I need to go.
Go where? I'm not sure. All I know is that being around any other wolves sounds absolutely awful to me right now.
Usually, my place of solace is the Archives, but there are too many people there since there's still half an hour left until closing time.
The house.
That's it. Mom and Dad usually work late, so hopefully, they won't be there. And I'm just hoping, practically praying, Blessing isn't. I'll be alone. Then I can wait for this to pass.
My skull feels like it's going to shatter. I can feel the small cracks crunching through my bones, threatening to rip my body apart. Everything hurts. It hurts so much. I don't know what's happening, but it fucking hurts. And it's so fucking cold. I'm wearing three layers with a sweater, but my body feels like ice. I can hardly feel my limbs.
I've never sprinted this fast in my life. But I can't feel it. I can hardly feel myself breathing. I'm just moving.
I see my house coming up the road. I'm almost there. But the small semblance of hope I have shatters when I see my mother and father walking up the porch. Of fucking course. The one day, I need to be alone, they come home right at the end of the work day.
They hear me before they see me. I don't blame them. I'm like a woman possessed. An absolute bulldozer as I sprint towards the house with no signs of stopping. But when I finally see my Dad turn around with the same concerned look in his eyes, something stops me.
"Hazel?" He asks, in that same soft voice he always uses when he knows something wrong.
And I lose it. I absolutely lose it as I break down on the driveway with tears, snot, and sweat running down my face. I'm a fucking mess. On my knees, clutching my stomach, hair tumbling out of my braid, as I wail and I sob, and I cry. Dad and Mom don't even try to ask questions. They just kneel beside me as heavy sobs wrack through my body. I'm breathing so hard I'm hyperventilating.
They stroke my hair and whisper sweet nothings, and I feel our bond pulse, pulling me out of whatever was happening. I wiggle my toes and fingers as warmth returns to my body, and I can feel my movements again. I can breathe, and I can feel it.
"Hazel, honey, what happened?" Mom finally asks, laying a comforting hand on my shoulder when she hears me quiet down.
I just shake my head and say nothing. Because there's nothing to say. I don't know what happened. I was overwhelmed, maybe? I just don't know.
"Let's get you inside," Dad suggests, tugging me up and allowing me to rest the side of my body on his for support. We hobble towards the door, and I notice the sun has been down for a while. How long was I on the driveway?
Right when Mom opens the door, I can sense something is wrong. My body stills into an eerie silence as the gaping pain in my chest rips open once again. The scent. I can smell my mate.
It's like an out-of-body experience, stepping through the door in a horrific silence because I immediately zero in on my sister and my mate on the couch.
Kissing.
Blessing is sitting on top of Maxton, shoving her tongue down his throat. He has his hands on her thighs, and hers are in his hair. My sister and mate are making out.
What the fuck?!
The warmth leaves my body once again, and all I can hear is the pounding of my heart. My legs move on their own as I advance towards them. They pull away when they hear my steps, both of their eyes widening in shock. Maxton immediately shoves Blessing off of him and says a bunch of words, but I don't hear it.
Bump. Bump. Bump. That's all I hear. That is all I feel. Just my heart. Just the fact that I'm alive.
And I'm livid.
I reel my hand back and whip it across his cheek, the force pushing his face to the side. Now Blessing's mouth is moving, no doubt screaming about how I slapped her boyfriend. I turn to her, my lips curling up in a sneer, and slap her too. The force sends her stepping away from me, and I raise my hand to do it a second time. Before I can, Dad's strong arm obscures my vision, and the feeling rushes back to my body again.
I gasp for air, clawing at my neck as my senses return and fall to the ground. What the fuck is happening to me?! Heat starts building up in my chest, as a stark contrast to the previous frosty nothingness that overtook my senses.
"Hazel, I-" I hear Maxton start, but I just hold my hand up in silence. The only sound permeating the air is my harsh breaths.
"Get out," I whisper.
"Hazel, it's not what you-"
"GET OUT!" I scream, forcing everyone to stumble back. He solemnly nods and moves to leave, but I don't even notice it because I'm staring at Blessing, whose face is already being cradled by Mom
Of fucking course. I laugh bitterly, tears streaming down my face. My hysteric laughs turn to cackles as I cup my hands over my face, shoulders shaking with the heaving sounds wracking my entire being.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Blessing whispers. I immediately stop.
"Me?" I question harshly, a cold sneer taking over my features. "What the fuck is wrong with you." I jab a finger at her chest, but she and Mom step back, trying to stay out of my range. Mom has a horrified look on her face as she stares at me, but I don't care anymore.
"You're my fucking sister. And you're fucking my mate! You took him from me!"
