" Vukani kwamele siyemfuleni ( wake up we have to to the river) " Unomehlo said
" Yazi gogo I was already dreaming about my future husband and manje anginikezanga nama number ( and right now he didn't give me his cellphone numbers. ) " one of my izimbelesi said
Unomehlo is shouting and I have this huge headache I think it's because I slept for less than 2 hours. According to our culture, we are supposed to go to the river before the sun rises. We packed everything in a big black plastic and made our way to the river.
We when we got to the river reality kicked in , IÂ am actually having umemulo. You know not everyone has the privilege of having umemulo, some cannot due to financial issues, some lost their virginity due to rape but for the fact that I am here , preparing for the day brings me joy even though I was almost raped by someone I considered my boyfriend. I can't even imagine what would have happened if he was able to get it up.
We as the maidens bathed and yoh scrapping ubomvu ( red clay) and umgcako off is one hell of a job like I have been scrapping myself and this thing seems to be persistent shem.
" Kanti lento izosuka makwezenjani (what must happen before this thing is removable) ?" Thubelihle ( imbelesi)
Trust her to say that. She is always complaining about everything but in this case she is right what must really happen.
It took us two hours to remove the whole thing and obviously we are very late but I don't care because it's all about me. Ever since I left this place I am very content with myself. No one could ever bring my self esteem down. I have learned to do whatever that makes me happy.
According to our culture we have to wear our attires outside the yard for which in the veld. I'm wearing isidwaba ( traditional skirt made of cow skin ) which is very heavy by the way, umutsha ( Zulu waist belt) , umgexo (Â Zulu necklace) and , umazitike ( head belt). My theme is silver and white except for isidwaba. Izimbelesi zami were wearing white skirts, necklace.
As soon as we were done , we made our way home.
"UHLELO WAYI QALA INDABA ,
WAQALA INDABA
WAYIQALA INDABA
WAQALA INDABA, WAQALA INDABA, WAQALA INDABA
UDOKOTELAÂ WAYI QALI INDABA
WAQALI INDABA
UDOKOTELA WAYI QALI INDABA
WAQALI INDABA. "
I was surprised to hear the maidens calling me a doctor but then I remembered that I am a doctor by profession. We sang at the gate and my mom pinned R500 on my head then led me to emsamo.
When I got there, I saw umhlwehlwe ( goat fat ) and I started panicking. Yes I know that I am a virgin but someone once inserted in his finger forcefully nje I don't know what if it falls or tears how will I face the embarrassment ?
" Hlelo waze wakude ngokomqondo buya ( Hlelo you are very absent minded come back. ) " my mom whispered
My uncle is busy appeasing to the ancestors while I am kneeling in my thoughts thinking about the worst that could happen.
Me : " Ma uzothini uma umhlwehlwe ungawa. Ngikhathazekile uyakhumbula ngekhathi loyafana ezama ukungidlwengula , wangifaka umunwe. ( Ma what if the goat fat falls. I'm worried because do you remember that boy that tried to rape me , he inserted his finger. "
My mom and I are whispering since my uncle and grandmother are preaching a lot to the ancestors.
Mom :Â " Mntanam a finger does nothing you need a real dick to break your virginity, yes it does have an effect on umhlwehlwe but you didn't have that pig's finger inserted inside willingly. I doubt your body was in that mood. "
Even though my mom tried to convince me but I'm still scared. My grandmother gave me ucu ( love beads ) and told me to give it to someone that I love. She told me that she is giving me ucu to show me that I need to get married.
When my uncle took umhlwehlwe out of the bucket I felt like I was losing my breath but then I told myself that I don't care it is what it is. I thought that my uncle would tie umhlwehlwe using a safety pin but then my uncle threw umhlwehlwe around me and told me that I have to go esigcawini and dance.
I sang and danced my way to esigcawini. Nkosiyabo came with a little girl who is very beautiful and her sister. I kept on giving people my spear so that they could return it with money. The last people to receive my spear was the Royal's. I deliberately looked at Nkosiyabo in his eyes just to challenge him and left him with my spear. They all came surprising me , the little girl gave me gift bags, Siphosihle gave me an umbrella decorated with money and a few gift bags then the men of the moment , Nkosiyabo came with the heaviest blanket full of money, a towel full of money and he took out R20 000 right from his bag making me count it.
" Uma ucabanga ingoduso yakho iyafika la kimi nje ngibuke iyafika la futhi ikuphi ngifuna ukumbonisa ukuthi indlovukazi iphathwa kanjani. ( Do you think your fiance can match my standards like can he look like this and where is he I want to show him how a queen is treated. ) " Nkosiyabo said
I was a blushing mess. I didn't know what to say if only he knew that there is no fiance but it's good to know that I can still make him a bit crazy.
" Uyeza umuntu wam ungakhathazeki futhi uyindoda emandodeni uswahla lensizwa (Â My man is coming don't worry and he is the man amongst men , a handsome and gentle man. ) " I said bruising his ego.
I didn't want to continue to listen to him. I stood up to and change to my second out since the ceremony was almost over only for someone to do something that I didn't expect.
" UMA THANDANA WAM LONA
UMA THANDANA WAM LONA
UMA WENGANE ZAMI LONA
UMA WENGANE ZAMI LONA "Â Nkosiyabo sang
The guy sang making sure that everyone knows that he is talking about me like just as I was about to run away he kneeled down holding my ankle.
