I can hangout. I can definitely hangout. I can be normal, cool, calm, and collected. And I can hangout!
If you haven't noticed, I am absolutely flabbergasted at the moment.
And freaking out just a tad bit.
I haven't sat and enjoyed myself with other people my age in so long. I can't remember the last time I felt included. Or, the last time I had friends. Or the last time someone who wasn't Florentine was nice to me.
But just for this time, just for today, I can allow myself to pretend like I belong here.
So I stay in their circle.
I spend the next hour with them, sifting through various books, providing summaries and explanations, and giving background knowledge when I can. Through it all, they jab, they joke, and they laugh. And not once do they exclude me.
As much as I try to, I can't seem to turn my Archivist brain off, which is always analyzing and recording. But how could you blame me? It's the first time I've hung out with lycans! So my curiosity takes me as I learn more about them.
Sabrina is definitely the level-headed one of the trio and much quieter than her counterparts. Cora and Corban constantly bicker and argue, never allowing the other to have the upperhand. At least, Corban attempts to have the upperhand. Cora's comebacks are simply too blunt and wicked for him to ever gain it. Although, I have a feeling that if Corban wanted to be rude, he could be. But, he lets his sister win, and seems content with it. And Cora's quips are empty words anyway, never actually intending to harm her brother or Sabrina.
Not to mention, they're extremely straightforward. They remind me so little of my own pack. They brought me into their group without question. Goddess, they literally dragged me over to include me!
It would've been alright with me if they only wanted to keep me around for help with their research. It would've been alright with me if they decided to only visit me periodically at the front desk. But the fact that they tried so hard to include me?
It feels so nice.
For the first time, in a very long time, I feel the pit of anxiety living in my stomach fade away. My shoulders sag. My muscles relax. My entire being seems to exhale with relief. I feel so comfortable.
I don't speak much, opting to listen to their bickering instead, only adding my input here and there when they stumble over new or complicated information. But it doesn't stop Corban from saying my name when he asks questions. Or Cora from leaning into my chair as she shows me passages in the book she's studying. And Sabrina from meeting my eyes with a smile on her face whenever Corban acts like a buffoon, as if to say, isn't this fun?
It is fun.
I smile more than I have in ages. Even before my rejection. For once, I feel like my presence is wanted. Like my existence isn't an annoyance, or hindrance, or burden on anyone. I can just be. And I can just smile.
Until my phone rings with a call from my mother. The soft smile fades from my face.
There can only be two reasons for why she's calling:
1) She needs something
2) Blessing needs something
Perhaps it's the oldest daughter in me. Or perhaps its the need to please my parents. But I pick up.
"Hello?" I ask into the speaker after politely excusing myself from the table of bickering lycans.
"Hazel, honey, we need your help. Where are you? Come over to the Pack House right now." My mother's voice drifts through my ears. The pit of anxiety in my stomach returns with a fierce pulse.
"I'm at the Archives. Is everything alright?"
"Everything is fine, honey! The Alpha just requested some help with Archive stuff. You'll come, right?"
I glance at the lycans sitting at the table behind me. I hesitate for a couple of seconds.
"Hazel, did you hang up the phone?"
"What? No, Mom, I'm still here."
"Oh, you just took so long to reply, I thought you did. Can you be here in 10 minutes?"
I squeeze my eyes shut. I don't want to.
I don't want to see my parents or go to the Pack House where all the packmates who hate me will be. My eyes trail to the lycans.
I'd rather be here. With them.
I've only known them for an hour, but the urge to stay is strong. Maybe I really have been deprived of social interaction?
But it's more than that. They're so warm. So kind. I've never felt so relaxed around my pack as much as I have with the lycans. I want to stay with them. And I don't want to leave.
"Hazel?" Mom presses.
"Coming. I'll be there in 20 minutes." I hang up the phone.
I can't say no to the Alpha anyway. Although my stuff is downstairs, I feel like it would be rude to just leave without saying anything so I head back to the lycan's table. Corban and Cora are passionately arguing about something as I approach. When he sees me, Corban holds up two books with gorgeous red covers.
"Hazel, which one do you think brings out the green in my eyes more?" He asks seriously.
