âMY MOM TRIED TO KILL herself.â
The words haunted me as I sped through the streets of Todos Santos toward Saint Johnâs hospital. I wasnât an idiot. I knew exactly what I was doing by rushing to her side. Her dad was probably thereâhe fucking better beâI thought angrily. I was the first person sheâd called, and I wasnât going to put a time limit on my stay there. The minute Iâd received the call, I dropped Luna at CamilaâsâI didnât want them in the penthouse in case Edie wanted to crash thereâand told her Iâd need at least a few hours to sort through some personal shit and let her know when Iâd be back.
Poor Edie.
Poor, poor Edie.
While my childâs mother was avoiding responsibilities at all costs, Edie tried to take care of everyone in her world while watching her youth slip between her fingers. I loathed myself for having assumed the worst about her. That she was a spoiled-ass kid who tried to steal money for the thrill of it, or just to be a cunt. Edie wasnât a brat. She was dealing with a very ill mother and, apparently, was being blackmailed by her father, too.
I parked in a hurry and called Edieâs cell. She picked up on the third ring, making my fucking heart almost detonate inside my chest. And it was ironic, the way Iâd thrived on her weaknesses when we first met, and now how desperately I wanted for her to cling onto her strength to survive this.
âFourth floor, Iâll be outside room 412,â she whispered, like she didnât want to disturb anyone. The journey to her was the longest Iâd ever taken. The pale blue walls and tired, reassuring eyes of the hospital staff haunted me, slamming me with memories Iâd wanted to forget.
âYour leg is broken. Your college scholarship is, well, not going to materialize, Trent.â
âCongratulations. Itâs a girl. The mother will sign the birth certificate shortly. Hereâs hoping sheâll give the kid your last name, eh?â
âShe is fine. There is nothing wrong with her voice. She is justâ¦well, anyway, I have the name of a really good child psychologist.â
I stopped by door 412, pressing my palm onto the cool wood and closing my eyes. I was past caring about Jordan at this stage. If he was there, asking questions, like why the fuck Edie had called me, Iâd be frank. I rapped on the door three times, as softly as I could, turned around and paced the hallway.
Ten seconds later, Edie walked out. She was still wearing the same flowery #SunChaser tank top and tiny burgundy shorts that had made all the men at the party salivate. Only she no longer looked like Edie. She looked like someone ten years her senior. Ironically, someone I wouldnât feel so horrified about sleeping with.
âHey.â My voice came out soft, and I wasnât sure what to do with my hands, my face, my fucking being, so I approached her for an awkward hug, which sheâthank fuckâreturned. We stood there in a loose embrace outside her motherâs hospital room. I stared at the plain door; she stared at some banal painting behind me probably donated to the hospital by some rich asshole. Her shoulders were frail and so was her mind, I was sure. Time seemed to stand still just like we did, for a while, before she disconnected from me and looked down.
âIs she okay?â I asked. Was it wrong that I didnât truly care? The only person I was interested in at that moment was Edie, and I wasnât entirely sure if her motherâs recovery would be a good or a bad thing for her. Edie blew a lock of hair from her face, her eyes cutting to the mostly empty corridor behind us. A nurse was leaning lazily along an oval reception desk. Phones were ringing. A doctor was scribbling something on a whiteboard.
Edie was waiting for someone. For her fucking father, most likely.
âI donât know. She is stable now, butâ¦â She rubbed her face wearily, shaking her head. I wanted to suck her pain away and make it my own. âBut sheâs in a coma, Trent. Her vital organs are working, but sheâs not conscious.â Her chin was quivering, and tears glimmered in her eyes. âI donât know what to do. I donât know whether I should tell himâ¦â
âYou havenât told your father yet?â I asked, caving into the urge to touch her. I stroked her arm, putting some reassuring weight on her body and encouraging her to lean into me. She shook her head, throwing another glance at the corridor. Edie sniffed.
âLetâs talk somewhere else. I have a long night ahead and I probably need to recharge.â
âCoffee?â I asked.
âCoconut water.â She almost smiled.
We walked to the cafeteria on the same floor. I got her a coconut water and got myself some coffee. We sat in front of a window overlooking our small, sinful town. Edie stirred her drink with a straw, staring at it.
