Harriet glanced over at Zoey, who had been standing in the same spot for a full minute, as if she were nailed to the ground and unable to move. Just as Harriet was about to stand up and walk over to her, she saw Zoey approach a nearby vending machine. Harriet watched as Zoey bought a can of soda, her frown deepening when she noticed Zoey gulping it down in one go. Then she bought another.
"What the hell?" Harriet muttered, disbelief washing over her. She could almost feel the fizzy bubbles of the soda rushing down Zoey's throat. "How can she manage to drink that much?"
Harriet stood up, picked up the paper bag, and walked over to Zoey, who was about to grab yet another soda from the vending machine. She seized Zoey's wrist, stopping her. "Are you trying to get diabetes in no time?"
Zoey blinked in surprise. "Oh!" she exclaimed. "I totally forgot you were still here." She laughed awkwardly, but Harriet's irritation only deepened.
"What?" Harriet's expression was a mixture of frustration and disbelief. "Did you really ask me to wait for you just to forget aboutâ"
"No, no!" Zoey interrupted, shaking her head. "I've just been preoccupied since my sister told me something, that's all." She cleared her throat, attempting to shift the mood. "Anyway, how's the food? Good?"
Harriet let go of Zoey's wrist and lifted the paper bag. "I haven't eaten yet. I waited for you," she admitted, avoiding Zoey's gaze.
Zoey looked at Harriet, puzzled. "Why would you wait for me to eat?" she asked, genuinely confused.
Harriet sighed, rubbing her temple in frustration. "Because I literally told you I was treating you to some good food," she replied, her nose crinkling in annoyance. "You know what? Here," she said, handing the paper bag back to Zoey. "Just take it and eat it back at your office. Let's go." She grabbed Zoey's arm, pulling her along, her irritation rising. She was at her limit with Zoey.
"Maybe that's why no one stays with youâyou're grumpy over the smallest things," Zoey quipped, yanking her arm back.
Harriet froze, her eyes narrowing. "Excuse me? What did you just say?" She turned, stepping closer to Zoey, her voice sharp.
"I said you're grumpy over little things, that's why no one sticks around. No one can stand you," Zoey repeated, meeting Harriet's furious gaze without flinching.
"Oh, so you have the nerve to say it again?" Harriet scoffed, taking a deep breath, trying to hold back her anger.
"You told me to repeat it, so I did," Zoey shot back, rolling her eyes and walking past Harriet as if it didn't bother her at all.
Harriet's eyes widened as she watched Zoey walk away. "What theâHey, Zoey!" she called after her, disbelief and anger flooding her voice. "What the fuck is wrong with this woman?"
Harriet found herself back at her usual spotâa quiet place that had become all too familiar. It had been a week since her last failed attempt, and now here she was again, visiting Sophie's grave, her long-lost girlfriend. She sighed as she sat down across from the tombstone where the name Sophie Reed was engraved.
Clicking her tongue, Harriet gazed at the photo etched into the stone. "Hey there, babe. How's life up there?" she asked, a sad laugh escaping her lips. Leaning back on her hands, she looked up at the sky, her voice laced with bitterness. "Why don't you just take me with you, Sophie? Why did you save me back then?" Her voice cracked as she felt the tears welling up, threatening to spill over.
Gulping, Harriet's words trembled. "Do you hate me now because I'm the one still stuck here, living this so-called normal life?" A gentle breeze brushed her skin, almost like a whisper. "I miss you. It's been twelve long years without you, and I miss you so much. Why did you have to leave me? Now... now I have no one to turn to when I feel alone," she choked, tears streaming down her face like a child's.
She paused, her breath hitching as she tried to compose herself. "You know, I tried to kill myself again," she admitted quietly, wiping at her tears with shaky hands. "I hate itâevery time I try, I fail. Is this some kind of sign that I'm a failure?" Harriet let out a bitter laugh, raising her left hand toward the sky. "I'm a heart surgeon, Sophie, but I can't even save my own heart from breaking," she whispered, the irony cutting through her words, leaving only the sound of her hollow laughter in the empty air.
"I know if you were here, you'd give me a good scolding for how I'm living right now," Harriet murmured, her voice barely audible. "I save so many lives, but I can't seem to save my own. It's like I'm alive, but dead inside."
She swallowed hard, her throat tight. "Would it be selfish to ask your permission to let me move on? To allow me to start living againânot just surviving day by day, but truly living, enjoying life for what it is?" She looked down at her hands, the weight of her emotions making her feel small. "Would I be selfish if I'm already searching for it, even if I'm scared?"
With a deep sigh, she turned her gaze back to Sophie's tombstone, a hollow chuckle escaping her lips. "I ask you this all the time, but I still can't do it. I don't know how long I have to suffer from losing you, babe. We never wanted this. We just wanted to escape the life they had planned for us. But in the end... we failed."
Harriet bit her lower lip, trying to stifle the tears that blurred her vision. "I heard Riley's trying to date Sienna," she said with a small laugh, wiping her eyes. "Looks like what you predicted about Riley is coming true, huh? But why isn't what you told meâthe part about us growing old togetherâwhy isn't that coming true?"
Her laughter faded, replaced by the heaviness in her chest. "I'm not blaming you for leaving me, Sophie. I'm blaming myself for letting you sacrifice yourself to protect me." Her voice cracked as the tears spilled over. "I'm tired of being alone. I'm getting old... and I feel like I'm trapped. Trapped by the fear of letting anyone get close to me, because I'm so scared that what happened to us will happen again."
She shook her head, her tears falling freely now. "I don't want to be left alone, Sophie. I'm afraid if I open up my heart again, they'll leave meâjust like you did."
"Anyway... will you come visit me in my dreams again?" Harriet's voice trembled, her heart heavy with longing. "The last time I dreamed about you was when I tried to kill myself." She let out a sad, hollow laugh, wiping away the tears that clung to her lashes. "I still miss you. So, come visit me, okay? Just... until I don't miss you anymore, babe."