AVA
It was at times like this when I was bound to live in a racking solitary confinement that I realised people are wrong about money, fame and power. Those three were the hotkey path to the first tier of hell. Outside, they glow an overstated opinion about us, deceiving others into believing we have everything we wish for, not knowing wishes are always hard to be granted. Inside those three self-destructive weapons that come with wealth had deprived us of a lot of things due to the wrong choices they have always led us into making.
My mom, for instance, if three years ago she was granted a flash from the future of who she would become this day, I am confident she would've never come here. She would've taken her small clinical fellow job in London over being a recognised consultant around the states.
It is more than just some misunderstanding. She is now something I can never understand. It was like she had forgotten I needed her.
From my box, I had plucked a worn black oversize t-shirt with a large slogan stamped boldly on it and slipped over my head in the driveway while waiting for everyone to come out of the building, which took over thirty minutes. Thirty minutes of being isolated by my family.
Christian would've come over, I know he has a lot in mind he wanted to talk to me about, but he has to choose his wife. And it's okay since she didn't return home with a man she had once introduced to her husband as her boyfriend.
Through those long thirty minutes of absolute nothing, since I had lost my mobile phone and I had no company around, I had to lean against the front pilaster and count the tapping of my toes on the concrete floor.
I was eager to leave to anywhere our destination was; as long as I could get into a room, I could lock myself in. I was keen on many things. I was eager for time. I was seventeen yesterday, which is progress, given how things are going. There is just senior year, and I can leave here for good.
In the exact thirty minutes, Christian and mom came out looking ready for the day. Mom? You shouldn't be surprised by now if I tell you she looks like she was set to walk down the red carpet of a movie premiere or rather a conference at the white house. There was no slight evidence that she was literally throwing objects at her daughter some minutes ago. Right now, she was dressed in a red blazer and trousers, her hair was neatly collected in a ponytail, and her make-up was light but expensive.
She walks in her heels accordingly in style, holding hands with a formal dressed Christian, heading for the parked vehicle.
When he spotted me through the lenses of his sunglass, he let go of her hand and stalked over with a light smile playing on his lips.
"You okay?" He asked, taking off the eyeglass to hook the temple around the pocket of his dress shirt and run his hand down the placket of the fabric he was wearing while he suspires.
"Never better. I don't like it here anyway." I shrugged as he began to carry my boxes to the car boot while I followed behind him.
"You know you're grounded, right?" He stopped and looked back over his shoulder with narrowed eyes, hinting at the consequences.
"I don't care." I huffed, and he set the boxes to the ground, lowering their pullers. He pressed the automatic button of the boot door before he turned over to me.
He looked left and right and incline almost to my height.
"I didn't ground you, you know?" He whispered, winking, and I giggled at his humour.
My eyes met mom's; she frowned and looked away quickly. No mistake, she hates me.
I pull in a deep breath into my lungs, my fingers involuntarily intertwined when I divert my eyes away too.
"It was nice meeting you two." I heard mom saying, and I quickly looked up.
She was talking to Julian and Princeton Claire, all cleaned up and ready with their boxes.
Are they leaving?
Curious, I paid attention to their brief conversation.
"You too." Said Julian, grinning broadly.
"Thanks for putting up with us." Princeton Claire smiled warmly, and mom's face hardened into a frown.
"Rubbish, it is us to apologise for the not very calmest home." Yes, of course, I wonder who she's blaming now. "However, next time you two return, you will get the quiet you deserve." Mom stroked Princeton Claire's bare arms, and their eyes followed toward where Leigh was coming from.
Obviously, she doesn't mean when Princeton Claire and Julian returned; she meant Princeton Claire and Leigh.
Unbelievable. She is now nothing like a mother, but my typical bully from high school, despite her being the grown-up. Or rather, she was learning to be a bitch from her dearest stepdaughter and now controlling, and manipulation have become her habit since it is what Lilith is very good at.
The nervous smile that Princeton Claire gave mom didn't stop my heart from moulding into sorrow and fainting down into my stomach.
I pushed aside mom's evil wish, though. Her intent wouldn't be real if Leigh and I were even, right? Which is difficult at the moment, given the ignoring treatment he was applying to me.
I couldn't take it, so I advanced towards him. He had showered and changed into nothing colourful except for the brown boots he was wearing.
His hair was slightly damp, some strands sticking to his skin, while the upper side was its usual gorgeous tousled mess. His long fingers clutched to the strap of the backpack hanging over his shoulder as he noticed me and looked away, clearly battling with his choices.
"Hey." I started, nervous yet anxious.
"Hey." He wouldn't look at me; he looked everywhere but my direction. It was like he was trying to control his emotions, his heavy breathing, maybe. It was hard to understand when I couldn't see his eyes.
