It's a shitload to take in all at once. I could have sworn there was no wheel under my hands because nothing was working, and the car was steering in the wrong direction.
The next thirty seconds passed away blurry. Leigh is tapping my cheeks with his fingers, fear in his wide eyes. He has his shirt back on, but I don't remember how. No, maybe it wasn't thirty seconds. But it's confusing how the clock is just two minutes distant from the last time I glimpse at it.
"Are you okay?" He persuaded, worriedly. My head nodded automatically as my eyes were alarmed at the broken window on his side and the spread-out glasses all over his lap, and the seat he was in.
"Are you okay?" I panicked even though he looked okay.
I am now gaining more clarity as the fear became overwhelming, but he laughed mesmerisingly, assuring me he was really fine.
"Somehow, I am glass proof." He said and travelled his eyes to my forehead. "You have a cut on your head. You hit the wheel. Are you okay?"
His fingers threaded into my hair until he was tenderly assisting my neck. His eyes are surveying my face. He watches me with anticipation.
"I don't know. I forget my seatbelt." Mom is going to kill me. "What happened?" I asked him as I finally studied the scenery and God, we just had an accident.
From what I can tell, we've critically brushed a man-height rock sitting by the side of the road. I don't want to imagine what the car looks like on the outside. I just know there was no chance of lying when we got home. I have to confess, and the thought of almost dying is bringing me to particles-freezing particles because I am shuddering and having trouble with breathing.
"You ran us out of the road." He winced and smirked like this was fun, or maybe he was trying to cheer me up. "Your mom is going to be pissed."
"Please don't remind me." I rub my forehead while he kisses my cheeks and whispers, "I think we all agree that I should drive now."
With that, he climbs out of the car and waltzes in some few seconds later while I switch to the passenger's side, squatting on my heels over the broken glasses, with caution not to cut myself more.
"Come here." This time he fixes his seatbelt first and then reaches for me with one hand. "Don't get hurt."
The last part came when I wasted time staring at his hand, contemplating his suggested idea. Not knowing the little nudge of his words is what I needed. I know we shouldn't share a seat after what happened. It's too risky to be distracted while driving, it is what got us in this situation in the first place, but as those words rolled out of his mouth, I waved off every coherent thought I had and crossed the centre console. My tiny body crammed between his legs, cocooning against his warm body, and low in my stomach, ten of my muscles tightened at the spark our closeness transmitted. He cradled me in his arms; I could feel every ounce of him pressed against me; it was like magic how mysterious every taut muscle in me mellowed out, and likewise, I forgot the rules of driving.
Above my head, I felt him smile as he pulls onto the road again.
It's even a miracle the vehicle is moving.
The next fifteen minutes or so are spent in silence. I cling to him all the time as I listen to our sync breathing.
"This road reminds me of skating days." He finally said when the city's light comes into view through the windscreen.
"You skate?" I ask. I am still shaking. I am sure it is why he is making small talks.
"Tyron, Arlen, Lilith and I used to do that a lot in middle school." He exhaled that sexy chuckle that exploded through his chest and then made mine molten.
"Lilith?" I blurt with surprise, and he draw in a sharp breath, somehow stiffening at my question.
"Oh, she wouldn't agree to be left behind." But his answer doesn't hold or sound any repulsive. Matter of fact, he sounded entertained by the memory.
"You two used to be close." It pains me how things are going south, and I am the factor.
Silence passes before he says in my hair, "I promised to look after her when our mother died."
It is the first time since the accident I notice a headache. I closed my eyes at the severe throbbing in my head and quietly mumbled an apology.
"For what?" He confoundedly inquired.
Maybe for all of it, but mostly for "Losing your mom. I feel like I haven't said that enough. It must be hard for you both."
I lost a parent too, my father-but for a different cause. I try to relate to my stepsibling's situation, but it is hard. When I hate my father, Lilith and Leigh really love their mom. Yes, definitely a different cause. Mine ran away purposely, because he couldn't stay and pay the bill, but their mom passed away, wishing for more time with them. So compared to my case, they are allowed to grief and miss her.
"I learn to live without her, and I am sure Lilith did the same." He explained casually. "We have this new wonderful family now, Susan as a mother figure. Dad is happy."
A frown takes over my face. I peer up at him through my lashes. He has his focus on the road, "Are you happy?"
He must have sensed my gaze because he glanced down at me, expression sheltered, and then he trains back his eyes to the road and waits ten seconds to sigh and begin to speak. Yes, I counted. I was incredible impatient waiting in silence.
