I had lost all awareness of time for a good while, one minute I'm awake and the next I'm not. To be honest everything that happened felt like a dream, part of me wanted to stay in my current state and avoid reality but consciousness was pulling me back in.
I can hear beeps
Slowly but surely my eyes open, I saw my
dads face first as well as the immediate relief that took over him once I had woken up. I look around, realising that we're in a hospital. For a split second I forgot what happened, but then I felt this horrible pain shooting up my entire body (almost like a burning sensation) and I remembered.
"Dad", I finally whisper
He holds my hand softly, "Hey princess"
He pulls his chair closer to the bed, "How you feeling?"
"Horrible", I reply whilst laying there
"Yeah it should feel like that for awhile, they're gonna prescribe you with some meds soon"
"Where's mom?"
"At home with the kids, she didn't wanna leave but we needed her to rest"
I nod whilst fiddling with the tube connected to my hand, there's still some stained blood on my arm.
"Amariah", Dad looks at me knowingly
"I'm sorry", I start to cry
"We spoke about this"
I sniff, "I know but I feel horrible"
"You shouldn't beat yourself up about it, you need to forgive yourself. And besides, it wasn't right for me to tell Xavier to break up with you" He says softly
I miss him
"You changed your mind?"
Dad sighs, "I think that seeing how you were during the time you were apart made me realise how much you loved each other. I don't need to question his intentions with you, hes made it clear time and time again that he loves you and he's quite ready to take responsibility for what you did last night"
I've never actually mentioned what I did out loud, as soon as my dad said that I just felt this twisted knot in my stomach.
"Are you mad at me?"
"What you did was very unwise and I wish things went differently, but Treyvon definitely had that coming"
"Is he....-
Dad shakes his head, "No"
I look through the window on the door, suddenly feeling alarmed that the cops are outside.
"What are they doing here"
"They don't know anything, they're here to look out for you. Your mom demanded it. At some point they are gonna want to ask you how you got that wound"
Now I feel sick
"Today?"
"No, not today. I've told them you need to rest"
I shuffle after finally digging up the courage to ask what I've been wanting to ask, "When can I see them?" I ask quietly
"Not right now, Darnel's not letting them leave the house"
"It's not their fau-
"Respectfully, it is" He tried not to sound irritated as he said this
"They didn't ask me to shoot the gun", I say annoyed
"You didn't let me finish. All of you play a part in this because you all had the chance to say something to me, you also told your sisters. But I don't wanna get into that right now"
"Alright"
"Is there anything else I need to know?"
I think for a moment, "I have another file in my purse. It's not stolen, it just contains two pictures inside"
"Where did you get it"
"It was given to me"
"We'll talk about it at home"
"Ok.."
Our conversation ended right as the door opened, both of us look towards it. Mom has relief written all over her face and she's with the rest of my siblings, "Hi" I smile weakly
"My baby. Are you ok?", She murmurs as she gives me a kiss on the head
Before I can even answer the motherly questions start rolling through, "Has the doctor come to check on you? Wait did you even get your meds, it's so cold in here-
"Mama"
"Sorry"
"It's ok, I'm ok", I reply as we hug
She sighs as she holds onto me, "I'm so glad you're ok" Mom whispers
"Me too"
My sisters then hug me carefully, "Hi"
"Hey"
"We were so worried", Neveah says sympathetically
I can hear Trinity sniffing against me, she's crying because she thinks it's her fault.
"Trin, hey I'm ok. This is not on you", I assure her
She nods but still keeps on hugging me and I kiss her head
"Hello", Our brother smiles from dads arms
"Hi baby"
"The whole night he was asking where you were"
Aidan obviously doesn't know what's going on so he's just being normal, but if he hasn't seen one of us for a long time then he tends to ask.
"Where's the doctor?", Ma asks whilst looking around
"Should be here any minute", Dad replies
"Not quick enough. Ree I'm gonna get you something to eat", She says before leaving the room
I turn my head to the side uncomfortably, "Dad when can I get those pills?"
