Chapter 45: Chapter 30.2: Postmodern Warfare

Finding Lee was easier than expected. She’d built herself a fortress.

As the paintball war raged on, Lee had secured her position with walls of ice, placing frozen barricades between herself and any possible opponents. This was not to say she was simply hiding and waiting, though. Watery tendrils wielded multiple guns, taking potshots at any opponents who came too close to her icy fortress. The tendrils entirely ignored Vell and Harley as they approached the frosty barriers.

“Hey bitch!” Harley shouted. “Do you want to build a snowman?”

Several of the icy walls melted instantly, revealing Lee sitting on a bench in the center of the fortress.

“Generally speaking, yes, but not right now,” Lee said. The rest of the fortress melted as Lee disassembled her fortified position. “We should be getting to the Ballball field. The first phase should be ending soon.”

“First phase?” Vell asked.

“Ah yes, you’ve never read any student handbooks,” Lee said. “I’ll explain on the way.”

The hovering Ballball stadium wasn’t far off, but they wanted to be among the first to arrive. Lee led the way while Vell and Harley picked off would-be attackers.

“You see, dear, every game of paintball war follows very distinct phases. The first phase, the one we’re in currently, is usually referred to as the ‘chaos’ phase, or the ‘free-for-all’ phase. This is when panicking Freshmen -no offense- cause havoc, and more experienced players reveal the weapons and technology they’ve spent the past year preparing. You’ve seen some of this chaos firsthand by now.”

“I shot several witches and prevented an off-brand Dune sequel, yes,” Vell said.

“Good work on that, by the way,” Lee said. She tried to turn and pat Vell on the shoulder while walking, and ended up tripping over her own feet. As she fell, a paintball sailed through the empty space where her head had been and splattered onto the ground.

“Sniper,” Vell cried. “Get down!”

Lee, who was already down, stayed there. Harley and Vell joined her on the ground and the trio crawled to the nearest source of cover. The unseen marksman took a few potshots at them as they crawled, but their tactical drop made them difficult targets.

“Man it’s a good thing we have so many benches on campus,” Harley said.

“Scientists do love to sit,” Lee said. She brushed some dirt off her blouse and took hold of her pistol. “But it looks like we’re going to have to make a stand.”

“Good line.”

“Thanks.”

Vell pulled out his phone and tried to use the camera to get an angle on their sniper without exposing himself. He didn’t catch sight of anything clear, but the trajectory of the shots made it clear that their sniper had to be in the clocktower. Vell relayed this information to his friends.

“Oh that’s way out of reach,” Harley said. “That dude must have a crazily modded gun. Anybody got any tricks up their sleeve?”

“I really should’ve brought more water with me,” Lee huffed. She had enough stored on her to make small shields, but it would be difficult to protect all three of them from sustained sniper fire in the open. While she lamented her lack of preparation, Vell reviewed his own. He grabbed the bag of runes out of his pocket and started digging through them.

“Let’s see, I got, uhh...Fireball, flash freeze, move, summon...I forget what this summons,” Vell said, as he scoured through his bag of runestones. He’d carved dozens of them over time, in case a random rune would ever come in handy. “Oh, this could be useful! Invisibility.”

Vell held up a single small rune, inscribed with the mark that could bend light and disguise his presence.

“Well that sounds perfect, Vell,” Harley said. “And now, in accordance with the pattern of our lives, you’re going to tell me why it’s not perfect.”

“You are eerily accurate,” Vell said. “It’ll cover one person for about five minutes.”

“Okay, so how does that work? If it’s just a person, do they have to be naked, because if so, I volunteer.”

“You could be naked if you want, but you don’t have to be,” Vell said. “It works on anything you’re wearing or carrying.”

“Anything you’re carrying?” Harley said with a grin.

“Anything,” Vell said. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

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“Lee, you got to wrap your arms around his chest, then I’ll grab his shoulders,” Harley said. In an attempt to loophole the “carrying” clause of the invisibility rune, Lee had climbed on to Vell’s back, and now Harley was climbing on to hers. The attempted dogpile was not without incident.

“I have little enough leverage already,” Lee complained. Vell had many positive qualities, but ‘broad-shouldered’ was not one of them.