"I can explain." I rushed as I could sense footsteps getting closer behind me.
His jaw clenched, he breathed before finally glancing over at me, or more exact, he looked way down to my hand; he didn't meet my eyes. "Is that supposed to hurt me?"
"What?" I blinked in confusion at his irrelevant utterance since I had never had the idea of hurting him intentionally, and he was assuming so right now.
He swallows sharply and exhales through flared nostrils. He was growing angry, too angry at what I didn't understand.
"You didn't have a bracelet yesterday when you left home. But you returned with one. Did he give it to you?"
Oh.
It was then I remembered I still had it around my wrist. I looked over to my hand, ran my fingers over the object or covered it from him.
I was taking it off anyway. It meant nothing; it was a birthday present. That's all.
But I was out of the coherent explanation; I stood there wordless, breathing quietly while my eyes burned with tears I wouldn't let out.
"Yes." He scowls and wastes no second to barges away from me.
My body instantly shudders from the painful punch that stretches out through my ribcage and shoves my heart to the wall of my back.
"Hey, Ava." It was Princeton Claire.
The rest of the things she said to me was indistinct, I was there before everyone, but I was barely alive.
Maybe we did a proper farewell before she and Julian set off in mom's vehicle, or perhaps I was awkward enough; they decided to let it slid. I don't know. Things were getting blurry.
I am overwhelmed by Leigh's rejection that I didn't care for sneaky Lilith, who disappeared into the third row of her father's SUV.
Somewhere in the back of my head, I heard Leigh lock the house and hand Christian the keys. Still, I didn't let it go, I waited for him, and he secluded himself from me, with a simple excuse of driving his friends to the airport in mom's car.
I tried my luck, suggesting to follow them, maybe we could talk after he dropped his friends at their destination, but he instantly refused.
Oblivious, Christain agreed, not wanting to stress his jewel son, having no idea what was happening between his son and his stepdaughter.
Somehow even with the attitude, Leigh was putting on, I rather confront him than the ride he was sending me to. I could've begged if his dad wasn't behind me, his hand on my back, leading me to the SUV.
The thing is, Leigh wouldn't scream or hit me as mom would, nor would he mock or bully me in any possible way to eradicate my happiness.
He is angry. I get that. I did be if he was out the whole night with some love interest. Not to mention the obstruction of our relationship was a sentimental bracelet from his past relationship that he had held with him, and I questioned his honesty for it, which led to where we are today.
I take the blame. I just need to explain to him. He has to listen. He got to.
The hour drive was the longest. I sat in the middle row, forced to survive in the dead silence and the awkwardness that filled the air.
Lilith had her earphones, and mom had Christian hand to hold on to.
Me? I just look through the closed window. My eyes were heavy from not sleeping last night and from tears that kept fighting for release, but I held them back.
Eventually, the agony ended when we drove through the hills. I was desperate to leave this toxic room, so when the vehicle parked into our driveway, I collected the key for Christian and climbed out. I hurried in the direction of the mansion sitting on the ample land, eager to get to my bedroom where I could finally breathe. The lawn was freshly cut and watered, like we hadn't left the place at all. I missed here. It was cosier and felt like home than the mountain ever did. I was near the porch when I noticed a human figure curled up there.
I stopped in my track, startled by the circumstance.
Their head was down in their arms. Arms and hair that were very familiar, too familiar. I squatted and patted the person's shoulder.
"Tori?"
She seemed frightened and crawled back with her hands-wide-eyed and rapid breathing.
"Ava?" She whispered when her expression softened, her voice quiet and hoarse.
What could bring Tori here?
Her face was pale from fear, and I wondered what she was doing here. There last time we talked, she was going to her grandmother's, wasn't she?
"Are you okay?" I worriedly asked. Knowing, Tori isn't the kind that runs and hides. This was new.
She shook her head and began to cry.
"I am sorry. I didn't know you would come back. I just wanted to stay for a while."
Stay outside my house?
Confusion clouded my head as I watched the sad girl, who was my best friend shook from the pressure of the sobbing that rattled from her throat.
"The house is locked, Tori. Did you sleep here?"
"I just wanted to stay away from her." She cried and sank into my arms.
"For goodness sake. Yet another drama for breakfast. Marvellous." I heard Lilith annoyingly remark from behind me.
I had enough of her problems. I wanted to punch her in the face for messing around with me.
"Will you shut up? Let me and my life be and stop being obsessed over it." I screamed at her, and there was a brief quiet that passed before I noticed footstep climbing over the couple steps, a jiggling sound of keys and the front door pushed open.
I knew it was Lilith who did for once what I asked for; I saw her pink Nike shoes distancing into the depth of the house.
"Tori, what happened?" Mom asked my friend when I pulled her up.
