Chapter 89: Book 2 Chapter 14.2: Don't Save the Cat

“So the cat you saw this morning seems to be some kind of shapeshifting assassin, and it has since vanished Harley, along with at least one unsuspecting student, leaving no trace of having done so by any scientific means?”

“Yes,” Hawke said, emphasizing his point by nodding frantically. He also tapped his leg and nervously fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, just to have an outlet for his energy. All told, Hawke appeared to be vibrating at a subtle yet constant rate.

“Perhaps you should have some tea and take a moment to breath, dear,” Lee said.

“I’m not crazy!”

“I didn’t say you were, darling, just that your nerves have clearly gotten the better of you,” Lee said. “You should take a moment to relax, at the very least. Stress is bad for the heart, you know.”

“Yeah, that’s what Harley said. Before a murder cat made her disappear!”

“I see. Regardless, I have something to tell you, so why don’t I make some tea and you can relax while we talk anyway.”

Lee very gently put a hand on Hawke’s shoulder and put light pressure on it, beckoning him to stay in the chair while she went to make tea. In spite of Lee’s reassurances, Hawke kept his head on a swivel the whole time, ever-vigilant for the sight of even a single whisker. Even when Lee returned with a cup of tea, the porcelain dish trembled within his grip, sending ripples through the liquid within.

“Now, Hawke, as I saying, I do have something else which warrants our attention,” Lee said. “I have identified a sort of magical anomaly hovering over the campus which has been flaring at irregular intervals. Perhaps there is some correlation between those flares and the disappearances you’ve supposedly seen?’

“Not supposedly, I saw them! The cat did it! It has to be, I don’t know, some kind of magical world-eater thingy, and the cat is it’s herald!”

“I suppose we can’t rule out the possibility of a Galactus scenario,” Lee admitted. “Still, the anomaly is our only concrete landmark in this situation. I think we can both agree it is more worthwhile to examine it than to chase a cat only you’ve ever seen.”

“Okay, sure, fine let’s do it! Yeah. Let’s go look at the whatever it is.”

“Well, we’re not going to look at it, dear, it’s an invisible-”

Hawke’s eye twitched.

“Uh, yes, we’re going to go look at it,” Lee said. Hawke did not appear to be in the mood to argue semantics. “Just let me get Vell and Kim.”

She also sent a message to Harley, while she was at it. Harley hadn’t responded to her last few messages, but Lee figured it was worth a shot. Harley had a way of keeping people level-headed, and Hawke needed a lot of that right now.

Lee got no response from Harley, which was worrying, but she kept those fears to herself. Hawke looked about ready to explode already. Kim acknowledged the message, and Vell sent a single thumbs up emoji. He was presumably still lost in his studies, but would at least attend their next meeting.

“If you’re up for it, Hawke, we can start heading out,” Lee said. “Or if you prefer you can stay here. I do have a handful of magical wards around my dorm room, just in case.”

“Really?”

“Yes. They’re not exhaustive, as it’s quite impossible to be prepared for everything, especially here, but they defend against most things,” Lee said. Since her parents insisted on her having the same dorm room over the years, she’d been taking the chance to slowly build up defenses, giving the loopers a slightly safer place to retreat to in the event of disasters. “I can’t promise it’ll protect you against everything, but it’s safer here than just about anywhere else.”

“Okay. Okay, yeah, I might hang out here for a bit,” Hawke said with a sigh. He leaned forward for a moment and put his head in his hands. “This is just a hell of a lot to deal with, you know?”

Hawke got no answer. The trembling started immediately.

“Lee?”

Dead silence was his only response. Hawke dared to lift his head for a moment and look up. There was no sign of Lee anywhere in the dorm room. However, in the window, there was a shadow of a cat perched on the windowsill.

Hawke ran, screaming for the third time today.

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“Are you going to put that book down?” Kim asked. “You got a ninety-two. I’ve seen the end of the world a couple times now, Vell, and a ninety-two isn’t it.”

“It’s not about grades,” Vell mumbled.

“Then what is it about?”

Vell shushed her and continued reading his book. Kim rolled her eyes and went back to relaxing on the bench, until she heard the faint, yet persistent, sound of Hawke’s screaming. The enduring scream got louder as the man himself came closer, eventually coming to a halt in front of Kim, breathless and trembling.

“Ah, oh no, oh my god, there’s- it’s a cat, and then it was Harley, and- special distortion thingy was distorting, and Lee said the dorm was safe, but then -cat got Lee too, and, oh my god -Cat’s somewhere, it might be right behind me.”

“Woah, slow down there, Hawke,” Kim said. “Take a breath. Relax.”

“Everybody keeps telling me to relax and then I try to relax and then the monster cat makes someone vanish,” Hawke snapped back. “How am I supposed to relax?”

“Okay, maybe don’t relax, but at least stop screaming at me,” Kim said.

“Fine. Sorry. Can I scream at Vell?”

Kim didn’t even have to turn around to guess what was happening.

“Is he still reading that book?”

“Yes.”

“Please scream at him,” Kim said.