"They're the same shade of red, you buffoon!" Cora spits out at her brother.
"No, they're not! One is more red than the other!" He counters, slamming the books on the table.
"Yes, they are!"
"Just because your stupid green eyes can't see the difference in shades doesn't mean-"
"We have the same fucking eyes, dumbass!"
"No, my eyes are green in a more interesting and beautiful way than yours are."
"What the f-"
"Hazel, did you have something to say?" Sabrina cuts through their arguing. They stop talking and look towards me.
"Um," I stutter, feeling shy under their gaze. "I just wanted to let you know I have to go now."
"Oh," Sabrina frowns, "that's a bummer."
"Will we see you tomorrow?" Cora asks.
"Yeah, I'm here every day!" I respond.
"Okay, great, so sleep on it, and then let me know which shade you think brings my very beautiful and interesting green eyes out more," Corban says. Cora promptly reaches over and smacks him on the head for the hundredth time today.
I chuckle at their antics.
"Let me know if you guys need anything else tomorrow." I smile at them with a wave. They nod and respond with their own.
I sigh as I make my way back downstairs. One hour of bliss. That's all I get for today.
But I might see them tomorrow.
That's enough to put a smile on my face as I pack up my stuff to prepare for the Pack House. I exit the large, arched doors and begin walking in the direction of my destination.
Everything in the Rolling Woods Pack is within walking distance, with the Pack House at the center of it all. As I trek down the road, the all too familiar pit of anxiety re-enters my stomach. The Pack House is the central hub of these lands. Some families live there. Most people work there. Like Dad, one of the pack doctors, and Mom, an administrative assistant. Which explains how she knows that Alpha Briar needs my help.
Pack Leadership also lives in the Pack House, including Maxton.
I'm not sure if his parents know about the rejection, but considering how gossip spreads in this pack, maybe they do. But since they haven't said anything to me, maybe they don't care.
Rejection, albeit rare, is looked down upon in wolf society. It's not illegal, though. So even if Pack Leadership knows, there would be no punishment for Maxton. Shame, yes. But punishment? Definitely not. There's also the fact that Maxton, the only child of Alpha and Luna Briar, is spoiled and protected beyond belief. They'd let him get away with murder.
All the previous relaxation I felt is long forgotten as the double doors of the Pack House come into view.
I'm going to see my mate's parents. Maybe even him.
And I don't want to.
I'm absolutely dreading it.
I finally walk into the house and immediately beeline for the Alpha's Office. The quicker I'm in, the quicker I'm out. With a knock on the door and a verbal acknowledgment from Alpha Briar, I twist the knob.
He works in a large room, with floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking pack land, adorned with his large desk in front of them. To the right, there are more desks and chairs for visitors and other pack office workers. My mom and Luna Briar are seated on a brown sofa to the right of his desk.
It's easy to figure out where Maxton got his looks from after seeing Alpha Briar. With identical chiseled faces and dirty blonde hair, Maxton is his father's carbon copy. Except, Alpha Briar's hair has slowly speckled with white and gray strands over the years, no doubt from the stress and long hours involved with Alpha duties. Seeing the fine lines growing on his once youthful face makes me realize why he's so eager to get Maxton into the position.
Before I can properly greet the Alpha, Luna Briar's beaming face fills my vision.
"Hazel!" She greets me cheerily and pulls me into a warm hug. Listen, Luna Briar is nice. She's nice the way a Luna should be. But she's never hugged me. I awkwardly pat her back and mumble out a greeting. After somewhat forcibly pulling myself from her arms with a hesitant smile on my face, I address Alpha Briar.
"Did you need something from me, Alpha Briar?"
"Ah! Hazel! I'm looking for something I ordered. It was meant to come to the Pack House, but I think it may have been shipped to the Archives mistakenly instead."
"Oh! What was it? I went through all the inventory today, so there aren't any outstanding packages anymore. I might have already seen it." I respond, recalling the boxes of books I sorted through this morning.
There was nothing but books, so he must've ordered a book, or his package was not shipped to the Archives. At my question, though, a blip of hesitancy runs across his face.