"I'll go see where the doctor is", He gets up to leave the room and Aidan scurries over to sit on Neveah's lap
"How was mom", I ask them
"She was stressed the whole night and barely
slept, I heard her crying on the phone to aunt Zuri and GG. And then Aidan started crying because when mom's upset, he's upset" Neveah explains
I sigh, "This is all my fault"
"It's not"
"And what happened after I was taken to the hospital", I ask my sisters quietly
"We don't know much. But Mom was pissed, especially at Malik and Xavier but mostly Malik cause he's obviously older and she was like how could you let this happen. They both just took it"
"Fuck"
"She let Malik explain though which is something aunt Toya wasn't letting them do, then afterwards she hugged Xavier cause she could see how bad he felt. He was really upset Ree"
I remember how he was in the car crying against me, and I know he's gonna keep blaming himself but it's not his fault. I need to call him, I need him to know I'm ok. I need Indiah to know I'm ok.
I was zoned out for a while, next thing I know is
I'm hearing echos of someone calling me.
"Amariah"
"Amariah"
I flinch as a hand touches my arm
"What's wrong?", Dad asks cautiously
I realise that the doctors here.
"Nothing"
He narrows his eyes at me for a moment
"Hi Amariah how are you feeling", Doctor Anderson asks
"Like I'm in a lot of pain"
He smiles a little, "Should feel like that for a few days. But aren't you quite the survivor"
"I guess..."
He told me how I was being prescribed with Naproxen and oxycodone, the oxycodone was only for when the Naproxen runs out. Then he did a few checks on my eyes, he tested to see if I could feel and then he checked on my wound which had been stitched up, I also have a bandage wrapped all the way around my torso.
He spoke to my dad a little more about the healing process and said how I needed to rest, I'm pretty sure there was more but I got bored and didn't listen to the rest of that conversation. Good news is I'm getting discharged later on though.
Mom came back soon enough with big chipotle orders for us all, "I got you some extra nachos to go with that" She let's me know as she starts passing everyone's orders around
I tuck a hair behind my ear, "Thank you"
Dad gives her a kiss, "You're great. Thank you"
"It's alright"
"You feeling ok?"
"Mhm. Although Anderson made me do a checkup, to see if anything had affected the babies"
"Yeah I told him to, how was it?"
She rolls her eyes, "Of course you did. They're fine"
I tried to sit up but even that I couldn't do, it was too painful. Mom notices so she fixes the pillow supporting my back, "Here. Careful"
She then looks around, "Where's your pills"
"Over there"
She looks at the two bottles, frowning at one of them. "Why'd he give her oxycodone"
"What's wrong with that", Dad replies
"I don't want her to become too reliant on these drugs, I'm gonna swap it out for another naproxen"
I wasn't saying much, just listening to my family talk to one another.
"Aidan use your fork", Trinity wipes his hands with a napkin. He made a bit of a mess.
Of course he started to fuss and get annoyed at her because he wants to be free and use his hands rather than a fork.
"It's ok leave him. Bubs come here" Mom sits him on his own chair
"Not eating?", Dad asks me
I wipe my brow, "No"
"You want me to help?", Mom asks
I sigh, "No"
"Did you want something else-
"No"
"What's wrong?", Neveah asks me
I don't reply and our parents look at me expectantly
"I just-...I need to see Xavier"
Mom gives dad a look but I catch onto it
"What's that look for"
She doesn't say anything for a moment, "Your dad just doesn't think that it's wise for you guys to see each other at the moment-
"This again? Why", I say annoyed
"Neighbours from that area have reported an altercation and said that they heard gun shots last night, we need you to be as far away from the situation as possible whilst it's investigated" He replies carefully
"Situation? He's a person-
"I know that baby but it's just for the moment", Mom assures me
"But-
"Amariah"
"Fine. Whatever", I lie back
I know I'm supposed to just trust them but I can't help that I'm worried.
"Eat something", She says softly
"I'm not hungry"
"No you're just saying that because you're angry-
"I'm not angry I'm just not hungry"
"You can't take your pills until you've eaten-
"Then I guess I won't take them", I reply annoyed
Neveah make a yikes face
"You know what-
Dad sighs, "Dakota-
She silences him , "No don't even. Amariah you do not know how stupid you have been in these past couple of weeks. We have been so lenient with you and I'm sick of this attitude, don't act like we're the ones making your life a living hell. This is how things are and you can sulk about it all you like but it's not gonna change anything"
"I get it-
"No you clearly do not get it, things could've been a lot worse if you actually killed that guy"
Of course I get it, I did something stupid. I obviously feel bad (well actually it stopped Xavier and Malik from getting shot so do I?) but if I do something then I fucking own it, and I don't want Xavier to take the blame for something that I did.
