Misconceptions
I have seen a lot in my near twenty-three years, as a result there are very few things that can surprise me and even fewer people that can catch me off guard. Thus it is a truly rare occurrence when I am face with both which so happens to be my current predicament.
"You want to what?" I questioned sure that I'd misheard him.
Grant looked at me with exasperation. "I want to go out, with you, on a date."
My brain simply would not start up. "A date?"
"Yes," he said. "Do I need to explain to you what a date is?"
"I know what it is," I snapped. "I simply don't understand why you wish to go on one."
"Because you are my mate. Is that not reason enough?"
I raised an eyebrow at his tone. "No." I turned and started towards the back training field. Gina had set up a temporary shooting range and I thought I might sit in on one of the practices.
"Hold up," Grant said stopping me on the porch. "Why not?"
I sighed, "Have you really not figured it out yet?"
"Figured what out?" he asked waving his hands about.
"That I want more from my life than just being someone's mate," I said slowly and clearly enunciating each word to help him get the point.
"You aren't just my mate," he exclaimed grabbing my hand when I tried to leave.
I jerked my hand back. "Really? It certainly doesn't seem like it. Every time I turn around you're saying the words 'because you are my mate'."
He scowled. "Maybe because that's the only card I have in my hand!"
"What the hell are you talking about?"
He ran his hands through his hair tugging at it violently. "It isn't easy when your mate is in love with someone else."
I huffed. "At least Tristan sees me as who I am and not who he wants me to be!"
"You won't let me see who you are!" he bit out with clear frustration. "You put up a wall that was never there when we were kids and I don't know how to get through it."
"I put up a wall because of you!" I hissed trying not to yell and cause a scene. He jerked back. "Did you really think I am so heartless that being rejected didn't affect me? Did you think I didn't feel the pain that followed?"
"No, of course not," he said cringing. I made another attempt to leave and he once again grabbed my arm. "Katrina-"
A tanned hand was suddenly around Grant's wrist and twisting his arm away from me. "Is there a problem here, Kate?" Jason said putting himself between Grant and me.
I shook my head. "I got it handled, Jase."
"Not for long she doesn't," Lily said in a singsong voice pulling Trina behind her. "Your asshole mate forgot to mention a couple names on the guest list."
I turned to Grant to ask him what she was talking when the explanation decided to just announce himself. "Why is this piece of trash still on my land?"
I had to grind my teeth together to keep from saying the first thing that popped into my head. I didn't think I actually knew so many four letter words. "Breathe through your nose," Trina whispered in my ear.
I tried that and wrinkled my nose. "I can smell the booze when I do that," I whispered back.
"You're right, just don't breathe," she replied scrunching up her own face.
I plastered on my fakest smile, the one I reserved for truly incompetent people, and turned around. "Holden and Ivanna, a truer mating was never seen." I let an edge of threat slip into my voice.
Holden's eyes narrowed and I narrowed mine in return. There is one thing I never shared about my time as Jace's prisoner. I couldn't bring myself to tell everyone about Grant's parents. I couldn't do that to Grant. But that didn't mean I would threaten his father. "Why are you still here?" Holden growled.
I widened my smile just to see his reaction. So worth it. "She is my mate," Grant said in my defense. "And she isn't leaving. So get used to it."
Stay silent. Stay silent. Stay silent. "What makes you think I'm staying?" Aw fudge. I just couldn't keep my mouth shut for once in my life? Trina was biting her lower lip in an attempt to hide her smile. She knew what I was thinking and she found it hilarious despite the seriousness of the situation.
Grant gave me a look that said he wish I'd shut up as well. "Katrina-"
"I'm not a child, Grant," I cut him off.
"And she's not staying," Holden said.
Grant glared at his father. "What is your problem with her?"
"She is not an appropriate Luna for this pack!" Holden bite out in reply.
"Oh look, something we finally agree on," I cut in. "I know what it takes to be Luna of this pack." I met Ivanna's eyes and she took a step back.