“You got to cling to him with your legs, then, just wrap them around him and hold on tight. Like that time we rode the giant snake,” Harley said. “And no, Vell, that’s not a euphemism.”

“I figured,” Vell grunted. He was still kneeling on the ground while Harley and Lee tried to arrange themselves, and he already regretted this plan. His politeness -and lack of any better options- kept him from voicing those complaints, however. He bore the back pain stoically as the two women finally found a position that worked for them.

“Okay, I think we’re good to go,” Harley said. She wanted to give a thumbs up, but dared not risk removing her hand from the pretzel-like twist of limbs that was making their double piggy-back ride work. “Pop the rune and let’s see if it works!”

Vell held up the rune, and Lee provided the last bit of magical spark it needed to do its thing. Much to their relief, they hadn’t wasted the past seven minutes, and all three of them quickly vanished as the invisibility rune took effect.

“Sick! Go, Vell, go!”

The transparency worked in Vell’s favor, as no one saw how red Vell’s face turned as he struggled to rise to his feet with two fully grown women on his back. The grunting ended up giving him away.

“Easy Vell,” Lee cautioned. “One step at a time, all you have to do is get us to that lab building over there.”

“Yeah, sure, great,” Vell grunted through gritted teeth. “Just try not to move.”

Harley and Lee dutifully stayed still. Vell managed to plod along the campus grounds, unseen by their sniper, as he slowly made his way to the building that would give them more cover. As Vell stomped his way across the open quad, they could see another student attempt to make the sprint, and get shot down by the sniper in the clocktower. While the paint-splattered student stormed off in a huff, Harley gave Vell’s shoulder a light squeeze.

“You know, Vell, I do want to say I appreciate you,” Harley said. “You’re like, the most reliable guy I know on the average day, but today you’re doing double duty. You stopped the apocalypse all on your own, you shot all those witch chicks, and now you are literally carrying our team.”

“Yes, dear, this is above and beyond your already high standards of excellence,” Lee agreed.

“It’s fine,” Vell huffed. “You’d do the same for me. If either of you were physically able.”

“One of the many failures of being tiny,” Harley sighed. “Though it’s working in your favor right now, huh Vell?”

“Please don’t make me think about how heavy you are,” Vell said.

“Oh shit, right,” Harley said. “Uh, shit...Lee, we should do something nice for Vell, you know? Show how much we appreciate him.”

“That sounds like a good idea, yes.”

“What’re you into, Vell? We could get you like some new runecrafting stuff, or a video game, or like, oh, do you have a record player? We could get you that new vinyl from that rocker chick you and Leanne like.”

“Roxy,” Vell grunted. “Already own it, too.”

“Yes, Harley, I buy him nice things all the time, same as you,” Lee said. “Which makes it hard to express actual sincerity through a gift, now that I think about it.”

“That’s the bitch when it comes to materialism, isn’t it,” Harley said. “Well, damn, I’m kinda stumped. I don’t really know how to make things other than robots.”

“I could make him a lovely ice sculpture, but I doubt that is something Vell would appreciate.”

“Maybe not,” Vell said. “Uh, listen, I appreciate the distracting conversation, but we’re only a few steps away from the building now, and I’m going to collapse as soon as we get there, so hold on.”

“Understood, captain,” Harley said. She loosened her grip on Vell’s shoulder slightly as he made the last few plodding steps to safety. The minute his foot crossed into the shadow of the building, Vell kept his word and plummeted face first down into the ground. Harley and Lee tumbled off his back, becoming visible again the instant they did so. Vell tossed the rune aside with a limp flick of his arm, rendering himself visible as well. He groaned loudly as Lee picked him up and flipped him over so as not to be face down in the dirt.

“Thanks,” he mumbled.

“It’s the least I can do,” Lee said.

“We still owe you big time, buddy,” Harley said.

“Cool. Can we just chill here for maybe ten minutes or until I can feel my legs again?”

“That’s cool,” Harley said. “You take a nap, big guy. We’ll cover you.”

Harley and Lee prepared their guns while Vell prepared a soft patch of dirt to lie down on.

