I hate myself but I also love myself so you're welcome for this
I wake up naturally to the sound of waves, nearly forgetting that I had spent the night at the beach with Elliott and Flynn. Rather than being on a pillow, my head rests on Elliott's chest, which bobs up-and-down as he breathes. I can't help but blush when I realize I fell asleep in his arms.
As I lift his arm to escape from his hold, Elliott stirs in his sleep. His eyes shut tightly before relaxing once again. I let out a sigh of relief when he doesn't wake up. Flynn is also still in a deep sleep, faint snores coming from his mouth.
I check my phone for the time, seeing it's around ten. We probably went to bed at three or four in the morning last night, tired conversations lasting too long. I have a few texts from Addison about when they'll be home, the most updated time is seven-thirty tonight.
Pulling my knees up to my chest, I look out at the ocean. My mind immediately goes back to that striking moment last night when I admitted I had never fallen in love, and so did Elliott.
Not that it is much of a surprise, I've never had a boyfriend before. My job took up too much of my time, similarly to how I couldn't make close friends. Of course I've always wanted a boyfriend, someone who loves me as much as I love him, someone to hold me closely and tell me I'm beautiful. There aren't many people who wouldn't want that in their lives.
I glance over at Elliott for a moment, my stomach tightening at the thought of him ever loving me. He does something to my insides, like water to the Wicked Witch of the West. I tried to deny my feelings for him since we had that first sleepover. There is something so addicting about his conversation, his laughter, his whole being. God, I'm such a fool for him.
It's all so stupid, really. There is no way that a relationship could ever happen between the two of us. For one, a guy like Elliott wouldn't ever have romantic feelings for a girl like me. He is meant for the beautiful, tan model girlfriends like Carter. I'm the meatloaf to her filet mignon. There I go with the foolishness again, comparing myself to food.
Secondly, if Elliott did actually ever like me, we'd never be able to do anything about it. His mom would fire me in an instant if she found out about our relationship. I can't afford to lose my job, my money for college, all for a boy. Even if he is a really, really cute boy.
"Hey," Elliott says in a groggy voice when he wakes up, holding himself up with his arms. "How long have you been up?"
"Just a few minutes," I answer. "Did you sleep well?"
"Yeah, I did," he says, giving me a lasting smile, his eyes on mine.
I shoot him a closed-mouth smile and look away immediately. "Good."
"Want to bury Flynn's body in the sand?" he asks casually.
Rolling my eyes, I can't help but say, "I guess."
Elliott starts digging a hole next to where Flynn is sound asleep and swaddled in a blanket. I help him dig, moving the sand to a pile on the right. Soon enough, there's a hole just the right size for Flynn's tall body. Next, we unwrap him from the blanket. I have to hold in my laughter when he carries on in his deep sleep even after that.
I grab his upper half and Elliott grabs his legs as we lift him into our makeshift hole. We move all the emptied sand back onto his body. There are still a few gapes that we have to fill, packing the sand tightly against his body. I did enjoy packing the sand on his abs; sue me. We cover every area of his body except his head, yet he is still sound asleep.
Childishly, Elliott adds more sand near his chest to make boobs. He pulls out his phone to take a picture of the masterpiece. I take a picture of him with Flynn, his thumbs in the air and his mouth in a huge grin. We take a selfie with the sleeping Flynn as well, unable to resist.
As we're laughing at the photos, we hear a loud gasp. Flynn is awake and more confused than ever before.
"What the hell?" he screams, his head whipping around. "Elliott, are kidding me?" He struggles to break out of the sand. "You're such a douchebag!"
Elliott kisses the top of Flynn's head. "Good morning, buddy."
"I hate you," Flynn says flatly, his head hitting the sand in defeat. "I hate you." He turns his head to look at me. "How could you do this to me?"
"I'm sorry," I apologize, feeling a little guilty but mostly finding it hilarious.
"Oh, you gave me boobs?" he says in realization. "Mature." He shakes his head. "Real mature, Elliott!"
Elliott just laughs, one of those I'm-the-happiest-as-I'll-ever-be laughs. He looks like a little kid, giddy and goofy. It's a contagious laugh, and I find myself laughing right along with him.
"Alright, alright. This was all really hilarious. Now, the joke is over," Flynn announces. "Get me out."
"Damn, girl!" Elliott says and touches one of Flynn's sand-boobs. "You fine!"
"Hey, get your filthy hands off my girls!" Flynn says, a hint of laughter in his voice.
