Three weeks later
Guess what? Today is actually the day where I am actually preparing for umhlonyane (Â my sweet sixteen) and I would be lying if I said I am not nervous. Yazi I do know that I haven't slept with anyone but I can't help but to think about the time where I was sexually harassed by a non living thing that was sent to me by my very own father. My story is very unbelievable, most people don't believe me but it is very easy for a person to judge you based on something that they have never experienced or saw but my grandmother assured me that there was nothing for me to worry about but I just can't help it.
The yard is full of people ,some that I don't even know and they seem very happy you would swear it was their ceremony instead of mine well except for my so called aunt and her child. I have a feeling that this week is going to be a long week especially because I have to stay emsamo with impelesi zami ( my bridesmaids) without out bathing imagine.
The most stressing part is that this week is the week that I am apparently supposed to meet my husband whom I don't even know. My only concern is that what if my so called husband is old enough to be my father or is beyond the definition of being ugly? I just hope that the ancestors do the right thing cause asoze if my husband is old or is ugly then I am not even going to attempt, I am just going to leave it there. I would rather die.
I invited Siphosihle and her brother but I really don't know if they will come since they haven't been answering my calls. I also invited Ms Nyawo and apparently she is coming with her colleagues. She is very excited for me and honestly I am really lucky to have someone like her on my side.
My bridesmaids ( impelesi) are supposed to arrive at any moment from now then we all go for our virginity testing.
" Nana ? " My mom called
Honestly speaking, mom hasn't been taking the news of me getting ready for marriage well. Everything is taking a toll on her, she is trying by all means to hide her sadness but come on, I know my mom like I know myself.
" Ma ." I said softly
" How are you feeling" she said
You could tell that she is trying by all means not to break down in front of me and that is honestly hurting. I know that deep down her heart , she wishes she could take my place and spare me from all the suffering.
" Ngiyaphila ma wena how are you feeling?"
" Ngiright I am actually happy that you are actually doing umhlonyane. I thought you wouldn't want to have it since you are a city girl. "
" Hawu kodwa ma angali I spent most of my life in Jozi kodwa I am still a Zulu girl who still adheres to her culture and traditions. "
"( Chuckling) I didn't mean in that way I was just saying. Kodwa I just wish ngabe we are doing umhlonyane under our own rules ngoba hayi ncaa wena nabakini niyasihlukumeza. "
" Ha ma sinihlukumeza ngani ?"
" It's better if you don't know uhm unomehlo usendleleni uzokuhlola I hope akekho uthathe inkomo yami ngoba ngizokubulala. "
" ( Laughing) ubani kodwa ungathatha inkomo yakho ma hayi nawe ungithathela phansi. Ma unomehlo makefika uzongenzani like how is she going to tell if I am a virgin or not ?"
" Konje uzobe uqala ukuhlolwa mntanam but if you must know , unomehlo makefika you will obviously have to take out your underwear and lay down on your back, opening your legs. All that she will be doing is to look at your hymen, if it is still there then you are a virgin but if not kwazi wena. "
" But what if for example I am part of the gymnastics team and it happens that my hymen breaks , what happens then ?"
" Nana no matter what, uma uyi ntombi kuzo bonakala abo nomehlo went through training for any situations so relax okusalayo uyohlolwa. "
" Hlelo ngane yami sesifikile isikhathi kumele sihambe siyo phahla emsamo ngaphambikokuba uyemfuleni. " Gogo said, entering the room wearing her traditional dress that was sitting very beautiful on her body.
I thought the ancestors were actually joking when they said kumele ngigonqele emfuleni but kushukuthi they were serious if my grandmother is saying kumele sihambe siye emfuleni. As soon as my grandmother left, my mom officially cried saying she does not want me to leave, what guarantee does she have that I will return to her and honestly speaking she is right at this moment a lot could go wrong resulting in my death so I get where she is coming from.
