A/N
can u guys see the pictures above?
**
Once I got into school me and my dad parted ways, I wasn't really interested in hearing about my what my teacher had to say so I went to look for Indiah.
"You've had your pouting moment. Now let me have my talking moment"
My best friend shuts her locker door, "I'm listening"
"Look it's very complicated and I never told you cause I don't know I thought it'd be weird. We had a thing going on for awhile, and I may have lied about my first kiss being with Matthew"
She gapes
"I felt so guilty telling you that but truth is it was with Xavier, but what we have-... had is over"
Indiah folds her arms, "Then what was that yesterday"
"A very rare moment of weakness"
"So you like.... have a crush on my brother"
Yes
"I did"
"Ew, he's like your brother too-
"No, Malik and Zion are my brothers but I never saw Zay in that way, at all"
She analyses me
"As much as I don't like it, if you guys like each other then why aren't you still a thing-
"We never were a thing-
"You know what I mean"
"That's just-.... it's fine, it doesn't matter"
"Tell me", Indiah says softly
I don't reply for a moment
"Remember my sixteenth"
She frowns a little, "Yeah"
*flashback
December 3rd -Amariah's 16th birthday-
"This ain't fun at all", Destiny complains
"Quit complaining and put the damn roller skates on", Blair lectures
So daddy booked an amusement park for my birthday, they're closed for the night so that my friends and I can have it to ourselves. It'll be me, the girls and basically my whole grade, it took a lot for me to convince my parents not to supervise. My aunt Ivy will be there though, it was either that or no amusement park.... I don't mind though cause she's cool. Then of course we have the actual workers there too.
But anyway we're skating there cause why the fuck not? My plan is to get high by the end of the night.
"This just reminded me how much I love skating", Indiah travels around the island and King barks as he follows her excitedly
"Ya'll ready to go?"
"Yup. Cheer team will meet us there"
"Let's go already, I wanna see my man"
Blair and CJ have been dating for about 4 months now and they're pretty cute.
Indiah slides over a pair of skates, "Tell Xavier to hurry the hell up"
"Kk"
It makes it a whole lot easier when she sends me to talk to him because then it's less suspicious, I hate not telling her but I'm just waiting for the right time.
"He's so fine", Destiny says un shamefully
"Ew, stop" She replies as I head up stairs
I ignore those comments that Destiny makes
Anyway I walk into his room whilst holding up the skates in my hand, "These should be on your feet"
"I'm almost ready"
"Just a hoodie? It's freezing"
"I'm gonna add on my puffer", He turns back to look at me
"You look beautiful"
I smile, "Thanks"
"Come here"
Xavier gives me a soft kiss and I wrap my arms around his neck whilst deepening it, my tongue slides into his mouth whilst his hands slide past my jacket. "I got you something"
I give him another peck, "Mmm-.... what"
He opens the drawer on his night stand before picking up a small box and I raise my eyebrows as he opens it. "It's beautiful"
"I'm glad you like it"
There was a pretty silver ring glistening at me, two diamond hearts placed on it and the box said pandora....he knows I love pandora.
I really wanna say three certain words but I'm not going to at this moment in time, "Thank you" I say softly
Xavier takes it out the box before jokingly lifting up my left hand, I laugh a little before he lifts up my right ring finger and slides it on. "It's so pretty"
His hands touch my lower back and I flinch a little, "Careful"
He frowns, "What's wrong"
I grin before turning around and lifting up my shirt slightly, "Got them yesterday"
I've been wanting back dermals for ages
"Woah. These are sexy"
"You like?"
He holds my waist from behind, "I could get used to this. And we know I'm always staring at you from behind"
I laugh, "I know"
"Your moms gonna kill you", Xavier says amused
"She'll never know", I reply innocently
"Don't be surprised if we're doing doggy often"
I tug on his hand, "Come on put your skates on, thankfully it's not slippery outside"
"Hold on Imma meet ya'll there"
I frown, "What? Why"
"I just gotta meet one of my guys real quick"
I give him a look
"Ree I swear to you I'll be there fifteen minutes after you"
"Are you meeting Treyvon?", I ask seriously
"No, come on no"
I sigh, "How long will you be"
He kisses my head, "Just fifteen minutes. I'll even get you some drinks"
I do like the sound of that
"Promise?"
"I'll be right there mama"
"MK!", Indiah shouts from downstairs
"Don't take long", I say before leaving his room
When I got downstairs the girls were frowning, "Where is he?"
