I was playing a far creepier version of 'hide and seek', where I didn't know if the person I was looking for would answer or be unharmed when I finally did find him.
It felt like a weird movie that couldn't decide if it was a comedy or a thriller, called 'Is He Hurt or Sleeping?'
Please be sleeping... please be okay... please be a comedy instead of a scary thriller movie.
When I got inside, my inability to remember the details of Laurence's floor plan left me fumbling for light switches, crashing info coffee tables, and hissing as I rubbed the pain out of my shins.
After crashing into a bookcase, and sending several books falling on top of myself, I finally turned on my phone light and got my bearings. I went through the living room, down the hall, and passed the kitchen. Several takeout containers sat empty on the counter. The only clue that he had even been home recently.
"Laurence..." I called.
No response.
Walking back toward his bedroom, I had a strong sense of Deja Vu from my last visit, flashes of memories rushing back.
Ignoring them, I walked by a guest room, curtains pulled back from the windows, the only source of light from the outside world so far. The view was breathtaking, tall green trees stretching toward the sky, giving the illusion that the room was nestled in a tree, like a tree house, the deep green curtains and the wood floorboards adding to the illusion.
I approached the master bedroom at the end of the hall, everything falling into darkness again as I left the guest room behind.
A strange, loud sound came from behind the closed door, like wild static.
What am I walking into?
I knocked, the wild static sound the only response.
"Laurence?"
No response.
Taking a deep breath, I opened the door, stumbled across the threshold and fell over something on the floor.
A body.
Scrambling away from it, I screamed. And a moment later, a second startled shout joined mine.
The room was suddenly blaring with light, and I found myself screaming at a pile of clothes that I had tripped over.
Not a body.
Laurence's bedside lamp was on and he was staring at me with a wide eyed expression, hair mussed, blinking rapidly, clearly having just woken up. "Lily, why are you screaming?"
"I thought you were dead on the floor!" I shouted, flustered and relieved.
Laurence sat up straighter, the blankets pooling at his waist, showcasing his lack of pajama shirt. "Did... you break into my home? Again...?" he asked, groggy, rubbing his eyes. "Should I be concerned about this impulse of yours?"
"You didn't answer your phone!"
"It's off. I was sleeping," he muttered. "Something the doctor encouraged I do more of."
"I knocked... A lot."
"Sound machine," he said, gesturing to the loud noisy box next to him. "So I wouldn't be disturbed by loud noises... like screaming at the sight of laundry."
My face burned, embarrassment washing over me as my worry and adrenaline washed away. I sunk down on the edge of his bed, relieved and irritated. "I'm sorry. I thought something had happened to you."
"Thank you for breaking in to check on me," he said, a tone of humor in his voice. "But why would you think something happened?"
The amusement vanished when he saw my hand. "Are you okay?" The bed shifted as he leaned closer. "You're hand. It's covered in blood."
"Not mine," I replied, tired.
"What?"
"Not my blood," I clarified helpfully.
"Are you okay? You look likeâ" He cut himself off, the answer clear on his face, confusion giving way to understanding. "Carter." It wasn't a question.
He was across the bed, cupping my face before I could process what he was doing, fingers tracing lines across my skin. "Did he hurt you?"
I shook my head, swallowing down tears at the unconscious, tender gesture. "I'm okay."
He melted back away from me, relieved and angry in a single motion.
"I punched Derik though."
He blinked. Not comprehending. "I'm sorry. I don't think I heard you correctly."
I balled my hand into a fist, showcasing my physical evidence, flakes of Derik's blood coating my knuckles and flexing across my skin. "You did. I punched him. Right in the face. A parting gift."
Laurence's fingers raked through his hair. "That... I did not expect."
I shrugged, trying to erase the feeling of Derik's hand trailing across my shoulder. "You touch, I punch," I said without thinking, a slogan my father taught me after he and my brothers taught me self defense.
Anger flashed in Laurence's expression, a crack of lighting in his eyes. "He what?" Laurence's voice was calm, dangerously calm. His eyes sparking with dangerous intent. He stood up and moved across the room fingers tugging through his hair again, all semblance of calm gone. He pushed the curtains open and stared out, his back to me. I was again lost in trees, nestled away in the treetops in Laurence's own private clubhouse.
Laurence wore a pair of sweatpants and nothing else. Sunlight washed across his bare skin, gold and warm. The sight of him carved in sunlight and trees was transfixing and it took me a moment to remember how to breathe. He didn't turn around, the muscles in his back, taut, the only clue that he was angry.
"Laurence?"
"I need a moment."
"You don't need to be composed."
"I'd prefer it."
Standing up, I moved to stand behind him. "You don't have to be okay every moment of every day."
He sighed, the muscles in his back shiftingâ utterly distracting.