We start to free Flynn from his buried position, his arms frantically fleeing about to help push the sand off. Once he is able to stand up, he shakes the sand of his body like a wet dog. The first thing he does is charge at Elliott, who immediately holds his hands up in surrender.
"Please, don't hurt me," Elliott pleads, falling on his knees. "I can't afford a black-eye! I have a photoshoot with Tyra Banks tonight!"
Flynn laughs at the reference to the ping-pong incident, something that the two will never forget. Instead of beating Elliott to a pulp, Flynn heads for the water to clean off all the sand. He takes off his shirt and shorts, only leaving on his boxers as he dives into the ocean.
"You know, Elliott, there's no way Carter will fall in love with you," Flynn yells from the water. "I mean, she can forgive you, but she'll never forget. You should really change your goal of the summer."
I frown in realization that Elliott must've been talking about Carter last night. It was obvious; I'm just stupid for thinking he meant me. I meant him, even if it is completely unrealistic.
"I don't know about that, Flynn. I'm a smooth talker. I have girls falling for me left and right," Elliott says, tossing his friend a towel.
Flynn dries himself off. "Oh, right. That explains why you have had so many girlfriends." He stops himself. "Wait a second... You've never had a girlfriend!"
"What are you talking about? I had that one girl."
"That one girl?" I repeat. "You can't even remember her name?"
"No, no," he stops to think. "It was in the eighth grade. Her name was..." He snaps his fingers when the name comes to him. "Cynthia!"
"It was Sydney," Flynn corrects. "And that was just to make me jealous."
"You helped this girl make Flynn jealous of you?" I ask in confusion.
Elliott shakes his head. "No, I used her to make Flynn jealous of her. He was always so busy that year and he never had enough time for me."
I pout my lip and coo, "aw, Elliott, that's so cute." I glance at Flynn who is shaking his head. "I mean, no. That's really bad that you used that poor girl like that."
"Whatever, it still counts," Elliott argues. "Sydney really liked me. We were a cute couple." He crosses his arms over his chest. "And what are you doing attacking me over my goal? Ivy had the same one and she hasn't even dated a boy."
"She has Jake," Flynn explains.
I nod, though I definitely don't see Jake as anything more than a friend. There isn't a romantic connection between the two of us, one that could result in us falling in love. I don't want to admit that to the guys though.
"Oh, come on!" Elliott laughs. "A girl like Ivy deserves a lot better than a guy like Jake Acker."
I feel an urge to defend Jake from Elliott, even if he was complimenting me. "You don't really know Jake."
Elliott clenches his jaw, looking down at his feet in the sand. He runs his hand through the sand in a pattern and chooses not to say anything more.
"I like Jake," Flynn admits. "He's better than the deadbeat you are, Liott."
Although Flynn was clearly joking, Elliott looks hurt by his comment. He fakes a smile, but I can see right through it.
"Yeah." Elliott stands up to stretch his arms. "We should go to get some food. I'm hungry."
"There's a diner just up to road we could go to," Flynn says as he throws a shirt over his head.
We pack up our things on the beach and head back to the parking lot. I place the two chairs I carried up into Flynn's trunk, also taking off Elliott's sweatshirt to place in the trunk. A part of me wants to keep wearing it for warmth, not any other reason.
The three of us drive to the diner in Flynn's car. He has the radio on a low volume, almost like elevator music. The car ride felt as uncomfortable as an elevator trip, no one sure whether to say something or not. I couldn't think of anything to start a conversation about, nor could Flynn. Elliott chose not to say anything.
We park in front of the diner before heading to the entrance only to discover that the restaurant has been closed down for months now. Elliott and Flynn are upset about this, since apparently it's tradition for the two to go here after the night spent on the beach. I'm realizing they have a lot more traditions than I originally thought.
"Well, now what are we supposed to do?"
"I'm too tired to do anything," Elliott sighs. "I just want to go home and lie on my couch for twenty-four hours."
Flynn's face lights up and whips his head towards Elliott. "I know exactly what to do!"
Three hours later, we've eaten four boxes of pizza and are starting the second Harry Potter movie. I'm swaddled in a blanket on one couch, Elliott on another. Flynn is on the floor with his own bowl of popcorn, commenting on every single point of the movie. Luckily, I've seen all the movies so many times that it doesn't really bother me.
A lazy day is exactly what I've been needing. Yesterday was hectic, as were all the days before that. I've been taking care of a family of seven, eleven if you include Mike, Flynn, Jett, and Nora who spend most days at our house anyway. It's a lot of work, especially dealing with the hormonal teenagers and Bethany's poopy diapers.