"It took me long to convince his lazy ass to get up, he'll just meet us there"
Indiah rolls her eyes, "Typical"
When we arrived everyone was there waiting, once we walked through those gates that's when all the fun started, we used the rides, had drinks, played games, everyone said things like 'happy birthday' and 'best birthday ever' as they passed me. Some even got me presents, I didn't really expect any to be honest but I was happy.
As promised Xavier got here fifteen minutes after us
Zay: I'm here, wya?
Me: cotton candy stall, where ru?
Zay: entrance
Me: coming :)
I hop down from the wall, "I'll be right back"
"Where are you going?", Blair asks me
"To get a drink, hold on a sec"
"Alright"
I rush over towards the front of the amusement park excitedly, it's crazy how happy this boy gets me. Xavier looks up from his phone before smiling once he sees me and I jump into his arms happily, "You're here"
"Of course"
I kiss him before he sets me down, "Where's my sister?"
"She's with Rachel. What time is Kaian coming?", I ask
"He's about ten minutes away"
I let him bring Kai since that's his best friend
"Perfect. Blair's with CJ and Destiny's with our cheer team so that means you can be with me for the night, I wanna go on the ferris wheel so take me up there and kiss me-
His phone buzzes and he checks it before frowning a little and putting it in his pocket. "You ok?"
"Yeah..."
I tug on his hand, "Let's go"
"Ree"
"Yeah?", I look at him expectantly
He looks very hesitant, "I gotta go do something-
"What?"
"I gotta-
"I heard you. What do you mean by that" I ask patiently
"Nothing I just gotta meet someone"
"Well what's so important that you have to do right now"
"Nothing there's just this pickup-
"So I was right, you were talking to Treyvon"
"Come on its not like that-
I scoff with annoyance, "Yes it is, I don't even know why you do this shit. You're not broke, and there's many other less dangerous jobs"
"Alright keep it down-
"No I'm sick of this. Why are you still working for him after what he did to you?"
"Look that was my fault-
"I don't wanna hear that. It's Malik's fault, he got you into it"
"It's not his fault either-
"Yes it is, whatever it is that you need to do can't you just ask Malik?"
"I can't-
"He's your brother, of course you can"
"Ree", He says softly
"Don't you care about me?"
"Of course I do-
"So why can't you just stay"
"Amariah-
"Look I'll even tell Indiah about us tonight, just stay....please?"
"It's one job, I'll get it done and I'll come right back-
"Do you even hear yourself? This isn't the first time that you've done this"
"After this I'll talk to Treyvon-
"Zay this isn't gonna fucking end, you're just gonna keep going right back to him like he's your dad. You're even lucky that I haven't told your parents-
"I know. And I'm thankful for that-
"Choose"
"You're kidding"
"No I'm serious. You choose right now, Treyvon and all that stupid shit hes got you into or me"
Xavier holds my cheek and for a moment I felt my heart warm a little, he places a kiss on my head and I close my eyes with relief.
That was until I heard, "I'm sorry"
"Xavier. I won't speak to you again"
"Don't do that"
I cannot even believe this, why does this stuff happen to me? I should've known it was too good to be true.
I search his eyes whilst moving his hand away from my face, "The fuck? That doesn't mean anything at all? Like nothing?"
He just sighs, "Come on-
"You're a piece of shit", My voice breaks as I say this and his face saddens
I pull off his ring before handing it back to him, "Amariah-
"Don't"
**
*Now
"Oh my God, are you ok?" My best friend pulls me in for a hug
"I'm ok", I confirm
"Is that why you weren't really in the mood afterwards?"
I sigh, "Yeah"
"Man I knew there was something"
It kind of feels relieving to tell someone about this because for the rest of that night I was an absolute nightmare
"I swear to God I'm gonna kill him, how could he do that do you-
"It's ok, I'm fine now"
"No this isn't ok. So how long did you go without speaking-.... did he even try talk to you? Imma be mad if he didn't", She's so invested
"He did try I'll give him that, I didn't speak to him at all for at least two months. Whenever I'd come over to yours I made no effort to talk to him and avoided him"
"Ohhh so that's why he had to find someone else to do his hair-
"He did what?"
"No it's just you usually braid his hair for him but his hair was out for a good while and I was like why don't you just go to MK? He got all annoyed at me and just didn't say much"
Right. There's another female doing his hair, it's cool it doesn't bother me.
"Right"
"Ok well come on, tell me the rest of the story"
I frown, "Huh?"
"There has to be more, tell me about the rest of the night and then how you two started talking again cause what I saw yesterday did not make you guys seem like enemies"
"Five minutes ago you were disgusted...."