"Just because he-"
"Shut up, Blessing! SHUT UP!" I scream once again, advancing towards her. Dad grabs my arm as if to stop me. I whip my head back around and am met with the same horrified look on his face.
"Let go of me!" I hiss at him.
"Hazel, we can talk about this!" He says, trying to pull me towards him. I snatch my arm away.
"There's nothing to talk about. Nothing! She met an unmated male!"
Heave.
"She chose to be with him and agreed to reject their mates!"
Breathe.
"She made him reject me!"
Breathe.
"My mate rejected me!"
Breathe, Hazel.
"Because of her!"
Please, breathe.
"And she doesn't care! She knew, and she didn't care! I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can hardly breathe! I can't live, I can't exist, I can't do anything. I don't have anything. There is nothing. Absolutely nothing. To talk about!"
Hazel, breathe.
"Hazel, don't yell at your sister!" Mom screams back. Dad reflectively angles his body in front of my mother and sister as if to protect them. My eyes dart around to see what he's protecting them from.
From me.
The realization sucks the air from my lungs.
I can't breathe. I don't want to. Not anymore.
"What the FUCK is wrong with you!" I sob, throwing my hands up in the air. "It's me! I'm the one who's hurt! I'm the one who got rejected, who no one wants! I'm the one suffering, so why the fuck are you still taking her side! She won! She fucking won!"
I'm trembling. I can't stop. I can't breathe.
"She took my mate, but not just that. She brought him to our home and was making out with him on the couch! And you think she needs help?"
"I can't talk to you when you're being like this!" Mom cries out.
"When I'm being like WHAT!?" I heave. They say nothing.
"Like what?" I whisper finally.
The rope that's tying me to my parents is breaking. I can feel it. Instead of the harsh, all-resounding snap like the mate bond breaking, this is a large crescendo of waves of rips and tears and snares of disappointments, of hurt and anxiety, of all the times they chose Blessing, of all the times they failed me.
"Look at me," I speak firmly. It's a command. Their last chance.
Mom just shakes her head, her eyes trained on Blessing, who's still staring at me with a look crossed between hatred and fear. Dad looks like he's in pain. Wanting to reach out to me while also wanting to stay with his mate.
He'll choose his mate. I know he will. He always has.
"LOOK AT ME!"
I know what I look like. Pale skin, chapped lips, tears streaming out of my yellow eyes. Curly, frizzy hair everywhere, braid long forgotten. Heavy dark bags color my tired eyes. Body shaking with my chest heaving as I hyperventilate. My lips pulled back in an astonished sneer as I wait for them to look.
They need to look. They need to see what she's done to me. What they've all done to me. What I'm becoming.
What I have become.
"No." I hear my mother faintly say.
Snap.
The last remaining wisps of my bonds break.
And I feel nothing.
The emptiness is so soul-crushing that I stumble back, bumping into the table next to me, falling back to the floor on my hands and knees. I've bumped into that corner a million times, and it's always the same sharp pain in my hip. But this time is different. This time, I don't feel it.
Breathe, Hazel, I tell myself, forcing my chest to heave. I'm doing it. I'm breathing. But I don't feel it. I don't feel anything.
"Hazel!" Dad calls out to me. I snap my head up to see my supposed family members huddled around Blessing. My eyes narrow onto their joined hands, and I growl. The purest, most rage-filled, animalistic growl I have ever made. That I have ever heard.
I want to kill them. I realize. I could do it. Before they stop me, I could do it all. I could get my revenge. I could punish them for what they've done to me.
Hazel, no! Another, much smaller part of my brain calls out to me.
I cry out in pain, my hands coming up to shield my head. It feels like I'm splitting in two. One part of me wants to kill them, to stop feeling and to leave this stupid, wretched reality behind. But the other part, the real me, knows this isn't it for me. This can't be it for me! I tug at my hands in frustration as I curl into myself.
"Wait for him," A soft yet firm voice calls out in my head.
Wait for who?
I don't know. But I can try.
I have to. Or I'll lose myself.
I hear Dad moving towards me, but I'm already up on my feet. I claw the table out of my way, and it crashes into the wall, breaking into a million splinters. I faintly hear my parents cry out, but I ignore it.
If I stay, I'll kill them.
I just need to wait.
I stumble and grab onto the wall in support. My hands slam into a framed portrait of a family photo we took six summers ago. It falls to the ground, shattering all around me.
I have to keep moving.
I step into the glass, the sharp pieces embedding themselves into my feet, but I hardly feel it. Just a dull ache in my steps. I keep stumbling. All the way to the door. And all the way out.
Word Count: 1928 words
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I hope you have a better day than Hazel is having.
Love, libahrary