The lavatory was always stacked with pads that we bought from one of my more successful inventions, the pad vendor; a vending machine that was made to supply girls with various assortments of pads.
It came to life sometime in seventh grade, a little while after I had experienced my first period.
It had been a regular day at school except for the major stomach cramps that wouldn't go away so I had asked to catch my breath on the bench, only to end up smearing blood all over it.
And, since I was never lucky, Richard had been the one to discover it just as I had gotten up and he made sure to air it out to everyone on campus. I had spent almost the entire year getting rid of red bandanas that others kept stringing onto my locker.
On the plus side, the pad vendor was born and now I always receive a forty percent commission from the principal by the end of the school year. I had also won a meddle for that, handed to me by none other than Hero's dad, the mayor of our town.
The pad vendor wasn't the reason I was in here though. My period was far off. I was waiting out my time here until the school cleared out to ensure I wouldn't bump into Donovan again.
I had been in the last stall for about thirty minutes when the click-clack of heels broke the silence and the scent of lavender hit my nose full force.
Populars...
I braced myself for the worst.
"How can he just avoid me like that?" Riley, the owner of the purple pickup and the girl my brother kept sneaking into our house, whined to someone. "I still haven't forgiven him for calling me clingy. I'm not, am I?"
"Pretty much." At the voice of the most popular girl to ever live in this town, my breath caught and I mimicked a mannequin. Catherine sounded bored with the conversation. Not that I blame her, the entire senior high was sick of it by now. "He's simply not interested in you anymore. Take a hint and move on already."
"Not everyone's like you, Catherine."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means that you don't know the first thing about loving someone so you have no right to judge. How would you know what clingy is if-"
There was a bang on my stall and my eyes nearly popped out in fear. I began to pray.
"I know that you're not supposed to show up at his place whenever you damn well please and cause a scene in front of his dad. I know that you're not supposed to threaten him in order to get him to stay with you, Riley. It's getting old at this point."
"Ugh, that was one stupid, drunken mistake. Let it go!" Riley groaned. "So you're on his side now?"
"Yes."
Heavy, bone-chilling silence.
"Are you sleeping with him or something?"
"Oh myâRiley!" I grimaced at Catherine's tone. "I love you but sometimes the things you say really irritates my soul. Talk to me when you're done being a brat."
I squeaked at the slam of the door then held my mouth in fear. She didn't hear me, did she?
Manicured nails drummed on the door and I flinched, taking a step back in the tiny space.
"Who are you and why are you eavesdropping on my conversation?"
I ignored her.
"Look," She sighed. "Background character number 300 and... something, not to be a bitch but if you don't tell me who you are right now, I can guarantee you a very bad year for your sorry self."
"Can't be worse than being ignored by your obsession." I reasoned to myself then snapped back into focus, registering the grave I had dug for myself. I had to wrestle with the lightbulb this time. "That was a joke."
"A very bad one." I heard the snap of a photo being taken. "Enjoy being bullied throughout high school."
"Good luck finding me." What? I was dead anyways so why not have fun expressing myself like I wanted. "You know, you could always just waste your time climbing over the toilet to get a better picture like a loser."
"Wouldn't want to take your occupation." She hummed. That was a nice comeback from a cheerleader. Then again it's Riley so... "I couldn't imagine being so boring to end up being a commentator on other people's interesting lives though. Have fun with that."
"I will." I cringed at my response, almost missing the door creak as she
went out. I swallowed, clutching my racing heart and shaking all over. I can't believe I just had a back and forth with Riley and she didn't lose it like I've seen her do with others.
Had I unlocked a new skill?
Could I now access the luck that everyone seemed to speak so highly of?
My feet, though still wobbly from fear due to my interaction with Riley, did a great job of leading me home to the safety of my comforter.
I cradled my knees to my chest under the blankets and buried my head under my pillow.
Mom was working a late shift and Cash was hanging out with the other Populars at Burn's. I made dinner and walked around the house for a hot minute trying to kill my jitters. I was halfway up the stairs to my room when I realized that I had forgotten to retrieve my phone from Principal Hemsher's office.
I groaned, smacking my head repeatedly as I went to the window.