"I'm just going to throw this out there, but I feel like in this friendship I'm Harry," Flynn says.
"Why would you get to be Harry?" Elliott asks, his voice sharp.
Flynn shrugs. "I think it's obvious I'm more of the Harry Potter kind of guy. I mean, I have glasses and a scar on my chin from that one time you threw your skateboard at my head."
"You threw a skateboard at him?"
"It slipped," Elliott mumbles.
"Oh! And my little brother is just like Dudley," Flynn adds.
"Are you kidding me? Jonas is a spitting image of Dudley!"
I cover my mouth to keep from laughing. "I don't know, Elliott. You have the twins, the little sister, the three other siblings, the pale skin..."
"Ivy!" he gasps, as if I have offended him deeply.
"I think we can all agree that I'm Harry, Ivy is Hermione, and Elliott is Ron," Flynn says. "There's just no arguing left to do."
Elliott crosses his arms over his chest with a pout. "I just want to be the Chosen One."
"It's okay, Elliott," I say and lean over to touch his arm that dangles over the couch. "I choose you."
He smiles cutely. "Good."
We stop talking to watch the rest of the movie. Flynn continues to tease Elliott about being Ron, which gets Elliott more annoyed than it should have. I think it's just obvious he wanted to be the main character.
Once the movie ends, Flynn stands up from the floor and places the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table. "I have to go, guys. I got my hot date tonight!"
"Yeah, man, I forgot about that," Elliott says. "What are you doing?"
"We're going roller-blading," Flynn answers.
Elliott laughs. "Dude, you can't roller-blade to save your life."
"I know," Flynn says with a wink. "That's all part of the plan. This way, she won't leave my side and she'll help me roller-blade and it'll be all romantic and whatnot."
"Romantic and whatnot," I repeat. "So, who's the lucky girl?"
"Oh, none of your business," he says a bit too casually.
I bunch my eyebrows together. "Okay then."
He groans loudly. "Dammit! Don't make me feel so guilty, Ivy! It's Nora, okay? I'm going on a date with Nora! Jesus Christ! I like her and I don't need you to yell at me! Lay off!"
I look to Elliott to see if I'm just imaging this, but he just shrugs. "Flynn, I don't mind that you're going on a date with Nora."
"Really?"
"Why would I? You're both my friends and I want you two to be happy."
"Oh. Nora just didn't think I shouldn't tell you," he admits.
I raise an eyebrow in interest. Why wouldn't Nora want me to know about her and Flynn? I don't care who they date. In fact, I thought I told her that they'd be cute together.
"Before you go, could you put the third movie in?" Elliott asks Flynn.
Flynn goes to put the movie in the DVD player and hands the remote to Elliott. "Well, I'll see you guys later. Wish me luck."
"Luck!" I call as he walks out the front door.
"He'll end up with a broken arm," Elliott predicts, turning up the volume on the tv as the movie starts.
I move positions on the couch so my head is resting on the other armrest. "I think it's cute that he planned the whole roller-blading scenario."
"He goes on dates like every week. He's a pro at the whole thing," Elliott says and tucks his hand behind his head.
"Wow. I couldn't imagine going on so many dates. I actually had sworn off dating for awhile during high school."
"What?" Elliott turns his head to look at me. "Was it because of the trust issues?"
"Eh." I shrug. "It was more because of the person I went on my first date with. He ruined my entire view on dates."
"Who?"
I bite my lip, hating to even say his name at this point. "Ronnie Mitchell."
Elliott pauses the movie and sits up. "Ronnie Mitchell? You dated Ronnie Mitchell?"
"Well, I went on one date with him," I say. "It was my sophomore year and I thought he was cute."
"Holy shit." He just stares at me with his mouth open slightly. "You went on a date with Ronnie Mitchell."
Ronnie Mitchell is so not the type for me. He was actually popular..ish. Not like Flynn, a guy who everyone likes. He was hated by most people, except for his brat pack of friends and all the girls in the school. How I ended up on a date with him is an awful story that I don't like sharing with many people. In fact, I like to block that part of my life out.
"It was hardly a date," I sigh. "He picked me up at my house. He didn't get out of the car; he waited for me to come to him. When I did get to his car, he didn't even say anything to me. He just drove us to the movie theater. We saw The Conjuring, even though I hate scary movies. He didn't bother to ask me. It didn't really matter though because I spent the entire movie trying to fend off Ronnie Mitchell's advances. I had to leave the theater."
