Chapter 13: CH 13

(POV Chifuyu)

(TN: So this Chifuyu point of view storytelling, it’s just that she uses her own name to address herself when talking that it might sound like third person at times, but it is first person, and I’m translating it as such)

“Hey, the teacher is returning our tests,”

The teacher handed back the recent test to Chifuyu and the other classmates. It was a bunch of complex questions that required knowledge about prefectures, their capital cities, and famous products.

Chifuyu had studied hard and would surely get a perfect score.

“Hey, how many points did you get?”

“Show me yours first,”

As the teacher handed out the answer sheets, the students tried to hide their scores from each other, acting distant.

“Well… 46 points, not bad,”

Natsu-nee sighed as she returned to her seat. Chifuyu also walked up to the teacher when her name was called and received the test results.

The kind-looking female teacher handed Chifuyu her test.

“You were so close, Chifuyu-san. There was just one careless mistake,” she said.

“Huh?”

On the top left corner of the answer sheet was written the score: “98 points.” I quickly scanned through the numerous questions, trying to figure out where I had made a mistake. Ah, I had written “Matsuyama” instead of “Matsue” as the capital city of Shimane Prefecture…

Unvolountery, I clenched my test tightly in my  hand. The lines of text were distorted, and the questions, answers, and scores seemed warped.

“Ch-Chifuyu?”

“…?”

“Can you hear me?”

“A-ah, w-what is it?”

“Well, you looked scared or something.”

“S-sorry. I wasn’t really conscious of it…”

“Your test is all messed up though…”

“Oh, y-yes, it certainly is…”

I quickly spread out the answer sheet on the desk and smoothed out the wrinkles. As I looked at the score again, Natsu-nee also exclaimed in surprise.

“You’re amazing, aren’t you? Over double my score! 98 points, wow!” Natsu-nee exclaimed with a smile.

“Well, it’s possible,”

“It’s really impressive! Not everyone can do that!” Natsu-nee continued.

“…I hope so,”

I was praised by Natsun-ee with a smile. I could tell she was sincere. But her words sounded condescending, filled with pity. It felt like she was looking down on me. I grew tired of feeling that way about myself. We’ve been sisters for so long, and I’ve always relied on them for everything… Yet it stirs up negative emotions inside me, swirling like dark clouds.

That day, I couldn’t focus on my classes. Chifuyu’s mind was fully preoccupied with my sisters. I could somehow manage to compete with Natsu-nee and Aki-nee in studies. But Haru-nee always came out on top, leaving me no chance. She always took everything upon herself. I wanted to do something for Haru-nee, but it felt like she didn’t need anything from me.

I feel so useless. I want to be special… I want to stand alongside my sisters as an equal. I don’t want to be left behind. I hate being alone. If only I could become special…

I wonder how Haru-nee did on her test. If she outperformed me, I would feel like I had no value or distinguishing features among my sisters. I wouldn’t even be a true fourth sister, or even part of the family.

If I can’t even win in academics… Despite studying so hard and giving it my all, if I can’t be at the top at something, if I have no superpowers, I’ll end up feeling empty and worthless. I won’t have any special connections, and there won’t be any meaning to my existence. I’m afraid of becoming just like a lifeless doll.

It’s scary, and I don’t want to ask. But I have to ask. I asked Haru-nee in a casual tone as the bus swayed.

“Haru-nee.”

“What’s up?”

“Um, how did you do on the test?”

“…I got a perfect score.”

She replied in a voice that seemed to show concern.

As an older sister, she always felt the responsibility to set an example—to be a role model. So, she never slacked off in tests and always gave her all, except for when she was helping others in PE.

But this time, I had a significant advantage. I had plenty of time, and the environment was favorable. Yet I still lost.

Sigh… I can’t help but think that I’m an existence that doesn’t really make a difference among my sisters, whether I’m there or not. Even if I try to catch up with my three older sisters and become special, it seems impossible. I study hard, but I still lose to my eldest sister. I don’t have the energetic and magical ability to change the atmosphere like my third sister or the cute and distinctive abilities like my second sister.

Why is it that I have nothing…?

I’ve always felt lonely, like I was left out. And despite putting on a smile, It was tough.

You don’t need those superpowers?

Then give me one. Give one to Chifuyu. Don’t say that you don’t need it or that being ordinary is fine. Don’t give off that kind of vibe.

It’s because we look alike that the differences become more apparent.

Even my hair is plain. Chestnut brown hair is so dull compared to silver, gold, or pink-colored hair. Their faces are even cuter than mine. Their personalities, everything…

I’m irritated, irritated, irritated, irritated. I can’t stop feeling frustrated with myself. I’m just an ordinary person with nothing special, unable to make any progress. I despise myself constantly. I feel so miserable for being jealous of my sisters.

“Chifuyu, are you okay…?”

“You seem to have a gloomy expression.”

“You look pale too.”

The three of them expressed their concern.

“I’m… fine,”

It’s complicated. Even though they were worried about me, I couldn’t help but feel pity for myself. But I also felt grateful that they cared for me.

I couldn’t burden them with any more worries. It was enough. I decided to give up on being special or the best and just focus on being average. Though, as it stands now , I might end up below average. I smiled faintly and tried to act normal…

“Listen, Chifuyu… Onee-chan is…”

“Oh, we’re getting off here!”

“Oh, yeah.”

Haru-nee was about to say something, but since it was our stop, I got up from my seat. My backpack felt unusually heavy, and my body suddenly felt sluggish. Fatigue took over my body, and my mind was filled with static like a TV snow screen.

“Chifuyu… Are you okay?”

“Thanks for your concern, Aki-nee, but I think it’s better to review the test instead.”

“Ugh, you’re right…”

We walked from the bus stop to that person’s house. Haru-nee unlocked the door and went inside. She’s the eldest after all, Haru-nee. She probably knows what Chifuyu is thinking and that Chifuyu is trying to put on a facade.

But I couldn’t say anything because Chifuyu and Haru-nee are polar opposites, complete opposites. The emotions Chifuyu and Chiharu held were incompatible.

“Ah, Ch-Chifuyu… Onee-chan, well…”

“I’m fine, see? I’m so energetic!”

“But…”

“Please don’t worry about it. I really am fine!”

“Yeah, okay…”

I’m sorry. I’m being so troublesome. Even though Haru-nee has gone through the most painful experiences, I still feel jealous and resentful. I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for causing you worry even now. I’m sorry for not being able to do anything back then.

Chifuyu put on a smile and went back to her room on the second floor.

************

TN: poor Chifuyu…