The sky was a pinkish purple today, making me wish to just go out and do something with myself for once. Maybe celebrate the start of the school year like The Populars were doing right now or go for a stroll.
I chose to go to my least hated Café instead. Getting myself a treat wouldn't be a bad way to end the day. Plus, if my brother could have milkshakes, surely I could too.
There was no bell jingling at the entry, just a very heavy door to push and make a fool of myself while doing so.It was packed today with people who had actual lives. Study buddies, friends, best friends, couples... all the things that had escaped me in my sixteen years of existence were blocking my view of the outside world as I waited at the edge of the counter for my order.
My name was finally called, shouted into my ear actually since I had chosen to wait at the counter. I turned to get my coffee and it dawned on the girl handing out my drink what had just happened.
I shook my head before she could apologize and she placed my drink on the counter. A hand came out and snatched it from the table, just as my fingertips grazed the cup.
Melissa. My day one hater, though I couldn't prove it just yet.
She cringed at the sweetness of my drink and turned to the girl.
"Not what I ordered."
"That's why I didn't call your name." The girl rolled her eyes and turned to me. "Sorry about that. I'll get you a fresh cup and little Miss can't follow instructions here will pay for this one."
"I'm not paying for this." Melissa argued and I put a hand up to stop the screaming match that was about to ensue. A little break from everyone's drama was all I was asking so I took matters into my own hand.
Back home, I threw the empty cup in the bin, along with the straw I had asked for and went up to my room, changing into something more comfortable.
Cash showed up about an hour after, looking drained but otherwise happy. He couldn't stop smiling at his phone as he jogged up to his room, completely unaware of my existence on the couch.
My nose was kissing the pages of one of my favorite novels when mom finally got home which is why I didn't take notice of her until she brushed my hair out of my face and planted a tired but warm kiss on my global rocky hills of a dome.
Unlike my brother, I had a minor acne issue that I liked to exaggerate.
Mom sniffed the air as she stretched on our family couch, her attention drawn to the dinner table. From behind the covers of my book, a smile had already crept onto my face.
"Could you let your brother know that we'll have to eat at sometime today?" Her in-between yawns muffled her words and she looked up the stairs, shouting as clear as ever, "Anytime now, Harvey! No rush, though. It's not like all I had today was a stiff pb&J and a bottle of tasteless water."
I laughed at that and abandoned my book to call Cash down just incase he hadn't heard. Reaching the top of the stairs, I heard mom inquire from her same spot about me ignoring her calls.
"Blame your ex." I answered and Mom cringed while I ran her through the details of Principal Hemsher being a menace to all things concerning me and he should forever be remembered as the one that had to go."Look, from now on, we only know him as the guy with a dog baby."
"You're beginning to sound like your dad." Her voice dwindled down and, as she came into view, I realized why. Great, my endless rant had knocked her out before dinner. Cash never came down.
I cleared the table and covered mom with her favorite blanket before going to my room and wrapping myself up in mine.
I didn't want to cry this yearâpledged myself off the behaviorâ but memory of today's events mixed in with the fear of what awaited me tomorrow after the stunt I had pulled in the lavatory broke the dam that I had worked so hard to patch up.
Riley could be cruel when she wanted and she had enough influence to get away with it. She was the town's princess and anyone against her was an enemy to everyone. I voted her most probable to win this year's pageant if she ever did decide to run.
Not that she'd care about that when she sniffed me out of my hiding spot.
My black boots, which I guessed was her only lead to finding me, was stowed away in the deepest, darkest corner of my room. Never to be worn in this town ever again.
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I didn't need mom's wake-up call for once.
I hadn't slept a wink all night and, even though my anxiety always doubled in cramped, crowded places, I had decided to break my routine of three years and actually ride the school bus today.
It was either that or letting my expression tell on me to mom about how life was treating me. I may have gotten away with it last night but mom would definitely notice today.
Mrs Nosyton, an old neighbor of ours, wasn't staring out her blinds like she usually did in the morning.
I guess I'm too early
The nearest bus stop was just a little ways down, right at the intersection leading to the oldest graveyard in our town.
Just as I reached the sign, a short figure bent the curb, unaware of my presence. Melissa looked up from her phone, blowing on a yellow chewing gum as she fixed me with a blank stare. Her eyes wandered down to my feet then back up to my face, her passive expression now filled with curiousity.
