Chapter 12: 10

One Cold Morning

-•-•-

"What are you to me?" The morning breeze asks.

"A lover you've touched and passed by a countless number of times,"

"What am I to you?" She asks.

The morning breeze smiles sadly,

"My moment's worth of happy ending."

Waking up in the Noo residence is just as I initially expected it to be. It is weird. I won't lie, the first few minutes after waking up, I really miss my home. I wonder how the hell I'm in this room that doesn't have the scent of citrus my whole home carries. For the first few minutes, I miss the normality that my life had just three days ago. I miss how structured my days always were.

Then I turn around and my eyes lands on the drooling little boy snuggled beside me. When I think about it seriously, it's definitely weird. Issac is essentially a stranger. A strange kid I could pass by any day in the city — I've barely known him personally for two days, and yet there he was, asleep as comfortable as anyone could be... right beside me.

For a second I remain frozen, just watching the puffy sleeping face of the child barely an inch away in alarm. What am I doing here? What am I doing here lying to him? Pretending to be someone I clearly am not? How dare I receive the love he is so unconditionally giving me, the wrong person? An impostor?

For the first few minutes, I want to run. How could I get myself into such a mess? How can I ever explain all of this to my parents? My coworkers?

To think clearly suddenly feels like such a big burden. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know anything. So I grab the thing that makes the most sense... my phone.

It doesn't have me too surprised when I notice a text already on there.

For a second I wonder about the question. Then I frown. What sort of a question is this? Of course, I'm feeling like shit right now!

A second later my phone's notification pings and I instantly tap on the new notification.

To be honest, there's a lot of things I'm worried about at this moment. So many things that I don't know what to tell her first.

Still, I find my fingers already beginning to tap on the screen furiously. The urge to vent is incredibly strong as I let out anything and everything I'm feeling.

Another minute. Another message.

I blink. I realise that Saara's psychology major is really showing its head right now. Of course she's not satisfied with my word fart. So with a sigh, I begin typing again. This time, trying to be a little more understandable.

The phone's screen lights up and I let my eyes drop towards it. My heart falls when I look down at the newly received message.

I glance towards a sleeping Isaac and feel my chest constrict with hope. Can I really do this without facing the brunt of this carelessness?

That hits me like a tonne of bricks to my chest. She's right... I'm not accountable to anyone but my parents. Still, all this lack of accountability sounds best in books and motivational quotes. Real-life doesn't work this way.

A full minute passes before my phone lights light up again.

I glance at Issac again and find my hand reaching for the sleeping child. Wrapping my fingers around his tiny thumb, I slowly pull it out of his mouth. Immediately Isaac's face contorts into a crying expression and I reach for him, patting him back to sleep when the phone lights up again.

Isaac's arms tighten around me as he snuggles closer into me and I rub the child's back. It's better when he's like this, unguarded and asleep. When he's awake he's constantly aware, constantly on guard about me and my whereabouts.

It's not a lie. I don't exactly know what I want right now, that's true. But I'm definitely sure of what I do not want — I really don't want Isaac looking as devastated and lost as he did on that rainy afternoon we first met.

Right. She's right. A soft smile of resolution settles on my lips and I turn and I let out a breath of relief when the heavy feeling I've had ever since waking up, slowly begins to dissipate.

Instantly I feel the tickling feeling of nervousness blossom in my chest when I realise that I didn't discuss bringing Isaac over to my home with Saara. Biting my lip, I type in a reply and after staring at the three words for a while — press send.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Good morning, would you like some more juice?" I ask the surprised looking man seated on the kitchen table a few steps away when I enter the kitchen, freshly bathed and brushed. I glance at his almost empty glass and then back at him.

Having a conversation with Saara really did clear my head quite a lot. Afterward, it took a couple of minutes of lazing in bed with a sleeping Isaac, before I found myself getting up to start a new day.

Still, the secret nervousness of Isaac freaking out again and creating a scene when he'll wake up alone today is a bit more strong than usual since William is home today as well. I don't know how the man will react to his child's clear showcase of nerves.

Moving behind the kitchen island, I smile at the silent man as I reach back and begin pulling my hair back up into a knot.

William tilts his head to his side, observing me.

"You don't have to serve me things, Miss Windly. You're not the help. I can serve myself," He says dismissively.

I blanch under his gaze. Maybe he thinks I should just take care of his son's tantrums and not integrate myself into the kitchen? Maybe he thinks I'm trying to seduce him? Get into his bank account?

Oh no no!

"I'm trying to apologise for last night," I mumble quickly, "About what my cousin said."

"What did she say?" William picks up his fork and knife again, seemingly accepting my answer.

I almost turn around and walk out of the kitchen. He wants me to say it out loud. Does he not know how embarrassing that is?

Still, I dare to speak.

"For assuming you were jealous last night," I mumble awkwardly, feeling my cheeks warm with every word I say.

"What do you think?"

My eyes snap to his, "Excuse me?"

"Do you think I was jealous, Gemma?" William asks dryly, cutting his sausage and toast before plopping it into his mouth. I watch as a small smile tugs at the corner of his lip. Then he takes another bite.