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By the time they started walking again, Vell’s legs still felt a bit like jelly. The girls had shot down three would-be attackers, though, so all agreed it was time to get a move on and make it to a more defensible position. They had to duck and dive between spots for cover for the first stretch to evade the sniper, but eventually they managed to break his line of sight and get themselves to relative safety.

“Well, the good news is that whole ordeal probably kept us occupied through the transition,” Lee said. “The in-between phases often becomes quite messy.”

“Right. Phases,” Vell said. “What’s that about, again?”

“Ah yes, I was rudely interrupted in the midst of my explanation, wasn’t I? The next phase is the so-called ‘warlord’ phase, in which- actually, we’re near the stadium, it’d be best to show you.”

Lee led the way around a corner and gestured to the Ballball stadium. Large banners had been draped over the side, crudely splattered with paint in the image of what Vell guessed was either a bear or a very fat wolf. Atop the stadium walls, armed guards patrolled with paintball guns raised. Lee put her hands up, a gesture Vell and Harley mimicked, and the trio were allowed to approach the fortified stadium in relative peace. The guards had paintball guns trained on them at all times, even as they approached the entrance.

“State your business or be fired upon,” a gate guard said. He stood in the booth that controlled the stadium gates and pointed his gun at them from the little hole in the glass usually used to pass tickets through.

“We’re friends of Leanne,” Lee said calmly.

“Heh, you’re not the first people today to say that. Most who do walk away dripping paint,” the guard said. He passed a word on to his subordinate who dashed inside the stadium for a moment and then returned, giving a nod in Lee’s direction.

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“Lucky you, looks like you were telling the truth,” the gate guard said. “Welcome to the fold.”

With the press of a button, the gate opened, and the looper trio was beckoned inside. The stadium interior had been converted from a sporting arena to a war camp. Camps of soldiers carried out armed drills, high-tech forges built new and more powerful paintball weaponry, and in the far corner, a small handful of students tried desperately to get their classwork done in peace. Not everyone on campus was equally invested in paintball war.

At the center of the paintball war camp, just below the levitating sphere of the field, sat Leanne, lounging on a makeshift throne. Several advisors and confidants waited near her towering throne. Vell waved politely at her boyfriend Elijah, who now had large red markings on his face that Vell sincerely hoped were just red paint. Leanne herself was dressed normally, except for the pelt of a wolf slung over her shoulders like some kind of ceremonial robe. At the side of her throne sat a large, multi-barreled paintball gatling gun, of such size and weight that only someone as strong as Leanne could hope to use it effectively.

“Leanne, thank you for having us,” Lee said with a curtsy. “I was just explaining the warlord phase to Vell, and this makes a lovely demonstration.”

Leanne nodded at the trio and then gestured to her impressive fortress as Lee’s explanation resumed.

“After the initial chaos fades, students begin to recall the old adage of ‘safety in numbers’ and start to band together in defensible locations. Naturally, these makeshift alliances are led by ‘Warlords’ such as Leanne, who prove themselves powerful paintballers.”

Leanne put a hand on her massive paintball chain gun and smiled proudly.

“You know Vell, you could be a warlord next year!” Harley said. She then gasped as a sudden realization came to her. “Or this year! Do you want to do a coup?”

“What? No, Harley, I mean- Among other things, Leanne is right there!”

Vell pointed at Leanne, who gave a broad shrug.

“Oh, coup’s are a natural part of the process,” Lee said. “Eventually people remember that there can only be one victor, and they covet the Warlord position, or they’re just naturally treacherous, and somebody tries to overthrow the Warlord and the whole thing falls apart.”

“It’s a pretty sweet gig until the inevitable betrayal, though,” Harley said. Leanne gave two thumbs up and relaxed on her throne. “Don’t relax too much, bitch, I’m coming for you.”

Leanne pointed to her eyes then pointed at Harley, with a sly smile on her face all the while. Vell still couldn’t tell if their animosity was sincere or a bit. The looper trio then walked away from Leanne and found a comfortable place to sit. Leanne’s forces had, apparently, conquered the dining hall, so they also grabbed some lunch from the plundered bounty.

“So you really intend to undertake a coup this year?” Lee asked.

“I mean, if I can get enough support,” Harley said. “If you take a swing at Leanne you better not fucking miss, right? I’m going to see who I can get on my side and then shoot my shot in about an hour or so.”