I nodded in greeting and looked ahead of us, not expecting her to fill the silence with anything meaningful.
"Hey, would you happen to know some other girl with large feet that owns some really fugly black boots?"
See? Nothing meaningful.
"Other girl?" I played dumb and she shrugged. "Would that be me by any chance?"
"Yeah. You have large feet. It's not news to anyone." She said then shrugged. "I just thought big foot had company every once in a while. Unless, you're the girl I'm looking for. Are you?"
My jaw ticked.
"I don't feel like answering someone who just insulted me." I responded just as the bus rolled in. Not giving her time to react to my words, I hopped on and took a free seat in the middle.
My heart raced in my chest since I had never had the guts to point out any of her insults so openly or walk away until today. No matter what, I was not going to allow a repeat of all the past things I've had to endure anymore.
Never again.
"You're our mascot." I flinched at the person standing near my seat, grinning down at me. "What's your name again?"
Ian, another Popular, and one that got away with a lot more than he should have for the sheriff's son, smoothed into the seat next to me, waiting for an introduction.
"Harley." I mumbled and he smiled brighter.
"Harley. I like it." He nodded then brought his phone out, showing me something on the screen. "Tell me what you think."
It was a group chat, and, from the little I had read, was created to uncover the girl with the black boots. I visibly cringed.
I think I'm in trouble.
"Somebody made Bunny mad." He studied my guilty face. "Somebody with large feet. I'm not accusing you or anything but there's only so many tall girls that go to our school so... why'd you do it?"
"I didn't." I'm such a liar. And a coward to boot.
I redirected him to a Cornelia from an unspecified lower grade that for sure didn't exist, but he didn't need to know that.
The accusing stare on his face was replaced with gratitude. He thanked me with a wink and went on to the back, where a space was reserved for him by his friends.
I scooted closer to the window, my mind filled with worry.
I'll just have to lay low until this all blows over.
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So occupied was my mind that I nearly rammed into someone in the hallway.
They were a real sport about it, kicking my limited edition hardcover fantasy novel across the room and pulling me up by my shirt.
It was one of the new kidsâthe boy with glasses. His disappointed sigh when he recognized me was followed by an apology as he released me. He yanked my book from where he had kicked it and shoved it into my hands, straightening his glasses.
Instead of watching him go back to organizing his locker like he hadn't just lost his mind just now, I went about my own business, though a bit careful not to incite anymore of...whatever that was.
His eyes, with displeasure, fixed on me again as I opened the locker next to his and pulled out my algebra textbook. I avoided his gaze and went on to my next class.
After all, the maths teacher never had a liking to tardy students and I wasn't about to make a bad name for myself in that particular class.
He would just have to suck up to being my locker buddy.
There was always a seating roster placed on the door during the first week, made by none other than the maths teacher to ensure no one had spoke in his class. He was highly aware of any and every teenage drama and used it to his advantage every chance he got.
I was always placed with someone random.
Syllas Rhyde
I have no idea who that is but I do know that this won't be pleasant since Donovan and Melissa have been placed right behind me.
I stood at the door for a hot minute just questioning my existence and putting off seeing Donovan for as long as I could.
This proved fruitless because, for someone who had loved being early for any and every thing, Donovan had chosen to stroll in last minute with my newest locker buddy by his side.
I raised my hand in greeting but they just brushed past me and headed in. My mood deflated. With my head hung low, I slid into my seat and chanced a peek at my new deskmate.
You've got to be kidding me.
So not only did I have to bear with him as a locker buddy but I had to share a desk with him too? Fate couldn't be any more cruel than this.
The look on his face screamed in agreement with my thoughts. He looked from my panicked face to Donovan behind him and groaned.
"Can we switch?"
Donovan ignored his question and turned to talk with Melissa, who was explaining every detail of her life to him. I bet she'll leave out the part where she's always trying to sabotage me in some way.
I opened my book and pretended to know something.
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I make one mistake and suddenly everybody's an investigator.
The cafeteria buzzed with conversations relating to the girl in the black boots that dared to insult their beloved RileyâHey, at least I was in the limelight for a change.
After viewing the chaos from the lunch line for a bit, I exited at the back of the school where my everyday battleground was.
