"Harley!"
A groan resembling the sound of a male capuchinbird choking left my body as I lazily turned over on my back. The mother was calling. I had just showered and all I wanted to do now was get some shut eye but the minute my body hit the bed, I was summoned out of my hedgehog cave of comforting misery.
Last night's memory was still as fresh as a fish market in my mind. Even after I had tucked myself in and read through the satisfying ending of the thriller I had been reading, my anger and anxiety hadn't let me sleep. I had been angry because Donovan lied about coming back and anxious because Donovan never lies about anything.
So I had started a staring contest with my wall as I waited up for him. My worry had grown with every passing minute.I hugged my diary to my chest as the voices in my head pulled down the drawing board of conclusions to jump to.
Come on, Harley, he's fine. It's probably just traffic...in the middle of the night... in our small town.
No matter how much I rang out the reassurance, the voices in my head whispered horrible scenarios, depriving me of sleep. I tried to calm myself all the while through those extra hours of waiting for my best friend. I closed my eyes and prayed to God that he'd be okay. At that point, I didn't even care if he kept his word or not. I just wanted him to be safe.
Most would call my behavior excessive but I called it knowing my best friend like the back of my hand. If he didn't come, it would mean something had gone terribly wrong and I really don't know what I'd do if I lost Donovan too.
So I waited and waited and finally there was that faint yet familiar sound of his engine revving as he pulled onto our driveway to receive his final judgment.
I heard Cash sneak down and open the door, letting Donovan in. There was small talk as he took his shoes off, then he was up the stairs, in the hallway, up the attic stairs and finally at my door. All of this, I had gotten from listening as still as I could on the bed. Gone was my anxiety, leaving plenty of room for my anger.
He had come back, I guess, but what if I had already fallen asleep, huh? What then? Is this how things are going to be from now on?
He should have just gone home instead of wasting his time coming over to his second choice. Am I even a second choice? Who knows, he might have stopped at Trish's on the way here.
I shut my eyes as he let himself in, wincing at the light from the hallway. His footsteps were uneven and he hummed the tone of my favorite song as he fell onto the bed with a groan.
"I feel so light." He mumbled as he yanked the pillow I had laid my head on despite having multiple other options to choose from and roughly shoved me to the other side of the bed, still humming as he built the pillow wall between us. "You're so heavy, Harley."
I gritted my teeth in irritation but reigned my anger in. I wanted him to feel my silent rage.
"I'm sorry." His head pats felt like I was being assaulted with bricks. I fisted my hands to keep up the act and held back from screwing his head off like a lightbulb. He drilled on about how his night went; detailed explanations that revealed nothing about why he was so late. He suddenly stopped mid-rant and shifted on the bed.
"I know you're up, Harley. You snore when you sleep."
"I do not!" I gasped, offended by the lie and he snorted. The jig was up. My eyes fluttered open and I shifted, laying on my back as I stared at the ceiling. "You're late."
"I would have never guessed." He was staring at the ceiling too, his hands folded over his chest just like mine. "Alcohol was involved so..."
"Shouldn't you be watching your health right now?" I huffed, unamused by his lame excuse. "Smoking, drinking, partying...those aren't things you should even be doing."
"Yet here I am, doing it." He rolled his eyes and exhaled dramatically. "You're awfully judgy tonight."
"It's three in the morning, Donovan. I should be dreaming of dying, not worrying about a drunk dumpster dishonoring a sport he claims to love so much."
"You were worried about me?"
"Sure, focus on that part." I let go of the pillow and turned my back to him, huffing and puffing in irritation. He took that as a sign to start a hug fest, pulling me to him like I weighed close to nothing. I had to visibly calm myself from throttling him.
"I'm so tired, Harley."
"Then sleep." I grunted, trying to pry his hand off my stomach. "Let go, you smell like bad decisions and cigarettes."
He chuckled, burying his nose in my hair. If he wakes up with a nosebleed tomorrow, I'll forever deny headbutting him.
"You're so mean, Harley." He held his nose, groaning in pain. I stifled a laugh. "So...so...so...mean..."
"You make it hard not to be." I grumbled but flipped around to check if he was okay. "Don't be a baby, I didn't even hit you that hard."
"Yes, you did. You broke my nose."
I laughed, snuffing out his cries with my hand so he wouldn't wake the whole house up while he struggled to get out of my assassination attempt. And just like that, our argument had been swept under the rug.