A sharp pain shoots up my body as I sit up and slide towards the end of the hospital bed.
"What are you-
"I need fresh air"
It was a God damn struggle but I forced myself to move anyway, "Ree you're just gonna hurt yourself. Here let me-
"No" I reject my parents help as my sisters help me up
"You can't go by yourself"
"I don't have my phone, I can't see my boyfriend, probably can't even see my best friend either, and I can't go outside for some damn fresh air. What the hell can I do" I scoff
"For now. Rest", He replies softly
"This is ridiculous"
I sit back down on the bed whilst holding the IV-walk, wishing that the time would pass already so that I can be discharged from the hospital.
~*~
I thought that when I'd go home things would be better, but you know what it just made everything much worse. We got home late and my sisters couldn't stay up because they have school tomorrow so they got ready for bed right away, I did too but the entire time I've been lying in my bed has been hell.
My eyes shoot open as I suddenly flinch, I can feel a dampness on my pillow which turned out to be my very own tears.
Every single time I close my eyes all I can hear is the sound of the gun I used to shoot Treyvon, and I see flashes of his blood but not only that the moment where I got stabbed keeps replaying in my mind constantly.
I reach over to my night stand before opening my bottle of pills and taking two to have with my bottle of water, my body hurts like a bitch.
I sniff as I check my phone, it was dead for the whole day so I put it on the charger. But now it's on, the time is currently two thirty in the morning and all my notifications are rolling in.
These are messages from hours ago
Indi: Hey, I miss you. Call me when ur awake, mamas not letting any of us leave the house. I just wanna see you and check on how ur doing â¹ï¸
I know she's asleep now so I'll call her in the morning
Blair: holy shit, Indiah told me wat happened. Babe how are u?? call me wen u can
Malik: I'm sorry
GGð©·: Hey baby, your mom told me everything that's happened. I'll be coming over to see you soon, sending prayers
Grandmað©·: Morning my love, dad told me everything. I'm wishing you a safe recovery, when the hospital discharge you I'll bring over a lovely get well soon cake for you to enjoy to yourself ð
I love grandma
Elijah: Hi Amariah, daddy said u wasn't feeling well. I hope u get well soon :)
(my little cousin)
Jamila: Hey, I just found out what happened. I'm so sorry for everything, I never should've made that call. Get well soon x
I then saw two missed calls from Xavier, there was also a big paragraph from him
Xavi: Baby I can't even explain how sorry I am, I just wanted it to be over so that I could have my freedom back. Ik that ain't no excuse but me not staying with u that night is my biggest regret, it should've been me in that hospital bed not you. I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't survived this, pops won't let me come see u but call me when ur home, I miss u and I love you so much.
I immediately press call and he answers on the second ring, "Ree" He says with relief
I look up to avoid crying, "Hey"
"How you feeling?"
"Not as bad as this morning, I got home about an hour ago"
Xavier sighs, "Mama I'm so sorry"
I fiddle with the ring on my finger "Don't be, you'd have done it for me"
"You didn't deserve what Tobias did to you"
"So that's his name..."
"Yes, the stupid fucker doesn't realise that his fingerprints are on the knife", He says annoyed
I'm pretty sure the hospital has the knife
I lie back down, "Humour me with what's happening"
"Well there's no suspects yet, Mike said that Treyvon wouldn't go to the hospital cause otherwise they'd ask questions and he's too prideful. He also doesn't know that it was you who shot him and we're keeping it that way"
I swallow, "Yeah ok"
"I spoke to Jamila"
"Don't be mad at her", I reply softly
"I am"
"Zay-
"No I am cause ion even know why she'd let Malik keep a backup gun in her car. That gun is nowhere to be found by the way"
Fuck
"Shit"
"Sorry that wasn't helpful"
"It's ok. What else"
"That's all I can think of for now, the other guys are gonna keep quiet"
"And Indiah and Malik? How are they" I ask softly
"Malik's pretending to be fine but I know he's not, it's cool though cause Zion's staying for a bit and he knows how to deal with him when he's like that, Indi just wants to see you so call her in the morning. But enough of that cause I wanna talk about you"
"I miss you", I reply with the phone to my ear. I'm trying not to cry
"I miss you too baby. Why you not asleep?"