The tree of insects had driven me away to greener pastures about three feet away where I laid my hoodie and set my lunch, staring at the dried leaves. The insects under this one had decided to leave me alone just for today which was a good thing since they usually seemed to misinterpret the word hospitality for hostility instead.
My lunch was spent admiring the everyday happenings of the outside world and counting the number of cars that passed by at this exact time. Either a lot of adults had taken a day off or my calculations were off since there were way fewer cars than usual.
That or my paranoia that Riley would march to where I was when I least expected it and sink her nails into the soft flesh surrounding my collarbone had messed with my calculations.
I grimaced at the thought.
The walk home after was no different. I kept on checking my six as if someone would grab me, stuff me into a potato sack, and drag me to a really shady warehouse where Riley and a few of her minions would be waiting to pass judgment upon me.
Instead of that, Riley herself whooshed by in her lavender pickup, splashing me in the process. The guys were all at the back, sporting undershirts and laughing loudly. They were oblivious to the girl on the sidewalk that was now wet and sticky with mud water.
Their laughter dwindled out the further they got away and I got a glimpse of a gold watch and a stern face taking notice of me just as they took the bend.
I scoffed, wiping at my clothes as I trailed behind.
At home, my maths textbook was tossed on my study desk. I faceplanted on my bed, exhausted from trying my luck out at being a nerd. Studying puts a whole lot of strain on my mental because I'm just not cut out for school work.
I believe in the practicalities of life and,anything on the theoretical end was translated as a waste to my mind. It's just how I function as a person. I can't possibly change how I'm wired and I wish society would accept that and, from there, create a space for people like me rather than forcing me into a field where I'd just end up a lost cause.
I forgot my phone again, dang it. The whole mess with Riley had distracted me from getting it today.
Now I'm bored,hungry, coldâwell, this could be fixed if I just shut the window and turned off the fan but you get the point. With a set distraction from my problems in mind, I put on my running shoes and set out, locking the door behind me.
The sun would be setting in about two hours, leaving me enough time to mess around for a bit then find a good spot to watch it snuff out like the light in my eyes had back when I was a pre-teen.
I passed the bakery from yesterday, hesitant to go in after Melissa's behavior yesterday. I'm sure the girl that had brought out my drink would try to start a conversation with meâshe seemed friendly enough. The thought of her talking to me again terrified me to no end, so I ended up going to a more popular diner, worsening my chances of running into people.
The aesthetic here had leaned into a more rainforest type of vibe this month. It reminded me of lunchtime with my bug oppressors. I took a seat next to the greenery and vines curling on the wall.
Unfortunately, since I was as unlucky as a black cat walking on cracks under a rickety ladder, I ended up directly opposite some of the girls that ran the press club.
These girls were known as the Golden TrioâI just called them the Three Unpopular Opinions. My freshman year had been double the horror because, not only had I been introduced to the plagues that were Physics and Chemistry, I also had to deal with these three girls who always felt the need to make themselves feel relevant.
And what's a better way to achieve that than a show of power?
My evening was spent ignoring their occasional comments, childish snickers and, after their ring leader, Beatrice pointed her phone camera at me, I decided to have my sandwich to-go.
They never could do anything extreme when we were out in public since the adults would step in before anything happened. To them, I wasn't worth the trouble.
At school though, they'd get away with just about anything. The students were tight-lipped on subjects like those so while the adults treated me like a depressed teen that they'd warn their kids to stay away from, their kids made a long-lasting inside joke on my expense.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about the afterlife more often than normal, but, with people like the ones I was destined to attract, the thought plagued my mind almost every day.
Actually, I was obsessed with the cause of death of people here. It brought on a whole other satisfaction knowing that a random person that had picked on me throughout my existence had also lost someone they loved dearly.
Extra points when no one blinked an eye at them even after hearing the news.
It was how I found out that Mrs Nosyton had lost her kid at a very young age and that Hero's mom had passed the same way dad did. That was what sparked my interest in him and then it grew into something more over time.
My obsession with death also grew along with it. Though, about two summers ago, I crossed a line resulting in mom swearing me off anything that had to do with it.
Except for my clothes.
She let me keep those because it was the closest thing I had to dad.