“Vell!” Hawke screamed. “There’s some kind of weird magic black hole on campus, an alien cat is disappearing people, Harley and Lee are already gone, and you’re still reading that stupid book!”

“Hold on, I’m almost done,” Vell said, holding up one finger as if to silence Hawke.

“Kim, please help, me, I can’t really- Kim?”

Hawke got no response. He let out a very soft whimper and closed his eyes

“Vell. Please stop reading the book.”

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“Okay, all done,” Vell said. “Hold on a second, I was- oh, what’re you doing here kitty?”

The sound of a book hitting the ground horrified Hawke more than any of the dozens of disasters he’d lived through by now. He tried to keep his eyes shut for as long as he could, but eventually the darkness behind his eyelids terrified him too much to bear. Trembling all the while, Hawke dared to open one eye and peek out at the world. He saw exactly what he expected.

Kim and Vell were gone, and on the bench where they had been sitting, there was nothing but a gray cat, staring intently at Hawke with cold amber eyes.

At this point, Hawke crossed the terror threshold and his fear started to transmute itself into outrage.

“What the fuck do you want?” Hawke shrieked. “Why are you doing this?”

The cat blinked once. For a moment, Hawke deflated.

“Oh jesus, you really are a normal cat, aren’t you?”

The cat blinked again. When it opened it’s eyes once more, they were pitch black.

NO.

The voice emanated from everywhere at once, booming out of every atom, even those within Hawke’s own body. The sheer cosmic force of the voice overwhelmed him, and Hawke dropped to his knees. He clutched at his ears in a failed attempt to keep the all-consuming noise at bay.

WE ARE EVERYTHING. WE ARE BEYOND YOUR ABILITY TO COMPREHEND.

The cat’s fluff blew in an ephemeral breeze as it levitated upwards. The air around it whipped into a cyclone as the grey kitty ascended.

AND YOU HAVE ANGERED US. YOU ACT ON UNIVERSAL TRUTHS WHICH HAVE NOT YET COME TO PASS. YOU DEFY THE NATURE OF CAUSALITY AND UPSET THE TEMPORAL ORDER WE CAREFULLY SAFEGUARD.

Hawke started to realize the cat-thing was talking about the time loops. The overwhelming sound of the cosmic voice could not be kept at bay, so he shouted back at it.

“But this has been going on for years,” Hawke said. “Why now? Why ask me?”

“NOW” IS A MEANINGLESS CONCEPT. OUR EXPANSE IS COSMIC. WE DO NOT EVEN MEASURE INCREMENTS OF TIME AS SHORT AS YOUR ENTIRE MORTAL LIFESPANS. AS FOR YOU-

The maelstrom surrounding the cat descended, so that its black eyes could stare directly into Hawke’s soul.

YOU HAVE BEEN ALLOWED TO RETAIN EXISTENCE LONG ENOUGH TO ANSWER QUESTIONS, BECAUSE YOUR COWARDICE MAKES YOUR MIND WEAK AND PLIABLE. NOW. CONFESS YOUR ROLE IN THIS ABERRATION OF NATURE. DO NOT LIE, FOR WE SEE TRUTH AND DECEPTION IN THE COSMIC HARMONY OF YOUR VOICE.

The cat flexed its paws, revealing the claws hidden within.

HOW DID THIS ABERRATION COME TO BE?

Hawke looked at the cat-that-was-not-a-cat and blinked twice.

“I don’t know.”

The cosmic cat looked back at Hawke, and also blinked twice.

WHAT.

“Wait, hold on, do you not know?”

The cat floated upwards a few inches, and puffed out it’s fur.

YES. OF COURSE WE DO.

“Okay, cool, if you could explain it to me, I could probably help you resolve this whole thing,” Hawke said. “Because I’ll be honest, it’s kind of fucking up my life a little.”

THAT KNOWLEDGE WOULD ONLY RISK YOUR KIND CREATING FURTHER DISRUPTIONS.

“Well, come on, you don’t have to tell everyone, just me,” Hawke said. “I’m on your side here, this is unnatural, I want to know what makes this campus tick as much as you guys do.”

WE...WE CANNOT ALLOW THIS. THE DANGER IS TOO GREAT. YOU KNOWING WOULD BE...BAD.

Hawke did not have the most discerning senses, especially not when unfathomable cosmic entities disguised as cats were involved, but he knew bullshit when he smelled it.

“You don’t know either, do you?”

The sound of the entity’s voice had filled the entire universe, and the silence that now followed was just as all-consuming. The blank eyes of the cosmic cat stared back at him.

FUCK.

And then, to cover his own ass, the cosmic cat obliterated Hawke entirely.

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“And then, to cover his own ass, the fucking thing obliterated me entirely,” Hawke said. The gathered loopers nodded as one. The second loop would hopefully prove more productive in thwarting the Cosmic Cat.

“Sounds about right,” Lee said. “Cosmic powers tend to be egotistical.”

“So what do we do?”

“Well that depends entirely on the nature of the creature,” Lee said. “We could-”

YOU WILL DO NOTHING.