"Katrina?" Grant said looking to me for explanation. I shook my head and tried my best to keep my anger back.
Holden took an unsteady step forward. "It is a good thing my son rejected you because you were never fit to be Beta of my pack, let alone Luna. The Fire Light Alpha was a true idiot to think differently of you in regards to his own pack you ladder-climbing whore. Tell me are you even bothering to wait till his Luna's gone to fuck him."
I saw red, I saw a red the shade of blood. I will take any insult thrown at me and ignore it or throw one right back but no one insults Jason and Lily. I felt my wolf rising to the surface fighting against the last of the Wolf's Bane. My teeth elongated into fangs and my nails grew and sharpened into deadly claws. My body tried to shift completed but the drug prevented any more.
Even Holden had the good sense to back away from me as my rage boiled and bubbled up. I knew if I stayed I do something that I may regret so I bolted towards the trees. I ran and ran knowing staying meant blood. I felt more than heard my pursuers and did my best to ditch them.
That's how I caught the scents of a few unfavorables. Rogues. Good, I thought, I could use a way to get rid of my rage.
The thought wouldn't sicken me until later when the red left my vision.
It was too easy to track them down. There were five of them, all in wolf forms. They barked at each other. They were excited. To them I seemed an easy kill. They would not live to be disappointed.
I attacked. I sliced with claws and tore at bite of flesh and fur with my teeth. Most of the fight was just a red haze but when it was over I stood in the middle of a bloodbath covered in the sticky redness, I wasn't sure how much belong to me and how much belong to the now deceased rogues. I did know that I wasn't alone.
I turned ready to face the new enemy. "Kate," Jason said with Grant behind him. "Stand down."
I felt the weight of an Alpha order settle on my shoulders but fought against it. It was rare for Jason to use his Alpha commands, even rare to use them on me but today seemed to be the day for rare occurrences.
"I said stand down," Jason ordered.
My knees buckled under the force of his order as it pushed away the last of the red haze. I saw Grant try to step forward but Jason held him back. I drooped down to the ground and Grant lurched forward to me. "Katrina," he whispered gathering me in his arms. He looked around. "They're dead," he whispered to himself in horror. "They're all dead."
"Give her to me," Jason said trying to lift me from Grant's arms. He was trying to spare me from the look on Grant's face, the look of fear and horror in his eyes, but it was too late. I'd seen it and the damage was done. Grant knew just what kind of monster I was.
"Their names," I whispered hoarsely. "Their names..."
"I know," Jason said shushing me. "Trina will see what she can do." With a final tug he freed me from Grant's arms. "Let me take care of you first."
I tried to nodded but instead felt myself go limp in Jason's arms seconds before passing out. When I woke again I was back in the medical room of the Silver Moon pack house.
I sat up and looked around. There was only the male doctor who'd checked up on me during my last stint here. I failed to remember his name but instead opted to call him Doc. He didn't really like me so I didn't feel any remorse for my lack of memory. "You're awake," he said curtly in a thick Ethiopian accent. According to Tyler, when I asked what country kicked him out for his attitude, the man had left his home country to follow his mate who'd travelled there to study Lucy, a 3.5 million year old skeleton.
"I'm aware," I said a little more grouchily than necessary. "Why am I here?"
"Because you seem intent on undoing my hard work," he grumbled none too quietly. "You opened several nearly healed finely stitched up cuts and created several more." He stared at me impatiently waiting for something. "Well?"
"Well what?" I really dislike this man.
He tapped his elbow irascibly. "Are you going to apologize?"
"Apologize?" I repeatedly. What the hell is he on and where can I get some?
He huffed. "You are a lost cause."
"And you are a prick," I said with a sweet smile. He just glowered at me over his shoulder as he went to the adjoining room which served as a small office. I crossed my arms over my chest and flopped back onto the pillow. "I hate him."
"Would it kill you to get along with new people," Lily said as she and Jason entered the room. I pushed myself back up to look at them. "He did patch you up for the second time in less than two weeks."