Elliott shakes his head. "God, that pisses me off. He's such an idiot. If I had a penny for every time I wanted to beat the crap out of Ronnie Mitchell, I'd have like two dollars. And after you telling me that, I'd have two dollars and one cent."
"I'm with you on that one," I say. "I was so stupid about the whole thing. I mean, I got so caught up in the idea of a guy like Ronnie Mitchell finally liking someone like me."
"Ivy, are you joking? You think someone like you deserves a dickhead like that?" he asks in disbelief. "You deserve the Neville Longbottoms and Cedric Diggorys and Dean Thomases."
I smile at his Harry Potter references, noting that he chose all sweet, honest, and respectable characters. "Thanks. I just wish sophomore Ivy realized that. Ronnie Mitchell was also the reason I got my first detention.
"What? That bitch," he laughs. "What happened?"
"Well, the whole situation ticks me off, so be warned that I might get heated," I say before sitting up with my legs crossed criss-cross-applesauce.
"Let's hear it."
"So, after my treacherous date with he-who-must-not-be-named on a Saturday, I get back to school on Monday to find a furious Kiki Miller waiting for me at my locker."
"Kiki Miller with the big b-" He stops himself. "With the big heart?"
"Yeah." I roll my eyes. "She was apparently Ronnie's longtime girlfriend and she found out about our date. I guess when she confronted Ronnie about it he told her that I was throwing myself at him like some sort of sad puppy and he felt sorry for me. Kiki did not feel sorry for me. She punched me in the face."
"No!" Elliott covers his mouth with his hand. "Did you fight back?"
"Of course not," I sigh. "When we got sent to the principals office for 'causing a ruckus', Kiki told the principal that I started it by slapping her and out of anger I stupidly called her a hoe." I shake my head. "The principal gave me a detention for that, but, I mean, we were all thinking it. I'm just the only one who said it."
Elliott laughs, tilting his head back with his eyes shut. "You are bad."
"Oh, be quiet. It was a spur of the moment thing," I defend. "Anyway, I-"
I'm cut off in the middle of my sentence when six kids come bursting into the family room. I jump up as if I've been caught doing something horrible.
"We're back!"
"What the heck? Why are you watching Harry Potter without me?"
"I am so sunburnt!"
"Ethan spit on me in the car!"
"Did anyone buy me Cheerios?"
"Did Mike stop by to pick up his movies?"
"What's for dinner?"
"I'm going to go hang out with some friends!"
"Am I still grounded?"
"I'm hungry!"
"I pooped my pants!"
Everyone quiets down to look at Ethan who is smiling innocently near the tv. He keeps smiling while we all stare at him, completely oblivious to the situation.
"Well, I missed you all too!" I say sarcastically.
"Sorry, Ivy. I'd love to stay and chat but my ride is coming to pick me up any minute," Addison says. "Oh, can I hang out with my friends tonight?"
"Sure," I sigh and stand up to go to Ethan, who has most definitely pooped his pants. "What does everyone else want for dinner?"
"Cheerios!" Jonas says loudly, expecting there to be more than one answer. He clears his throat to lower his voice, "I mean, Cheerios would be nice."
"How about I order in something?" I suggest, not in the mood to cook after doing nothing all day.
"Can we get Chinese food?" Crystal asks. "My weekly prescription to Astrogirl didn't come and I need to check my future somehow."
"Is everyone okay with Chinese food?" I ask.
No one argues and that's settled. I have everyone write down one dish that they want before going to the kitchen to make the order. After ordering, I help Ethan change into new clothes and throw his dirty ones in the washer.
Back downstairs, Elliott, Jonas, and the twins are watching Harry Potter while Bethany plays with blocks. Jonas and the twins took my couch, so I'm left with no choice but to sit next to Elliott. I guess I'm not really complaining.
Near the middle of the movie just after Addison leaves, the food arrives. The kids beg me to let them eat dinner in the family room while they watch the movie. Secretly wanting to keep watching, I agree to it. They use the coffee table to place the food, only getting a few crumbs on the floor.
"Ivy, you remind me of an egg roll," Jonas says randomly.
"Why is that?"
"Because you're beautiful and pure and an undeserving gift." He takes a bite of his egg roll. "It's like I'm so close to you, my heaven."
I shake my head. "Nice try, buddy. You're still grounded for another two days."
He pouts and angrily takes another bite of his egg roll. Elliott whacks him on the back of his head.