"Do you know what it's like to have a brother that hates you more than anything... and you still can't fully bring yourself to hate him back?"
Laurence placed his temple against the glass window. "Derik I could kill with my bare hands. But Carter?" His eyes fell closed. "I still see my kid brother in there somewhere and it kills me that I can't get him back." His words were soft, cracking on his brother's name, something precious that had grown sharp and painful in his mouth.
"When everything happened... grief struck Carter in a far more vicious way than it did me," Laurence said, Laurence said, choosing his words carefully. "I had a purpose. Something physical to hold on to. He... was lost. And I was far too blind, trapped in my own pain to see his brokenness clearly until he was too far gone."
He fell silent and I was pulled back to the last time I had been to Laurence's home, three years ago...
I had been working as Laurence's assistant for a week and when he had vanished without a trace, I had gone looking for him. Breaking into his home, desperate to get answers when Carter had shown up at work and started taking over.
Laurence Royal stared up at me with a confused expression, from where I had accidentally found him lying in bed. I stood above him, embarrassed and too flustered to form coherent sentences or run from the room.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, groggy and confused.
I stared back at him, heart pounding, face burning, eyes wide, utterly terrified. "I... you... work?" I replied lamely.
"I'm taking a week off," he said, voice cold.
"It's been a week," I replied quietly, tugging on the bottom of my dress nervously, avoiding his gaze. "And I don't know what's going on, but I can't keep covering for you."
"Then stop covering for me."
I stared at him, growing worried. This wasn't what I had come to expect from Laurence Royal in the week I had known him. He was always kind and professional. Maybe it was the fact that I had broken into his home, but something about his eyes felt... numb.
"Mr. Royal... what's wrong?"
It felt dangerous to pry into his personal life, but something about the situation didn't sit well and I needed to know if I was going to quit. I needed to know if Laurence Royal was going to tank everything and leave his brother to burn the shambles to the ground.
When Laurence Royal didn't answer, I grew angry, thinking of Carter Royal back at the office, taking over, leering at me, making promises with his eyes that I would punch off his face before he ever got a chance to fulfill.
And with that image, I grew a little more brave, tilting my head up in defiance as I glared down at my boss."No."
"No?" he asked, surprised.
"No!" I said, crossing my arms and glaring down at him. "You need to go back to work! You just got this job as CEO! You can't throw it away now! You have to suck it up andâ"
"My parents died," he replied softly.
I stared at him, stunned into silence.
He looked away. "My mom died seven days ago... on the way to the hospital to see my dad. His cancer..." he swallowed. "...had gone from bad to worse. He died twenty four hours later."
I stood frozen, unsure of what to do, my heart squeezing tight. He continued talking, eyes glazed, seeming unaware of my presence. "That's how I got the CEO job. My dad was diagnosed and passed the job on to me." Laurence buried his head in his hands, fingers digging into his hair, tugging deeply. "He was getting better... He was supposed to have more time... We were supposed to have more time..."
"I'm sorry," I whispered, helplessly watching him fall to pieces. His body shaking with silent grief. The world burying him under pain and heartbreak, with no map to guide him out.
I didn't know how to help him. How to fix the unfixable, especially when I didn't know the person well enough to be of any emotional comfort.
A thought struck me. Carter's parents had died and he had taken it upon himself to use that as an opportunity to take over Royal Fashion. To strip it away from Laurence. It left me disgusted, furious at the opportunist that was trying to tarnish something beautiful in Royal Fashion.
I wasn't sure how to broach the subject of his brother taking over his family company like a sick Game of Thrones move while Laurence was at home falling apart.
Finally, I settled on,"How's your brother?"
Laurence looked up at me, eyes red rimmed. "How did you know I have a brother?"
Oops.
I sucked in a breath, bracing myself, wishing I could brace him too. "He kind of showed up to work... and started taking over."
Sitting down on the very edge of the bed, I tucked my hands under my knees, nervous yet determined. "Your parents picked you, Laurence."
"I don't want the job," he replied, tone hard.
"They picked you to lead. You need to do it, or find someone else who can."
I shook off that memory, remembering how I strong armed him to get out of bed and go back to the office. How I had waited in his living room while he got dressed, and a few minutes later, he had come out, dressed, all show of emotion erased.
Like he had tucked his grief and pain away behind a wall that he was determined would never break or bend. The sight of him, perfect exterior hiding a tapestry of complex pain and grief, had stuck with me, all these years later.
And every year on that day, Laurence would vanish, disappearing to grieve privately, to shed his calm exterior and remember a life before he had to keep himself together.
I could hardly remember a time since that day where I had seen him showcase a strong emotionâ until Costa Rica, until now, in his home, after I told him I punched Derik in the face.
"What did Carter say to you?" he asked, tone dark, calculating, the calm cracking.