Is he being serious right now? I can't help but wonder as I stare at the man before me. Suddenly William's eyes snap to mine and I watch as his face turns blank. Just like always is... completely unreadable. A frown flutters on my own and for the first time, I realise that maybe William doesn't exactly like me and my barging into his life.

"I have no opinion on something that's not even possible," I smile awkwardly at the man in front of me softly, before grabbing some eggs and cracking them into a bowl.

"By the way, Mr. Noo," I clear my throat, feeling the nerves washing over me again as I begin speaking, "I think we need to talk about somethings."

I really need to discuss this... arrangement... we have going on. I think it's only best if I know how William also feels about this. If I am freaking out, maybe he is too.

"If we're going to have a serious conversation, can I ask you to sit with me somewhere and discuss it, please?"

For a second I'm surprised by his request. I had initially planned on just getting this conversation over with while cooking Isaac his breakfast. It would have been a great distraction and it wouldn't feel like we're having an extremely serious conversation at the same time. Now... I suppose I'll have to face this head-on.

"Okay," I nod as I let my fork lean on the glass bowl, placing it back on the kitchen island.

"It's alright, dears. You two go on and talk. I'll make Isaac's breakfast,"

Both William and I's head darts towards the kitchen entrance where Mrs. Xi now stands, watching us with a smile on a face, her hands folded in front of her.

"Ma," William blurts our as shoots to his feet, and my eyes snap to him instead. A guilty look flutters across William's face and my eyes widen when I realise he's feeling guilty about having this situation happening in front of his mother-in-law.

Turning towards Mrs. Xi my eyes widen even more when I she chuckles sadly and shakes her head. Then she says something to William in Vietnamese that makes me wish I had knew Vietnamese or Mandarin instead of English, Hindi, and a laughable about of Arabic. The older woman's eyes turn to me and I immediately find myself looking down at my feet like a child who's done something naughty.

Immediately Mrs. Xi's chuckle echoes around the kitchen and I almost jump when her cold fingers curl around my arm. "Go on. I'll take over," she smiles at me as she brings my hand up to hold them.

I blink as I look at the woman before turning towards a silent William only to find his eyes already studying me.

"Thank you," I mumble when I turn back to Mrs. Xi and smile at her sadly. Squeezing her hand thankfully, I almost wish there was a day I could share everything I felt right now with this woman. Maybe she'd be able to help me with my nerves. But I can't, she's Shirley's mother and I as much as she trying to maintain supportive, I know the absence of her daughter must be very hurt. I don't want to hurt her even more.

Slowly, I turn towards William and nod when he motions for me to follow him. This is it. I can feel it. We're going to have a confrontation and it'll probably be easier to see how we should move from here. Looking back to give Mrs. Xi one last smile, I begin walking behind William.

Before me, William slowly moves across the living room and onto the stairs. I follow him slowly, trailing behind him as we walk up the stairs.

A lot of things cross my mind as we walk. Him in front of me and I in his shadows. I recall the first time I had seen him. His flustered, apologetic face flutters before my eyes on that wet afternoon. I recall how we had first met. Isaac's insistent crying and his first apologies. A smile shadows my lips when I think about the days that followed after I met him and his son. The times I spent carefree and happy — before it rained and my lips curled up sadly like it always did when the thoughts of a sad boy and his quiet father brushes through my memories.

As we continue to walk, I wonder where he's taking us. Of course the corridor seems familiar. But there is no way that I know the house nicely yet. It's barely been three days after all. I look around the pristine-looking decor around the house as I continue to follow William. Then our destination suddenly becomes starkly clear and I stop in my steps. Right in front of William's bedroom door.

Opening his bedroom's door, William turns towards me when he realises I'm not following him in.

"You want to talk there?" I blurt out when he turns towards me.

"Yes. Is there a problem?" William frowns at me. He frowns at me.

"In your bedroom?" I try not to gape at the man.

"It's a place with the most privacy, Gemma. I don't think you want Isaac to hear us, do you?"

Right. He has a point.

"Yeah," I feel my face flush as I nod in agreement. I still hesitate for a second though, my eyes glancing between William's, the bedroom, and the open door he's holding onto.

"It's okay. We can talk somewhere else if you're really uncomfortable?" William begins to walk out and I instantly find myself moving forward. Reaching out my fingers wrap around his arm — stopping him from closing the door — and I walk into the room. For a second I wonder if I should let go of William's hand. I loosen my grip as we walk in, waiting for him to break away or drop his hand, but he doesn't and I glance back at the tall man curiously when we stop inside the room. My eyes snap towards our joined limbs before moving up to his face.

"Sorry," I mumble, uncurling my fingers from around his arm until it now remained open underneath his resting limb, "You can take your arm back."

For a second or two, the man leaves his hand on my open palm, and I feel as my heart begins to thump harder inside my chest. My eyes snap up to his again.

"Thank you," William nods just then, removing his arm from my grasp before turning back around and closing the door.

The click of the door shut close makes me realise how small this large bedroom can actually feel like and I hold my breath as I watch William turn and begin walking around me towards the large black couch.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" William looks up at me expectantly, and I hesitantly drag myself towards the couch and settle myself on it, turning so that I'm facing the man.