âI told my father, but I hardly needed to. Itâs all his fault. When we were at the barbecue, he arrived home without any notice and decided to break it to her that he wants a divorce. Momâ¦itâs not the first time sheâs tried to kill herselfâ¦Anyway, so, my father. I texted him. He still hasnât answered, but Iâm not holding my breath. I was the only person to sit there beside her eight years ago when she first tried to slit her wrists, and Iâm definitely not expecting anything to change now that heâs left her.â
Fucking Van Der Zee. It was so fucking like him to pull shit like this. Leave a woman, who was so obviously ill, and his own daughter, who was in need of help, to pick up the pieces. I swallowed, my Adamâs apple bobbing, and tapped my fingers over my knee. âIâm sorry.â
âItâs fine.â She scrunched her nose. âReally. Iâm not even disappointed at this point. Not at him, anyway. But it would have been nice if she at least gave me a call before trying to do this. My mom is not a bad person. She is just troubled. But I still need her. Everybody needs a mom.â
My face mustâve contorted in agony, because she sucked on her lower lip and slapped the base of her palm to her forehead. âGod, what a stupid thing to say. Sorry.â
âNo need. Youâre right. Everybody does need a mom. Even my daughter. Maybe especially her.â But it wasnât Luna I wanted to talk about. A sudden urge to touch Edie coursed through me, and I slid my hand from my thigh to her knee, squeezing it softly. Not to seduce, but to comfort.
âWhen you said you didnât know whether or not to tell himâ¦you didnât mean Jordan, Edie.â
She cautiously turned my palm upward, lacing our fingers together. We both watched our hands like they were magic. My big mocha fingers wrapped around her tiny snowy ones. The light outside was dying and so was my will to keep this thing between us casual.
It wasnât casual.
It had never been casual.
It was a fucking disaster, and I needed to end it before it ended me, but how could I, when her mother was in a coma and she was holding my hand like I was her friend, like I was her boyfriend, like I was her lover.
I looked up and she was no longer crying. Her face was jeweled by hatred, her jaw cut.
âTheo,â she said.
âTheo?â I echoed. I had a feeling Iâd heard that name before, but I wasnât sure when or where. Obviously, there were a shit-ton of Theos. But there was a nagging itch inside me insisting that the Theo she was talking about, I knew. Or at least knew of.
âYeah. My brother. He was born when I was six. He is twelve now. Butâ¦there were some complications at his birth. Mom was induced twice. The umbilical cord wrapped around his neck, but she was already deep into labor and they couldnât perform a C-section. He was deprived of oxygen forâ¦a long time.â She cleared her throat, looking up and furrowing her brows, reminiscing.
âI remember asking my mother why he was so funny looking, even before we found out about all his problems. My father freaked out. He was a senior executive in this fancy-ass company and was working hard on his image. He didnât want this to taint his precious career and his perfect family. He got an offer to open a branch in Holland and took it, but it was mostly to hide Theo. He has autism, epilepsy, and cerebral palsy. He isâ¦different. Very different.â She chuckled, but her eyes were softening. As if talking about him soothed her. âBut he is also smart. And kind. And so, so brave. He is patient, and accepting, and always smiles at me when I visit him like Iâm the best thing in the world. He doesnât complain about my parents never visiting. He doesnât cry about being dealt this hand of cards, this kind of life. So Iâm rooting for him. I root for him all the time.â
My hand felt sweaty in hers, but I didnât want to pull away. I wanted to know more.
âSo where is Theo now?â
âA special group home in San Diego. Itâs actually an amazing facility, but it costs a ton. My father wanted him sent away, somewhere on the East Coast, so that he wouldnât have to deal with his proximity. The staff really encourage families to visit consistently and participate, and Jordan doesnât like it. I donât think heâs visited him in years. My mom goes every Christmas to say hi and bring a gift. But, in order to keep him there, my father and I agreed Iâd pay half of the monthly fee. Otherwise heâd take him away from me.â
I scoffed. âThatâs got to be a ton.â
âTwelve thousand dollars.â She nodded.
