^^^Listen While Reading^^^
Long chapter y'all, but I think you'll like it.
Also, I love this song so much. I've been singing it all week.
~~~
Hazel.
I take a long sip of my drink as I watch her. Then my eyes widen and I almost spit it out. Covering my mouth with my hand, I swallow it and start coughing. Hazel looks concerned.
"Are you okay?"
I nod, holding a hand out to stop her from coming any closer while I finish my coughing fit. I cough one last time, then lean back in my chair, with watery eyes and blinking.
Hazel stares at me. I look at her.
"I'm fine. I justâthe drink was really bad," I explain. Hazel's brows raise in amusement as I continue. "I choked."
I offer her a smile, and she giggles.
Fuck, she's hot. She's leaning over the table again, her cleavage on full display.
"What's so funny?" I ask, my forehead creasing comically.
She smiles, and looks down at the table, pinching the tablecloth and twisting it with her manicured fingers. "Nothing. You're just cute."
I chuckle, pretending her comment didn't affect me the way it did. Returning my dark eyes to her sparkling ones, I say, "I'm many things, but cute? I think not."
"It's a fact. You don't have to agree," she smiles, almost sultrily.
I'm enjoying this way too much. Leaning over the table, I tilt my head, propping it up on my fist. "Okay, Hazel," I say. "I agree."
I can tell she's wearing blush, and instead of the natural pink she has when she's embarrassed, it's a warm rosy red that somehow still looks perfect. Which is fitting, I guess, because she is perfect. Even though she's unattainable.
But whatever. I'm fine being just friends with her. It doesn't matter what my heart thinks.
Hazel gasps. "I love this song."
"Really?" I say, raising my eyebrows. "Let's go dance, then."
I'm already standing and in the process of pushing in my chair, but Hazel stays put, hesitation clear on her face.
"You coming?" I ask.
Hazel bites her glossed lip. "Um . . . you can go. I'll just stay here."
"You don't want to dance? Why not?"
"I . . . I can't. I can't dance."
"What do you mean you can't dance? Anyone can dance."
"No, I . . . don't know how to."
"Hazel. You don't need to 'know how to dance'. Just move your body and have fun. That's all it is." I say.
She looks away and chews on her lip before sighing. "Okay."
My smile is warm as I hold out my hand. She accepts it and stands up, and I pay no attention to my pounding heart. I think this is the first time she's touched my hand.
Hazel releases my hand quickly after she gets to her feet, and I ignore how cold mine feels in its absence. Following closely behind me, she stops when I stop.
Hazel touches my arm. I look at her.
She's looking through a gap in the crowd of people, and I follow her gaze. "Hey, isn't that . . . ?"
It's Evan and Alex, moving perfectly to the beat of the song. Alex has always had an ear for music but what's surprising is how close they and Evan are. They're both dancing as if nobody else is there, sharing flirty looks every time they get close.
"Yeah," I say, just as perplexed.
~~~
Because the winter formal ends early in the night, someone always throws a party so the time and money spent on makeup, hair, and dresses don't go to waste.
I don't even know the person who does it this year, but we all pile into my car because their house is close to the venue.
The kid is undeniably rich; their house looks at least twice as big as mine. Like every high school party, there's alcohol, and like (most) focused student-athletes, I don't drink any. I'm not sure how many students are here, but it seems like it could be everyone.
I spot Alex walking briskly past the living room and I approach them.
"Hey, Alex," I say.
They look like they're in a hurry, and reply quickly with, "Hi Casey." They continue walking, and I follow them.
"Woah, where are you going so quickly?" I tease.
"Um, nowhere. I just have to, um, talk to someone." They say, barely look at my eyes.
I raise my eyebrows. "Can I know who?"
"No, it's, um, kind of private. I think."
"Okay, bye, I guess."
Alex nods and continues down the hallway.
I may or may not be grumpy because Leah and Brandon are busy flirting somewhere, and God knows where Alex is. And I'm guessing Hazel's with Evan because they're both nowhere to be seen.