"I can't"
"Why?"
"It's just horrible every time I close my eyes"
"Ptsd?"
"Something like that"
Xavier sighs, "I'm so sorry. Have you told your parents?"
"No, I'm mad"
"Amariah remember that they're just trying to help"
"I know"
"Don't be petty with them, your dad knows what he's doing. And I'm gonna see you very soon"
"I know but I wanna see you now"
"So do I, but this time I'm gonna listen to our parents because I can't forgive myself for what happened to you. FaceTime me"
I do so and the call connects within a few seconds, I can tell by the ceiling that Xavier's in the kitchen.
"Why am I not surprised that the house is awake", I say amused
"Waiting on this dumb food delivery"
"At 2am?"
"Hell yeah, you know the caribbean shop don't close till late", He then looks at me up close
"I missed that beautiful face of yours"
I smile, "Its missed you too"
"Have you eaten?"
I shake my head and he looks at me unimpressed, "Why not"
"I don't know"
"Go get something and Imma eat with you"
"Right now?"
"Yeah, I'll wait"
I rest my phone against the lamp on my nightstand, "Ok but I gotta move slow"
"Can I see?..."
"What the wound?"
He nods
"It's all stitched up and bandaged but yeah sure", I lift up my shirt so that Xavier can get a look. By looking at his face I can see that it's only upsetting him
"At least I can walk, kind of" I say jokingly
"Make sure you rest your body"
"I will, thanks doctor"
Xavier smiles a little
"Ok brb" I say before setting my phone down and leaving my room. I had to hold onto the railing on the stairs for support, walking was such a nightmare.
I could hear conversations coming from the kitchen, Mom and dad were talking about something.
Upon arrival, mom frowns at me, "Sweetie what are you doing out of bed?"
"Do you still have my takeaway from earlier?"
"Yeah it's in the fridge"
I look through it, noticing my foil bowl on the bottom shelf.
"Amariah"
"Yes?"
"Where did you get this?"
I turn back to look at what she's holding, it's the file I told dad about. "My friend gave it to me"
"Which friend?", She questions
"Weston"
"He took these pictures", Mom asks for confirmation
"Yeah, what's wrong?"
She just looks at dad as she puts them down
"Mama"
"Do you know who this is", Dad asks me
I shrug, "Just some guy giving Treyvon drugs"
"So you've never met him?"
I frown, "No"
"Good, it's gonna stay that way"
"What is this about? Who is that"
"Marty Moore", Mom finally replies
It took me a good second to figure out what she meant, but then I remembered how mom's maidan name was Moore which can only mean one thing.
"Your dad", I whisper with realisation
"Aunt Zuri's dad", My father corrects
He hates when we even attach the dad word to her because of what he did.
"Trey I need you to find him"
He frowns at her, "What?"
"No I'm being for real, you're gonna find him"
Dad scoffs, "Dakota-
"No, he's gonna fix this"
"How exactly do you expect him to fix this-
"I don't know and I don't care but he's going to otherwise I'll take this damn photo to the station. Look at my baby, she got fucking stabbed and as far as I'm concerned the kid who did this is still out there running free"
He sighs, "Yeah ok"
"But he wouldn't just fix this for me", I say confused
"No, but he'd do it for Zuri", Dad replies
"Are you sure?"
"Marty loves Zuri, even though she hates him he still has a lot of love for her and that means that he'd do whatever he can to fix things starting with her niece"
"And then this wouldn't have to go to the police", I catch on
"No, baby your dad can't just not inform the cops about anything. He could lose his job"
"So then...-
"Keilyn, I need you to trust me" Dad says softly
I sigh, "I do"
He kisses my head and I smile a little before taking my food and heading back upstairs. For once, I'm just gonna be the kid and let the adults handle it.
A/N
ahh, just can't catch a break from Martyð