He had come back like he said he would. Who cares about the time, he had kept his promise. That's what matters to me. There was no reason to be mad at him in the moment. Or maybe I just needed an excuse to overlook his mistakes.
We kept to ourselves in the silence that enveloped us. I know he can feel it; my unspoken thoughts echoing in the quiet. Truth is, I've been getting a weird feeling lately. Like our dynamic's falling apart.
For lack of an actual backbone, I held my tongue. Literally. Some things were better left unsaid and this was one of them. With Donovan, that wasn't a line I ever wanted to cross. The repercussions to stepping even a smidge in that direction could mean losing my only emotional support. Which is what Donovan isâwhat he meansâto me.
I could tell he was holding something back as well. I could tell from his constant energy shifts he had whenever he was around me but I also knew that that something was far from my line of thinking.
His was serious business.
I forgave him like I always do; of course, I did. Donovan's my entire childhood. I can't just kick him out of my life. I don't even have a choice or a say in the matter.
I sighed again, moving my hair out of my face. He had left early this morning despite all his promises of helping me get out of my slump. Melissa calls and he...he always answers.
This is draining.
I sucked in a deep breath and clamped my hands over my mouth as if it were a speaker, mustering all my energy into one simple sentence.
"Cash, mom's calling you!"
"Mom, Harley's ignoring you!" He yelled back from his room and I shot up from my bed and started downstairs, making sure to kick his door twice on my way down.
"Coming!" I shouted as mom rang my name like an alarm clock. She was in the living room, searching everywhere for something. I kissed her on the cheek in greeting and asked what she was destroying our living room to find. She hastily explained that one of the batteries for our TV remote had jumped out and vanished into thin air.
"There wasn't even a single sound..." Her voice lacked life as she spoke, her eyes dimming in regret. "Just poof gone. And to make matters worse, we're fresh out of batteries and The Move will be on soon. Monica just announced yesterday that she's having her best friend's baby to Tyler and I desperately need to see his reaction!"
"No, she didn't." I gasped at that. That cheating wretch finally fessed up? Good. Tyler needs to leave her pronto and finally see Naomi for the good woman she really is. Team Nyler all the way.
"Oh, but she did." Mom cackled evilly, waving the remote at me. "I'm calling Sandra right now so she doesn't miss this! Oh, right, the batteries." She grumbled, still checking to find the one that had fallen out of the remote.
At his mom's name, an image of a grinning Donovan flooded my mind and I dragged my hand over my face, letting out an annoyed groan. Mom perked up at that, her attention fixed on me with worry.
"You know it would be easier if we had Webflicks, right?" I asked so she wouldn't go check if all the pills in her room was still untouched.
"After today, I think I just might." She sighed and touched her back pocket. She was still studying me but her suspicion had simmered down. "Although, it hurts my purse to say that. Could you run to the store for the batteries?"
"Nope." I grabbed my black errand shoes at the door. "But I can definitely walk. Need anything else, mom?"
"Um," she scratched the back of her head in thought, ruffling her wild curls every which way. "Maybe a socket. I need to change the one in here. The wires are fine, it's definitely not an overload problem. I don't smell burnt wires or anything. It's got to be the socket. She's had a long run with us now. It's time for a well-deserved retirement."
"Let me check it." Cash came into the mess. His eyebrows shot up as he took in the destruction, taking a slight pause before speaking again. "You should still get a spare, though. Just in case."
"Wait a minute," Mom raised her pointer up all matter-of-factly. "You're still grounded for staying up late on a school night. So there will be no fixing anything for you, Harvey."
My hand raised in hopeâ
"Put it down, Potato. You're in the same race."
"Figures." I pursed my lips and stood up from the floor, shoes on and ready to go. "Anything else? Going once...going twice...and I'm outta here."
I had already crossed on over to Mrs. Nosyton's side of the street when I got called back by Cash.
"You forgot your wallet, dummy." He jogged over to me and handed me my purse. "Wallet."
"Purse." I repeated and smacked him upside the head. "It's a purse that happens to look like a wallet."
"Wallet."
"Purse."
"Purse."
"Wallet."
"If you say so." His smug expression had me running over our conversation in my mind.
Nothing unusual, hmmm
"Aren't you supposed to be mad at me?" I muttered as the bitter image of his attitude on Friday came to the front of my mind.
His memory of our argument hit him like a bus. His brows drew together and he took a step back, his hands shaking as he fought back the urge to chew on his nails.
"I meant what I said." He gritted out and turned to walk away. "Stop involving yourself in my business."
