Soundtrack:
I don't love you- MCR
My happy ending- Avril Lavigne
[SKY]
Dan: did you attend the thing for Kyle?
Me: dan..
Dan: hm?
Me: it's today
Dan: oh....
Dan: I was just time traveling and stuff
Dan: my times are a bit off..
Dan: it's already over if we were in London
Me: we're not in London, though
Dan: SHUT UP SKY
Me: rude
Dan: SO R U GOING OR NAH
Me: probably
Dan: I thought..
Me: we forgive him..
Dan: why?
Me: he was sick
Me: besides, everyone's going so
Dan: you got a new phone so who da hell cares?
Me: not quite tht rude
Dan: tbh I'm gonna be at home thanking satan for taking Kyle
Dan: I know he was reluctant to take that loser
Me: He made a brave sacrifice for us
Dan: we're so fucked up Sky
Me: I know. I judge us
Dan: how are you about the whole Scarlett thing?
Me: TBH IDGAF. The last two days they've just been like "oh you're so cute" "oh no you're cuter"
Me: SRSLY STAB ME WITH A SPOON FR
Dan: I'MMMA KILL YOU WITH A MACHETE
Me: ALEX WOULD'VE UNDERSTOOD :(
Dan: oh god
Dan: jealousy is a bitch
Dan: just like I'm sure he was jealous when you gave Kyle all of your attention and Nate... That date? Yeah.
Me: what about when he was running back to Taylor?!
Dan: you were with Kyle
Me: WHY ARE YOU STILL TAKING HIS SIDE?
Dan: I'm not taking either side. Tbh you both fucked up. And if he's gonna move on, you should too
Me: tru
Me: I'll just pick from this long list of boys begging for me *hand gesture in the form of a line*
Dan: well.. THEN BUY A CAT BISH
Dan: LOTS OF THEM CAUSE UR FUCKED UP
Me: maybe we should date
Dan: maybe we should..
Me: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOOOLLLLLL nah
Dan: I have Hayley anyways
Me: good
Dan: Great
Me: should I try and apologize again?
Me: he seems happy with Scarlett tho
Me: but I miss him so much
Dan: you can try, Sky
Dan: If he wants to fix this, he will
Dan: don't just sit around waiting for him though
Me: okay. I'm gonna go to that vigil thing. Or whatever they call it
Dan: a funeral, dumbass
Me: oh yeah that
**
I sigh and lock the door on my car. I shouldn't be here. I didn't even like him. Why am I at a stupid funeral? They don't even have a body, just some teeth and bones.
"Hi Sky!" Scarlett waves. Alex got his arm locked around her. He's smiling at her and looks so happy
He looks at me and his expression goes flat. "Hi, Scarlett." Alex grabs her hand and turns towards the church.
He hates me. He really hates me for some texts I didn't even send! I can't believe he blames me for those. I didn't even have my phone. I would never in my lifetime tell somebody that the world would be better off without them. I know what it's like to be told to kill yourself. I would never wish that on Alex's friends and family. I would never wish that on Alex. He should know me better than that.
Maybe it was a matter of time. I knew he was getting tired of me. He was getting tired of the drama and constant round and round. I could feel is drifting. It was a matter of time before he'd leave.
And why should I interject? He looks so happy with Scarlett. She's such a nice person. She'll make things easy for Alex. She'll treat Alex like a prince and always be there for him. They'll have such a good time at Carnegie together. They'll make lots of money and get married. Have three kids and love each other to the end. She's so perfect and I know why he likes her. She's everything he wants. She's everything I'm not. I'm just a mean girl who doesn't know how to appreciate someone who loved me. I'm not worth to be loved at all.
We were meant to be, supposed to be together but we lost it just like that.
If he's happy, then I should be happy, right? Because that's what love is about. Love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be. And I realize I love Alex. I love him since the first time I saw him on the first day of my high school life begins even though I was so mad about the milkshake thing. But I'm glad I met him. So if he's happy with Scarlett, I'll leave him alone because he's probably don't love me anymore.
So much for my happy ending.
Ugh, emotions are so fucking gross.
I take a seat on the bench and I feel my phone buzz. I pull the phone out of my bag and slide it open.
Dan: I'm quite excited how long you'd go
Me: huh?
Dan: you try to act like you don't like Alex and you're cool with Scarlett but it's load of bullshit
Dan: you're so in love with him
Dan: your shoulder sunk so far when you saw him with Scarlett
Dan: you literally stared at him for five minutes as they walked away
"Just admit it you love him," Dan whisper, sitting beside me.
"You came?" He nods.
"I thought you could use a friend."
