According to Wattpad, it's been 20 days since I last posted. Sorry about that.
So far 2016 has been a mix of good a bad (so basically exactly like 2015, as these things normally go).
Today I was at lunch with my 2 friends and this other girl I kind of know. She's the type of person you know about, but you don't actually know them personally. I know about her because she was the first (as far as I know) mtf student, and you know how that knowledge spreads around school. I also knew her because she dated one of my friends a couple years ago.
Anyway.
I was at lunch with these kids, and I'm going to change their names here for privacy reasons. So uh... let's see. We'll call them Marlene, Stephanie, and Christine. Yeah, I can remember who's who with that. So Marlene and Stephanie are my friends, and Christine is the one I know of but I'm not super close with.
Before going any further, here's some background information:
-Stephanie comes from a very religious family, and her parents are very homophobic and transphobic. They actually stopped letting her hang out with one of her friends because that friend was gay. So I've been very careful about talking about my gender and my orientations around Stephanie, because I love and trust her, and I don't want to lose her as a friend because of my life. And also just because I'm not comfortable yet with coming out to people I know in real life.
-Yesterday protesters came to my school and screamed something or another about the Pope being the Antichrist, and they also said the usual gay people are going to burn stuff. You know the drill.
So we were talking about the protesters and we got on the topic of the LGBTQ+ stuff that was said. Christine suddenly turned to me and asked, "So where do you fit in? Supporting? Lesbian? Bi? Trans? Human?"
Now, I didn't know what to say. Marlene already knows all about me, so I wasn't worried about saying anything in front of her. But Stephanie? I'm still not sure about that. I got really uncomfortable, because I didn't want to lie about who I am, but I also wasn't ready to come out to my friend. I ended up laughing and going with the truthful option that didn't out me, "Human." And of course, that didn't pass. So Christine kept pressuring me about it even though I kept trying to brush it off. Eventually I told her I wasn't comfortable talking about it in our current company. At this point, Marlene wasn't at the table, and Stephanie immediately knew I meant her. She is... very childlike in a way. She turned to me and started complaining that I wouldn't say it in front of her. I finally managed to change the topic, and eventually Stephanie had to leave to go meet her mom for something. Christine went with her for a little bit, for the sole purpose of antagonizing Stephanie's mom. Eventually Christine came back and sat down again and asked me again where I fit in on the LBGTQ+ spectrum. I finally told her my romantic and sexual orientation (I left my gender out though, because that's a lot more personal to me).
And thinking back on it now, it pisses me off. As member of the LGBTQ+ community, she should have known better than that. She should have known better than to pressure someone into coming out who clearly didn't want to. I can't really put my thoughts into words at the moment because I'm tired and stressed and irritated. I might write a chapter later this week on why it isn't okay to out people or pressure someone into coming out, but I'm not sure yet.
Anyway, other than that life hasn't changed. I'm still struggling through the parts of my day when I'm awake, and I still suck at keeping friends.
-M (somewhat female)