â¢INDIAHâ¢
"How was cheer", Mama asks as soon as I enter the house
"Like you care"
Automatic response
"Excuse me?"
I shrug defensively, "What? You don't-
"Indiah", Daddy says in that warning tone as he comes downstairs
I know what he's gonna say already, but still I reply with. "Yeah?"
"Come on, we spoke about the attitude" He replies expectantly
"Sorry", I mutter
"Try again"
"Cheer was fine", I say before going into the front room
Right now I've actually got a bone to pick with my brother, I knew he'd be in the front room so that's exactly where I went. Surprisingly Jamila was here too, "Hi Mila"
She looks back from going through the vinyl collection, "Hey girl"
I hug her happily, "I haven't seen you in ages"
I love Jamila
"I know right. I missed you, how've you been?"
"Yeah not bad, nothing much going on. How's Zola?"
"Z's good, I'm going to her place after I leave. But I believe you have a white boyfriend that I've not heard of until today. Care to share?" She nudges me playfully and I smile a little
"His name is Archie", I answer innocently
Jamila's brows raise with surprise, "Awwww that white boy you always used to fuss about? That's so cute, he won you over"
"Surprisingly"
My eyes then set on my brother who isn't even paying attention to our conversation, his phone has been occupying him for the past couple minutes or so.
"What the hell is wrong with you Zay"
He frowns without even paying me any mind, "What are you going on about"
"You know exactly what I mean, how could you do that to Amariah" I scoff
"I'm not talking about it with you-
"Yes you are, she was so upset today. I literally fought for you when you tried to win her back and this is the shit you're pulling" I say annoyed
"How upset was she?", Jamila asks softly
"Extremely"
I can see my brother feels horrible which is good because it means that he cares, I also know that he wouldn't break up with Amariah just because uncle T said so. He respects him but I know there's something else.
"Shit", Xavier mutters
"What did you expect? She loves you"
"I know that"
"So then why-
"Just mind your business Indiah"
"This is my business"
"It's not and you're starting to piss me off"
Jamila sighs
At this point I'm over the conversation because he clearly isn't going to tell me anything.
"You know what fine, be a dick. But don't be surprised when she never speaks to you again because you're gonna realise how stupid you've been. And by then it would've been too late"
Jamila chews her bottom lip with a look of concern, "Zay maybe you should-
"No"
"It's ok Mila don't bother, this isn't the first time hes hurt Amariah"
I left the two of them to hang out after that
â¢AMARIAHâ¢
"Do you want a snack?"
"No thank you"
"Welll do you wanna watch something?"
I sigh as I put my pencil down, "Trinity"
"Sorry"
"It's fine"
She leans on the doorframe, "I heard you shouting at dad last night...."
I look away from my work, "How much do you know"
"Everything...."
"Right well, I guess I don't have to explain anything"
My sister gives me a hug and my face softens before I eventually return it, that's another hug that I'm appreciating today. "Thank you"
"It's ok"
She eventually leaves me to continue with my homework, which by the way I'm having a hard time concentrating. Xavier may not always go to school but he was definitely my motivation. Sometimes he was the one helping me understand my work, especially when it came to essay based subjects. He's not stupid like Latoya makes him seem.
My depressing thoughts are interrupted by a knock on my door, it was dad. Although I don't know what the point in him knocking was since the door was already opened.
"Dinners ready"
"Not hungry", I respond without even looking back
"You haven't eaten today"
"So now you're keeping track of my meals too?"
"Yes because you're my daughter and I care about you. If you wanna be mad at me about that too then you can-
"Great can you leave me alone now"
"Look you can be upset with me all you want and I understand that but I'm not gonna put up with the attitude-
"So don't dad, just go" I walk over to my door with annoyance, preparing to shut it and he sighs
"Princess come on"
My expression remains stoic.
"If you want me to eat then i'll eat but I'm not having dinner at the table, especially with you-
"That's enough", Mom interrupts
Dad leaves us be
"Baby I understand that you're hurting but you cannot talk to your father that way", She tells me sternly
"Why do you always defend him?-
"Excuse me but I have been defending you right from the beginning so don't even start with me, and you know what as much as your dad shouldn't have told Xavier to break up with you he was just trying to protect you. He told me what's been going on and honestly I don't want you affiliated with drug dealers and gang bangers-
"Xavier's not a gang banger"
"Of course he's not, but right now he's hanging with the wrong crowd. And he's tryna get away from all that shit so just for a second can you trust your father" She says annoyed
"Whatever. I'm still not coming down"
"That's fine, stay hungry"
"I will", I muttered once she was gone
I shut my door before lying back against my bed and just staring at the ceiling, when I'm mad I just don't think before I speak.
