I tried not to run away while freaking out, but I know my pace gave everything I was feeling away. I scared myself with my own actions. It was like I fell into a state of delirium. I just had to kiss him, had to make sure he knew that he was mine and nobody else's. I squeezed my head as I made my way into my study. The room was off the kitchen, adorned in marble, making the walk short. When I closed the doors behind me the weight of what I had done hit me like a ton of bricks.
I kissed him without knowing how I feel. He will hate me for it.
The thought of Myles's pillow soft lips against mine. He tasted like peaches and smelled like amber. The feel of his body falling into mine for support and the warmth that we shared. It was one of the best kisses I have ever shared with someone.
Activating my companion, I called my brother Junior, who had a way of putting things into perspective. I was not the best critical thinker in my family, nor did I do well with empathy. My brother prided himself on being able to relate to a wide breadth of people.
"Hey what's going on," he asked.
"I need some serious advice, bro. I'm going through a crisis," I said.
"I doubt that you're going through a crisis, you love to swan dive into hyperbole," he joked.
"This is a crisis. I kissed Myles, and I really enjoyed it," I said. I was trying not to hyperventilate, but my breathing had become strained.
"Oh shit, you enjoyed kissing your husband. We better call the natural disaster agency and get them to your palace immediately."
"Junior, stone being sarcastic. This is serious. I've never felt this way about a man before. I have all these feelings for Myles emotionally, but physically nothing happens. It's so confusing to want him to touch me but also wanted him not to at the same time," I said. Sitting on the desk, I looked out at the driveway. Mileta was outside in her uniform, working out.
"I can't relate to that. Like at all," he said. I could tell he was trying not to laugh.
"After all this time together I can't help but to feel the need to have an emotional connection. Even with most of our relationship being in a rough place, I feel this need for him to want me." I stood up from the chair and walked over to the chair and began spinning.
"I think I like Myles and have mistreated him because I don't know how to deal with these unfamiliar feelings. He's so pure, and I did all that I could to hurt him. I feel like a child saying all of this to you."
"Yeah. You are a child in the way you handle most things. If I'm being honest, you have never been good with change. Anytime something threw off your routine you would throw a fit way past the stage where it was normal to throw a tantrum. This whole marriage has set you on a fresh course. You can't just be the warrior prince anymore. Grow so you can be the person your kingdom, family, and husband need."
I wanted to combat what he was saying, but I held my tongue and did some self-reflection. He was right about everything. I had never been the type to go with the flow; I made waves instead. Control was something that I needed, Myles was the first person to stick to their guns with consequences regarding my actions, and I both liked and hated that.
"Are you still there?" Junior was shouting. I must have missed some other points he had made. "Sorry I was thinking."
"Bernardo you need to go with what your heart is telling you. Your body and mind will follow when you allow yourself to be free. I have never heard you cling to being straight until mom told you about the marriage. You might not have slept with any men before, but you were never outright against it. Rouanet men are well known for our fluidity. Just look at dad. He had partners of all kinds before he met mom."
"Yeah, I guess I wasn't as open to this as I wanted to be. You might just be right," I said.
"I know that I'm right. Stop fearing something new coming into your life. Mom and Dad put you with Myles for a reason. He is what you need to balance that fiery head of yours out. I think you two could be happy together if you try. Now I need to go to bed, I have aquatics training in the morning," Junior said before he ended the call.
I stopped turning in the chair and sat up. I needed to map out my options. The way I saw it, there were only two options. I could make our situation worse by ignoring the kiss and leaving unanswered questions between the two of us, or I could see what could come from a proper relationship between Myles and I.
Myles was a genuinely wonderful human being. He could be idealistic, and a pushover, but he was steadfast in what he believed in. I had admitted to myself before that if he was a woman, he would be perfect for me. Why was I allowing anatomy to control my life?
The introspection was making my head hurt, so I got out of my chair and made my way up the stairs. Each step felt like I was hiking up a mountain and the closer I came to the bedroom door, the harder my heart pounded in my chest. The door was open and I could see his outline on his side of the bed. The moon was the only source of light. He had fallen asleep in the hour I spent on the phone with my brother.
Keeping the noise to a minimum, I took a quick steam shower. The heat from the water soothed my sore muscles from an earlier run. When I felt clean and relaxed, I left feeling the spray of drying air and then another gust filled with moisturizer coated my skin. Making my way into the closet, I selected loose fitting black underwear before going to brush my teeth.
As I crawled under the cover after preparing myself for the night a sweet scent engulfed me. I smiled, not seeing a wall of pillows separating us, and settled for looking at his back. Just looking at him brought back recent memories. The feel of his hand on my chest just a few minutes ago. The sweet taste on his lips. The feel of his smaller hand around my manhood on our wedding night. The whimper he released when I held him by the neck. The need to be closer to Myles was harder to contain than smoke.
Don't fight it
With no real want to suppress how I was feeling, I allowed myself to get aroused at the thought of having the smaller man under me. I was apprehensive as I closed the distance but would not let the fear keep me from making my move. I placed a hand on his shoulder, clad in a thin peach shirt. Being as gentle as possible I flipped him over and watched as his eyes opened.
