Chapter 46: chapter 46

It's been long. I would love to talk more but I know you all are eager to read further. So I will not waste your time and let's continue.Enjoy the chapter.*********Isabelle's POV-I was surprised to see him. I really can not explain my feelings right now. I didn't leave his hand from the moment we exit the cafe to the time we entered our house. They all are sitting in the main hall. I was preparing for dinner. We all had a good time at the dining table. Eva kept on telling stories about her school. Even Chase told him about new things that Eva learned.It was now very normal to hear Chase talk about Eva all the time. I was observing Xavier, he was just smiling at kids. He didn't say a word from the start. It was making me worry about him. Is he okay? Is he hurt somewhere? Why he seems so sad and lonely? He suddenly looked at me. He gave me a big smile but it was fake, I could see it clearly.I returned the smile. "Okay, kids. Let's go. Today you are going to sleep in my room. I will tell you a story." Lucas said after we all finished our dinner. They both agreed happily.I took all the dished inside and started washing them. "You should stop looking at me now. It is making me nervous." I told Xavier. He was silently standing behind me."Sorry" He said. "You should go and rest." I said while washing dishes. I didn't want him to go but he must be tired from all the traveling. "No, I want to stay with you. I... I... Nothing." He didn't complete his sentence. I stopped doing it and turned to look at him. He was frowning and looking at the floor. What is the matter with him? Something is bothering him for sure."You have to tell me what are you thinking. I can see it clearly that you are worried about something." I said."Have you... How is... You and Lucas, are you..." He sighed loudly and said. "It's nothing. You are right I should go and rest. Good night love." With that he left. I could not understand what he wanted to say.I completed my work and went upstairs. My room and guest room are upstairs.I took a bath and wore my satin nightdress. I like this dress because this dress was cutely short but not improper.I took the book I was reading these days and sat on the chair near the window.Then suddenly I remembered that I didn't put any blanket in the guest room. I immediately looked into the wardrobe to find one. I took it and went to his room. I entered the room. He was changing after taking shower, I guessed.His back was towards me. I immediately looked away. My face got heated."I am sorry. I forget to knock." I said without looking at him."It's okay." He replied. I suddenly felt someone's presence near me.I turned to see that Xavier was standing merely a few inches away from me.He still wasn't wearing any shirt. I looked downwards immediately. He took the blanket from my hands and went to put them on the bed. Now I had the chance to look at him. And what I saw made my eyes teared up. His back was covered with wounds. A lot of them, some were old but there were new wounds too.I subconsciously reached out to touch them. They looked painful.He was suffering so much there. Why? Why he do this?He turned around, so his chest was in front of me. There were a few cuts and scratches but what got my attention was a bullet wound near his ribs. My heart started weeping inside my chest. "I am fine." He said, wiping my tears which unknowingly fell from my eyes. "It doesn't pain anymore.""But it did before. Right? It must have hurt very much. Why? Why can't you take care of yourself for once? You always protect others, always put me first. Now is enough. I can't... Have you ever..." "I love you." Xavier's POV-All the time when she was complaining about me not taking care of myself, I could see her feelings clearly. Only one thing that was roaming in my head was...I love her. I love this woman. I love her more than my life. "I love you." I said it. I had said this more than 1000 times a day in my head. I planned to tell her that in a very different situation. But this is good too. It was the right thing to say to make her stop talking and it worked.The expression of disbelief on her face was so animatic. It was a little bit funny, how she was uncertain if she had heard it right."Wha...what did you...say?" She asked hesitantly. "You heard clearly or do you want me to repeatit." I bent near her ear and said it again. "I love you, Isabelle." She hiccuped. Her eyes went wide. She put her hands on her mouth so that she could stop hiccuping. It didn't work, obviously.I chuckled at her. She was looking so cute. I picked her up in my arms and walk towards the bed. I put her down. ##WARNING* ADULT* WARNING##(I DID MY WORK BY WARNING, NOW READ AT YOUR OWN RISK)She looks so beautiful. I want to love her the whole night. Maybe she saw something in my eyes because she was getting breathless. She was holding my shoulders so tightly as if stopping me from coming closer and also don't want to let me go away.Getting closer was the only option for me because I could not control my heart and my body any longer. I had waited for her long enough. As my breath mingled with her, she closed her eyes tightly. Looking at her cute expression was making me yearn for her even more.I kissed her eyes. Her grip got stronger on my shoulders. Then I kissed her nose and she stopped breathing. She was so still like a statue.I looked at her. Her eyes were still closed. Then I looked at her lips. They were natural pink. I get closer, her face was getting red by the second because she was still holding her breath. I pecked on her lips as I told her "Love...you...have to... breathe... NOW."  