"It is my father's mother. She went crazy. She blamed me for her son because I had my earphones plugged in, and I didn't hear her talking to me. She just went crazy and started throwing stuff at me. I had to run." She choked most of the time while I shot my mom a dead glare that she couldn't hold.
It is clear; some kids run away from such abuse.
"Why didn't you go to Evie's?" I asked her when she leaned into me.
"Evie called me. She said my grandmother was at her place, waiting for me to come over. I've been calling you, but I couldn't get through, and I didn't have any money with me for a cab to the mountains. I assumed here is safe." She explained, and mom quietly nodded.
The woman has become weak. And that confident expression she had been masking has slipped down. She looks like she was dealing with guilt like Smeagol from lord of the rings.
God, forgive me.
"Come in, honey. Christian and I will talk with your mother over the phone, and Ava will help you clean up." Mom said as though I wasn't just in Tori's situation this morning. But my fresh wounds doesn't matter; I am expected to stay silent and calm to keep my family reputation intact.
Although Tori knows about my family's condition, she was there when mom hit me. She was around when my mother started to transform into what she is today.
Instead, for the rest I long for, Tori and I headed to the kitchen. She served a bowl of ice cream from the fridge for us, and I grabbed two spoons from the drawer before we settled around the counter.
She didn't talk much after asking me about my birthday, and I refused to talk about it.
After an hour or two of just sitting onto the counter stool and adding ice cream in our shared bowl, Christian appears in the kitchen and sceptically back away with the buckets of different ice creams flavour we laid out around the counter.
"What are you doing?" I asked him.
"When I was young and angry, I studied instead of eating too much ice cream."
Oh, please. The infamous parental lies.
"That's because you are the male, and we are the female." Tori points out, and he shakes his head, disagreeing.
"Or maybe you invented that to lead us into thinking you were a good child. Because that's what most parents do, they let their children believe they did better than them when they were their age. It's a parent logic, and it's absolute deceit that doesn't work on me." I put my face in my hands and grinned at him, and the man frowned at my reasoning.
"You got me. God! I hate when you're smart." He laughs. "To be honest, I was a cry baby back then."
My eyes squeezed into pinpricks while my mouth opened at his solid honesty.
"No way." I laugh along with Tori.
"You should see me. My mom and my brother, Emmanuel, have to apologize after every argument." He whispered while peeping at the entrance.
I couldn't help laughing hard. He smiled at me and pat the surface of the worktop when he suggested, "Now, you two should go shower and have some rest. Last night had been a long one, hadn't it?"
He is right. Not just emotional, my entire body ache from exhaustion.
I climb down the stool and circle the island to wrap my hands around the giant man's torso.
He had always brought me peace of mind. I can never pay him enough for that.
His arms hugged me back, and he leaned over, kissing my hair before urging me to have some rest.
"See you later, Mr Boyce," Tori says while we exit the kitchen.
Just when we emerge from it, Tori reminder me of something terrifying. "Didn't we have a party in this house? How is it looking this organized?"
Dear goodness.
My eyes widened as it dawned on me, and I practically ran back to the kitchen to find Christian steeping some tea, probably for mom.
"Dad, how is the house in good shape?" Panicked, I asked and waited curiously for an explanation, but instead, the man froze midway, adding milk to the tea.
I shake my head, smirking at him. What could he possibly be faking now? A stroke?
"What are you doing?" I groaned. "Look, I know you're faking it, so earth to you." When he still didn't respond but rather started smiling creepily. I backed away. "Okay, unless there is a punishment coming for that." I nervously chuckled, mentally planning escape scenarios, when Tori leaned over to me and whispered, "Girl, you just called him dad. I think he is taking a hard time believing it."
"Oh, shit." I blinked and exhaled a laugh.
Okay, I can't call him that. No! no. Not when I am in love with his son.
"While you process, I will be upstairs," I announced, awkwardly signalling up with my hands, and retreated backwards, away from the room.
Upon leaving the space, my stepfather is left in emotional shock; I race for the grand staircase the moment my legs are relaxed from the tension.
"Wait. Ava!" Tori yells. It was kind of a warning, but I didn't stop running, and I should've. It would save me from colliding into the wall.
My forehead hurts a little, and my arms too from the impact.
Since when did the wall change position? The last time I came across here (which was an hour ago), the foyer table was far away from the wall, and the walls weren't this close to the staircase.
The collision was harsh; I had pressed my eyes shut and embraced the pain that would come with my body tumbling down the tiled floor. But I waited and waited, and nothing painful whacked through my body.
It was after what could be three seconds I realised my arms were captured in someone's grip.
Gratitude to the power of the sedative scent that had scarred me inside, the only electric human touch that fires every weak cell in my body, I immediately know who it is.
Dear, Lord.
It wasn't a wall; I bumped into Leigh.
