Chapter 24: Chapter 24

TRISTAN

I shove my hands into the pockets of my jacket as I approach Serena’s dorm, the chill of the early morning air biting at my cheeks. The building looms in front of me like an insurmountable barrier between me and Amy, and I want to fucking kick something.

I shouldn’t have to go to Serena to find out what’s going on with Amy. She’s a goddamn coward for sending me away this morning. For not telling me why she’s angry.

I let out a ragged breath, forming clouds that dissipate into the soft morning light. After walking into the dorm entrance, I make my way to the stairwell. My footsteps echo too loudly. I need to calm the fuck down. A temper tantrum won’t get me anywhere with Serena. She’s on Amy’s side. Hell, she might not let me in her room either.

Finally, I’m standing outside Serena’s door, my insides churning. I ball my hand into a fist and rap sharply on the wood three times. I shuffle my feet, anticipation gnawing at my gut. Serena opens the door, her eyes huge.

“Hey?” Her voice is laced with surprise. She’s wearing an oversized T-shirt that I recognize.

I look around her to glance into the room. “Is Nick here?”

She takes a step back. “He’s sleeping. I’ll have him call you when he wakes up.”

I shake my head. “I want to talk to you.”

Her expression clouds over. “Why?”

“It’s about Amy.” My voice is somehow steady. “I need to know what’s going on with her. She slept…at my house and then snuck out in the middle of the night. She also…” My jaw clenches. “She said something to me in a text that I don’t understand.”

~“Turns out you really are boring.”~

That familiar ache grips my chest. I ought to be accustomed to it by now. Amy has called me boring more than once over the years, and every time, it made me outrageously, disproportionately angry. Why do I need the rapt attention of this shy, insignificant girl?

Because she isn’t insignificant to me. Far from it. For reasons I’ve never understood, I crave her warmth and approval more than anything in the world. The slightest interest in her eyes is like warm morning sunlight brushing over my skin.

It’s so rare I get it.

How many times have I approached her over the years and tried to charm her? Countless. Almost every time, she gave me that same look—the long stare. It was so much worse when I’d interrupt her mid-smile during a conversation with someone else. The smile would fade, and the light would dim in her eyes the moment she caught sight of me. It made me want to rage at her. I’d often say something snarky in an attempt to form a wall around my heart, which only made her look of disdain grow sharper.

I’m fragile when it comes to her.

What a mortifying thought.

She’d probably be my girlfriend by now if only I had the stomach to withstand her dislike. I could have pushed harder and showed her who I really am—that I’m not a dumb jock who only cares about football. These past few weeks with her have shown me that she likes the real person underneath my arrogant mask. She told me I’m one of the most interesting people she’s ever met.

She ~doesn’t~ find me boring, damn it. Something is going on with her, and I’m going to find out what it is.

Serena bites her lip, and a crease forms between her brows. “I haven’t talked to her much in the past few days.” Her expression clears, and she shoots me an accusing look. “Even if I had, I wouldn’t tell you anything. It’s not my place. You should know better than to come to me for information.”

“Please, Serena. I’m kind of…” ~God, I don’t want to say the word. I don’t want to reveal my fragility.~

But there’s no other way.

“Terrified,” I finish. “I need to know why she’s angry with me.”

Her eyes soften. “You need to talk to Amy.”

“She won’t see me,” I nearly shout. “I just came from her dorm.”

She crosses her arms over her chest, and that familiar stubborn set of her jaw tells me this won’t be easy. “It’s not fair for you to come to me when she doesn’t want to see you. But if you want to come in and vent, I can wake up Nick.”

A ragged groan is pulled from my chest. “What the fuck is he going to do?”

She frowns. “He’s your best friend. When I’m in a bad place, I go to my friends.”

I grit my teeth as I walk through the door and turn toward Serena’s bed. Only the top of Nick’s brown head is visible under the blankets.

“Nick,” I say. “Wake up.”

His eyes pop open, staring vacantly ahead. After a moment, he frowns. “Tristan,” he rasps. “What are you doing here?”

“I want your advice. Serena’s too.”

Advice is a pittance compared to what I really want. I need Amy back in my arms like I need to breathe.

But I’ll take their advice.

I’ll take anything.

Nick sits up in bed, his expression far from enthusiastic. He’s clearly still pissed at me for telling him all those months ago that Serena was only using him, even though he’s clearly won her back. It wasn’t right for me to interfere, though. I should have just kept my damn mouth shut. If she was really only using him to further her acting career, he would have found out eventually. And if she wasn’t…

Hell, I’ve been pissed as fuck since he started interfering with my pursuit of Amy. I’m so damn insecure when it comes to her feelings that if he told me she didn’t really want me, I’d be crushed.

It wouldn’t stop me from trying, though. That’s one thing I have over him. He chose to give Serena up, and I would never choose to give Amy up. Still, I understand why he’s angry in a way I couldn’t comprehend before.

“I’m sorry,” I say. “I’m sorry to both of you.” I look at Serena, whose expression is suspicious. “Serena, I thought you were only going after Nick to get closer to my mom since she’s a Hollywood agent.”

Serena scowls. “What evidence did you have for that? That I asked for her email once?”

I let out a heavy breath. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Nick shouldn’t have listened to you.”

Nick’s gaze falls to the blanket covering his lap. “No, I shouldn’t have.”

Serena waves a hand. “It’s alright. It’s between me and Nick, anyway. You came here to talk about Amy.”