I told him everything.
The end result was Laurence's anger bubbling back to the surface, nearly unleashed. He clamped down on it with physical effort, laying back on the bed, arm thrown over his face to cover up his facial expression.
"Why do you do that?" I asked, sitting down next to him and pulling his hand away from his face. "Why do you push away every feeling you have?"
"Because it won't do any good. Feelings won't fix anything. They just cloud things. Make it harder to think."
"That's not true. And you can't spend your whole life running from everything."
Laurence sat up, fingers back in his hair, frustrated. "I am not running."
"What would you call it then?" I challenged.
"Surviving."
"You deserve more than that," I argued.
"This isn't about what I deserve." Laurence turned to look back at me. "And now you're giving me that look again."
"What look?" I asked.
"The pity one. The one that you show me every time I showcase emotions that threaten to bury me alive."
"Concern, Laurence," I said softly. "And it's okay to care about your brother. Families are messy. I don't like him, but that doesn't mean you have to forget every moment from before you lost him. Those moments matter too."
Laurence looked away, brow furrowed, jaw clenched. He looked like he was in pain at the mere mention of his brother. "Carter... he was a happy kid. Always smiling. Always laughing."
He stood and moved to the window again. "He began to slip when my dad was diagnosed and then completely went off the deep end after our parents died..." He cleared his throat and swallowed down his emotions before he continued. "I was busy with Royal Fashion, keeping it intact. Doing what my parents wanted. I was so focused that I missed the change in him when my dad got sick. And then... he died and Carter snapped. By then he was out of control. Before I knew what to do, he tried to take everything and ended up in jail."
"That wasn't your fault."
Laurence shook his head, a single sharp shake. "I could have helped. I could have fixed it. I could have kept a better eye on him."
"You can't fix everything. It's not your job to hold everything together."
"Look what happens when I don't. You get cornered in a speakeasy that was supposed to be safe, get threatened, harassed and forced to deliver me a message."
I stood beside him, touching his cheek, forcing his gaze up to mine. "I can take care of myself. Allie can take care of herself, and you are surrounded by people who would be a safe place for you if you'd let them. It's okay to allow yourself to feel, Laurence." His eyes fluttered closed, taking in a shuttered breath.
"I'll consider it," was all he said in reply. It was all I was going to get but it was a start.
"What do we do about all of this?" I asked.
"We?" Laurence asked, brow going up.
"He's tried taking over Royal Fashionâ now Royal Winters, twice. I'm pretty sure that's still his ultimate goal. To take away the one thing that you've worked hard to keep alive for your parents, and that involves quite a few 'we's."
Laurence smiled softly. "For once, I'm not worried about that particular detail. He has no idea what he's dealing with when it comes to the Winters part of Royal Winters. Allie will destroy him if he tries to take her fashion baby."
"Derik knows what he's dealing with though. He worked for her first, right?"
Laurence laughed, a tired sound but with a spark of amusement. "She fired him and when he tried to assault her for it, she drop kicked him before having him escorted from the building. I think he's rightfully scared of her."
I fought my own smile. Allie was not a woman you messed with. "Okay. I'll let her know what's going on. She can be our muscle if something goes wrong."
"You did pretty well for yourself," Laurence said, reaching out to touch a strand of my curly hair before he stopped himself, hand falling to his side.
"I'll teach you my ways," I said down to his hand, missing a touch that never came, face burning again. "That is if you... need lessons... on how to hit faces..." I finished lamely.
He looked away. "Lily..." his tone shift made me look up at him, catching an expression on his face that was filled with regret. "I am sorry about Carter and Derikâ"
"You didn't ask for this."
"And I'm sorry for making you feel uncomfortable in Costa Rica," he said, sending my mind back to the feeling of his lips against mine, to his hands in my hair, to the way he said I deserved everything in the world.
It didn't make me feel uncomfortable it made me want the 'everything.'
My heart stuttered. "Laurenceâ"
"I'm sorry for not being honest about the hotel room." Laurence closed his eyes, brow puckered. He looked exhausted. "I've made a mess of things and I... I enjoy working with you."
I smiled softly. "I enjoy working with you too."
"I won't do that again."
My smile vanished, emotional ice water washing over me. I went from relieved that he was talking to me, to devastated in the span of a heartbeat.
"Do what?" I asked, knowing I didn't want to hear the answer, but needing to actually have the conversation even if it carved out my insides.
"I won't kiss you again. I won't make you uncomfortable. You've seen what happens when I..." he trailed off. "I'm sorry, Lily. I shouldn't have started something that I so obviously can't have."
Can't you?
"Is that what you want?" I asked, everything inside of me threatening to fold up and hide away. "To forget it happened?" To keep running? To keep hiding? To keep avoiding?