Trying to find something to do, I enter the living room. Some football game is playing on their huge TV and I spot Maddie on the couch talking with who I'm assuming is her date. They look really awkward, but it's cute.
I lean against the archway that separates the two spaces, surveying the area until my gaze stops on one particular person.
Hazel.
God, she's so beautiful. I know I've said this a million times before, but she truly is. But even if she did like me back, it wouldn't last longâshe's way out of my league, and I have literally nothing to give her.
I'm not smart, like she is, or effortlessly breathtaking, or funny like Leah, or emotionally intelligent like Brandon, or intriguing like Alex. I'm not even ironically funny like Carson is.
I'm just Casey Winters, plain and simple, pretending my passion was always soccer because it's the one thing I'm good at. I'm just a girl who gets attached way too easily.
And of course Hazel's across the living room right now, talking to yet another guy. Leah appears out of nowhere, taking Hazel's attention away from the guy by putting a hand on Hazel's bare shoulder and leaning in to speak in her ear. I should stop staring.
Hazel looks shocked at whatever Leah's saying, and even from here, I can see that her cheeks are flushed. They start to turn in my direction and I look away quickly, not wanting to be caught staring. When I look up again, they're gone.
This is stupid. I'm stupid. But I'm also a little thirsty.
I go into the kitchen to look for something to quench my thirst, opting for a glass of juice and putting in a few ice cubes. As I sip the drink, I close my eyes and run my hand through my hair with a sigh. But when I open them, I spot Emilia attempting to sneak around the kitchen island and out the other archway, and my brows furrow.
"Emilia, what are you doing?" I ask.
She freezes, and then slowly straightens, eyes wide.
"Um, nothing?" She answers.
"Where's your boyfriend?"
Her eyes narrow. "What, I can't be anywhere without him? Do I need a chaperone now?"
I roll my eyes. "Do you know where Leah is?"
She looks away. "No," she squeaks.
"Are you sure?" I press, raising my eyebrows.
"Yes," she replies, making eye contact once again with her wide, guilty eyes.
"Where is she?"
Emilia looks away sheepishly and points over her shoulder with her thumb. "Upstairs, second door to the left."
I smile. "Thank you."
She just watches me walk past her, looking dejected.
I climb the stairs, impressed by the engraved wood of the stair banister. What if Emilia was hiding Leah's whereabouts because she was trying to protect me from seeing something I'd rather not see? Something that involves Brandon (or someone else) being in there with her . . .
Nope, nope. That's absolutely disgusting. And it downright freaks me out. I shudder as I reach the door, hesitating to knock in fear of my suspicions coming true.
"Casey, I can hear you out there. You can come in."
I let out a relieved sigh, and push the door open.
"You really scared me there, Leah," I say, laughing a little.
She's fixing her hair in the floor-to-ceiling mirror in what looks like the bedroom of some teenager, dimly lit by a few aesthetic lamps.
I can sense her eye roll without even looking at her. "Oh, stop. I don't do that kind of stuff."
I smirk. "Anymore."
Leah turns away from the mirror to face me, placing a hand on her hip. "I'm a different person now, Case. What I may or may not have done in the past does not reflect on my morals today," she huffs.
I raise my hands as a shield from her wrath. "Okay, okay, geez. I'm not slut-shaming you, or anything."
She walks over to me as I sit down on the bed. "Oh, sure," she smirks as well and mine disappears, because I know I'm about to get bullied. "It's not like I'm crying over some girl because I don't have the guts to tell her how I feel."
I press a finger to my lips. "Shh! You don't need to tell the entire world!"
And right then, the door opens.
Speak of the Devil. I mean, Angels. I can tell her blush has worn off because her cheeks are their naturally flushed pink, instead of the warm rosy color that was there before. She looks from me to Leah with wide eyes.
"What?" Leah asks, saving my life.
"I was trying to find you, and I accidentally opened the wrong door." She says, blinking, and I almost laugh. She must be traumatized.
Leah looks intrigued. I decide to practice my deep breathing skills.
"It's Evan and Alex. They're, um, making out," Hazel continues.
Leah claps a hand over her mouth and my eyes widen. "Oh my God?"