“Good luck,” Vell grunted between mouthfuls. He was eating with an unusual fervor, due to his earlier exertion building up an appetite.

“You’re not in?”

“Nah, my friendship with Leanne is in a weird enough place without me staging an insurrection against her,” Vell said.

“I must decline as well,” Lee said. “One of Lee’s inner council is another RA, and goodness knows those morning meetings are awkward enough already.”

“Aww. Fine. I got to go build a whole army by myself, apparently. You guys try to stay out of the crossfire, okay?”

“Will do,” Lee said. “Have fun, dear.”

Harley waved goodbye and sprinted off to find some easily-manipulated paintballers to join her insurrection, leaving Vell and Lee to enjoy the rest of their lunch. Vell in particular enjoyed the opportunity to wolf down some food without being interrupted by conversation. Lee gave him time to finish his meal before sparking up a new topic.

“Are you feeling better, Vell?”

“After a meal and a lot of sitting, yes,” Vell said. “My knees are probably going to be aching all day, but nothing I can’t handle.”

“Good. I’m glad we weren’t too much of a burden, in the literal sense.”

“You guys actually are pretty light, all things considered,” Vell said.

“Yes, well, Harley’s naturally small, and my parents deliberately underfed me as a child, so I’m a bit delicately built,” Lee grumbled.

“Jesus.”

“Sorry. Today’s supposed to be fun.”

“It’s fine. If venting makes you feel better, go for it,” Vell said.

“It makes me feel only slightly better and make me very much less fun at parties,” Lee said. “I do not consider it a fair trade.”

“Well, don’t vent at parties, then,” Vell said. “Which is fine, since I don’t think we’ve been invited to any.”

“True, though that is it’s own problem,” Lee said. She traced a fingertip in a circle across the table and tried to not to frown. Vell took the pause in conversation to look around the war camp and see if he recognized anyone. He could see Harley conspiring with Freddy in a corner and decided he wanted nothing to do with that. He didn’t see many other familiar faces, though, which left him at a loss. For all the crowd and all the noise, Vell saw very little opportunity to socialize.

The shuffling crowd and the rumbling noise came to a dead standstill as the gate opened once more. Vell and Lee’s heads turned towards the gate and the source of the disturbance. The crowd parted to make way for a man in a dusty brown coat and equally ragged black hat, dragging a paint-coated young woman behind him. Vell took note of the paintball gun strapped to the stranger’s back -it was a custom job, much like Vell’s paintball revolvers, but built in the image of a lever-action rifle rather than a handgun. He was even wearing cowboy boots much like the pair Vell had gathering dust in his closet.

“Heard you had a bounty out on a sniper,” the stranger drawled, his southern accent thick as molasses. He shoved the paint-covered student forward, and then tossed a disassembled paintball sniper rifle on to the ground near her. Leanne reviewed the scene and then nodded to one of her advisors, who began to hand over payment.

“They have bounties?” Vell asked.

“Yes, an entire paintball-based economy is established rather quickly,” Lee said. “You’ve seen how quickly people form cults around here. An economic system is much the same.”

Vell didn’t like considering the practical overlap between an economy and a cult, but he had little time to consider the implications. As soon as the cowboy-esque stranger finished receiving his payment, he began walking in Vell’s direction. After everything Vell had been through in the past few months, he knew better than to think that was a coincidence. The stranger cut through the crowd until he was standing just a few feet away from Vell and Lee. He paused to appraise them and then lit a cigarette and raised it to his lips.

“This is a non-smoking campus,” Vell said. The cowboy paused for a second to stare in Vell’s direction before putting the cigarette in his mouth anyway.

“It’s paintball day,” he said. “Rules are a bit looser.”

He took one slow drag of his cigarette in spite of Vell’s disapproving stare.

“Vell Harlan, right? Heard tell you’re a bit of a gunslinger yourself.”

“I guess,” Vell said.

“Hmm. Humble,” the stranger said. “So you and I don’t have that much in common.”

The stranger removed the cigarette from his mouth with one hand and put the other on his hip, subtly moving the shoulder of his coat to reveal a gold star pinned to his chest in a mockery of a sheriff’s badge.