"Pretty sure it's Hero's business!" I yelled out after him, happy to have won that exchange. My victory was always a rare sight to behold since Cash's the smarter twin.
The nearest convenience store was a six-minute walk awayâsix minutes of me being an NPCâso I got there in no time since I'm tall and have longer strides than short girls.
Yay....
It was only when I had gotten into the store and found the cheapest socket that I could obtain that it hit me. I had been duped back there. I whirled around in frustration and almost rammed into the person next to me.
I clung onto whatever part of them that I could to escape banging my head into the shelves and almost dragged them down with me. Soft hands wrapped around my wrist and held me in place.
My eyes nearly fell out of their socketsâpun intendedâwhen I looked up at the person steadying me. Just my luck to run into the one person I was trying to avoid.
I was in a baggy shirt with...tightsâ somebody kill meâmy hair was uncombed and I looked like a hobo that had a thing for black clothing. The exaggerated gasp from the person as they recognized me didn't make the situation any better.
One little, two little, three little graveyards
Four little, five little, six little tombstones
Seven little, eight little, nine
dead girls scarred
Harley's gonna join them soon
"Harley?" Hero sounded so surprised, one would have thought he was actually happy to see me. "Looking for something?"
Yes, my dignity.
My hand, supported by the alarmed and shaken up voices in my head, wobbled up to showcase the socket while my brain worked double time to jumpstart my feet that were frozen in place. I creaked away as fast as I could to look for the stupid batteries and teleport out of there. Distance and denial that Hero had seen me at my worst was what I needed right now. Although from how he was trailing me through the store like a lost puppy, I'd say he didn't get the memo.
"I'm glad I ran into you." He said as he came up beside me.
"Mhm. Yup. Nice." I nodded, unable to control my hand that refused to settle down from the weird thumbs up and let me be cool for once. My eyes swept across the shelves in search of the batteries, while his were glued to my palpitating form next to him in concern.
"Anything in particular?" He asked cautiously as if I'd start break dancing in the middle of the store and I stopped my anxious feet from moving.
"Batteries."One word. Three syllables.
Someone kill me.
He hummed in understanding and drew closerâtoo close for comfortâ backing me up against the shelves. He really needs to understand the concept of personal space. I turned away from his alluring green orbs and shut my emeralds tight. What is it with him cornering me all the time?
"This one?"
My eyes creaked open at the sound of his voice a little further from me to see him holding a pack of batteries in his hand. I let out a sigh, clutching my shirt in relief.
"Yeah, thanks." I said and took the batteries from him, our hands touching in the process. It would have felt way nicer if I didn't look like I was in need of a shower right now. I retracted my hand quickly and stepped back.
Hero didn't say anything. He was frowning. He took a small step towards me and I took four massive ones back. He took two and I took one more. Then he moved and my mind went into a panic. I scrambled back, tripping over my own two feet and fell backwards. In a flash, he reached out for my hand and pulled me back up.
"Thanks..." I squeaked and scooted away from him, halting when I felt his fingers still wrapped around my wrist. "...again. You can let go now."
"So you can run off again?"
"Oh, uh..."
"Yeah, oh." He frowned. "Why are you avoiding me?"
"I..." Lightbulb... Lightbulb..."I don't look good right now."
"You need a mirror." He put a hand on my shoulder and pulled me closer. "You look just like Mama Smith without your hair in the way. Like a younger Mama Smith. Mmm, that lady is gorgeous."
"Huh?"
"Tell her I said that." His wink nearly turned me into a puddle. He released his very much wanted grip on my shoulder and tucked his hands in his pockets. "What I'm trying to say is, let's be weird together. Don't ignore me. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly dressed to impress, either."
"You look like a model." I stated in earnest, taking the chance to stare at him for a bit longer. He stared back blankly, probably at a loss for words. I know I was.
I want to hold his hand. The warmth of it on my shoulder was still present in my mind.
"You're welcome." I filled the silence and shuffled to the cashier. I handed the items to the lady and waited for her to scan. After I had paid, I turned to Hero who was still in the same spot from before. He looked lost in thought until I nudged him.
"You okay?"
"Hmm?" He blinked. I was about to ask again when he continued. "Yeah, it's nothing."
My stomach grumbled. Loudly.
"That's my cue to leave." I tapped my tummy and laughed in an attempt to cover up the ongoing sound, feeling the redness creep onto my cheeks. "My body's saying it's hungry."
"Let me get you something to eat then."
My eyes were like saucers. I had to jumpstart my brain this time.
"L-like a date?"
