Chapter 10: Chapter 10

Tristan

The only way to conquer obsession is to indulge it, to quench it. Nothing makes me crazier than not being able to have something I’ve craved for years. If I’d gotten what I wanted from my little Amelia back in high school, she’d be only a sweet memory by now. Instead, she looms in my mind as large and bright as the sun.

It’s okay. It’ll all be over soon. I’m making progress with her.

She was affected by my “love confession.” I could see it in her eyes. Moments when I have her under my spell are so rare. I’ve learned all of her tells. She’s two different people when she talks to me. Most of the time, she’s cold, snarky Amy. The one who won’t meet my eyes. But sometimes, she’s the Amy I can’t get enough of.

Riveted Amy.

Riveted Amy’s big hazel eyes are wide and probing. Her pretty heart-shaped lips tick up at the edges. Every word I say is absorbed and mirrored back. Somehow, she fucking gets me. Not that I’m a complicated guy, but I’m not used to being so quickly understood. I don’t express myself well, but that doesn’t matter with Amy. She becomes engrossed in the conversation, weaving a bond so strong that it blurs the boundaries between us.

I can only imagine how intense it will be once I finally fuck her.

Being around her felt like a drug when I was a sappy teenager who thought he’d fallen in love the moment she opened her mouth. I wanted to possess her, conquer her. Absorb her sparkle into my soul as a permanent source of bliss. That’s how my obsession with her started.

I know better now. It’s not love but obsession.

It makes perfect sense that it would be her. My parents never gave a shit about anything but my grades and football, and that made me hungry for connection. One conversation with Amy felt like coming home after years of wandering alone. I was such a sappy, needy teenager.

After our first simple conversation, the small spark I felt with Harper faded like a dying ember. I still cared for her, but I wanted Amy with a single-minded focus. All the brief relationships I’ve had since then were nothing compared to what I feel for her.

I’m obsessed.

That’s all this is.

Teenage neediness that grew into a phantom, a dark silhouette that wrapped its ghostly fingers around my throat. It’s held me in a choke hold for years. But I’m not needy anymore. I don’t need my parents’ attention like that sad, pathetic little boy I used to be. I don’t ~need~ Amy. I’m about to get her out of my system once and for all. This obsession isn’t healthy. I need to start focusing on myself. On my long-term goals.

The fact that I followed this small, feisty woman to college when I had better options elsewhere should have set alarm bells off in my head.

It didn’t, though. I was so stupid. It wasn’t until the beginning of my sophomore year of college that I started to finally learn who I am. What I really need is to crush this itching need to possess her.

I’m going to get everything I want from her soon, and the thought of it makes my skin vibrate with energy all the time. My dick is half hard at just the thought. She’s a distraction, but I’ve figured out a way to crush it. I’ve executed the plan perfectly so far.

I’ll charm her, lure her in, win her. Once I have, I’ll spend the next several months fucking her every which way. I’ll get everything I’ve ever wanted from her.

Finally, my obsession will fade. I’ve never wanted a woman for more than a few weeks. The only reason Harper and I have stayed close is because she’s a close friend. We’ve tried to make that friendship something more, and we’ve had decent sex over the years, but I could never stop thinking about Amy. Never stop fantasizing about her.

Adorable little Amy finally took me down. She has those big doe eyes, that soft curvy body, and her hideous purple hair that I love because it’s so her. I never thought a girl as cute as button could make my blood run so hot.

I’m a simple guy. I want what I can’t have.

I can’t deny this restless anxiety vibrating through me since the moment she told me she’s going to seduce me. The drug has become even more potent. I’m more obsessed with her than ever.

What if it doesn’t fade? I’ll probably have to revise the timeline if I find that I need more—

A knock sounds on my bedroom door, and I jump. A moment later, Harper marches into my room. Her green eyes are wide and frantic as she holds her phone in the air.

“What the fuck was that, Tristan?” she says.

When I glance at the screen, there’s a frozen frame of Amy and I sitting on a picnic blanket.

Of course. I knew my “love confession” would upset Harper.

“They were just words,” I say. “I wanted to make the date dramatic.”

She shakes her head. “You’ve always had a weird thing with her.” She grimaces. “I never understood it. Why her of all people?”

I roll my eyes, trying my best to look nonchalant even though my pulse is starting to hammer. I can’t let Harper get too jealous. She could really fuck things up for me. She’s volatile when it comes to Amy. From now on, I’ll have to keep my intimate moments with Amy completely private.

Ironic that I lied and said I wanted to make Harper jealous.

What a disaster. Every part of my plan was thoroughly contemplated, except that misguided step, but at the time I had a single-minded desire.

I needed to get my hands on Amy.

I’d wanted to touch her so bad for so long, my body didn’t know what to do that night she stormed into our frat and brushed her big tits against me and looked up at me with those beautiful hazel eyes. My dick was so hard it almost hurt. I was practically in a fugue state when I went into that bathroom and beat my cock.

It felt like being hungry.

No, starving.

So I made up an excuse to get access to her sooner. I thought she’d believe I wanted to make Harper jealous. Thankfully, I also had the scholarship on my side, and she fell for it.

“Harper…” I run a hand through the hair at the top of my head. “We’re not getting back together again, so why does it even matter?”