"Firstly, I'm sorry, I don't want to make you feel like you're obligated to, or have to share my views. Frankly speaking, I'm too confused to expect you to have a specific plan for how we are going to continue this. I know, you must feel like I'm some reckless young lady who's foolish enough to do something when it's not even her business. I agreed to this even when you didn't ask. If it messes up, it's completely my fault. I'll admit, I wasn't thinking of anything except Isaac. I really hadn't thought of the consequences. I mean, I had. But not really, you know?" I sigh, giving up, "Please tell me at least you know what we should do now?"

For a few minutes, we just sit there in silence. Neither he nor I know what to say. I'm not sure what's going on in his mind but inside mine, there's a whole carnival going on.

I wonder if I've done the wrong thing. I wonder if he's going to throw me out now that I've told him about not being so confident. I wonder if I should just stand up and escape before he tells me to leave. Then I wonder why I'm trying to escape that situation.

"I'd be more surprised if you didn't feel nervous, Miss. Windly," William finally replies, his tone lower than I expect it to be.

"I'm sorry," I let my head fall. It's shameful. I've gotten myself into this situation. I barely know how to react any other way.

"So you want to back out now?" His question takes me by surprise. I feel myself shiver under the deepness of his tone and instantly clench my hands so that it isn't so visible. I don't plan on making a fool out of myself.

"No, of course not," I shake my head, before finally managing to muster enough courage to sneak a peak at the man.

My breath hitches in my throat when I find him already looking down at me, his unreadable expression back in place. Any sort of familiarity I had thought I'd seen in the morning is now gone.

"I never said that," I find myself mumbling as look up at him.

"Then what do you wa—"

"I'm asking you if you've been better prepared then I am," I broke him off, looking away from him. Something in William's voice won't settle well with me. It feels like he's chastising me. I slump at that thought. It's not wrong if he is to be honest... I was an idiot after all.

"I have decided not to inform anyone of who you are until absolutely necessary. If it is absolutely needed, I will just tell people you're William's godmother and that's why he calls you mum," William replies, the calmness his voice holds, catches me by surprise and I find my eyes widening on the sincerity on his face.

Actually, come to think of it, his idea is quite clever as well. It wouldn't be too weird to call one's godmother 'mum'. Lots of kids call their mum's mother, older sister or friend 'big-mum' amongst other things. Granted, I'm none of the three. Still, no one else needs to know that!

"Okay! I agree! Thank you!" I nod enthusiastically as I begin standing up and making a move towards the closed bedroom door.

"Where are you going?" William's voice asks from behind me and I find myself stopping in my steps. Turning around my wide eyes meet his piercing dark ones and I find myself letting out a nervous chuckle.

"I was going to check up on Isaac and see if he's up yet or not."

"He would have found you if he was awake, don't you think?"

That's true. Isaac would have already marched in here, shouting at the top of his lungs to find me.

"You're right," I admit, not being able to help but give the man a sheepish smile.

William nods and I watch as he glances down at the spot I was just occupying a minute ago, "Could you come here and talk to me for a minute, please?"

As bubbles of unsureness erupt in my chest, I turn towards the spot beside him and bite my lip nervously. I'm pretty sure I'm turning scarlet by the second as well.

For a second I ponder on whether I should just walk out while I can. Then I wonder how rude that would be.

"It's fine if yo—" William begins to stand, his cheeks flushed pink. He looks visibly embarrassed and I instantly find myself feeling guilty.

"Sure! What do you want to talk about?" I beam, cutting him off as I stride forward and settle myself beside him. A little closer than I had initially wanted to be honest.

"You touch me quite freely in front of Isaac,"

I feel a flush creep up my face and I nod.

"I've noticed you let Isaac think we're actually a couple,"

I nod again, feeling my face begin to heat now.

"Why?"

I blink, surprised. Looking up I find William's eyes already on me. Studying me.

I look away, "I'm sorry if that's been uncomfortable to you in any sort of way. I didn't mean to make you feel harassed or anything. I'm not trying to infiltrate into your personal life, I promise. It's just that I'm afraid he'll throw a tantrum otherwise. Since I'm supposed to be his mum, you and I are supposed to be together, right?"

There is a moment of silence that follows my reply. A moment's silence I don't particularly find myself enjoying. I knew holding his hand and pecking him on the cheeks was pushing it — the man didn't sign up for this. The humiliation and nervousness burning in my chest doesn't help matters as well.

"So you expect us to behave like a couple in front of Isaac?"

"No no, you don't have to do anything you don't want to," By this time my humiliation is out and dancing on my red face, I'm sure.

"I'm sorry. I realise how intrusive that was. It won't be repeated," I shake my head, trying to turn away from him when suddenly his hand reaches forward and grasps my arm, stopping me. My eyes dart towards him and I flinch as my breath hitches in my throat. He's watching me again. Like he's looking into my soul. I find this so unnerving.

"We need to be more comfortable with each other if you expect Isaac to believe that we're together. Holding hands every time he demands it isn't very believable."