“Name’s Ryder Storm,” he said. “Winner of last year’s paintball war.”

Whatever reaction Ryder had been expecting, he did not get. Ryder and Vell stared blankly at one another for a second before Ryder replaced his cigarette and stopped flaunting his gold star.

“I look forward to crossing guns with you, Harlan,” Ryder said. “If you last that long.”

“Okay. Good luck to you too, I guess.”

Ryder, clearly dissatisfied with Vell’s refusal to engage in any dramatic repartee, turned and walked away. Lee let him get some distance before turning back to Vell.

“I believe he was trying to start a rivalry with you, dear,” Lee said.

“Oh, really? Well, uh, that’s cool, but I don’t really want to have a rival,” Vell said. “I’m not really looking for a committed relationship right now, after, you know, uh, last semester...”

“How is a rivalry a committed relationship?”

“How is it not?”

Lee took a moment to think about it.

“Huh.”

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Vell poked at his cellphone briefly to check the time. They were running close to Harley’s scheduled coup, but still had some time to spare. Vell looked back up at Lee.

“You talked to Adele lately?”

“We’ve chatted occasionally, why?”

“Oh, nothing,” Vell said. “Just, uh, curious. She mentioned you the other day and I thought maybe you’d bumped into each other.”

“In the literal or figurative sense?”

“Either or,” Vell said. “You seem to bump into her more than most people.”

Lee couldn’t tell why, but Vell’s tone made her feel as if he knew something she didn’t.

“I’m going to go check on Harley,” she said. Lee grabbed her purse, stood, and then immediately tripped. She gave a resigned sigh, followed by a second, even deeper sigh, as she saw a paintball splat on the ground in front of her, having just sailed through the air where she had once stood.

“Really? Twice in one day?” Lee groaned. She’d almost rather have taken the hit than by saved by her clumsiness again. She rolled over on her back, gun drawn, to find Vell had already dispatched the would be shooter -and six others besides. He kicked over the table they’d been sitting at and ducked behind it for cover as he reloaded his paintball revolver. Lee joined him in cover and shouted across the war camp as it quickly erupted into violence.

“Harley! Please tell your men not to shoot at us!”

After using an unsuspecting student as a human shield and then returning fire, Harley started running their way, dodging and weaving as she ran.

“Not my dudes,” she shouted. “Not mine!”

“I thought you were running the coup!”

“So did I,” Harley said. She directed Botley to fire a volley in the direction of some charging troops and continued running. “Apparently several other people had the same idea!”

As Lee took a moment to peruse the battlefield, she saw that Harley was correct -the once united band of paintballers had divided into several distinct factions, each vying for control of the central podium and the throne on top of it. Leanne held her ground bravely, cutting down entire hordes with her paintball minigun, but as the center of attention, she was inevitably struck in the chest by a single devastating paintball. With a mighty shrug, Leanne tossed her minigun aside and pushed her way through the crowd, a warlord no more.

“Leanne’s down, that should focus the fighting,” Lee said.

“Do we want to like, pick a team and hope for the best, I guess?” Vell suggested.

“Nah, fuck that, let’s bail,” Harley said. There were too many new factors at play for a coup to be any fun. “Going to need a way out that’s not the door, though.”

Aside from the throne, the stadium entrances were the most hotly contested areas of combat. Harley sincerely doubted that proclaiming their neutrality would get them through the doors unpainted. The trio tried to balanced defending themselves with seeking an exit strategy. Vell spotted the coolers where some of the warband’s stolen dining hall spoils had been kept cold.

“Lee, you think there’s enough ice and water in those things for you to make some kind of ice ramp for us?”

“I believe so,” Lee said. “Good eye, Vell.”

“My man,” Harley said, beaming with pride. “We need to get you in shootouts more often.”

“Please don’t.”

“Fair enough,” Harley said. Lee broke off the conversation by throwing her hands in the direction of the coolers and then pulling them back, sweeping a wave of icy water along with them. The icy torrent carried a few cans of soda along with it, and Harley snatched one out of the water as Lee formed it into a shell around them.

“Ech, root beer,” she said. “Either of you want this?”

