Should I let her go?
Namgung Bi-ahâs words, saying she wanted to go, left my mind in turmoil.
If I were to let her goâ¦
Why should I let her?
The Northern Sea.
That distant landâdid I really want Namgung Bi-ah to go there?
I wanted to stop her.
And yet, I couldnât bring myself to do so easily.
The reason was simple.
âHer eyes.â
The eyes Namgung Bi-ah fixed on me were clearer than ever.
Her usual vacant stare was gone, replaced by brilliant blue eyes that gleamed like gemstones.
Like someone who had discovered their path.
Looking into those glowing eyes, it was difficult to tell her not to go.
Still, I tried to say it.
To ask her not to go.
To beg her not to leave me behind and travel to that faraway place.
Even if it was selfish and petty.
Even if it was disgraceful, I wanted to hold on to her that way.
Such a shameless emotion.
I had tried to deny it over and over, pushing it away, but now it consumed me like a seed that had taken root.
This wasnât loveâit was possessiveness.
Having Namgung Bi-ah in my heart had made her presence grow larger and larger until it became impossible to let her go.
And yetâ
âI have to go.â
Even as I begged her not to, Namgung Bi-ah stared at me with unwavering determination.
Her gaze was as clear and bright as ever.
Eyes she rarely let me see before now, suddenly on full displayâit felt unfair.
So, should I let her go? Just like this?
I couldnât.
She said she needed to grow stronger to protect me. She needed to go to the Northern Sea for that.
Ridiculous.
âWhoâs protecting whom?â
I had been struggling for so long.
Struggling for what purpose, only for her to now claim she would protect me?
Nonsense.
I wanted to yell it at her, to her face.
âYouâre not the one protecting me. Iâm the one protecting you.â
So just stay quietly by my side.
That petty thought burned in me, but I bit my tongue and held it back.
This cursed emotion called loveâ
It stoked my possessiveness and yet also forced me to suppress it.
So I couldnât speak the words.
But not being able to speak didnât mean I couldnât act.
I stood face-to-face with Namgung Bi-ah.
ââ¦â
As I stared at her, our eyes met.
I didnât look away.
I locked onto her blue eyes.
ââ¦â
But the longer I stared, the more I wanted to avert my gaze.
When was the last time I looked at her so intently?
I tried to recall, butâ
âI donât think there ever was a time.â
As far as I could remember, there wasnât.
I had never looked at Namgung Bi-ah so closely before.
And perhaps thatâs why, now, I looked deeper.
Her white hair, faintly tinged with blue, her pale skinâalmost as if powdered.
Her features carried a delicate, faintly mysterious charm.
She was beautiful.
Still, she was as beautiful as ever.
And as I looked, my eyes caught something.
ââ¦â
A hairpin in her hair.
It was the moon-shaped ornament I had given her as a gift.
She still wore it.
Even though it was a cheap trinket, it looked a bit worn now.
I should get her something better next time.
âHa.â
The thought made me sigh softly.
What was wrong with me, thinking about trivial things like this?
A flood of scattered thoughts overwhelmed me.
Random, fleeting concerns filled my mind.
And I knew it.
I knew that all these thoughts were just an attempt to avoid the one thing I didnât want to faceâthat I didnât want to let her go.
Knowing this, avoidance was futile.
If I could truly avoid it, I wouldnât have kept her by my side in the first place.
She couldnât know.
She could never know how significant a choice it was to keep her by my side.
And I wished for her not to know.
Shing.
The sharp sound of a sword being drawn reached my ears.
It was Namgung Bi-ah drawing her sword.
Seeing this, I asked her:
âYouâre really going through with this?â
âYes.â
Her firm nod was unwavering.
Her stance was straight, and her demeanor was honest.
A sparring match.
Despite my unreasonable demand, Namgung Bi-ah accepted without hesitation.
It was impossible.
No matter how much of a genius Namgung Bi-ah was, this was beyond her reach.
She must have known that as well.