The room was quiet-too quiet I could hear three unmatched respiration. His was fast, rhyming with the movement of his chest, where my hands were resting on. Mine was laboured, as his presence has long started taking that striking effect over me, as though someone with paralysis and I can't do anything other than focus only on my breathing. Lastly, Tori's, well, her change of breathing is understandable. Girls hormones tend to exaggerate at the sight of Leigh Boyce alone.
"Open your eyes." His rich, husky voice instructed, and I oblige from the power and goodness that rolled in the tone.
The moment my eyes met those forest green eyes, my lips parted. God knows I will need more air inside my body, and this fellow holding me seems to cease that away. Inside his glowing eyes, there are many unsaid words, entangled and perched right there, I could see. And an amount of pain I badly wanted to take away from him.
He clenched his jaw firmly and dropped his eyes to my lips. His gaze lingers there for a while before they fell to my chest, where he swallowed and thoughtfully nodded to himself.
"Leigh," I whispered, patting his chest tenderly, and what I got next was the opposite of what my body wanted. He let go of my arms and the wave of sadness that flowed through me; it was like I'd never reached this level of loneliness.
He stepped away and pulled his bottom lip between his teeth; he didn't say anything else again, ignoring me, more adequately, since he just jogged up the stairs without sparing me another glance.
How can I tell him Lucas means nothing to me if he wouldn't listen?
"What was that?" I heard Tori ask behind me, but I pretended it was a typical step-sibling encounter, and I quickly changed the subject before she could put the pieces together.
In my room, we headed to the toilet, where I used the shower and Tori, took the bathtub to clean up.
I was shampooing my hair while Tori was enjoying her bath when she went on and brought up another uncomfortable topic to discuss.
"If only I lived right opposite Leigh's bedroom, I would sit across the door and wait until he comes out every morning. Or maybe I will just knock on the door and pretend to be lost. He will say to me, come here and let's cuddle. Bruh, you should see his shirtless photos. I spend half of the day scrolling through his Instagram page."
I rolled my eyes at her creepy thoughts, all of which I began to consider, all of which I wouldn't care doing in a heartbeat-some of which I had done already.
I was rinsing my hair when she turned to face me in the full foamed bathtub. Her arms folded around the slim edge as she rested her chin on her hands-curiosity written all over her features.
I can see her through the fogged glass, but she can't see me.
"What is it like? Having him as a stepbrother?"
Seriously?
I answer from the steamed-up glass of the shower cubicle, "Unrestful."
"I thought he was perfect. You all said that."
That, I won't argue with.
By we, she means me, Evie and the rest of the school, including the teachers, who believe in Leigh future career because of his good manners.
"He is, but he is no God," I answered and continued washing my body up.
She smiled, her eyes rolled up heavenward.
"He is so hot as hell. His looks are almost unreal; I wonder how he passes the sexuality test? All the handsome guys are gays. They always choose themselves over us. But this Greek God somehow stayed. He likes girls." She sounded as though dreamy. Like she was cast a spell on.
Stupidly smiling myself, I tasted the word on my tongue. "Greek God." While the warm water pours over me, drenching my hair and every skin.
Greek God. That summed up Leigh in two words. I smile foolishly in the shower at the memories of his smile.
***
The ice cream we took held us up for the rest of the afternoon, which we spent all of it sleeping on my bed after I had login into amazon on my laptop, and purchased a couple of things, including a new iPhone.
Around seven in the evening, mom knocks on my door to inform us about dinner. The dining room was scanty. There was only me, my best friend, my mom and an overwhelmed Christian, leaving me pondering how to address him again.
Bloody hell, I feel like slapping my mouth for running like a faucet.
Lilith and her brother were absent on the table, both lying to mom about having a headache, so she had to take dinner to their rooms.
The dinner was awkward, the creepy type of awkwardness that you need any sort of escape. But I have no excuse; I have no phone to falsify an alarm and fake a call.
Mom had informed Tori about the situation of her mother and that she will be back in town tomorrow morning.
Not that I care, but she had also added that she would return back to work this Monday after the fourth of July. She was mainly telling me, but I tried not to care, so I shoved a spoon of soup repeatedly into my mouth until I choked and couldn't stop the irritating coughs.
I tried to breathe, but she made it worse when she keenly bolted up and came behind me with a cup of water, gently patting my back with her hand.
That does it. It pushed me to the limit of my tolerance. I don't know what she is playing at, but I know exactly what she could do. So pretending to care about me is getting old now.
Just some hours ago, she was almost disowning me, and now she thinks because she is the parent that everything is okay? I have to forget the horrible fact that she was throwing frames at me, that she isn't the mother she used to be?
I am done with her mood swings.
I violently pushed back the chair and jolted up on my feet, exiting the dining room.
She is crazy. She is totally delusion if she assumes life to be so easy.