By the fifth movie, the twins and Ethan are ready for bed. I take them upstairs to get into their pajamas and to tell them multiple bedtime stories. Crystal is a pretty demanding girl and I'm usually told to start over, otherwise she takes over the entire story. My creativity has only grown the time I've been here, though it hasn't met Crystal's standards yet.
Ethan is even harder to put to bed. He is scared of Voldemort, unable to sleep in the dark. I stay with him for awhile, promising to stay until he is sound asleep. Every time I think he finally fell asleep, he jolts awake with a panicky gasp. About an hour into trying to put Ethan to bed, Elliott joins me upstairs.
"Hey, you're missing the beginning of the sixth movie," Elliott says and sits on the end of Ethan's bed. "What's wrong?"
"Ethan is a little worried about something," I explain and look to the little boy. "Do you want to tell Elliott what's bothering you?"
"The-the scary guy," he says. "I-I don't like him."
"Oh, come on, bud. Jonas isn't that bad once you get to know him!"
I hit his arm with the back of my hand.
He smiles before clearing his throat and standing up. "I'm kidding. I know just what you need, E."
"What?" the little boy asks, his eyes wide.
Elliott leaves the room for a moment before coming back with one of my perfumes. "The Vold-No-More Spray. It's very rare."
"What's that?"
"Oh! He doesn't know what it is, Ivy! Can you believe it?" Elliott hands the bottle to Ethan so he can look at this. "This spray is magic."
"Magic?" Ethan repeats in wonder.
"Magic!" Elliott says with a smile. "One sprits and Voldemort can't even enter this room."
"Really? Ivy, does it really do that?"
I look to Elliott briefly before nodding to Ethan. "Yeah. It works. I use it all the time."
"Well, what are we doing just sitting here? Spray away!" Ethan demands and hands the bottle to Elliott. "Spray!"
"Okay, okay," Elliott laughs and presses down on the perfume to mist Ethan. "There you go, bud."
Ethan takes the bottle and sprays himself four more times, just to make sure. "Wow. I can tell it's working."
"You want to try and go to sleep now?" I ask.
He nods and pulls his blanket over his shoulders, his eyes fluttering close. Elliott and I stay for a few minutes before he starts to snore. I take my perfume to put it back in my room.
"That was good thinking," I say to Elliott as I place the perfume on my dresser. "How'd you come up with it?"
"My mom used to do the same thing for me."
I smile, finding it all very cute. "I'm sure if Carter saw you right then she'd very easily fall in love with you."
Elliott raises his eyebrows. "You think?"
"Oh, definitely. There's nothing more attractive than a guy who is good with kids," I say, my words sounding dumb as they come out of my mouth.
He moves closer to me, placing his hand on my dresser to hold himself up. "So, you think I'm attractive?"
"I don't know," I say, trying to keep calm in this situation. "You're no Neville or Cedric."
"That's true," he sighs and glances at the ground.
"But you know what, Elliott? I think I deserve the Ron Weasleys too," I say, the faintest of smiles on my face.
His eyes are on mine as he takes another step to be even closer to me than before. My heart starts to race as all the tension in the room becomes overwhelming. He looks to my lips briefly, and all I want for him is to kiss me right now.
"What are the odds you'll let me kiss you?" he asks, his hand gently caressing the side of my neck.
"Elliott," I whisper, not wanting to stop him, but knowing I should.
"1...2...-"
Before he gets to three, I press my lips against his. My stomach becomes an acrobat, flipping and flying. He kisses me back gently, his soft lips sending a sensational feeling through my veins. His hands move to my hips in a dangerously low position, holding our bodies close together. I feel almost dizzy with emotion, happiness and fear.
We pull our faces a part just an inch to be able to look into one another's eyes. Elliott smiles, a showstopper smile of pure joy and excitement. I couldn't have dreamt of a prettier smile on his face than the one in that moment.
"We're screwed," he says, his grin widening into one of goofiness.
I'm still trying to recover, my heart beating erratically. I can't believe I just kissed him. I just kissed Elliott Kennedy.
"I am so fucking unprofessional!"
~~
AN:
what we've all been waiting for
lol the Harry Potter references were a bit much this chapter but it all worked out and I thought it was cute but that's me
but look at all these sailing ships! Nora and Flynn (who like no one seems to ship lol) and the one and the only Iviott??? Ellivy??? someone pick a ship name
let me know how you're liking this story & spread the word if you are! be my disciples (ok that was so blasphemous I'm so sorry I kind of laughed tho)
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