"No," He dragged out, his brows creasing in discomfort. "You're hungry and I'm hungry so we should eat. It's not a date. More like a friendly lunch. Full of friendship."
"Of course...that's exactly what I meant. You're with Riley. You two probably go on dates all the time..."
That settles it. Death by hanging, it is.
"Yeah..." he rubbed the back of his neck, gaining a sudden interest in his shoes. I made it weird. Of course, I made it weird. I won't be surprised if he ended things here and ignored my presence from here on out. "It's just, I don't want Cash getting the wrong idea..."
"I totally get it. It's fine. We're friends so there is absolutely no reason I had to go and call it a...y'know." Laughter had been the worst blanket to hide our discomfort. I was suddenly reminded of the items in my hand. "Can I drop these off real quick first? It won't take long, I promiseâ"
"I can wait." He shrugged. "Also, Riley's going to be back on Monday so we need to talk strategy."
He still wants to help me? I wonder what she could have possibly done to get him this fired up about going against her?
He looked from the bag in my hand to my face before putting on a small smile. The kind I usually see on Cash and Donovan's face when life throws something bad at me. I smiled back, pretending I hadn't noticed at all but inside, an alarm was going off.
I could feel it. This was going to be the omen of all other omens that had already occurred or might occur in my lifetime.
And there was nothing that I or anyone else could do to stop it.
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"Are you stupid or am I?"
There was a moment of silence. We were both processing our emotions right now.
"I didn't even know it was a Sunday. What's your excuse?" I cocked an eyebrow at my companion who looked like he was contemplating a break-in at the last dead end that we had tried in town.
Closed, the sign at Burn's read in black italics with a fiery orange underlining and my stomach took the time to gurgle again. Even though it was way past 3, I was kind of hoping that somewhere would be open so that I could spend a little more time with Hero.
"Well," He began and took my hand, squeezing lightly to gain my attention. "Since everywhere's closed off and I basically forced you to get lunch, how about you come over to my place?"
And, because I'm still not used to his random grabs at my hand, it was hard to ignore the tingling sensation shooting up my arm and rub at the lightbulb of excuses at the same time. Hard but not impossible.
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't it go dinner then bed? You seem to have missed a step here."
"You need soap for those thoughts."He uncrossed my hands from my body and pulled me along to his car. "Besides, who needs that when you can have dinner in bed?"
"I do." I sent him a dirty look and he let go and raised his hands up in surrender.
"I won't touch you, I promise. Scouts honor."
"You were a lousy scout." I mumbled, my lips curling up at the memory. "Couldn't even tie your shoe laces right and had mom do it all the time."
"It's all part of the game." He winked. "I got the Bailey Smith to tie my shoe laces. What other guy in this town can say that?"
"Principal Hemsher."
We cringed in sync and Hero shuddered, grossed out by the image.
"Don't remind me." He pouted as he opened the passenger door for me. "What was Mama Smith thinking?"
"Not everything's about looks, Hero."
"Oh, so you're more into funny guys?" He cocked an eyebrow, a teasing glint in his eyes. "Lucky you, Donovan's both."
"I don't like him." My lips stretched into a thin line at the insult. "And his delivery could use some work."
"Whatever you say, Harley." With a tilt of his head, he gestured for me to hop in, closing the door as soon as he tucked my seatbelt around me, engulfing me in his heavenly scent in the process. I had reined in the urge to kiss his cheek when he did that.
"At least I didn't get lost in the woods for five hours straight like someone I know." He argued the minute he got in.
"That was oddly specific and very disturbing."
"I'm talking about Cash."
My heart dropped in my stomach.
"What?"
"Yeah, when we were like 12. Don't you remember?" I shook my head and he continued. "Ian's dad brought him back home all covered in mud and scratches. How do you not know this? It was literally a big deal. That and the spotting of a bear in the area? No? Harley, nobody could go into the woods for months after that."
Oh yeah, now I remember. The whole deal with a bear in the woods not that my brother got lost. Though I do remember Cash rushing into the house one late Saturday evening, slamming the door behind him. There had been flashes of light and sirens outside but I was more focused on my brother who literally pushed himself out of mom's embrace and rushed up the stairs while simultaneously pulling off every piece of clothing his trembling hands could reach. He had been shaking all over, and looked completely out of it.
After mom had come back in, I had tried to ask what was going on but she looked like she was on her last straw and any and everything was going to break her. Plus, she had gone up to Cash the minute she got in so there wasn't much chance to ask. As for Cash, he didn't come out of his room until weeks later and barely ate through those weeks so there was not much room to inquire about the problem.