"Well yes but I'm trying to see things from your point of view, it makes me sad that he broke your heart. So spill"
"I-.... we're late to Bio you know" I say as we walk through the hallway
"Exactly so we might as well skip and chill in the common room"
I sigh, "Ok"
*Later on that night
I sit in the passenger seat of my aunts car, staring ahead at the window. I didn't want to cry at all, like I really didn't.... but then my eyes started watering and tears started to spill down my face. I cried to myself silently for about a minute or so, but as soon as I heard aunt Ivy open the door I sniffed quickly and wiped my eyes, making sure to face my window.
"Alright that's everyone out, you know I didn't know that your generation still made edibles. I won't tell your dad since it's your birthday but-....sweetie you ok?"
"Yeah just-...cramps"
Ivy frowns, "Are you sure?"
"Yes"
Indiah knocks on my window and I lower it, "You left your skates"
I take them from her, "Thank you"
"Babe are you ok?", She asks softly
"I'm fine"
She holds my hand, "I don't believe you, but I'm gonna check on you in the morning"
"Indi you need a lift?"
"No it's ok, mama's waiting for me"
Thankfully Ivy understood that I didn't want to talk about anything and so we drove back home in silence, unfortunately for me though the entire house was awake when we got back.
"Heyyy there's the birthday girl", Mom smiles as we enter the house
"Hi", Neveah says from the couch
"Hi", I say quietly before heading towards the stairs
Mama frowns, "Baby you ok?"
"Yes"
She stands up, "You don't look it-
"I'm fine"
She doesn't reply for a moment, "Alright"
Dad comes down the stairs, "Hey how was it?-
"Why's everyone asking me so many questions"
Ivy sighs
"I'm missing something", He notices as he looks around
I head over to the stairs but of course at the same time Trinity comes down, "Omg you're back. Did mama tell you?"
"What?"
"We're gonna get VIP tickets for the fashion show"
"Right"
Mom's a little disappointed with my tone but I go upstairs into my room anyway, Trinity frowns as she follows me. "Wait are you ok?"
"I'm fine, please leave me alone"
"But-
"Leave", I close my door in her face
Once I know that I'm alone I sigh and kick off my shoes before getting into bed and just staring at the wall..... he chose selling drugs over me. I don't know why I was stupid to think that he'd choose me, the scene keeps replaying over and over again in my head. I heard distinct voices coming from downstairs, aunt Ivy was telling them how my mood suddenly just dropped. I was alone for about an hour until Neveah came upstairs.
"Hi", My sister says softly
I don't say anything and she sits beside me as I just hug my pillow, "How was the amusement park...."
"It was fine", I whisper
"Did you go on all the rides?"
I shake my head and she reaches into her pocket before pulling out a box, "I saw Xavier at the convenient store and he told me to give this to you"
Neveah knows about us, she's the only one I told when it first started happening because she's my closest sibling so obviously I had to.
I start to cry and she frowns, "Oh.... sorry I didn't-
"It's not you, it's him"
"What did he do", She asks quietly
"I asked him to choose between me and Treyvon"
"The drug guy?"
I nod
"Wait he still works for him after-
"Yes"
"And he chose him?...." She realises
I don't say anything else and Neveah hugs me, "I'm sorry. He didn't tell me...."
"He knew you wouldn't give me the ring otherwise" I mutter
"If you hate him, I hate him too" My sister decides
"Just throw the ring away"
We hear a knock on the door, "MK? Baby it's me"
"Are you gonna tell mom?", She whispers
"No one."
Neveah nods
Zay: Mama I'm sorry. Ik I do stupid shit sometimes but this was the worst of them all, and I'm not tryna use it as an excuse because ik I hurt you. The choice wasn't worth it and I want u to know that I do care about u, being with u makes me so happy. I'll give u some time but I need u to know how sry i am.
that's the paragraph he sent me, which I left on read.
**
"He sent this? Damn....I didn't know Xavier was loving", She says surprised whilst reading from my phone
"Surprise surprise right"
"So what did you tell your mom?"
"I said it was my period cramps you know the usual. She didn't believe me and it took a lot for me to convince her but I got there in the end"
"Why not just tell her" Indiah asks softly
"I don't know, I wanted to at times because I tell her everything but I felt too embarrassed to share it. And believe me I wanted to tell you so badly but then once it ended I just thought there was no point"
"Listen no matter what you can tell me anything and everything, even if you think I'll be mad or sad or happy tell me"
"Noted"
"Ok so how'd you start talking again", She gestures
"Well it was actually the day after my dad's birthday. Remember when you guys came over?"