"My dad brought home a woman he called wife, that wife has a daughter who got a room across mine and every night I am at home I stare at my door, wondering what that girl is doing and how good she looks when she bit her lip, hook her hair behind her ear or blink her hazel eyes in my direction. That always brightens my day in the morning and pulls me to a peaceful sleep at night."
My heart skipped a beat in the walls of my rib cage. Since then, I had been smiling with my eyes close because the words he gave me were louder than the noise of the highway wafting through the broken window. They are even heavier than the headache I'm experiencing. But it is the kind of weight I will carry with pleasure.
The moment the car stop, I know our time together today have come to an end. It is almost like he could read my thought; his hands came around me and held me close.
We are now parked in the garage, in-between Christian's two vehicles.
We stayed in our position for too long. My headache begin to subside. None of us says a word; we just try to relish the moment and bask in the pleasure of being this intimate before walking in with an explanation of how and why we got into an accident.
Tonight is going to be hell.
"I think maybe we should tell Lilith." I suddenly let out in the quiet.
"About the accident?" He knows what I am saying, he is just trying to dismiss the point. When I remain quiet, he blow out a huge breath and begin, "Ava..."
I cut him off, attempting to reason with him, "She deserves to know. That way, we will be guilt-free."
I know I don't owe her anything but an explanation would be beneficial to the family before it's too late and Arlen's video is out playing on everyone's mobile phone since I do not have it in me to miss out on any second without Leigh. And that means violating Arlen's rules, given I have only multiple hours left before my time is up.
Though, I can't believe I've gone the whole day without worrying about his timer or caring for my phone.
"I don't have guilt." He retorted and loosened his hold around me. I do not know how I feel about that, but I surely missed the affection we were sharing a few seconds before I brought up this conversation.
"But I do." I pull back, lean against the wheel and look into his shrewd eyes. They were drained and dull. Like he is tired. Then again, we haven't eaten since breakfast. I must look equally the same. "I wreck her car. I am not innocent either. I am in love with her brother. I think she should know." I clarified almost desperately.
"I know Lilith. She is not susceptible. She wouldn't take this good."
"But it is better to try. That's the responsibility of a family, it is what a family should do for each other. We can't keep lying, at least not to her. I am sure she will understand better than my mom or your dad would."
He sadly threaded his fingers with mine and observe as they laced together easily.
"I don't like it." He finally said. His tone carries despair. I wish I could tell him the timer I am bugged with. "She's going to ruin us."
"We can talk to her," I whispered, almost melancholy but softened it with a smile that also failed.
The truth is, I don't want tomorrow to come and have too many people to explain myself to. I have shield behind being family, drew an austere line and fundamentals rules between Lilith and I's relationship. I do not know how to look her in the eye when she learns that I've been nothing but a hypocrite, even worst than had I claimed she is.
He sent me a sidelong glance and began to say, "You don't just talk to Lilith about personal issues, Ava. You should know better than that. She uses your weakness at your most vulnerable point. Please, be patient. We can't risk having anyone know at this point."
I want to tell him the truth about Arlen. I want to tell him that someone already knew. I also want to tell Lilith the truth about her brother and me. All those needs were agonizing and rode me hard. But it seems I still have to swallow them and try my hardest to let them bypass my mind.
It is just some more time he is asking of me. I can do that. We've been holding on for two years now. I do not know how long he will need, but I can hold on for him as long as I find a way to convince Arlen tomorrow to delete the video or at least not post it to the world.
"What will you tell your mom about the accident?" He solicitously queried when he's sure I had given up on my earlier suggestion.
Probably, "That I was alone."
"Okay."
"Are you okay with it?" I meet his eyes and hold his gaze.
"If we are still a secret, then it's the best thing to do." His lips tug at each end into a half smile. He brings the back of my hand to his lips or his nose, maybe? He didn't kiss or breathed, so it is hard to tell. He just left it there and closed his eyes when I nodded in agreement.
A few more minutes pass with his eyes close. He is now breathing against the skin of my hand. I watch him with vigilance, but all I see is a gorgeous man with decent intentions and a wilted form, sitting in the seat.
I stroke his face with great admiration for his beauty and wonder at the detail of the unreadable frown imprinted in his expression. I wish I know what is going through his mind in this quiet. We remained adhered to each other; it is almost like he didn't want the day to end (I don't want it to).
We stayed in our position until his eyes opened again, and now they are soulful and merry as they should be. The frown had been washed away. I didn't know I was smiling until I felt my jaws hurting at each end.
His allure is overwhelming; I am a sucker for his dimples and smile.
"I had a great day today." He has an engrossing look of rapt delight. He cups my face with both hands and kisses me passionately until I am breathless. When he brings his hands from my face, he has my blood stained on his right hand. His eyes bugged out and he urged me to get up so I can get cleaned up in the house.