"What's going on," he asked. "I'm sorry for leaving you like that earlier. I needed a moment to decide." I pulled his body to mine and looked him in the eye as best as I could in the low light.
"Would it be wrong for me to ask you for another kiss?" My hands already at his lower back. I pulled us flat together so he could feel how into this I was. He lay in my arms and looked at me deep in thought. The longer he thought things through, the more nervous I grew, but eventually he nodded his head. With the confirmation, I kissed him, reveling in the taste. His left hand went to my chest, and the other cupped my face. He moaned into the kiss as I ground our hips together.
I nibbled at his lower lip and sucked on it in the same manner I would with a woman. He giggled at the action then followed it with a moan so soft that even connected I could barely make out the sound. I incorporated the move every time we parted for air. After a while my arm was growing tired, so I flipped us over and laid most of my weight on him. The material between us was annoying me.
"I want to see and feel all of you," I said. I lifted myself up then removed his shirt revealing the slight frame he kept hidden under clothes. He stared up at me as I tossed his shirt to the side and reached for his shorts. It took some maneuvering, but I removed them without things getting awkward, which revealed the lace underneath. He wore undergarments like that somewhat regularly but had not worn them to bed. He knew what would happen after I came back from my call. Though he would never admit it.
He looked amazing in them. His skin warmed when I hooked my finger underneath and pulled them down. Pulling them to my face, I inhaled whatever sugary scent he coated himself in and then placed them to the side of the bed.
I exposed him entirely. This was not the first occasion I had seen him naked, but it was the first time I had taken the time to admire his body. He had curves, a thin waist and was void of hair. I could tell he wasn't enjoying being the only one in the nude, so I removed my boxers and pinned him down with my weight. Without the clothes, I could feel the heat and softness of his skin. I kissed him again while thrusting myself between his thighs.
"What are we doing Bernardo?" I pulled away from his swollen lips. A flash of his lips wrapped around me played in my head. "We can stop if you want to. I know this is a whirlwind experience. Just say the word" I dipped to his neck, placing kisses where I could feel his pulse. His hands rested on the back of my neck and he writhed under me after I sucked on the skin. Moving from his neck, I trailed down to his pert nipples. I teased them both with the tip of my tongue, which drove him wild.
"Put your finger in my mouth," he ordered in a breathy tone. I happily followed instructions since we had reached foreign territory. I slipped my middle and index finger past his lips and felt him suck on them. I felt a tingle in my manhood when he teased the tips with his tongue. I was leaking. Feeling brave, I moved downward until I was at the base of his manhood. With a deep inhale, I smelled a strong fruity aroma. I took in the scent while I kissed the space between his thigh and leaking manhood.
I wanted to give him more pleasure but was not ready for that stage. "Bernardo opened me up gently, it's been a while," Myles removed my fingers from his mouth and said. I took my moistened fingers and watched as he pulled his legs back to his chest. I stared at his exposed entrance. It looked tight and was the same even tone as the rest of his body. Getting close, I buried my nose in that same fruity smell before going in for a taste.
I became addicted the moment my tongue flicked over the hot skin I. Like a madman; I ate him while slowly working a finger inside. Whatever spell he had used made him taste like ripe fruit. He panted and moaned as I prepared him. He pushed my head deeper between his legs. By the time I had worked a third finger inside he was moaning openly.
"Are you sure you want to do this? We can't go back from this," I said, pulling away.
"I'm sure. Are you?" I kissed him to answer the question. I had not been that sure about something in a while. Focusing on making sure I didn't hurt him, I placed myself at his entrance. He grabbed my manhood and positioned it as I pushed inside his slick hole. I had to bite down on my tongue as I felt his velvety insides. I fell on top of him and could feel his heart pounding as hard as mine was. When our hips met, I groaned and had to restrain myself from releasing too quickly.
The sensations were stronger than any I had ever experienced. I slowly began thrusting into him as he tightened around me. I slowly found a rhythm that didn't have him putting his hands on my chest to slow down and he wrapped his legs around my waist. I began pounding into him and he whined, causing the feeling of an orgasm to flutter up my spine. As I pounded into him, I could feel his body shake and presumed he was close.
He placed his hands on his member between us just as I was about to release and then moaned out. I felt him clench around me as he spilled his essence between us. I wasn't able to hold out any longer and let out a guttural roar before exploding inside my husband. I collapsed on top of him and gasped for air.
"Myles."
"Bernardo." He placed his hands on my face. I pulled out of him, then pulled him to my side. He kicked his legs over me and laid his head on my chest. We were both sweating and exhausted.
"Thank you," I said, then gave him a kiss on the forehead. "You're welcome," he replied while yawning. We had an exhausting day filled with twists and turns. We both needed some rest.
"You should get some rest. We both have engagements tomorrow," I said. I gave his waist a squeeze. He tucked his head between my arm and chest and began breathing slower. It tickled my chest hair and his lips grazed against my skin. I was expecting regret to surface, but it did not come. Instead, I was happy to hold him and closed my eyes and mirrored his breathing until sleep consumed me.