I sighed sadly as Jason handed me a couple papers. "Only two had blood work in any systems," he said softly as I looked at the scraps of information. "It's not much, but they had names."
"Thank you," I said softly as I set them down on my lap. "It's better than nothing."
Lily placed her hand on my shoulder. "Are you okay?"
I shook my head. "No. Have they been burned?"
Lily nodded, "I tried to convince Alpha Adams to wait but he insisted upon burning them last night. I'm sorry, I know you'd want to have attended."
"It's for the best anyhow," Jason said. "You've been placed back on bedrest, no cutting it short this time either," he gave me a very pointed look. "You will remain here until you are fully mended. No exceptions."
"But-"
"This is final, Kate," he said in the same tone my mother used back when I was a child and she was putting her metaphorical foot down. "I do not want to make it an order but I will if I have to. Are we clear?"
"Transparent," I muttered. I've but one reason to leave but it can wait until Jason is otherwise occupied.
Lily let out her own sigh and brushed a lock of black hair away from my face. "You know he's only like that because he cares about you. He'll always see you as his kid sister that he has to protect and take care of."
I pressed my lips into a line and said, "I know."
She graced me with a small smile and fiddled with the same lock of hair. "Your roots are showing. You'll have to touch them up soon."
I looked at my reflection in the glass door of a medicine cabinet next to the door. Sure enough blonde hair peeped out from beneath black. My roots were showing themselves in more ways than one. But maybe that isn't a bad thing. "I think I'll leave them be." She looked at me quizzically but I didn't bother to explain. Instead I changed the subject. "You spoke with Grant?"
She bit her lower lip as she debated whether she ought to answer my implied question. "He was... Well he... Uh..."
I dropped my eyes. "You can just say it Lily. I can handle it." I think.
Lily glanced at Jason and he nodded. "Well he was a tad... well I know that with a little time he'll calm down and realize-"
"Don't," I cut her off. "Please don't do that thing where you try to down play the situation to spare my feelings. I just want the truth, Lily. Please."
She sighed again. "When I couldn't get him to push back the burning I told him to consider how you'd feel knowing he ignored your wish to attend it and he said... He said 'she'd feel nothing because coldblooded murderers cannot feel'. I'm sorry, Kate. He's wrong, you know that. We can change his mind, we'll convince him that he's wrong."
I looked away from them and at the wall my bed was pushed up against. "I've heard those words before, Alex said nearly the exact same thing the day I left Silver Moon. Only then she spoke of Grant's father, Holden Adams. She wanted to convince him that he was wrong about me as well. You've seen how well that turned out. If there is one thing to be said about Adams men it's that their minds cannot be changed in regards to me and my character."
Her face fell in misplaced sympathy. "Kate," she cooed softly.
I hugged my knees to my chest and sat my chin on them. "If you don't mind, I'd like to be by myself for a little bit."
"Are you sure?" Jason started to say.
Lily tugged on his arm, "She's sure," she said looking into my eyes. "We'll be back later, okay?"
Translation: Don't try sneaking off.
"Yeah," I mumbled turning my head away.
They left me alone to my thoughts. Times like this, times when no one else is around, I think about the person I used to be. When I left I had one goal in mind: move past my not so sad rejection. I'd thought there was no love lost between Grant and me so there was nothing to be sad about. However sometimes I wondered whether that was true.
Yes, Grant and I have never been in love, but maybe we could have been. I meant what I told Alex, maybe if things had been had been different Grant and I would have had a loving life together. We may have never loved each other but that didn't mean there was no love lost between us. We lost the love we could have had. In a way that was worse.
I didn't spend too long in the room. Just long enough to make sure no one stood guard outside the door. I slipped out a tad more slowly than I would have liked. Perhaps Jason has a point about bedrest. I'd do as he instructed as soon as I need what I needed to do.