And yet, the reason she accepted wasâ
ââ¦Because of my absurd terms, no doubt.â
The condition I attached to the match must have been the reason.
The sparring wasnât just a simple duelâit had a stipulation.
She didnât need to win; she needed to gain my recognition. A word game on my part.
It was a ploy to make the duel more acceptable for her.
In the end, I had to offer something that Namgung Bi-ah would find worth pursuing.
My plan was simple.
I would make her lose and give up.
That was my goal.
Shameless?
âI know. Iâm fully aware.â
I knew how petty it was.
But I didnât care. I didnât want to let her go.
Gone were the days when I pushed her away, shouting for her to leave.
Now, without her, I couldnât function. Especially not in my current state.
ââ¦My mind isnât in the right place.â
I hadnât told anyone, but my mental state was far from stable.
With the added strain of stabilizing my energy, I needed time to adjust to my altered emotions and thoughts.
Given the situation, I desperately didnât want Namgung Bi-ah to leave right now.
Let people call it ugly possessiveness or selfishnessâ
I didnât care. Thatâs how I felt.
Facing Namgung Bi-ahâs drawn sword, I also picked up a blade.
It was just an iron sword I had grabbed from nearby.
Truthfully, I wanted to use Gui-jeong.
But that felt like overkill.
As I raised my sword, I felt the weight of the gazes around me.
Moyong Biyeon and Namgung Hyeong were watching closely.
Their curiosity was evidentâthey were undoubtedly wondering why I, of all people, was picking up a sword to spar with Namgung Bi-ah.
From their perspective, it must have seemed absurd.
The gap in our expertise was clear.
For someone like me, who specialized in unarmed combat, using a sword was akin to fighting with my arms tied behind my back.
I had no real understanding of swordsmanship.
Even if I used internal energy, it would produce a crude, incomplete sword aura.
I didnât even know how to properly follow a sword path.
If I fought Namgung Bi-ah, who had perfected her craft, I would undoubtedly lose.
At least, thatâs what they would think.
Even Namgung Bi-ah probably thought so.
Yet she accepted the match.
Butâ
ââ¦Shin Noya, Iâll be counting on you.â
I had the Honored Sword of Mount Hua, Shin Cheol.
He wouldnât lose to anyone in swordsmanship.
A man who rose to prominence with just a blade.
Even Namgung Myung was treated like a child when sparring with him.
I planned to rely on him again.
Or so I thought.
[â¦Hmm? Me?]
Shin Noyaâs sudden response threw me off. His tone was oddly uncertain.
âWhatâs with that reaction?â
[Wait⦠Are you expecting me to fight?]
âOf course. Who else would fight?â
[You fool! Itâs your body, so of course you have to fight!]
Shin Noyaâs exasperated reply left me dumbfounded.
âBut how?! I donât even know how to use a sword!â
[And whose fault is that, you idiot? If you didnât know how, you shouldnât have agreed to this!]
âItâs obvious! When I use a sword, you step in and handle it!â
Thatâs how it had always been.
So naturally, I assumed it would be the same this time.
[Hah⦠This brat. Always trying to take the easy way out.]
Shin Noya sighed heavily, clearly annoyed.
[I thought you were just trying to let her win⦠But your shamelessness knows no bounds! To pull this on your fiancée? Unbelievable.]
âFine, fine! Lecture me later. Can you just help me this once?â
I felt his contempt, but I was desperate enough to beg.
[No.]
Shin Noyaâs refusal was immediate and absolute.
âShin Noyaâ¦!â
[No matter how much you beg, the answer is still no.]
âWhy? Youâve taken over my body plenty of times beforeâwhy are you acting like this now?!â
[Because I canât.]
âWhat?â
That response made my eyes widen.
[Since your body changed, I can no longer borrow it.]
âWhat the hell does that mean?!â
It was the first Iâd heard of it.
Even after my transformation, this issue had never come up before.
As I struggled to comprehend, Shin Noya continued:
[I was so busy with everything else that I forgot to mention it.]