Hawke let out a high-pitched squeak of terror and ducked behind Vell. The loopers drew their weapons as the cosmic cat prowled over a nearby fence and made it’s way towards the picnic table they had met at. It showed no fear of any of the weaponry before it.

YOUR ABERRANT NATURE NOW EXTENDS EVEN TO KNOWLEDGE OF US? THIS CANNOT BE ALLOWED.

Vell fired a round at the cat, and the bullet shattered on impact with the cat’s fluffy hide. After deflecting their blows, the cosmic entity rose upwards, once again levitating itself on quantum gusts that whipped the air around it.

WE INTENDED TO INTERROGATE YOU, BUT NOW YOU HAVE PROVEN YOURSELVES TOO GREAT A THREAT. YOU MUST FACE COSMIC OBLIVION.

The surging winds began to draw inwards, towards the cat, and the universe itself seemed to be drawn in with it. Space and time coalesced around a midsized gray house cat surging with unfathomable stellar power. The world itself roared with agony as it warped, filling the air with the shrieking sound of reality being bent into a new shape.

Also, the shrieking cry of a hawk.

A speeding blur of feathers and talons swooped down and snatched the levitating cat out of the air. The warped reality snapped back into place with a loud, shrieking meow that faded into the distance as the hawk carried the cosmic cat away. Once Vell had come to his senses, he could only barely see the hawk swoop out of sight, prey still clutched in it’s talons.

“Huh.”

“It can’t be that easy, right?” Kim asked.

“It usually isn’t,” Lee said. “We’ll try to track it down, just in case.”

“Can we not?” Hawke pleaded. “Or at least, can I not?”

“Yeah, sure,” Harley said. “You’ve earned a break.”

“Does running around screaming like a baby earn breaks?”

“Hawke, seriously,” Harley said. “You singlehandedly stared down a cosmic entity and called it on it’s bullshit. Stop talking about yourself like you’re a coward.”

“Huh.”

“Yeah,” Vell agreed. “We all kind of froze in shock when we met Quenay, and she was technically helping us. You soloed a hostile celestial.”

Vell had backed down when facing the mismatched gaze of the mystery goddess, so Hawke’s display of courage in the face of a seemingly almighty entity could only impress him.

“Okay, okay, okay, wait, hold on,” Hawke said.

“No, they’re right,” Kim said. “That was very brave of you.”

“No, no, you stop right there,” Hawke demanded. “None of you are allowed to call me brave, because if I’m brave, then you’re going to expect me to do this shit again!”

Of all the many things Hawke wanted, a reputation for courage was not one of them. He wanted to be allowed, nay, expected, to run from anything and everything he chose. Courage was an overrated virtue in a world of mysterious gods, evil billionaires, and cosmic cats. Hawke wanted to be a coward, and he wanted everyone around him to know he was a coward. Cowardice would keep him alive.

“Uh...okay,” Harley said.

“Thank you,” Hawke said. “Call me a coward, a wimp, a wuss, a -well don’t call me a scaredy-cat, not for a while at least- just don’t ever call me brave.”

Kim nodded in agreement. She’d stick to thinking it.

“But while you’re all respecting me: Vell, what the fuck were you reading?”

“Oh, just some rune stuff I thought might get me closer to Quenay,” Vell said. “Interesting stuff, but I doubt it’ll be relevant any time soon.”

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A few hundred yards away, a colorful hawk landed on a rooftop, clutching a grey cat in it’s talons. The raptor laid the cat flat on it’s back, tightened it’s grip, and stared down at the beast with mismatched eyes.

“What are you?” The cosmic cat pleaded. The grip of the bird had suppressed not just his cosmic power, but also his ability to speak in all-caps.

“I am operating the experiment you almost sabotaged,” Quenay chirped. She really hated playing Deus Ex Machina, but Vell had a way of attracting especially destructive attention. The Goddess was no stranger to her games ending in disaster, but she wanted this one to reach a more natural conclusion.

“Your presence is impossible, no one can manipulate us, we are the pinnacle of-”

The talons tightened their grip on the cat’s ribcage, causing it to gag up a small hairball.

“You spent so much time looking down on all the things below you, you forgot to look up,” Quenay said. “This round of my game has yet to run it’s course, so I’m going to need you and everything else on your tier of the cosmic food chain to stay out of my business.”

“So this is your doing? You’re responsible for this anomaly?”

Quenay squeezed her talons again, digging infinitely sharp nails into the cat’s hide.

“Maybe I am, maybe I’m not,” Quenay said. “That’s for them to find out, not you.”

At this point, the cosmic cat began to realize that it was experiencing pain for the first time in it’s infinite existence, and felt the first few pangs of genuine fear in turn.

“Alright, alright, you’ve made your point,” the cosmic cat meowed. “You’re the more powerful entity. The form you chose shows that well enough, yes, good show. You are further up the food chain than me, I get the point.”

The mismatched eyes of Quenay’s hawk form stared down at the cat in dead silence. The talons did not loosen their grip.

“The predatory form...is an elaborate visual metaphor, right?”

In a small display of reality warping power, Quenay’s inflexible beak curved into a slight smile.