Now I feel bad. While I was also going through my own grief, I could've made more of an effort to know why he was like that.
Hero nudged me out of my guilt.
"Come on. It'll be fun."
"What's your definition of fun?" I asked to distract myself from my mistakes.
"Whatever you want it to be."
"What if I want to watch a movie with you and eat popcorn?" I asked, knowing he'll probably think that's boring and cliché. He's probably done that with Riley loads of times.
"Then that's what we'll do. Hey, we already got the fit for it." He joked, gesturing between us before connecting to the Bluetooth. "What songs do you like? Jazz,hip hop, rock, pop?" As he spoke he handed me his phone and I started scrolling through the genres as he finally put the car into drive.
"How about we listen to what you like?" I asked and he shrugged.
"I like soul music but I'd be more than happy to listen to your favorites."
I played a song I held most dear to me. Hero visibly cringed.
"I take it back. Your taste in music is worse than math."
"Oh come on it's not that bad..." I laughed and turned the volume up. Hero clicked on a button at the side of his steering wheel and the volume went down. I gave him a dead look and turned it up again.
He sighed dramatically, his eyes glinting in amusement.
"We're not doing this, okay? I have the upper hand here."
"Oh really? I can turn it up foreverâ"
"And I can turn it down forever. Trust me, I've got time today."
"So do I." I stated, matter-of-factly and skimmed the under part of my nose, raising a brow to intimidate him.
"Cute," His comment fried my brain. "But not enough to have me listen to that. Change it. Now."
"Okay, but the one I pick stays this time." I reasoned, and after a slight pause, he shook his head in agreement.I smirked and clicked the choice I had made. My eyes were locked in on his face so that I'd see his reaction to this one. He didn't have one; a reaction. He just looked straight ahead, ignoring my pettiness.
"You look so pretty and I love this view..." I sang just to be annoying and got the shock of my life when he started singing too. I frowned and tried to change it but he grabbed my hand.
"Don't be salty." He grinned and started singing the lyrics. "Looking at the stars..."
I can't believe I get to admire him up close. This is unreal. Without thinking, I started singing the chorus.
"And she can sing?" He praised, letting go of the wheel to applaud me and I became a tomato. "Well, aren't you full of surprises."
I was foolish enough to turn to him in his happy state and nearly got blinded by his overwhelming sunshine smile. I faced the window again, trying to calm my racing heart so I wouldn't blurt out my undying love for him.
My ears felt hot, my mind clouded with thoughts of him. He's so effortlessly pretty, it hurts.
"This is Riley's favorite song." He dropped the stink bomb on me, nearly killing my mood as I realized Riley and I did have something in common. He smiled softly, his eyes crinkling as he said her name. "Unlike you, she has the ugliest singing voice in the history of the whole entire world. Makes me want to invest in earplugs as an apology to everybody she's ever tortured with that cat and board voice. I can't help but think about her whenever this song comes on despite... everything."
"Oh."
"Who do you think about? Donovan, right?"
"What?"
"Don't try to play it off. I see the way you look at him."
"Like a friendly friend full of friendship because I have zero feelings for him and I'm madly in love with someone else?" I rushed out in one breath, cringing at the mere thought of such a thing. Hero rolled his eyes.
"You're a terrible liar, Harley."
I'm not lying, I swear I'm not. The deceit written on my face is because he's so close to discovering how much I really like him. I didn't bother correcting him. I chose to blurt out my insecurities instead.
"What's your...what's your type?" I winced as the words came out, wishing that I could hurl myself out of his car.
Hero shook his head as he chuckled, smacking the wheel in amusement. IÂ struggled to not seem like a creep as I took in his awesomeness.
"Riley's made it hard for me to even think about that." He rubbed at his eyes. "She's super possessive and drives off any girl that shows the slightest interest in me."
My smile wavered at his answer. I'll take their secret to the grave if it means keeping that smile on his face.
"What about you, Harley?"
Tall, handsome, green eyes, super attractive...I'm looking right at him.
"I don't know." I stuttered quietly and turned to the window so he wouldn't see the blush creeping onto my skin. "I'm more of a personality type."
That wasn't necessarily a lie. Hero just so happens to be very, very, very attractive, that's all.
"Good for you."
Through the reflection, his infectious smile got me. It hit me right in my soul and dug it's thorns deep in the center. Uprooting that would be suicide.
I was a goner.
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