He searched my expression, something in his, full of frustration. "It's not a matter of want..."
"But it's what you've decided," I clarified.
"Yes," he whispered, like he couldn't bare to say it any louder.
Swallowing down my hurt, I offered the bravest nod I could. "Okay. It's forgotten."
LIES, something small inside of me screamed. You won't forget. You've had one taste of him and it's never going to be enough.
I wanted him to want more. To want me even with his brother's threats. But I couldn't force something he didn't want. Especially after Carter had used me to leave Laurence a message.
Tucking away the pieces of my bruised heart, I dusted off my mantra of self talk and tried to keep myself from falling apart.
I like that I physically protect myself when people try to hurt me. I like that I encourage others to be brave. I like that Laurence's words won't break me...
...
Allie had taken the news of Derik and Carter's return like a girl who has listened to far too many murder revenge podcastsâ Eager to help destroy them with her bare hands.
"Tate is reaching out to his grandfather right now. You'll have a few people watching your building and there will be people watching the Royal Winters building too. They won't get near you," Allie said into my car, the bluetooth giving her voice a surround sound quality as I drove away from Laurence's home.
Tate, Allie's boyfriend, used to work as a bodyguard, a family business that gave him quick to teams of people that kept other people safe. Apparently a lot of people needed that skillset.
"I contacted Bex and she'll be in the office first thing tomorrow to go over the necessary changes to our security system," Allie continued. "So go home, ice your hand and take the rest of the day off."
"Okay," I said quietly, heart numb, my mind still half in Laurence's house.
Let it go Lily. You need to let it go.
"Did you know that Carter has shares in Royal Winters?" Allie asked suddenly.
The air left the car. "What?"
"His parents gave him shares in Royal Fashion. A smaller amount than what they gave Laurence, but still. One of the reasons why Laurence ended up selling his company to me was to reduce his brother's shares. He would literally have to take out both of us to get control."
My words to him three years ago came back to mind...
"They picked you to lead. You need to do it, or find someone else who can."
He had found Allie Winters. The person who would destroy Carter when he himself couldn't. I had been the one to show Laurence an article of Allie when she started making a splash in the fashion world.
"I think Laurence just got tired of fighting alone."
"He still does, Allie," I said quietly.
"I think he's learning that he isn't alone. Just... not as fast as either of us would like."
We fell into silence as I continued to drive, my mind racing.
"Everything is going to be okay Lily. I have my sister Delle keeping tabs on Carter and Derik."
Delle used to be a detective and surprisingly, was more terrifying than Allie. The extra eyes was comforting.
"Remind me to give you a bonus for that mean right hook you gave Derik," Allie continued, a smile in her voice. "I know it wasn't on your 'self improvement list' but it might as well have been, I've never been so proud."
I laughed. "Okay. Thanks."
"Don't let Laurence get to you," she added after a beat.
"He didn'tâ"
"He has a habit of self sabotage. Let him be grumpy and keep working on yourself in the meantime. He'll either prove to be worthy of you, or you'll find someone who is. Gotta go. Dash is trying to make coffee and I refuse to humor him again, bye!"
Pulling my car into my apartment complex, I walked slowly up the stairs, exhausted from a day filled with threats, punching people, watching Laurence pour out his feelings only to tuck them all away again like they didn't matter, like wanting me didn't matter, leaving me standing alone, my heart bare, again.
I wanted to ask Laurence a thousand questions. Why did you buy that speakeasy? Why didn't you tell me about Carter's shares in Royal Winters? Why do you push me away when I am so willing to stand by you?
But it felt pointless because he couldn't get past his fearâ however relevant. It didn't matter that I could take care of myself, or be brave. He wanted to keep everything under control and safe, on his terms.
I need to let him go.
Each step up the stairs left me more tired, more worn out. I was desperate to get inside, shed off what I had learned and burrow under a blanket to feel emotionally safe.
I am going to stuff Cheetos into my face and eat an entire box of cookies and hope that it makes me forget about this bad day. Maybe the power of chocolate can fix everything.
I didn't think I could take one more terrible thing happening, and with that thought, I seemed to conjure the last thing I neededâ finding my ex-boyfriend, Liam, standing at my apartment door, waiting for me.
---
Thank you for reading chapter twenty four! I hope you are enjoying the story! Or are at least curious to see where it goes! Add this story to your reading list to know when the next chapter drops!
UPDATE DAYS - A NEW CHAPTER EVERY FRIDAY!
UGHH! What does Liam want? Why is he there?!?!
Laurence has made it clear that he doesn't want to pursue anything. Will that change?
Will Derik get revenge for that punch?
What will Lily say to Liam?
What will happen next?
CHAPTER QUESTION - When you've had a bad day, what is your go to comfort food?