Despair grips my chest once again, and I shut my eyes for a moment. “Yes. I don’t know what’s going on with her. She’s pissed at me for something.”

Serena crosses her arms over her chest. “Well, you did bet your entire fraternity that you’d sleep with her.”

My stomach plummets to the floor. “Does she know about that?”

“Yes,” Nick cuts in. “I told her.”

I ball my hands into fists. “You’re a fucking traitor. Does our friendship mean nothing to you?”

Nick shrugs. “Tit for tat.”

Rage flares through my veins. “This is completely different. I didn’t go behind your back, Nick. I told you what I thought, but the choice was yours. You broke up with Serena.”

His expression grows hesitant. “I didn’t make anything up. You really did make that bet.”

“It was much more complicated than that,” I burst out, both hands in the air.

Both Serena and Nick’s eyes grow wide, and I take a moment to calm myself. After several deep breaths, my shoulders relax, though my skin is still buzzing with unbearable electricity.

Fuck, I don’t think I’ve ever been gripped with anxiety this inflammatory, and I need to snap out of it. I can fix everything with Amy. I just need to know what’s wrong first.

“You know it was more complicated than that,” I say. “You know I’m—” I close my lips. Fuck, I can’t say I’m in love with her.

How can I love someone who would fuck me and leave me, especially after I poured my heart out to her? But the tenderness that washes over me every time her face comes to mind—those bright hazel eyes and that cheeky smile—is not an illusion.

I want her at all costs. Even if she really is vindictive and cruel, I can’t change the fact that being around her is like waking up from the deep sleep of death.

God, I’m a sap.

“You know I’ve had a thing for her for a long time,” I say. “With the guys at the frat…I was just talking. They were taunting me, telling me Amy wasn’t into me, that they could see on our first date how much I was into her. It got to me. I already felt like I could never have her, so I made that stupid bet.”

“The bet was more like a vow,” Serena says, and I whip around to face her. She’s staring steadily at me with a strange light in her eyes.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“You were vowing to yourself that you would make her want you.”

I huff out a humorless laugh. “It’s stupid, but yes. That probably is what I was trying to do.”

Serena narrows her eyes. “Why all the secrets? Why couldn’t you have been honest with her?”

My chest pulls so tight that I can’t stop myself from wincing. Her question is so stupidly simple. I could have been honest with Amy. She probably would have liked it. Any time I’ve whined like a little bitch over my strained relationship with my parents, she’s become as warm and kind as I’ve ever seen her. She’s not the type of person to squash a soft heart beneath her heel. She left me because she doesn’t trust me. I was cruel to her once, and I paid dearly for it.

If only I could go back and do everything differently.

“Because…” I inhale a shaky breath. “She scares me to death, to be honest.”

Nick scoffs. “Amy scares you?”

I run my hands through my already disheveled hair. “No one has ever had this much power over me. I’ve been crazy about her for years. I followed her to college, for Christ’s sake.”

Sharp gasps resonate in the small dorm room, and the hairs on my arms stand up. Fuck, that’s the first time I’ve ever admitted that aloud.

I raise a finger in the air. “If either of you repeat that to Amy…” I shake my head. “Serena, I’ll have my mom blacklist you from Hollywood.”

She snorts, and I can’t blame her. What a ridiculous thing to say. As if I could persuade my mom to use power she doesn’t even have in the first place. I really am flailing from Amy’s rejection.

“I mean it,” I say, though my voice is unsteady. “And Nick, I’ll kill you.”

He rolls his eyes, and Serena stands up from the bed. She grabs my shoulders and looks into my eyes. “The man you were a moment ago has a real chance at winning Amy.”

I frown. “What man?”

“The one who said he’s scared. The one who admitted his feelings are so strong he followed her to college. That he would follow her anywhere.”

The world around me grows blurry, a kaleidoscope of beige and grey. The truth hits me in the gut.

I would have followed her anywhere.

I’ll follow her anywhere now.

“It was like…” I swallow the lump in my throat. “When I met her, my life became bright and full of possibilities. I’ve never known anyone else who can light me up like this. It’s fucking scary.”

My words feel like they’re spoken into a deep hole. The same one I fell into the moment she left me.

“Tristan.” Serena’s voice is gentle and soothing, like a hand reaching out in the dark. “If you want to win her over, you have to show her what you’re showing me now. You have to be honest. No more lies.”

I nod frantically. “I can do that. I’ll do anything, but I need her to talk to me. Serena, you need to get her to hear me out.”

Her eyes grow hesitant. “I can’t force her. You might need to give her a little time.”

I shake my head rapidly and start pacing the floor again. “I’ll die if I have to wait. Please, Serena. Get her to talk to me.”

“It’s not Serena’s job to clean up your mess,” Nick says.

“Nick.” Serena’s tone is stern. “He’s in a bad place. The same type of place you were in not long ago.” She cocks a brow. “Have some compassion. Give him advice.”

Nick sighs. “Wait until your next game date.”

I run my hands through my hair. “That’s two days away. I can’t wait that long. Plus, it’s the last fucking one, and it’s a group date. No.” I shake my head. “I need to see her sooner.”

“This isn’t about you,” Nick says.

“He’s right,” Serena says. “Maybe send her a text telling her you want to talk soon. Then bring it up again on our next date.”

I stop pacing and meet Serena’s gaze once more. The ache in my heart is throbbing like a deep wound. How the hell will I get through the next forty-eight hours?