Chapter 19: More Than Friends

DANICA

The door was already ajar, and it was Miles who stood there. At least Astra wasn’t going to make this day any worse than it already was.

Miles spotted me and darted inside. “Danica, what’s happening?” he asked, his eyebrows knitting together in concern.

Instead of answering, I shot back, “What are you doing here?”

He seemed taken aback. “What are you doing, Danica? You quit your job, and when I finally get a date with you, you change your mind?”

He sighed deeply. “Why are you acting so strange? Quitting your job out of the blue? I know you don’t need to work, living in a place like this, but why now? Something’s seriously up with you. First, that weird guy shows up, then you don’t come to work, and now you quit?”

I couldn’t deny it, things didn’t look good from his perspective, and honestly, they didn’t look great from mine either.

I closed my eyes, feeling overwhelmed by his barrage of questions. I had answers, but not ones he would understand.

“I’m sorry, but there’s just something happening in my life right now, and I need some time to myself,” I said, trying to be as vague as possible.

“But that’s what friends are for, right?” His worry was evident, but I knew I couldn’t tell him anything. If I was struggling to accept my fate, how would he react? He’d probably think I’d lost my mind.

I needed to escape this conversation. “Listen… I appreciate your concern, but…there’s nothing you need to worry about.” I attempted a reassuring smile, but he wasn’t convinced.

Miles stepped closer, taking my hands in his. “Danica, I care about you. You know that. I’ve liked you for a long time, but you never let me in. How can I have a chance with you if you keep living in your own little bubble?”

His genuine concern was touching, but it was a curse for him. I didn’t feel the same way about him. Despite all his kindness, he wasn’t the one for me.

“What makes you think I want to let you in?” I asked, not realizing how harsh it sounded. I’d tried so many times to make him understand that he could only ever be a friend to me. It broke my heart to see him trying so hard for nothing.

“How cold,” Hugo’s voice came from behind me. I turned to see him glaring at Miles. Hugo was supposed to protect me, but he couldn’t shield me from the heartache I was causing myself.

I was in pain because I couldn’t accept the love Miles offered. His love had never been enough, and maybe nothing ever would be. How could I know what love I deserved when I’d never experienced it, not even from my family?

I turned back to Miles. “I didn’t mean it like that, I just… Miles, I need to be alone right now, please understand,” I pleaded, trying to convey my guilt and pain.

He glanced at me, then at Hugo. “Alone with him?” he asked, bitterness creeping into his voice.

I sighed. “He needs to be here, and I’m not alone with him, Ms. Moore is also here,” I said, unsure why I felt the need to explain. I didn’t owe him an explanation, but I felt like he deserved one.

I was trying to make my words count because he deserved someone who would truly love him, not me.

Miles was silent for a moment. “Just tell me if I have any chance at all? Ever?” he asked, his gaze locked on mine, studying my every expression.

Why was he asking a question that had been answered long ago?

“Miles, you’re a great friend…,” I began, but he cut me off.

“It’s not me, it’s you, right?” he mocked, but it was the truth. Miles was a great person, and I was the one at fault.

“It never felt right,” I admitted, thinking back on all the times I’d wrestled with the idea of giving in to societal pressure.

“You’ve never given it a chance,” he interrupted, but love isn’t something that always grows over time.

“Then why haven’t I given it a shot?” He didn’t have a response.

“I’m sorry that I don’t feel the same way, but I can’t settle for someone just because they make me feel loved.” Tears welled up in my eyes.

“I’ve wished so many times that I could love someone with all my heart, and I’m so, so sorry that it’s not you. It’s not enough for you to be the only one in love. I need to love you back, and only then will it feel right.” Tears streamed down my face.

“All I can offer you is friendship. Anything more would be unfair to both of us.” I sobbed quietly while he stood there, his hair tousled by the wind, wearing his flannel shirt.

Why did he even like me? What was there to like? I was never an easy catch for him. Did he want to change me? Make me more likable?

“When will you find someone who feels right?” he asked. “You push away anyone who gets close. I’ve seen how you are with people. You’re friendly, then you create distance. When will you find the right person for you?” He asked as if I had the answer.

I shrugged. “I just need someone who makes sense,” I said, my voice cracking and breaking in ways I’d never experienced before.

I longed for someone, for the love of a man. It wasn’t what completed me, but I wanted someone who could understand me better than just a casual friend from around the block.

I wanted a friend I could be completely myself with, someone I could share my deepest thoughts with…but that could never be Miles. He was from a completely different world, a different fantasy…he wasn’t my fantasy. I had my own fantasy world that had now become reality.

He nodded. “Makes sense,” he muttered under his breath, chuckling softly. “Well, I hope you find that sense in someone someday,” he said, but not in a way that showed understanding.

He left without another word. I wanted to find that someone, but how could I when my time was running out?

I wiped my tears and turned around, knowing Hugo was still there, listening to every word. I walked past him to the kitchen, trying to distract myself, but I heard him follow me.

“Danica…,” he began, his voice quiet and slow.

“I don’t want to talk about it… I’m fine. It’s not a big deal. I don’t need your emotional protection. I’m okay.” I snapped back.

“You’re not okay…,” he pointed out, but I hated that he just assumed how I was feeling.

“Guardian angels have a strong empathy for the ones they’re guarding. So strong that I can physically feel the weight in my chest right now.” He explained, and I turned to face him.

I forced a smile. “Well, you must be imagining it,” I said, feeling the weight he mentioned.

He didn’t say anything else, just stared at me. The seconds stretched into minutes.

“What?” I finally asked.

“Do you know why you have a guardian angel?” he asked.

“To protect me…,” I said, unsure.

“Then why don’t you let me?” he asked. “I’m not just here for physical protection. Why don’t you let me help you? Your mind and soul?”

He couldn’t possibly think I would share my deepest secrets with him, could he?

Tears welled up in my eyes. I looked down, trying to calm my racing mind.

I looked up at him, who was already watching me with concern. “Because I can’t let a stranger into my mind,” I said.

His lips parted to speak, but I wasn’t finished. “My thoughts are worth more than to just spill them out to anyone who asks. I’m not like that… I never have been, and I never will be. Even a friend isn’t enough to see into my mind.”

My voice faded to a whisper meant only for him. “If I can’t give someone my heart, I can’t share what’s going on in my mind,” I said.

His expression softened. “I know. You need love…to do that. You need to feel absolute love for the person you let help you emotionally.” He finished for me.

Before I knew it, I was backed up against a wall. His hands were firmly holding my upper arms.

“You’d be surprised how much of your heart I can feel.”

His words were a whisper, a secret shared between us. His grip was firm, but not unkind.