Her lips tremble. It was hard for her when I finally laid down the law, but it wasn’t fair to keep drifting back into a relationship with her because I couldn’t have the woman I really wanted. Harper’s an amazing friend. She shouldn’t be anyone’s consolation prize.

Plus, I don’t think she really loves me that way either. She likes that I’m a god on this campus. She likes the two of us being a power couple.

It’ll be good for her to let her vanity go and find a real connection with someone.

“It can’t be her.” Her voice quivers. “I’ll be okay if you… If you move on. But not with her. Not the person who abandoned me when my dad died.”

I sigh heavily. She’s back on this. Over the years, the story behind the dissolution of Harper and Amy’s friendship has inched closer and closer to Harper being the victim. I remember exactly how it went down. Harper abandoned Amy, not the other way around, but I’ve given up trying to remind her of what really happened. She doesn’t listen.

Over the years, I’ve learned that Harper is completely irrational when it comes to her dead father. It’s as if her emotions toward her father froze in their teenage state when he died, while the rest of her became a rational adult. Her feelings for Amy are frozen with him. In some ways, it’s as if Amy died too.

I get it. My feelings for Amy are also frozen in time. And I plan to incinerate them in her warm, luscious body.

“Look,” I say, struggling to find the right words. “I know you and Amy have a complicated history, but I think I might… You know I’ve always wanted to…”

~Fuck her.~

Damn it. I can’t say it.

“Yes,” she clips out. “You’ve wanted her since high school.” Her eyes bore into mine. “Was everything you said to her true?”

My heart pounds in my chest as I struggle to form an answer. The truth is, yes, everything I said to Amy was true. In a way. My body still seems to think it’s true even when my brain knows that what I feel for her is only a trifling obsession.

But I can’t admit that to Harper. Then she’ll know all her concerns about Amy were justified. I did want her more than Harper all those years ago. I was ready to break up with Harper after my first conversation with Amy.

I can’t tell her that. She’s terrified of abandonment, and I’ve worked hard to show her that I’m a steady, loyal friend. It’s the least I can do for her. She’s been there for me over the years. Both she and Nick have helped me as I came to see that my parents are emotionally unavailable assholes who never should have had a kid.

I don’t want to hurt Harper. I want her in my life. As a friend.

Once I start fucking Amy, I’ll tell Harper what it really is. I’ll say it’s just fucking.

It really will be just that.

I’ll just be getting her out of my system.

“Of course it wasn’t true,” I say. “I told Amy ahead of time that we’re going to put on a performance. I’m going to let her win. Make sure she gets that scholarship.”

Harper scowls. “Why would you do that for her?”

“I’m trying to make amends.”

She raises both hands in the air. “For what?”

I scoff. “For what we did when you read her fanfic. It was fucked up.”

She waves a hand as she starts pacing my floor. Fuck, she must be really anxious. “No, it wasn’t,” she says. “Amy probably loved it. She loves getting attention for her writing. She always did.” She scowls. “Her fanfic is so cheesy and smutty. She used to be a better writer than that. Clearly, she’s changed since we stopped being friends.”

“I happen to like her fanfic,” I say, and I want to cringe at my words. That little witch has me under some kind of spell. Here I am, coming to her defense like a loyal dog when she’s never been anything but an asshole to me.

Harper cringes. “You don’t even read. Not real literature, at least. Her writing has become so cliché and tropey. She should be embarrassed. Hopefully, that day inspired her to work harder.”

I shake my head. “It was cruel what we did. Everyone was laughing while she just sat there. She didn’t deserve it at all.” My chest grows tight. “I hate myself for letting you do it.”

I hated myself the second I saw Amy’s face as Harper read it. Those big hazel eyes were wide and hurt, and I wanted to fucking die. Why did I even allow it in the first place?

Because of some little offhand comment she’d made the day before that gutted me.

~“I still think you’re boring,”~ Amy had said with a laugh.

She was only joking, but holy fuck, it killed me.

Am I really that fucking fragile when it comes to her? God damn it, I just need to finally fuck her. Or else I’ll always revert to that dopey teenager whenever she’s around.

“Why do you even care?” Harper says. “She never fucking loved me. We were only friends because she thought she was so much smarter than me, and it made her feel good about herself. She wasn’t there for me when it counted. She didn’t even give a shit when my dad died.”

I grit my teeth. There’s no use reasoning with her on this topic.

“Well,” I say. “I need to make amends. After I do, I’ll be done with her.”

“Why do you need to make amends?” Harper’s voice cracks. “What’s so special about her?”

I look into those pleading eyes. Fuck, I can’t tell her anything close to the truth. That I want Amy with an intensity I’ve never felt for her, even during our best times. Harper needs to move on. My relationship with her isn’t healthy. I became her emotional crutch after her dad died.

Still, I have to protect her.

“It’s the right thing to do,” I say.

She nods jerkily, seeming to be fighting back tears. “Okay. I can live with that. Just remember that she’s manipulative. She tricked me into thinking she really cared about me. Don’t let her do it to you. Don’t let her get into your head.”

I let out a sigh. “I won’t.” It’s a lie. Amy’s already in my head. She’s been there for a long time.

A gnawing fear somewhere deep within tells me a few months of fucking Amy Harrington could never be enough.