I always end up at the cemetery when I get lost in my thoughts. I sit on the tombstone right in front of dad's and give a lengthy monologue on how everything's going.
Today, I stand a bit further from dad's grave and watch as Donovan, sitting cross-legged and smoking a cigaretteâ runs his mouth animatedly to my dad.
Dad used to hate whenever Donovan did this. He's probably rolling in his grave right now.
I laughed.
Donovan swiveled around at the noise. I may have faltered when his dark eyes bored into mine but I didn't completely freeze up and he didn't see the need to poke fun at me for it. To me, that was a good enough sign to approach him so I did.
It had been my mistake that I didn't recognize him right off the batâI was rude to himâ but I'd never apologize for something that could have been avoided if he had just kept in touch with me instead of cutting me off like a dead limb.
I spoke first.
"You came back." The silence was deafening. "You look different."
He was as quiet as a graveyard.
I tried again.
"Nice habit you picked up there." I muttered sarcastically, blocking his view of everything but me. "Mind doing it somewhere else?"
"Harold used to smoke." His monotonous answer was curt, and, if we were still friends, I would have smacked the audacity out of him by this point. My hands itched from the warmth of my pockets and I had to remind myself of his two, loving parents that couldn't do without him.
I opted for a lousy joke.
"And where is he now?" I gave him a good view of dad's tombstone before flashing him a wry grin. "You don't want to end up like Harold, do you?"
That got a laugh out of him and I took it as my cue to get comfortable, the plastic bag that I held crunching as I fell down next to him. I offered him half of my sandwich and we ate in silence.
Donovan was like any other teen boy:easy to please.
"Why did you come here? To dad's grave?" My question had been harmless enough but he looked at me funny and I got an overwhelming urge to explain myself. "I saw you out earlier with Cash and thought you'd much rather hang out with your friends than...here."
"You should stop assuming things about people." He said, not much defense in his tone. "And I'm here because I want to be. It's been a while."
"I guess so..." I trailed off, not being one to keep a conversation going.
Silence followed after that. He breezed through a few cigarettes while I looked over the familiar landscape and, when he stood up to put out the fire from the sixth one, I took that as my cue to excuse myself. My endurance for the smell of smoke wasn't all that high and besides, it had gotten pretty dark out.
"See you at school." I was being polite. There's no way he'd risk his popularity by talking to me. I nodded a goodbye and got on the clear path leading out of the cemetery.
I didn't expect him to join me about a second later. He read my expression and gave a good enough response.
"I'll walk you home."
I nodded, not seeing the point in telling him no, although he had gone so quiet that I began to question if he had just offered in the name of politeness and I had read the whole situation wrong. Lost in my thoughts, I missed a step and almost ate gravel.
Donovan grabbed me by the arm and steadied me, his dark orbs piercing my emeralds with worry.
Maybe it was the stress build-up of having to frequently look over my shoulder or the fact that I had completely missed the childlike shimmer in Donovan's eyes when I had first seen him again in the office. It could have even been the irony of me falling twice now and both times he had been the one to catch me despite ignoring me for years on end.
I laughed.
I laughed so hard that I had to clutch my stomach and use Donovan as a brace.
He was stunned for a moment, watching me like I belonged in an asylum. Then he snorted and shook his head at me, his grin matching mine.
"I've been going to the gym consistently since I left." He finally spoke. "As a way to cope. It was study, gym, basketball, repeat and I've grown a newfound love for wine-tasting."
"Wine-tasting?" I questioned, teasingly. " I would have guessed Marlboro from how you smoked your way through the pack."
"Ha-ha, so original." He rolled his eyes and squinted at me. I squinted right back. "How about you tell me what you've done to my sweet bestfriend, hm? My Harley would have never spoken to anyone like that."
"You're welcome to bring her back." I shrugged. "At least that'll finally get Riley off my trail."
"Riley?" He scrunched his face in confusion, trying to link me to Riley then gaped at me in shock when it clicked. Alarms went off in my head, knowing I had screwed up running my big mouth for no reason. "You're the girl she won't stop yapping to us about?"
I held my breath.
"She totally deserved it, didn't she?" He laughed and my panick subsided.
I bobbed my head energetically.
"Oh, she so one hundred percent deserved it."
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