Bella:
Sometimes, when I tried to look back at where my problems started, I could only pin it on the fact that I got older. I missed being five, when all I cared about was what to eat, what to watch, or if my dad would play with me. Life was glorious, and I didn't have to fight with my father. He was my pillar and foundation, but as I grew up, the cracks kept intensifying, and now I doubted it could ever be repaired.
As we handed in our papers to Ms. Polly, I couldn't get over the fact I didn't write a single thing in the exam. I imagined what could have happened if Hazel wasn't here. I would have failed because of the man I supposedly loved the most.
"Bella, Bella, always pushing the blame," a small voice crept into my head, and I tried to push it away, but I couldn't; it kept swelling in my mind.
As soon as Ms. Polly opened the door, I got up at once, leaving Hazel behind. She came after me, grabbing my hand before I could go far.
"Bella, please don't do this," she said, and I stared at her, nodding slowly. "Focus on breathing," she reminded me, and I nodded again at her words. She walked me to her locker, opening it.
Quickly, she slung both our bags over her shoulder. Then she turned off my phone and slid it into my bag. With her left hand still clasped around mine, she pulled me towards the front door. I let her move me around like I was some inanimate object until we got to the hostel, where we made our way to her room. She opened the door, and we walked in, then she let go of my hand.
"Go on, let it out." When she said this, I tossed myself onto the bed, placing a pillow over my face and letting out a loud scream. "Good," she said, walking towards me as I took the pillow away from my face.
At that moment, the door to the room opened, and the triplets walked in. Hazel sat close to me, so I grabbed the pillow again, throwing it over my face.
"What's wrong with her?" Finn asked, sitting on the bed while the others rallied around.
"Hazel?" I heard Ryder call out, and she sighed, getting up.
Ryder sat down close to me and reached for my hand while Finn tried to pull the pillow away from my face.
"Go away." As Finn tried to grab the pillow, I yanked my hands off Ryder's and wrapped them tightly around the pillow. "Leave me!"
"This doesn't make sense. Why is no one saying anything to us?" Kai asked, and I pushed the pillow slightly off my face, just enough to catch Hazel sitting on her bed, staring at them.
"Bella?" Ryder called out again, and I sighed, pushing the pillow away.
"Fine," I groaned. "I messed up in my exam, and Hazel helped me write it, but it wasn't because I couldn't read. We did a lot of revision, but he called, and I had an anxiety episode where I forgot everything I'd studied. Now I feel like crap, and I hate him so much!" I pushed the pillow back onto my face, screaming into it again.
After this, Ryder brought my hand to his lips and planted a kiss on it. Finn grabbed the pillow, and this time, I didn't fight any of them.
"What
you
felt is normal, and you are not a failure," Kai said, and I looked at him.
This was what I wanted to avoid. I didn't want a pep talk about how I was perfect because I wanted to feel my pain directly, but they would never let me.
"You are amazing, Bella, and you shouldn't let things like this define you. I have seen your work, and you are brave. Your dad doesn't stand a chance," Finn added, and I forced a smile on my lips because that was all I could do.
"Thank you, guys," I said in a low tone, and Ryder kept caressing my hand.
"We want you to know that we'll always be here for you if you need anything," Ryder spoke, and I nodded at his words, then shut my eyes.
I sat up at once, and they all hugged me, with Hazel joining in immediately.
**
The weekend came by in a rush, and just as Halle asked, we took it upon ourselves to train ahead of time. The five of us got dressed and headed for the mountains where we could train freely.
"Okay, Bella!" Ryder's voice drew me back to reality as I locked eyes with the dummy in front of me. I steadied my breath, planting my feet firmly on the ground with my hands curled into fists.
"Go!" Ryder blew the whistle, and I lunged forward, my fist colliding with the dummy's chest. "Faster!" he yelled, and I punched harder, but not as hard as he meant. It was as though my hands were weak.
Ryder blew the whistle, making me come to a halt as I stared at the face of the dummy, my hands on my waist. I took a heavy breath. As I tried to steady myself, I could hear Hazel and the twins rushing up the mountain trails. They opted to run around first. Soon they came into sight, collapsing onto the ground.
Their heavy breathing filled my ears, and I watched them, trying to sync with the rhythm of their breaths. As I looked at them, I wished I could swap lives with one of them. We all had our struggles, but at that moment, it seemed like I had the worst life.
The whistle went off again, and I glanced at Ryder, my hands still curled into fists. I felt the sun's heat on my skin as I turned back to the dummy.
"Come on, Bella, you're not even acting like you care!" Ryder yelled, and I shook my head, trying to steady my thoughts.
None of them knew I blocked my dad, but that was the only way I could stay this sane after he bombarded me with texts and calls.
"Bella, are you okay?" Hazel called out, and I diverted my gaze to her. Her body was slightly raised as she used her elbow as support on the ground.
"Yeah, I'm good." I flashed a smile, and the twins glared at me. "I'm fine, guys," I told them, then turned to face Ryder, who was also looking at me with a raised brow.
"Are we doing this or not?" I asked with an eye roll, hoping it would be enough to convince them I was fine. Ryder's face curved into a smile, and he blew the whistle. Then I got into position, slamming my fist into the target on the dummy's belly. It flipped back and hit me in the face, causing me to stagger slightly.
"Bella!" Kai called out, and they all rushed towards me.
"I'm fine," I said as I stared at my hands. I hated how weak the thought of this made me feel.
"You need a clear mind, Bella. That's the only way this will work. We all have things going on, and..."
"I get you," I cut Ryder off because I didn't want to hear the end of it.
"Or think of the person you hate the most," Hazel said, and we all looked at her.
She shrugged. "It works for me. Watch," she said, walking to the dummy. "Take this, Fae!" she yelled, punching it so hard that it bent backward. "And this is for you, Sebastian!"
Her punch and form amazed everyone.
"Damn! It feels like you're using the power of a thousand witches," Finn said, and Hazel turned around with a grin on her face while I watched her.
"Speaking of Sebastian, who knows what happened to him?" Ryder asked, and I shrugged.
"Probably hiding like the coward he is." The words came out casually as I walked back to the dummy. Then I shut my eyes, feeding into Hazel's words. I gave the dummy a hard punch that sent it backward, causing everyone to cheer for
me.
I opened my eyes, looking at it, and I could visibly see his face.
"Woo! Bella! We hate Sebastian!" Hazel cheered, and soon they turned it into a chant.
Without stopping, I threw multiple punches, pounding hard on its face until the face of the dummy broke off the stand. But I didn't stop. I grabbed the broken doll, planting my fists multiple times on its face.
My anger had taken hold of me, and I was too engrossed to hear anyone calling out to me until I felt hands around
me, pulling me away from the dummy. Then I looked around to see everyone staring at me.
"What happened back there?" Finn asked, and I shook my head.
"Nothing, I'm fine," I said, trying to yank my hands out of Ryder's, but he tightened his grip around me.
"Stop saying nothing's wrong, Bella!"
"Fine! I thought of my father," I told them.