Eulises
"You don't have to carry me everywhere you know."
"But I get to," I said, my face pressed against hers, as I carried her into our room. I set her on the bed before locking the door and lying myself, next to her.
"You're very strange sometimes," she said, smiling though, as I tugged her on top of me. The house was quiet. A lazy afternoon with just gold light drifting through the white curtains.
"I'm thinking."
"You're never not thinking," she said, putting her fingers to my cheeks.
"No, that's true enough."
"Why am I being kidnapped then?"
"I missed you," I said, kissing her lips, "I thought of you every minute I was away."
"Eulises, you were in town for the afternoon," she laughed, lying on top of me all the same, our faces aligned. Her body small and easy in my arms. I traced a birthmark on her shoulder through the thin fabric of her dress, then ran my hand down to her stomach.
"I know, but still," I worried about the pregnancy. So late comparatively and so quiet. We hardly felt the baby move. And we'd never conceived before, not specifically for lack of trying. We didn't mind not having the child. But even so. Why now, so suddenly? And she was so ill at first. Perhaps I worried for nothing, as I often do. But I still didn't like leaving her. I had dreams of her bleeding out from it, or the baby being still born and me having to tell her that and hold her while she sobbed for a dead child.
"We are fine, so long as we have each other," she said, putting a hand to mine over her stomach. "I feel fine."
"Good," I said, putting my face into her neck a moment before kissing it.
"Tell me something," she said, frowning.
"As you will?"
"Truthfully?"
"I'm out, done, ridiculous that you don't trust me, your husband, who would not lie to youâ,"
"Shut up, tell me something," she said, grinning.
"Fine," I said, because we both knew she knew my thoughts as well as I did.
"Did you have anyone else before me?" she asked, a hand on my chest.
"Why ask me that now?"
"I don't know."
"I'll answer in a question because you won't have any cause to believe a simple yes or no. Is there anyone you can fathom that I would possibly trust enough to be like this with, or to even tolerate to spend time around, for any length of time that does not involve mere trickery?" I asked pleasantly.
"You have me there," she grinned, laughing, "All right, fine."
"You're not required to believe me you're not required to believe anything, but I do need you to know I only like you. I'm very used to and fond of you, because you're the rest of me that's missing, and I'll always need you here," I said.
"I'm so tired; keep saying your fine words," she said, shifting to lay next to me, "You know I like them."
"I do yeah and you'd better because they are not going to stop at all. You're too perfect not to be worshiped constantly," I said, kissing her cheek as she closed her eyes.
"There, I think I felt something," she moved one of my hands back to my stomach.
"Hmm, too busy plotting probably to move around a lot," I said, rubbing her stomach, swollen as it was. I couldn't rest my head on it anymore by then, not to sleep, she was sore and moved all the time in the night which meant that I also had to move all the time.
"Your mother said much the same, something about you being obstinate and ridiculous."
"Hmm, sounds like my mother," I said. I'd heard that. She didn't speak much of my very early childhood, but she'd now started to open up what with our child on the way.
"Yes, that's her. Don't worry, we're fine, we always will be," she said.
"You don't have to love me forever, but know you'll break my heart if you don't and I'll keep loving you," I said, stroking her hair from her face, "I am forever yours."
"I'm going to love you forever, it's kind of over," she said, then she kissed me again.
Years later from that blessed sunny, warm afternoon. A cold winter one, lying on a rug by the hearth watching rain splatter against the windows.
"Is this the first time you've cheated on your wife?" Circe asked, sitting up, not really bothering to pull up a blanket appropriately because we were alone.
"Don't talk about her," I said, not moving.
"You talk about her all the time."
"That's because I'm hers."
"I did ask a question, have you had other women?"
"Why do you ask me this?" I asked, rolling over to face the fire and not look at her.
"Because men do," lying down almost right in front of me so I had look at her. "In war. They don't call it an affair that's pretty a word. But the do take other women and they don't count it for anything."
"Yes, I count you as infidelity, there are you pleased, goddess?" I snarled.
"No," she shrugged, "What about any others?"
"Why do you want to know?"
"I want to know what kind of man you are."
"Don't you already?"
"No, honestly, you make no sense. On one hand you're kinder than any man I've ever met and on another I don't know if a thing you say is true."
"Then why would you believe this is true? If I say it?" I asked.
"I wouldn't, but your answer might tell me. So. Any other women?"
"You want to be special goddess? Why do you say just women?" I asked.
"All right then, that's how it goes."
"It doesn't go like anything. I am married to my wife. Who I love deeply."
"She wouldn't know."
"I know this and it burns me," I said.
"I don't want to. But I'm selfish, and almost nothing you say is true so there's that," she said, putting a hand on my cheek. I didn't move away.
"Being selfish isn't the worst thing."
"Will you tell her about me? If you get home."
"Would you tell future men of me if you took them?"
"Why do you only say men?"
"That's logical, you might do better with women they're kinder species I think though I think all men are mad in general so there's that," I said.
"So, you've not had other relationships? No horrible trickster bastards running about?"
"No, benefit of not tolerating other people for more than is long enough to satiate them with my words. My wife being the exception?"
"And me?"
"And you're tolerable."
"Wow."
"That's a compliment, when I find most people abrasive, you're not a person, you're a goddess, but you know," I shrugged.
"Don't tell her about me. It's fine this---doesn't exist. I don't want her to know," she said, sitting up.
"I probably shall," I shrugged.
"I just told you not to."
"Well I may, I'm hers, she should know what became of me."
"And I'm asking you not to. Aeiae is different from the world. This is a world where I hold part of you. It's not like out there," she said, sitting up and wrapping the blanket around herself now. "Don't tell her about me. Don't upset her like that."
"Why should you care what my wife feels?" I asked, dryly.
"I'm emotionally attached now! Gods! You talk of her often enough," she groaned, flopping back down onto the pillows. "Seriously though. Don't. I'm giving you leave, this doesn't mean anything. It's not what you wanted and I know that, ergo there is no sense in it having happened or upsetting her."
"I may tell her," I said.
"Tell her it happened if you like but don't tell her my name, please. I couldn't bear for her to hate what I am when I don't even want to be this anymore," she sighed.
"As you will, goddess. I could never describe you anyway," I said, shifting to look at her sad face, finally.
"You could probably manage. But please, this was for me, not you. Us was for me," she said, taking my hand. I squeezed. "Do not tell her."
"Asking, or telling?"
"Asking, Eulises," she said, so sadly then.
"I'll not," I said, not knowing then if it would be true.
"Are you all right?" Telemachus has my arm now, as we step in the front entrance of my house. My house. I carried his mother over this doorstep. I learned to walk clinging to the dogs in this very hall.
This hall which is now filled with soon to be dead men.
"I'm well," I lie, my heart rising in my chest.
"Stay here, I'll go find my mother and tell her I'm back at least," Telemachus says.
"Yes, do, don't worry her," I say, stroking Argos' ears as the old dog leans against me.
"What are you doing back here, old man?" one of the suitors scoffs upon seeing me.
"I have more a right to be here than yourself," I say, harshly.
"Do you? Because you're going to steal from the family?" another one comes up behind me.
"For one, it's very ignorant of you to assume because I'm poor I'm a thief. You don't know my story. I may have been a wealthy man once, and lost a wife and child, turned out onto the streets as I am hoping for some hospitality, then to run into the likes of you? May the gods curse you then in your old age and misfortune," and that's when they begin attacking me.