My phone buzzes against my thigh, I reach for it before holding it up in front of my face to view the message I just received. Blair just messaged on our group chat with Indiah.
3/3
B: miss u guys â¹ï¸
Me: how u doing babe?
B: I was throwing up quite a lot this morning
Indi: ð¨
B: don't worry guys i'm on my period, probably not coming in the rest of the week tho. Cj's keeping me company âºï¸
Me: awww
Indi: gws, i'll come check on u tomorrow
I then go onto a separate chat with Indiah
Me: i need za, asap
Indi: want me to come over?
Me: no, i need to get out of here
Indi: u can come over, my parents aren't here x
Me: cool
Indi: mama does wanna apologise to u at some point tho
I need something to do so that I don't let this depressing state consume me and I quite frankly have not gotten high in awhile so that's on my agenda tonight, I snuck out of the house easily.
I'll deal with my parents later
*
"Hurry up"
"Relax", Malik relights the blunt in Indiah's mouth before then relighting mine. Usually he makes us share but he's being quite nice to me today.
"Thanks"
I cross my legs as I sit back and exhale, we were currently in the backyard sitting on a couple chairs. The temperature is slowly but surely dropping since it's practically hit night time, I lift up my hood before reaching for my can of coke.
"What time are your parents coming back?"
"Not till late, you're good" He replies
"Hopefully mom stays out" Indiah mutters
I frown, "Are you guys on outs?"
"We just argue everytime we talk"
"Every time", Malik emphasises
"Oh my. Who starts it?"
"Majority of the time it's her. It's just little things you know?"
"Yeah I get you"
My best friend suddenly sits up, clearly filled with news. "Ooh you know Malik's been seeing someone"
"Why you always gotta open your mouth", He fusses
"No please, let's hear it. Finally something that isn't depressing" I reply
His face softens, "Ree-
"Don't wanna hear it"
"Anyways he won't let me meet her but she's very very pretty and they met through Zion cause she's his friend's younger sister. She's Haitian right?"
"Yup"
"Oh and her ass? Spectacular" Indiah informs me
"Would she even be Malik's type if she had no ass" I reply amused
"I don't discriminate", He defends
"What's her name", I ask
"Zoe"
"Aw. You're turning into a lover boy"
"Shut up"
I've passed the stage where I feel like me being high isn't actually real, now everything's just not normal.... actually nothing feels real. But my phone is also ringing which at first I thought I was imagining, soon I realised that my mom was actually calling me.
"Stay quiet" I tell them both before answering
"Hello", I answer
"You're making it very hard for me to feel sorry for you, now where are you"
"Indiah's house"
"You don't just go out without telling me, come home"
"I wanna stay over-
"Do not play with me."
"Fine", I end the call and Indiah looks over knowingly
"You didn't tell her you were coming over did you"
"When do I ever"
I only had a couple more pulls left so after that I stubbed it out and got up to put my shoes back on. "Great sesh. See you guys later-
"You can't drive back" Indiah frowns
"I'll be fine"
"Nah she's right", Malik intervenes
"You always do it"
"This is normal for me, you're not there yet"
"Don't be silly-
I actually ended up walking into the glass door because I thought that it was open. "Shit"
He snorts, "And you think you'll be able to drive"
"Plus your eyes are really low, trust me you shouldn't" Indiah agrees
I sigh as I accept my defeat "Fine, you win" I give Malik my car keys
At about the same time the backyard door opens and King comes running out, enjoying the fresh air.
"Why are you guys outside-
Xavier stops talking when he sees me, he was stunned but also the way he was looking at me..... it was like he just wanted to hug me. I even saw that he restrained himself from doing so which just made me even more sadder.
"Amariah"
He looks.....fine
"Well shit, if you're gonna look at her like that then you never should've broke up with her in the first place" Indiah interrupts
He clenches his jaw
"What she said", I say what should've stayed as my thoughts
"I-
"You're not even happy to see me"
"I didn't say that-
"I can tell"
"Alright anyway, we're going" Malik interrupts whilst getting up
"You invited her over just to get her high" Xavier scoffs
"Chill, she asked"
"Does your dad know you're here?"