I feel the tears welling up in my eyes and I just nod. "I'm in love with him ever since before he'd ever notice me and I don't know what to do, Dan. I'm so stupid."
Dan puts his arm around my shoulder and I rest my head on his chest.
"Tell him how you feel, Sky, before it's too late."
"It's already too late, Dan."
**
[ALEX]
Is she really crying over Kyle's death? I can't believe Dan came to a funeral. Why on earth do I care? They're both out of my life now. I'm fine and I'm better without them. Scarlett is so nice and she makes me feel good about myself. She doesn't treat me like I'm a bad person like Sky did. Scarlett tells me that I'm doing fine, even when I know I'm messing up. She encourages me and I appreciate it every time. We're going to Carnegie Mellon for Psychology together. We're going on that campus tour next week.
Scarlett is so nice and sweet and she makes me happy. Sky constantly put me down and implied that I was somehow not deserving because of things that had happened in the past. Those things weren't even my fault, though. I have no control over my "friends" and their actions. And if I had known better, I would've said something.
I drew the line when I got those texts. I know Dan said they were fake, but I just can't bring myself to think that maybe he was right. That night I got those texts- I fell apart. I complete collapsed under the pain of having someone, whether Sky or not, say those things to me. About me. I want to believe that Sky didn't do something like that, but I can't bring myself to just fall back into this pattern where I just forgive and forget. Sky will never be different. Sky will always second-guess my intentions and my feelings for her. She'll never see me as a nice guy, but nothing than this distorted image she's created throughout the years.
Scarlett is different, though. She doesn't see this image that everyone has of me. She doesn't judge me despite my constant self-judgements. Scarlett is what I need right now. Scarlett is what I need to move on from Sky and find somebody who appreciates me for me.
Besides, I'll be gone in for few months. I move out of my mom's house in June and I'm spending the summer in Pittsburgh finding a job and such forth. I'll be preparing myself for college in the fall. I don't think I told Sky that, to be honest. I guess I was just holding off and hoping that things would go slow, time wise. I thought that maybe time would soften the blow of finding out I'm leaving as soon as I graduate.
It doesn't matter now. Sky isn't part of my life anymore. She has no control over whether I stay or go. I almost, briefly, thought that if under some weird circumstance she had begged me not to leave, I would've stayed. I am.. I was so in love with her. I guess I still am. I miss her, to be honest. But I don't know anymore. I don't know where I stand with my feelings for Sky.
"Psst, Alex," Scarlett whispers.
"Hm?"
"You look lost," She frowns.
"I'm just thinking about the future," I sigh. It's true, I am. I'm thinking about so much, to be honest. Sky was going to be part of my future. I always told myself that eventually there would be this huge revelation and she'd run into my arms and everything would be alright and I won't let her go. I still believe, deep down, if she did that right here, I'd cave in. I would kiss her and hug her and everything would be okay. But her and I both know it won't happen. I mean, come on, she's crying over Kyle.
"Don't worry about it," Scarlett rubs my back. "We have four months of right now to enjoy."
"I guess you're right." I pull my phone out and open up my message. I would be foolish to text her and ask her if she's okay. I would be just ridiculously stupid.
Me: hey sky
Me: are you okay?
I glance over at Sky, but I don't see a response. She continues to rest her head on Dan's chest. Maybe she has her phone turned off. It would be polite to just walk over there and ask.
Nah, whatever. This was just a stupid idea. You're trying to move on, Alex.
**
[SKY]
"So are you going to tell him?"
"No," I shrug. "I'm just going to move on."
"Good for you, Sky." Dan pats my knee.
"Did you just at my knee you asshole?"
"Oops."
"Pipe down fucktard, we're in a church."
"You need to learn to not give a damn, Sky"
"I'll start tomorrow poop face."
**
Should I text him? I shouldn't text him. I shouldn't text him. I shouldn't be the one who apologizes. He's the one who refuses to believe me. I mean, seriously, how could you not believe Dan either? Dan doesn't lie. In fact, Dan should learn to shut up sometimes when it comes to telling the truth.
He's happy with Scarlett. He's so freaking happy with Scarlett. I should be happy that he's happy. I should be happy for his happiness. If I say everything twice, it'll sound more believable, right? I keep hoping, honestly.
I'm going to regret this so much, aren't I?
Me: hey alex
Me: are you okay?
Me: I just wanted to say I was sorry for everything
Me: I hope you're happy
Me: Scarlett and you seem pretty chill
Me: anyways, yeah sorry
Me: text me
Me: or don't
Me: maybe
Me: you don't have to
Me: It's just
Me: If you want to
Me: Okay I'll go now
Smooth, Sky. Smooth as hell. This is why we don't get laid.