“Not thirsty, thanks,” Vell said. Lee likewise rejected the offer. Harley tossed the can back into the magically manipulated torrent and refocused. Lee shaped the water and ice into a dome, surrounding the three of them in a thick shield. The bubble-like barrier began to shift up the stands as the group made their way to the edge of the stadium. The thick wall of water made all paintball attacks ineffective, and the bulk of the warring students ignored the trio in favor of easier targets. That was a temporary arrangement at best, however.

“When I begin to make our exit ramp, our shield will be lost,” Lee warned them. “I’ll work as quickly as I can, but we’ll still be exposed. I’ll have to trust you two to provide cover fire.”

“I can probably do that,” Vell said.

“Come on, Vell, let’s see some of that confidence,” Harley said. “You’re on a hot streak today!”

“Uh, hot streak or not, I still only have twelve bullets per reload,” Vell said. “And there’s like, way more than twelve people out there.”

Harley glanced out past the glassy walls of the water barrier. There were, in fact, way more than twelve people out there.

“Oh, yeah. Well, I’m sure you’ll do a really good job shooting twelve of them.”

“Of that there is no doubt,” Lee said. “On that note, you two, it’s time for the wall to come down. Are you prepared?”

“As I’ll ever be,” Harley said. “Let’s move, bitch!”

Lee stood motionless.

“Let’s move, bitch, ‘please’,” Harley said.

“Much better. Ready your weapons!”

With a sweep of Lee’s arm, the water wall spiraled around them one last time and then flowed downwards. It briefly formed a waterfall over the edge of the stadium before freezing into a slick, curved ramp. Vell had little time to appreciate the artistry of Lee’s hydromancy in action, as others were starting to take notice of their newfound vulnerability.

The first person to turn a gun towards Vell got a paintball in the chest, as did the second, and third. Vell never missed a shot, but the looming specter of those shots running out haunted him. He tried to let Harley and her weaponized Botley do most of the shooting, but she couldn’t possibly cover every angle. Vell fired off his revolvers for the ninth, tenth, and eleventh times, and then contemplated what his next move would be. A second, maybe two, had passed, and yet Vell was still surrounded on all sides and nearly out of ammo.

“Time to go!”

Acting on impulse, Vell fired off his last shot at the nearest target and then made a dive for the ice ramp.

He barely found his footing on the slippery surface and was very nearly pushed off the edge as Harley slammed right into him, having jumped towards the ramp with unusual carelessness. A few paintball shots sailed over their head as all three began to slide towards the ground.

“Careful, Harley, you nearly shoved me off the edge there,” Vell cautioned. The three of them dismounted the icy ramp and then allowed Lee to reshape it into a new ice wall, giving them cover from the paintball fire that was still raining down from the stadium’s edge. Harley looked down at her shirt and sighed.

“Well, sorry Vell, but I kinda had to act fast,” she said. She moved her hand off her chest to reveal a large blue paint stain on her red shirt.

“Harley!”

“Yeah, I’m out,” Harley said. “Sucks, but what’re you going to do?”

Vell stared at the paint stain and then stopped staring at it when he realized exactly where it was located. He focused on something else instead.

“Did you...take a bullet for me?”

“A paintball bullet, Harlan, don’t be dramatic,” Harley said. “But yeah. You’ve been putting in the work all day. Figured I owed you one.”

She tugged at the collar of her shirt for a second and then grabbed her chest again.

“Got me right in the boob, though, god damn that stung.”

“I, uh, well, thank you, Harley.”

“Yeah, don’t mention it,” Harley said. “Like I said, I owed you one.”

The paintball fire from above had abated, so the trio took the opportunity to escape cover and flee in the direction of Harley’s dorm. Once they had rounded the corner, Harley stepped away from the group and waved goodbye.

“Well, I’m out, so I’m going to go chill in my dorm,” Harley said. “Vell, I took a bullet for you, so you better make top ten at least, you hear me?”

“I can probably do that,” Vell said, earning a disapproving shake of the head from Harley.

“No ‘probably’s’!” She demanded. “I want confidence, Vell! Confidence!”

“Okay, okay, I’ll definitely do top ten,” Vell said.

“There we go. Good luck you two. Harley out!”

She turned her back and threw up two peace signs as she walked away, leaving Vell and Lee to face the rest of the paintball war on their own.