"No"
I didn't want to answer him but I did anyway, he looks so handsome and I just wanna hug him and kiss him but I can't....he doesn't want me.
"I'll take you home-
"That's not a good idea", His brother replies
"I don't care"
"What is this about", I ask
They're giving each other a look
"Nothing", Xavier eventually says before taking my car keys from his grasp
"Ree let's go-
"You're not her dictator", Indiah scoffs
"Ok then we'll let her choose who she wants to drop her home"
They all look at me expectantly
"Definitely not the person who doesn't want me"
"That's not how it is-
"Clearly it is. Malik can drop me" I decide
Zay looked so disappointed, but now he gets to know how it feels. I'm still upset that he avoided me yesterday.
He was about to say something else but didn't and instead gave in as we started to leave.
"Wait I'm coming" Indiah decides before following us out
The drive home was quiet, other than the music coming from the speakers none of us spoke. The mood was already killed, I was tired and still upset, although I could literally feel Malik's glance every now and then which is not like him. He's supposed to be mean and teasing but he's being so....understanding.
He didn't speak until we were parked in my driveway, "We'd come inside but you never know how this one's gonna act" He gestures to Indiah as he says this
"Oh please"
"How are you getting back?", I ask
"Ubers pulling up"
I nod and Indi rests her hand on my shoulder softly, "You ok?"
"Yeah I just-....I need a minute"
"Alright well I'll text you"
She gives me a small hug before getting out the car
"He wants you Amariah", Malik says
"Right"
"Look I know that there's a lot of shit going on but Xavier did what he did for you, it's not just because your dad told him to-
"So what aren't you telling me"
He sighs, "It's not my place"
It's never anyone's place
"I'll see you later", He then gets out of the car before leaving with his sister and I just sigh into my hands
I stayed like that for a good moment before searching around my car for some perfume, I always leave some in here. I tug off my hoodie before stuffing it underneath my seat, it smelled too much.
I sprayed all over myself before eventually getting out of the car and heading inside quietly. It was only mom downstairs, she was in her robe wiping down the kitchen counter. I didn't say anything because I thought she was about to shout at me, so my instant decision was to head towards the stairs.
"I'm not gonna shout at you"
I just stand there and she eventually puts the spray bottle away before coming over to me.
"I'm sorry"
She wipes one of my tears, "It's ok. I know why you went over there"
I look down but she lifts up my chin, "You wanted to see Xavier"
My mother can always read me so easily
"I went to see Indiah"
She tucks a hair behind my ear with a sad smile, "My baby girl"
"You're deeply in love, that means it's not gonna be easy to just get through this. I'd be more concerned if you hadn't tried to see him"
"Doesn't matter anyway, he's avoiding me"
She strokes my hair as I cry against her, "This is good. You need to let it out baby"
"Why does it hurt so much"
"Because you love him" Mom says softly
I feel a small kick against me, it's coming from her stomach. I sniff as I look down, "The babies"
"They've been quite active today"
I rest my hand on her, "Does it hurt?"
"Sometimes. But I'm used to it, all of ya'll were kickers", She then kisses my head
"Sweetie instead of acting out I'm gonna need you to work on communication. Can you do that for me?"
I sigh, "Sure"
Aidan hugs my leg whilst looking up at me with a smile, "Hi"
"Hi"
"Hes missed you today", Mom says as she heads back over to the counter
I pick up my little brother, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "You ok?"
He nods as he lies against me, "I miss you"
My face softens
"Come, I saved you some donuts" Mom gestures
"Where'd these come from"
She opens the box, "Aunt Zuri came over whilst you were at school"
"Sweet" I sit at the island with Aidan on my lap
He swipes some icing off the side of the box before licking it, "Mmm"
I laugh knowing that this is typical of him
"Dad didn't let anyone touch the vanilla ones cause he knows it's your favourite", Mom says casually
I sigh, "Ma"
"Just saying", She defends
"I'll talk to him when I'm ready"
"I know I know, I just hate when you two are on outs"
I take a bite from my donut, immediately feeling a little better.
"For the sake of your sadness I'm gon let you off this one time. But don't think I can't smell the weed through all that perfume"
"Sorry-
"Don't apologise if you're just gonna do it again. Look smoking isn't the answer and I'm starting to think you have an addiction, so when you're ready to admit that we'll talk about it. But for tonight, let's just finish these and watch something cause I'm exhausted"
"Deal"