âWhy? Heâs got enough money to start a war with Canada. And win, probably.â
âTo see me squirm. To watch me fail. You name it. Ever since Jordan realized I wasnât going to give up on my brother and actually continued seeing him every week and made him a part of our family, heâs been bitter toward me. He fails to see why I insist on staying here and not going to a good college.â
âAnd your mom?â
âToo weak to handle Jordan, too fragile to deal with Theo and his needs. The first time she tried to take her own lifeâ¦â Edie hesitated, placing her elbows on her knees and burying her head between her hands. âIt was right after my father put him in this institution. She wanted him close. She wanted to take care of him. But doing so was taking a toll on her. She wanted to be a good mother, but couldnât.â
I wondered, briefly, if that was the case with Val, too. If she wanted to be better for Luna, but couldnât, so sheâd decided to fuck off instead. I brought our hands to my lips, pressing a kiss against her soft skin. She closed her eyes and gave in to the moment.
I was broken, but she was breaking, and that hurt more.
âSo thatâs why youâre after me? Your dad threatens you with sending Theo away?â
Edie nodded again and retrieved her hand. The tears made a comeback. Again, she didnât let them fall. I admired that.
âHe said if I donât get my hands on your flash drive, Theo will be sent to New York.â
âI can give you my flash drive sans the information he is looking for,â I offered without thinking it through. Why the fuck would I care if Jordan had his hands on a bunch of contracts and contact lists he already had access to? It made zero difference to me. And most of my flash drive had just that. A bunch of shit you could find in the companyâs records if you did a general search in our database. There was just the one file, leading to a few other files, with information he actually wantedâ¦
âHe knows, Trent. Whatever youâre planning, he is not stupid. Heâs already figured out whatever you have on him is on your flash drive, and he expects it to be there.â
Good point. Especially as I knew how and why heâd found out about it. I stood up and paced in front of her.
âThe thing isâ¦they only let me see Theo on Saturdays. Which is why Saturdays are sacred to me. If I try to go tomorrow, they wonât let me in. I think my father is bribing someone there or something.â
âThatâs why you hate rich people so much.â I rubbed the back of my head, staring at the floor as I paced. It was simple, when you thought about it. Her father chose his career and money over his family, and so she hated money and her fatherâthe two things that ruined her life.
âYeah.â Her hands dropped to her thighs, her head hanging down. âMoney makes people do stupid things. It eats at your morals and makes you lose sight of whatâs really important.â
âNot always,â I argued. I didnât feel that way. Maybe because I didnât come from money, I knew you could, and should, survive without it. But I loved my life as a rich man. I just didnât love it enough to give up the things that kept me alive. My daughter, parents, and friends. Iâd spend every dollar I had, give it up in a heartbeat if I could get Lunaâs voice back.
She looked up, shooting me a tired smile. âYouâre a good man, Trent.â
I didnât know about that, but the notion I should be good, even if just for her, gripped me hard.
We hung out there for another half hour, then I went out to grab us some sandwiches from a nearby joint. We sat on the damp, dewed benches outside the hospital before returning to the reception area of the fourth floor. Edie was chewing on the collar of her top like a kid, looking out the window. Sheâd tried to call her father twice since Iâd arrived. He never picked up the phone.
âYou should probably leave. Itâs getting really late and Luna will be worried. Plus, it doesnât look like Iâll get out of here anytime soon, soâ¦â
âIâm staying.â I brushed off her nervousness. Not because it was the humane thing to doâbecause fuck humaneâbut because she was there alone, and I selfishly wanted her with me. No matter how. Even like this.
âYou really shouldnât.â She let go of the damp collar of her shirt, biting her lip now.
Our eyes met. âI know.â
Edie rested her head against my shoulder and wept, and I let her.
Even when she fell asleep on me, and I couldnât move, I waited until her soft snores drifted into my ears.
Then I carried her quietly to her motherâs room, tucking her on a sofa next to the hospital bed. The light was still on. They were both too exhausted to care. My gaze traveled between them, and they looked so similar, and yet so different.
That night, I watched Edie for far too long.
That night, Iâd changed.
That night, I didnât take anything from Edie Van Der Zee. For the first time in yearsâI gave something of myself. Worst part? Iâd never be able to retrieve it.
It was hers.
Forever.