"It's a book. A limited edition. Maybe you saw it?" He asks.
"What's the title? I sorted through a lot of books this morning so I don't recall the specific editions they were."
"Ah, it was purple compendium?" He chuckles somewhat nervously.
My eyebrows furrow. A purple compendium? The only compendium I saw today was The Lycan's Compendium. The compendium that disrespected lycans in the worst way possible and should not be in production, and not to mention, Corban freaking confiscated it! And, it was purple! Why the hell would the Alpha be ordering The Lycan's Compendium?!
"Hmmm, there's a lot of purple books that come through. Do you remember the title?" I try to play dumb because, hopefully, the Alpha has nothing to do with The Lycan's Compendium.
"It's called The Lycan's Compendium."
Well, shit.
I pretend to think it over as I evaluate the situation.
The Alpha didn't want me to know about it since he avoided telling me the title until I pressed. Plus he ordered it directly to the Pack House instead of the Archives. Which means, he either:
1) Does not want anyone else to read it
2) Does not want to get caught
It might be a little bit of both. But why?
"I haven't seen it," I lie. Better to keep this under wraps for now. Until I know more about the book. "Was it something you needed urgently?" I ask.
"No, I just admire the author, that's all." He smiles.
What. The. Hell.
The Alpha admires Icarus freaking Plyath! The bumbling baffling buffoon?!
It's true that I only think that based on my conversation with the lycans. But it doesn't take a fool to realize that that book should not be circulating based on how it speaks about the royal species.
There's something wrong here.
There is something very wrong here.
"Well, if I see it, I'll definitely let you know! Sounds interesting!" I try to reply in my cheery customer service voice.
"Thank you, Hazel."
That apparently signals the end of the conversation because Luna Briar is on me again, dragging me over to the couch where she and my mother were sitting. Mom frowns at me and reaches out to tug a stray curl from my braid.
"Hazel, your hair is a mess. You should straighten it. Doesn't Blessing have a straightener? She hardly uses it!" she turns to Luna Briar now, "Blessing has the most beautiful, silky hair!" she gushes.
My posture straightens, and my bones harden. I want to leave.
"I'll have none of that! I always thought Hazel's hair was so beautiful. It's just like yours, after all!" Luna replies. I throw her a small, thankful smile. I don't know why she's being so nice to me. Mom has said things like that a million times in front of her, but this is the only time she's been so adamant about defending me.
"If there isn't anything else, I'll have to start heading back to the Archives now." I try to take my leave politely and stand up. But Luna Briar tugs me back down on the couch.
"Nonsense! Why don't you stay for a little bit?"
"I really need to go," I try.
Goddess I want to leave so badly.
I don't want to be around my mother if all she's going to do is talk about how wonderful Blessing is. Despite promising to make a change, Mom hasn't really followed through. Dad's been trying. But with my constant avoidance of our family house, I don't see either of the two that much. But I also tell them I'm fine. And they believe me with no hesitation.
Sometimes, I think they think it's easier for them to believe my lies. I've always been their stronger older daughter, afterall. It feels like their world would shatter if, goddess forbid, I needed them more than Blessing did.
"Please! Hazel, I made some cookies," Luna Briar almost begs, shoving a plate toward me. My eyes narrow just a bit. What is she playing at?
"Mom, why'd you call me do-" The double doors of the office open to reveal none other than Maxton freaking Briar. Luna Briar is immediately up on her feet, stomping towards her son.
"Maxton! Look, Hazel's here. Why don't you come take a seat?" Luna Briar ushers him over before he can even get a word in. She forces him into the space next to me. She shoots Mom a look, who seems to take the hint and mumbles out an excuse to leave. Leaving me, my mate, and his mother on one couch.
How the hell did I end up here?
I shift uncomfortably to the end of the couch, trying to put as much space between Maxton and me as possible. Maxton, on the other hand? He's fucking staring at me. And he somehow has the audacity to look hurt when I shift away.
It definitely wasn't hurt. He wants nothing to do with you, remember?
Luna Briar awkwardly clears her throat and plasters a wide smile. Is she trying to set me up with her son?
