loving her, that can be a big fear.
"How about we call him?" I offer, she shakes her head barley visible for me to see. "C'mon Cadence, if will only help you and strengthen your relationship with Aidan. You're cadence and Aidan, together Aidance; spreading the love disease to everyone," her lips quirk up and she chuckles.
"Fine, I'll call him," she grabs her phone and with shaky hands calls him, she puts the phone on speaker and we wait. Our hearts race rapidly when he answers, I don't have a clue as to what to say but I'll figure it out eventually. Eventually...
"Hello?" His deep voice says, "Cade? You okay, love?" See, this is the signs of love. How does Cadence not see it?
"No, I'm not." She replies honestly in a shaky voice, I keep my eyes on the road as I listen. To prolong the car ride, I drive through maccas drive in. There's a line so I won't miss out on much of the phone call.
"What's wrong, sweetheart?" He worriedly asks, she looks at me and I nod for her to continue.
"Do you love me?" She finally blurts out, I remind myself that this is for her reassurance and she isn't stupid. The other line is silent for a few seconds before he explodes out of anger.
"Who the hell told you different? Of course I love you, Cadence! Why would you even think different? Who told you I didn't love you? Cause I do." If she doesn't believe him after this she is being a dumby.
"Sometimes it just feels like you don't love me Aidan, I'm sorry but it does. You say that you do but it just doesn't seem like you want to be around me anymore, you've been getting angry at me a lot. I remember that you used to do a little sweet thing for me, I don't expect it but suddenly you just stopped, it felt like you stopped caring. And I was scared you didn't love me anymore because I love you so m-" an irritating voice cuts her off.
"Hello, what would you like today?" I hold up a finger to silence him.
"A love confession is going on here. Two Big Mac meals with a sprite," I grin and nod at Cadence to continue.
"I love you so much, Aidan and I never want to loose you. You're my first boyfriend, my first love, my first everything. It's just scary thinking I could loose you," She whispers, her voice cracking; it breaks my heart to hear her pained voice. She sniffles, a tear falling from her eye.
"Babe..... Don't ever think like that again. You're my one and only, you're my forever and I'll never let you go. Even if you don't give me 100 percent one day and you give 10 percent to our relationship, I'll give the 90 percent. I'm sure you'd do the same, I've always loved you Cadence Wright and always will. Don't ever doubt my love for you again, okay?" She smiles dreamily and nods but then realises he can't see her.
"Okay. I love you, Aidan." This is so romantic, it reminds me of how single I am. Don't mention Val... just don't.
"Here's your meal, have a nice day," the young teenage girl smiles at me and hands me the takeout. I give Cadence her meal then after thanking the girl I drive off.
"I miss you already, I'll be back tomorrow. I'm excited to see you again," already? It's been what? 3 hours. If my future man said that at approximately 6 hours I wouldn't even miss him, joking I don't know that. "What are you doing right now?" He asks.
"Eating Maccas, in the car with Will. We're going to see Jarrad and Amalia, I'm so happy that they're starting a family," she smiles.
"So is everyone else. I've got to go now, enjoy yourself. Remember, I love you!" Cadence's smile turns into a giddy grin, she pops a chip into her mouth and chews on it.
Swallowing, she happily shouts; "I love you!"
**
It's been a week since Amalia announced she pregnant at the beach, so of course it was a good idea at first to visit her. That is until Cadence and I hear her shouting at Jarrad about getting the wrong meal. Then it was decided, it was a bad idea to come. Cadence and I give each other worried looks, I eat the rest of my chips quickly then take out the pickles in my burger and try to eat as much of it as I can. Maccas is amazing, I don't exactly want Amalia stealing my food. Plus, it's not healthy for the baby.
We walk into the house without knocking, Jarrad looks stressed. Maybe I should've just given him the burger to give to Amalia... he sighs in relief when he sees us, "I can no longer handle her mood swings that happen very regularly. I'm indeed of a good nap, you keep her company. I'm trusting you two, mkay?" He eyes us wearily then walks off to sleep. Cadence and I walk into their room where Amalia lays, eating a salad that does not look somewhat edible in the least. Jarrad obviously made that, that's the reason why it looks like trash and they were fighting. Well she was starting a fight.
Amalia looks at us and grins, "finally, company other than Jarrad! He hasn't let me get out of the house and I need to get out of here." He hasn't let her get out of the house.....
"Well he's gone to sleep so want to get out of here and eat some proper food and enjoy yourself?" She grins and stands up, she's wearing a shirt that is way to big for her which I'm guessing is Jarrad's and some sweats; I don't know how though, it's hot. "Let's go!" We look at her outfit and she gives us warning looks. "I look fine, we're going," she stands. Amalia doesn't exactly have a big baby bump, it's a tiny one barley noticeable. It's invisible when she's in that shirt.
"Maybe we should tell Jarrad so he doesn't become worried when he wakes up and doesn't find you here?" Cadence suggests, however, Amalia waves the idea off and slides on her flip flops and walks out of the bedroom that is starting to stink badly.
"He'll be right. He's being annoying so nah, if we tell him then I won't be able to go," she pouts, we tentatively agree with her and exit the house- walking to the car. "Well this will be exciting girls!"
**
Hey everyone! Sorry for the confusion about the meaning of thongs.
In Australia we call flip flops/ jandals/ whatever- Thongs. But in America and other countries it is the underwear. Then in Aus we call the underwear things g-strings or thongs. So yeah, I'm sorry about the confusion.
The next update will be a continuation of this chapter, I hope you enjoyed this one though. Comment, vote and follow!
Keely