" Ma I understand that you are worried but if you keep on crying like this , you are making my heart heavy which will increase my chances of not coming back to you. Ma ngicela ungikhulule , ngikhulule ukuze yonkinto ihambe kahle. Ngizamile nami ukuthi ngingakhathazeki ngoba ngifuna ukuhamba ngisheshe ngibuye okay ?"Â I said
" Promise me ( sniffing) ukuthi you will come back to me come rain or sunshine " my mom said
" I am coming back ma "
" Pinky promise? "
" Pinky promise ma. "
It is very much rare for my mom to be so emotional. I know that whenever she is emotional, it has to do with me or my grandmother and right now my journey is hurting her. We both left my room and went to the sacred room ( emsamo) and we found my grandmother with my uncle waiting for us and before we could even start , my cousin Lindo came to inform us that the woman who is supposed to test my virginity arrived. Immediately after Lindo came,my grandmother decided that we start with the testing before we appease to the ancestors.
I was aghast, I didn't think my grandmother would suggest that, I thought she was going to say the lady must wait till we are done kanti no I have to prove myself before. We went outside and there were maidens singing and dancing along with unomehlo and wow I felt ecstatic like I felt like a child receiving her Christmas present. I wanted to join them but I couldn't before I was checked since all of them had white dots on their foreheads proving that they are virgin's. I was led to my grandmother's room with my mom and grandmother.
" Akasemuhle umzukulu wakho sisi igama lakhe obani ?" The woman asked
" Igama lakhe uHlelolwenkosi. Ngiyabonga sisi ngokuvuma ukuphatha umsebenzi kamzukulu nokuthi wenze konke engikucelile , ngiba bonile ontombi bafake izimhlophe qwa njengesicelo sami" my grandmother said
" Ayikho inkinga sisi abantu ukusizana phela. Hlelo mntanam woza uzohlala la " she said
I sat down on the grass mat quietly.
" Ongasabi , remove your underwear and lay down on your back for me. "
I did as I was told and the woman opened my thighs. At the moment all I kept on thinking about was what if I am not a virgin, what explanation would I give to my mom and grandmother. Everyone and everything in the room was quiet before the lady called my mom and grandmother to see something. In my mind I thought she is calling them to see that I am no longer a virgin kanti I was wrong as soon as my grandmother saw , she said my clan names and my mom had ' I am proud of you ' face which was everything that I needed.
Immediately after I received my white dot, we went back emsamo and did everything that was necessary then went to my room to go and change my attire into the required attire. My aunt and her daughter were standing far from everything and If looks could kill those two would have long killed me.
After I was done wearing my attire which was the Zulu white beads that covered my private parts and my neck and shoulders but my breasts. According to the law itshitshi kumele ihambe ngamabele to show that she is pure and that was me. I went outside and joined the other girls and you know for someone who doesn't know how to dance I was killing it.
We danced for only a few minutes then we headed to the river. Luckily my mom didn't cry when we left because that would have been a bad luck for me. I only left with unomehlo and the maidens, apparently my family was not allowed to accompany me. After a long walk we eventually got to the river and everything was suddenly dark , clouds were forming, the sun was shining away and the river was full of smoke or mist , a person could not even see the water.
" Qalani ihubho " unomehlo said
'(Lead singer)
Siyakuleka ,
Siyakuuuleka , wee mkabayi ka JAMA
( Back up)
Mkabayi, wee mkabayi,
( Lead singer)
Wee Mkabayi ka JAMA , Siyakuleka
Siceli'inhlanhla kuwe ,
Mkabayi, wee mkabaaayi hayi wee mkabayi.....'
As we were singing the song, ukhokho appeared wearing a white dress with isicolo that was also white. Her eyes were pulling me towards her , my mind was refusing to go but my body was doing the opposite. I kept on walking towards her till she held my hand, at that very moment I was no longer afraid but brave. I had accepted everything that was happening and that was still going to happen. I could feel the water increasing on my feet till it was near my neck from there everything was lights out.
To be continued...