"Well, this is nice, isn't it? I thought we could all get to know each other, since Hazel's our Head Archivist! It's good to maintain ties with important pack functions, Maxton!"
Bull fucking shit. She's trying to set me up with her goddamn son! Who, by the way, already rejected me!
After thinking about my failing love life for an extremely concerning period of time (I wallow in self-pity every night instead of sleeping), I decided that even if Maxton takes his rejection back, I won't accept it. Regardless of the fact that he rejected me for some mystery woman, Maxton seems...incompetent.
He neglects his Alpha duties, leaving them to Arthur or his father. He doesn't interact with pack members other than his close friends. And he hardly attends meetings with Pack Leadership and Pack Elders! That gossip was courtesy of Florentine, of course.
His attitude and negligent lifestyle makes me not want to be with him. Sure, he's apparently my soulmate, destined to me by the Moon Goddess, but he didn't care about fate, so why should I? Why should I care about the Goddess' decree when it sets me up with an incompetent, spoiled brat?
I fear if I became his mate, I'd just be another person to pick up his slack. And I don't want to do that. Not for him.
"It's nice to meet you, Hazel," Maxton starts hesitantly, thrusting a hand out for me to shake it.
Bull. Fucking. Shit.
No way this guy rejects me, and then has the audacity to pretend he has no idea who I am in front of his mother! Who very much knows we are mates!
I ignore his hand. If he wants to be like this, so be it.
"I need a cart."
"What?" He looks extremely confused.
Screw this guy.
"As the incoming Alpha, you handle all pack requests, correct?"
He nods numbly.
"I've submitted requests for a new rolling cart at the Archives three times in the past month and they've all gone ignored. I need a cart."
"A-alright." He clears his throat. He opens his mouth to say something else, but I'm not finished just yet.
"Considering the fact that you spend the majority of your time at the Archives, I would appreciate it if you kept up with your responsibilities to the library while enjoying it. Without my rolling cart, I can't do my job. And without me, you don't have the Archives. And without the Archives, you can't spend your days wasting your time on utter bullshit and neglecting your Alpha duties!" I'm out of breath at the end of my rant. My eyes go wide as I cup a hand over my mouth.
What the hell did I just do?
It's like I can't control my actions or words these days. Every angry thought I feel just rushes out of my mouth before I can stop it! Before I can apologize, Maxton speaks.
"You're right, and I understand. I'll take care of your request." He seems sincere.
I eye him warily and nod. I make a move to leave because, holy shit, I really want to leave! This has, by far, been the most uncomfortable conversation of my life!
But he grabs my hand before I can properly get up. I immediately rip it away when I feel the tingles up my arm.
"Hazel, can we talk?"
I roll my eyes. So now he wants to talk?
"Are you still in contact with the girl you rejected me for?"
Luna Briar, who was very obviously eavesdropping a few feet away, reels in shock. So she didn't know about the girl.
"Hazel-" he tries to start.
"Are you?"
"Yes." He looks defeated. Sad even. I can feel my heart tug just a little. But it doesn't matter.
"Then we have nothing to talk about." I turn away from him.
Screw this guy.
Word Count: 3175 words
There we go, extraaaa long chapter for you guys!
GUYS. SO MANY OF YOU HAVE ADDED MY BOOK TO YOUR READING LIST!!
It's AMAZING to me that so many of yall are reading this (there's like 5 of you but that's a lot!) I just wanted to say THANK YOUUUU FOR READING MY STORY AND ENJOYING IT TO THE POINT YOUR ADDING IT TO YOUR LIBRARY AND READING LISTS. I LOVE YALL!!
I tried to drop thank you comments on some of your conversation boards on your profiles, BUT WATTPAD WONT LET ME??? FOR SOME REASON?? Like, I type it all out and press post, and it just won't post?? i have no idea why, it's so frustrating . wattpad. fix your website.
So here's my worldwide thank you comment. THANK YOU READERS. YOU ARE THE BEST.
I sincerely sincerely hope you enjoy.
Also, screw maxton lol
Please remember to drop a comment and vote! I appreciate you guys so much.
I hope you have an a fantastically wonderful day jaanis <3
love, libahrary