Hazel nods, eyes just as wide. "Yeah. I can barely believe it."
I can hardly believe it myself. I mean, good for them?
Leah moves so Hazel can sit on the bed with us as she asks her to retell everything that happened. I don't want the details, but I still want to know how it happened.
Someone raps on the door, before slowly opening it and peeking their head in. It's Emilia.
"Oh, my Gosh," she says, looking at all of us. "Did you know Alex and Evan wereâ?"
"Yep." We all say.
Emilia blinks, still clearly surprised, but then snaps out of it. "Anyway, Leah, we need you downstairs."
Leah jumps up immediately. "On it," she says. When she reaches the door, she turns to us. "I'll be right back. Actually, don't count on it. I won't be back."
They leave, and Hazel turns to me, throwing her hands up. "Well, I guess I literally don't have a date anymore."
I chuckle. "I guess not. But that's insane. I would have never expected it."
Hazel nods, agreeing. "I know. I didn't know they liked each other?"
"Me neither," I say. "I've never seen them talk. And I didn't know Evan was queer?"
"Same here."
I rest my arm on the bed, looking up in thought. "How do you think they got together?"
Hazel looks away for a bit, pushing some of her curly strands away from her face. "Maybe they were talking before today."
"Maybe. But I don't see either of them as being forward enough to tell the other about their feelings."
Hazel shrugs, looking at me. "Well, maybe they realized that their feelings were stronger than whatever fears they might have."
I raise a brow. "And what fears would those be?"
She shrugs again, looking off into the distance."I have no idea. They might be convinced they are not good enough for the other person, or that they could never work as a couple."
I purse my lips as I watch her. "Maybe they're just being realistic. They might just not want to risk it if they know it'll fail."
"But they could be wrong, and then they'd both lose. Whatever they're thinking might not be true."
I bite my lower lip. I have a feeling we're not talking about Alex and Evan anymore.
Hazel glances at my lip and I release it from my teeth. It's red, probably. My lips always turn red when I bite them.
"But what if it's true?" I mumble.
"It's not," she says.
I look at her hand, the one gripping the bedcover as she watches me. I'm probably blushing so hard, and my mind is short-circuiting right now. I keep looking at her hand, as she moves her arm and gently brushes her fingers over mine. I suck in a breath.
I guess because I didn't flinch or protest, or anything, she does it again, gently running her soft fingers along my forearm. I can't even think right now. Which is bad, because it means I can't overthink.
Which means I can't stop anything I'll likely regret later, from happening.
"You're so pretty, Casey."
Her hand stops moving along my arm, and I raise my gaze to meet hers.
Her eyes are darker than usual, and her expression is intense. The dim lamp lighting illuminates the structure of her face, making her look even more intimidating than she already is.
"What?" I breathe.
"I really like you."
Her steady eyes meet my calculating ones.
I stare at her. "Don't . . . don't play with my feelings, Hazel."
She blinks once. Twice. "I'mâI'm not."
I just look at her, my expression blank. It's not that I think she's lying, I just don't believe myself.
She blinks again and looks away. "IâI can just leave, if that's what you want."
I turn my face away from her, focusing my gaze on the carpet. "No." I can feel her gaze return to me, but I remain focused on the floor. "No, don't go."
"I don't want you to be angry, or anything. I'm sorry if I misread the situation," she says, and I look at her. She's talking with her hands. Her voice is soft and quiet, and her expression is open and vulnerable. "I know you said you didn't want things to be weird, and I'm sorry that I just made it weird, but . . . I just had to get this off my chest."
Her voice slightly wavers, and she looks at me when she stops talking.
"And I'm not trying toâ"
But I don't hear the rest when I lean in and kiss her. It's a short, but needy kiss that makes a little sound when I pull away. Surprised, she looks at me and studies my face for any insincerity.
Shrugging off my suit jacket, I look at her. She stares back, and a slight, weak little smile appears on my lips.
Should I take a second to think about this? Yes. Do I want to?
Hell no.
A/N:
Also, I have a game tomorrow and I'm lowkey terrified.
~ V O T E ~
<3