Indiah nods
flashback continued
Today was honestly so fun, everyone came over for daddy's birthday. Well by everyone I mean Indiah, uncle Darnel, aunt Latoya, Malik and Xavier (unfortunately), Zion was supposed to but he's at college so he couldn't. Uncle Justus was here too and so was aunt Debbie.
Indiah went to the convenient store with my sisters so I'm just waiting for her to come back, I've just been lying against my dad lazily on the couch as he spoke with Justus and Darnel. "Trust you guys to end up having another kid"
He chuckles, "What can I say"
"Ree how you feel about it"
"I'm mad", I reply
"I don't blame you"
"Trust me two is all I needed", Justus says
"Toya's good with four", Darnel replies
"What you want another one?", Dad says surprised
"Nah, I got my baby girl and that's enough"
It's cute the way he talks about Indiah
I get up from the couch, bored of the conversation. Instead I head upstairs into my room, I'm waiting for the girls to come back with all the snacks so we can watch a movie in the cinema room.
As I pick up my laptop from my desk someone knocks on the door, I didn't bother asking who it was and just opened it because I assumed it was probably Aidan.....he's always knocking on the door.
It was Xavier
Just as I was about to shut it in his face he put his hand out, "Wait"
"Go away please"
"Ree"
"Leave me alone"
"Can we talk?-
"I'll call my dad-
"Amariah-
"Da-
"Please", He says with a soft tone
I don't say anything for a moment, but then I open my door a little wider so that he can come in. He shuts it after him.
"Speak"
"I don't know what I can say other than I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I left that night and I'm sorry for making you think that I chose Treyvon over you-
"You did"
He holds my face, "Leaving was the biggest mistake I ever made, I hate seeing how upset I made you, I hate that when you come over you can't even look at me or talk to me.....tell me what I can do to fix it"
"I already gave you the choice, and you didn't choose me. You can't fix it"
"You have to let me try"
"Do you even know how much I cried that night? I had to lie to mama because she thought something was seriously wrong. And there was...."
He looks down guiltily
"So no. There is no fixing"
"I figured you'd say that, so I thought I'd start with the thing that brought us here. I'm not doing shit for Treyvon anymore, I decided it right after I did that one last drop and I know that I made the decision too late but it's a start. I'll get you to trust me again no matter what cause I love you"
I hate him, I hate him
My face softens, "What?"
"I said-
Stupidly, I kiss him
It took Xavier by surprise but he didn't disoblige, for a few moments at least. "Wait, I wanna kiss you badly but I wanna know what you're thinking"
I choose my words carefully
"Look I'm happy that you love me but we can't go back to how it was"
My heads scrambled, I probably didn't make the right choice by kissing hm.
"Right now? Yeah I figured you'd say that-
"I don't think at all"
Xavier frowns
"I'm sorry but that's all you needed to do and it's great that you've done it now but you couldn't even do it for me on that night. You waited until you lost me"
"I get that, however I'm gonna get you back. Maybe not right now but I will", He says as his lips hover over mine
"You broke my heart", I whisper
"I know mama, I'm sorry" He kisses me softly and a single tear drops down from my closed eye
I entertain the kiss for awhile but then I pulled away, "This doesn't change anything"
He refrains from cringing, "Friends?"
"Never"
"For real?", He says with disbelief
"Yes"
I was debating with myself for a second as he was reaching for the door, like literally I moved but then stopped myself. And then ultimately I made the final decision to grab his arm, Zay frowns. "I thought-
"I just heard all of them go to the backyard. You got a couple minutes to have your way with me, after this you can't touch me aga-
He wastes no time in picking me up and attaching his lips to mine.
*
"Ok ewwww"
"You asked for the details", I defend
"Yeah but not that part", Indiah cringes
I raise my hands with surrender
"So he told you he loved you and that's what got you to hate him less"
"Pretty much"
"I guess that's cute..."
Right
"Wait a minute did you fuck? Are you even a virgin?-
"God no, I didn't let him have it that easy. I'm still a virgin, we just had a make out sesh and there were a few hickeys but that was all"
Indiah sighs, "Wow"
"Wow? Wow what"
"Nothing it's just-....I'm more shocked that I didn't notice. Actually I'm shocked that you were able to keep it together whenever Destiny would call him fine cause we know she's obsessed with him"
I smile a little, "Yeah"
Indiah checks her phone with amusement, "Shit. We missed all of first period"
"What's next?"
"Social studies"
"Ugh"