I slowly made my way up to my room, a process made longer by having to avoid the people milling about the pack house. It was thankfully empty when I got there so I shut and locked the door behind me and stuck my hand between the mattress and bedframe. "Where is it," I hissed under my breath searching. "Ah!"
I pulled out the small leather-bound journal.
"Kate?" Jason's voice called from the hallway. "You'd better be up here!"
I cursed to myself. I was hoping I'd be able to make it back to the med room before anyone noticed I'd left. I flipped open the book and grabbed the pen I'd left in it. I'd just manage to finish writing when the distinctive sound of splintering wood filled the room. I turned around to see a furious Jason standing where the door to the room once rested. It was now hanging ajar being held up only by the top hinge.
"You know we'll have to pay for the repairs to the door, right?" I said hoping to lighten his mood.
Jason continued to glare down at me. He never was once to get my humor. "What the hell are you doing up here?" he demanded.
I stood using the bed for support. "Do you really need to ask?"
He stormed into the room revealing Grant standing in the hallway. "You are on bedrest, Kate! Do you not know what that means? It means you rest in a bed."
I patted the bed in the room. "Here's a bed. Leave and I'll rest."
He growled. "This is not a joke!"
"I know that!" I snapped. I exhaled slowly to calm myself. "I know that, okay. I know I'm on bedrest and I won't violate it again, I promise, but this is something I had to do, Jason." My hand tightened around the journal. "I had to do this."
He glanced down at the journal and his expression softened. He sighed, "Okay."
Grant's head jerked up in surprise. "Okay?"
Jason looked over his shoulder as if suddenly realizing the Silver Moon Alpha's presence. "Yes. You need not concern yourself, this is a matter between my sister and me." Jason turned back to me. "Come on, I'll take you back downstairs. We can talk about this later."
I set the journal the drawer of the bedside dresser. "There's nothing to talk about, Jase. Look I won't sneak off again. You can even post a guard to watch me at all times to make sure of it."
"Which I will be doing," he promised sternly.
I rolled my eyes. "Fine. Go ahead. But I had to do this. I won't apologize for it."
He snorted. "You, apologize? Gee that'd be a sight!"
I raised an unimpressed eyebrow. "Your snark is quite unnecessary."
"Sometimes snark is absolutely necessary with you," he muttered. "Come on, let's get you back down to where you're supposed to be."
He waited for me to wrap my arms around his neck before placing an arm under my knees and back and lifting me up. He paused to look at my damaged door. "Was breaking it really necessary?" I asked him.
"Yeah, yeah," he grumbled walking again. "I'll pay for a new door and handyman," he said to Grant as he passed him.
I averted my eyes knowing that Grant was staring at me. All I could see in my mind was the look of fear he had back in the forest. I hated seeing that look. I hated having people look at me like I'm a monster.
I know I'm a monster. Every life I take is more blood on my hands, it's more blood than I can ever wash off no matter how many lives I may save.
"He'll come around," Jason whispered when Grant was out of earshot. "He'll see the truth."
"He already has," I murmured softly. "He's finally shed his misconception of who I am now." Just in time for me to wish he wouldn't. I'd call God cruel if I believed in Him.
I guess it's for the best. We'd never work anyways and at least now I don't have to worry about saying goodbye to my Fire Light family. If Trina and Justin make it work with their mates then Tyler and Alex can join Fire Light. I know they have little desire to remain in Silver Moon. If Tyler was in Fire Light my parents surely would follow.
Yes. This is for the best. It's not like Grant and I were really even trying at mates anyways.
I rest my head on Jason's shoulder. Maybe Grant can't handle who I truly am but Jason and the others know exactly who I am and they'd never turn their backs on me. I'm not some silly girl from a romance novel. I do not and never will need a guy to save me or take me away. I've got something far better than some guy that nature tells me to be with.
I've got my family. I've got people I chose to care about and who chose to care about me. That's got to be better than any relationship or false love based off misconceptions and altered realities.
I closed my eyes and let the rocking motion of Jason walking lull me to sleep.