" MaNyambose umuhle , sthandwa senhliziyo sami , Ndlovukazi yami ngiyazi ukuthi ngakuphoxa , ngakuzwisa ubuhlungu , ngavumela izitha ukuthi zingene bakhathi kwami nawe , mntanomuntu eqinisweni bengino valo, bengizibona njengo muntu ongakufanele kodwa inhliziyo ayiphakelwa. Bengingaphili kahle ngekhathi ungekho. I don't blame you for hating me but all that I'm asking is that you give a second chance, a chance to be isoka lakho , a chance to prove to your ancestors that I love you. I am prepared to tell you everything even now I can tell you everything that you want to know. ( My beautiful MaNyambose, the love of my heart, my queen. I know I disappointed you, I allowed our enemies to get in between you and I. To tell you the truth I was scared, I didn't see myself as someone who is worthy of you but my heart wants what it wants. ) " he said
Yoh to say I'm blown away would be an understatement. Who knew that Nkosiyabo is as good as he is with words like damn that cheese boy . People are cheering on us making me feel more embarrassed. I didn't want to talk a lot instead I took ucu that my grandmother gave me earlier on and gave it to him.
" Masihlangane emfuleni njengamanje. ( Let's meet at the river right now) " I said and left to my room.
Immediately when I got to my room, mom and grandmother came rushing. I knew that they want me to spill the beans but I didn't want to disappoint the poor guy hence I gave him ucu. There's a lot that we have to fix before we can talk about dating.
Mom : " And then wena kwezakalani bakhathi kwakho no Nkosiyabo. ( What is going between you and Nkosiyabo) "
Me : " Ma I will explain later for now I need to rush somewhere. Please make sure that everyone ate and please thank everyone on my behalf. Gogo ngicela indlela ( granny can I please go) "
My mom and grandmother were hesitant but they eventually agreed. I took off imvunolo that I had on and wore my floral bodycon dress along with my white air force. I looked myself in the mirror preparing myself for what is to come especially since people think that I agreed to be someone's girlfriend. I sprayed my perfume, took my phone and left.
I found him already waiting for me in his car. Luckily he came alone.
" Can you please drive us somewhere I want to buy food. " I told him
He played my favorite music genre which is umaskandi and well I guess he earned a point. We bought McDonald's well he bought McDonald's since he didn't want me to pay for my own food and went to the garage since he wanted to buy snacks.
He went outside to buy snacks for just in case we become hungry leaving me to eat my food in peace. He didn't take long , he just bought my favorite snacks and I know that his sister is the one that informed him shem.
" Why did you want us to meet up ? " He asked
I guess here goes nothing.
Me : "Â Nkosiyabo I am going to need you to be honest with me. Yes I gave you ucu but it was because I didn't want to embarrass you. When I went to the river, they told me that there is a ceremony that has to be done in order for us to be together but first we have to be honest with each other. I am going to go first, so when I was in Cape town I met this guy for which it was not the first time meeting him. We became friends and he became my anchor especially after the stunt that you pulled. Few years later he became my boyfriend , now the thing is I didn't know that he was related to you, I only found out last week. I dated Makhosonke Dlamini your cousin. Besides that Nkosiyabo I found out that I am supposed to get married to you when I was in hospital after the whole kidnapping. Instead of you understanding because you were also told about the chosen wife that you are supposed to marry, you made me feel like I'm after your money forgetting that my mom has her own money that is more than enough. Already I was suffering, my wounds were still fresh but you went and dated my cousin, yes the first time was because they fed you love potion and they did a lot of stuff but the second time was because of you.
Yazi the way you didn't want to believe me , you even went to someone who told you lies about me and believed them while I thought you were kidnaped. I became sick during that week because of your rejection. Do you know that I felt each and every pain that you were supposingly going through and do you know what's funny. I found out that you were not forced you did everything willing. I won't lie I was hurt but mostly tired that's why I left. "
Nkosiyabo : " I'm sorry for everything. I guess I really don't have an excuse. I'm a messed up person. I was still a child, I didn't deserve to go through all of the hardships that I went through. My back is covered with scares that serves as a constant reminder of how messed up I am. I mean how do explain someone who enjoyed being raped. I'm a murderer who enjoys inflicting pain on people who inflict pain on others especially rapist. I killed your ex boyfriend and your sister. Yes say it you hate me but I couldn't let them go especially because it's something that they planned. Look my father made me like this , he couldn't afford to have a weakling of a son ngine slwane Hlelo ( I have a beast ) and there are times where I can't control it. I've tried looking for help but no one is able to help. That's why I couldn't accept that you and I are destined for each other. I love you heck I never thought I would love someone like I love you but I am scared, I am scared I am going to hurt you. I don't deserve you. Siphosihle doesn't know that side of me but surprisingly she is the only one who can calm me down as well as my daughter. Yes I do have a daughter with uZandile but she left her daughter to go and marry someone else. "
Me : "Â Can you please take me home and don't worry I am going to help you. I do not resent you for what you did but as you said it was not you. You have to stop feeding islwane sakho ( your beast ) anger and jealousy because you are giving him more powers. I will be working from Monday so I we will communicate on what we have to do. "
The drive back home was very silent. I don't know how to digest everything because the ancestors did not even give me a clue on what was happening instead they told me to help him. How am I going to help someone to get over his traumas, how will I help him to get rid of the beast inside him. Sometimes the things that our do claiming to strengthen us are the ones that kills us emotionally.
Authors note
Hi guys I have heard your concerns. I am going to try to update as much as I can. Please continue supporting me and voting.