âHow much longer are you going to keep this up? Itâs been days, so get back here! What, do you want me to go and pick you up? Stop being so childish. It was just a light beating, and you ran away because of that? Whatâs next? Are you going to cut all ties with me?â Isabelle sounded impatient and upset as if I was the one being unreasonable here, not her.
I couldnât believe I expected more from her. All my excitement died at that moment, and I mocked, âI can see youâre missing me, Mom.â
âThatâs enough, I donât want to talk about useless stuff like that. Get back here once youâre done throwing your tantrum. Your father has been complaining ever since you ran away. You are to come back this afternoon. I want to see you at lunchtime,â Isabelle ordered imperiously, not giving me any chance to negotiate.
Useless stuff? Throwing a tantrum? I would have dismissed that usually, but coming from Isabelle, it hurt me deeply. Nonetheless, I forced a smile. âMom, is that all you have to say?â I asked softly.
âWhat else do you want me to say?â Isabelle was confused. She kept quiet for a while before answering, âAre you expecting me to apologize? That was just a light punishment for a mistake you did, and you want me to say sorry for that? How much of a baby can you be? Canât you learn from Crystal? She thanks me every time I give her something, and she cares about me, unlike you.â
âOh, you want me to learn from her? Well, what do you want me to learn then? Do you want me to learn how to butter up to the rich and powerful? How to mock and belittle those who are down on their luck? Mom, Crystalâs going to dump you the moment you lose power. Why do you even care about her? I just donât understand.â
I pulled at my hair, sadness and frustration welling up within me. I just couldnât wrap my head around it. I felt confused every time I got into a conflict with Isabelle, especially when Crystal was around. What went wrong, exactly?
âYou canât talk like that about Crystal. You two grew up together. You should treat her like sheâs your sister. Now that sheâs down on her luck, you should give her a hand!â Isabelle growled. âI donât want to argue with you. Pack your stuff and come back. Your fatherââ
âEnough!â I roared, venting my fury and frustration. âWhy should I go home? Just to see you love Crystal more than you love me? Just to get insulted by the both of you? Mom, itâs either her or me!â
âWhat are you talking about? Iâm very disappointed in you, Yvonne. If you still think of me as your mother, youâd better come home, or Iâllââ
âYouâll disown me? Well, itâs not the first time I heard that!â I interrupted her. Yes, I was sad and nervous the first time she said that, since it felt like I was hurt by the person I cared the most about. But the more she said that, the less panicked I was. Eventually, I was annoyed. Isabelle was my mother, but she blackmailed me emotionally with that tie every chance she could.
âIâm disappointed in you as well, Mom. You know nothing. Nothing at all. You never saw things from my point of view. Do you even love me? Sometimes I wonder about that. You donât care about my existence either. I exist just so you can tell everyone Iâm the proof of your relationship.â
I was shouting, sobbing, and covering my mouth, but still, I couldnât stop crying. That kind of thought had been creeping up on me recently. To my horror, I found that Isabelleâs love for me wasnât as deep as I thought it was. She didnât remember my favorite food, the color of my shirt, the drawing I made for her when I was a kid, and she even remembered my birthday wrongly.
My mother didnât love me, especially when Crystal was there.