âYouâve got to be kidding me!â
My mind went blank.
So he really couldnât take over my body anymore?
Thenân/ô/vel/b//in dot c//om
âWhat am I supposed to do?â
[Why are you asking me? Youâre the one who caused this mess.]
I was screwed. Completely and utterly screwed.
Shin Noyaâs tone left no doubt: I was on my own.
âThis canât be real. Please, just tell me this is a lie. Iâll let it slide this time.â
[What, should I swear on the previous sect leaderâs name? That my words are true?]
âEven that wonât convince me. Youâd swear on anything if it suited you, Shin Noya.â
[Hah, brat. If I could still take over, Iâd have already made you bite your tongue or throw your sword away out of spite. But alas, I canât. Itâs maddening.]
Damn it.
Hearing that, I was sure he was telling the truth.
Faced with this unforeseen problem, my thoughts started racing.
âWhat do I do now?â
Panic set in, and my gaze darted nervously.
Namgung Bi-ah seemed to notice my distress, tilting her head in concern.
ââ¦Why are you acting like that?â
Her worried voice reached me, and I felt a fleeting urge to suggest we fight with fists instead of swords.
[Donât even think about it. Thatâs far too pathetic.]
Shin Noya shut that thought down before I could even voice it.
I knew it too.
If I actually said that out loud, Iâd hate myself for it later.
âThen what do I do, Shin Noya? I have no options.â
[Just pick up the sword and fight. How hard could it be?]
He said it like it was the simplest thing in the world.
Of course, it wasnât for someone like me. If it were that easy, Iâd have mastered swordsmanship long ago instead of relying on my fists.
âMaybe I should use Gui-jeong.â
I glanced at the blade tied to my left arm.
Gui-jeong might not be a proper sword, but it was sturdy and reliable. At least it was better than this plain iron sword.
âThen again, Gui-jeong is more of an unbreakable weapon than a true sword. It might not make much difference.â
With that in mind, I looked at the other sword in my hand: Thunder Fang.
I had spoken with Namgung Myung earlier, right after retrieving it from my quarters.
While the conversation hadnât been long, it had covered significant ground.
Perhaps that was the issue.
Namgung Myung had fallen silent ever since.
âIn terms of utility, Thunder Fang is far better than Gui-jeong. It amplifies the userâs power to the fullest.â
But there was a problem.
I couldnât use it.
Even being able to hold Gui-jeong was remarkable enough.
Thunder Fang, however, couldnât be wielded without its wielderâs approval.
ââ¦â
I stared at Thunder Fang and hesitated for a moment before channeling a bit of my energy into it.
Just to test it.
[What are you doing, you impudent brat?!]
Namgung Myung, who had been silent until now, suddenly erupted with anger.
So, he noticed.
I let out an awkward laugh and said:
âI was just curious.â
[Curious, my ass! How dare you try to channel your energy into this sword! Donât even think about it. Youâll never be able to wield it without my permission.]
It seemed Thunder Fang needed not only the swordâs consent but Namgung Myungâs as well.
What an insufferable relic.
âGui-jeong is better after all.â
At least Gui-jeong didnât come with a temperamental spirit to placate.
Still, a fleeting thought crossed my mind.
When I had channeled my energy into Thunder Fang just nowâ
âIt felt like something might actually work.â
It seemed more responsive than I had expected.
Driven by curiosity, I decided to push more energy into it.
This time, Namgung Myungâs voice was tinged with exasperation.
[Didnât I tell you itâs pointless? I clearly saidâ]
Whoosh!
âHuh?â
[What�]
As I poured a significant amount of energy into Thunder Fang, its gemstone suddenly began to glow.
Whoosh!
From the light came an intense heat that radiated outward.
ââ¦â
[â¦]
Namgung Myung, who had been yelling moments ago, fell silent.
I stared at the glowing Thunder Fang in my hands and murmured softly:
âIt⦠works?â