As I said 'now' she released a long breath. She was gasping because of the lack the oxygen. She had opened her eyes and now was looking at me wide-eyed. My arms were against her ribs but I could feel her loud heartbeats. "You can't keep on holding your breath like this, love. You will be exhausted." I kissed her lips again. "And I haven't even started yet." Her expression changed again.I captured her lips in mine. This time not to leave them soon. My one hand was under her neck, supporting her against me and the other was yearning to touch her. I slowly put my other hand on her ribs near the naval. She responded expressively to my burning touch.I kissed her chin and keep on kissing down to her neck. She arched her back and moaned when I kissed her collar bone.I put my arm around her back and lifted her to make her sit on my lap. She was straddling me.I keep on kissing her and she was making all kinds of erotic sounds. It was getting hard not to take her right away.But I would not. She is not the woman I would want to just have sex with. She is very special to me. So I will take all my time to make love to her. I want her to feel what I am feeling right now.Her arms were around my head. I looked at her face. She was in a daze, her eyes were blazing with desire. It was hard to take my eyes off her. She was breathing loudly. This time she was the one to duck down and kiss me first. Her kisses were hurried and feverish. She was fisting my hairs in her hands so tightly that it started paining but it was still erotic. I never saw this side of her. She was taking the lead and I let her. It was so alluring, how she pushed me down on the bed and come upon me. She kissed my lips but didn't stay there she went down to my neck. I can bet that she doesn't even what she is doing to me right now. She was kissing me open mouthly. My heart was beating so fast as if it will explode at any moment. I gripped her waist and turned us around. She was looking like an angel underneath me.I smiled at her and put my head against hers."You are an angel. You made me see the light in the darkest tunnel which had no end or a beginning." I kissed her lips. "I love you... I can say this every day for the rest of our lives. It sounds so cheesy but it is the truth. So true."With all those twists and turns, her nightdress came up from her thighs. I kissed her jawline. I put one hand on her thigh to move it apart, my hand made contact with her bare skin. I brought myself in between her legs. She went still, maybe because of the closeness. I took her hands in mine and seized them about her head. She arched her body against me. It made me loose control and I kissed her with all that I had in me. She was shivering beneath me. She was not making any sound. She tried to free her hands from my grip. I ignored it. But then I heard it. A sob. I stopped and moved back a little. The pain of the bullet wound that I had was nothing in front of the pain I felt when I saw the expression on her face.She was not shivering with pleasure, she was shaking in fear. She had tears in her eyes. How did this happened? Why I didn't notice this sooner? She was not enjoying it. She was terrified by it, by me. Did I do this to her? Was I...Was I forcing myself on her? That last thought made me loose my senses. I was about to get off the bed but she held my arm and didn't let me."Xav...Xavier...please don't go. I am sorry. I thought...thought that you are him."My mind went blank after her confession. Did she just say that she thinks of me as...as that bastard? Do I remind her of him? Did my love seem something so cheap and disgusting to her?I could not dare to look at her. Suddenly something very dark took over my heart. I could not see anything or feel anything.I could tell she was calling my name again and again. She wanted me to hear her but my heart and mind are not ready to hear another word. I got her hands off my arm. I stood up and get away from her as fast as I could. I went by the window. It was hard to breathe. I could not get my head around that fact.I felt her hand on my shoulder. She pulled me to face her. I still could not look at her."Xavier, please look at me. Listen to me. It's not like that. I don't think of you as for him. I could never do that. You are nothing like him. Please believe me." I heard it but could not believe it.She put her hand on my face and lifted it so that my eyes could meet hers. When I looked into her eyes, they were red. It made my heart ache more. I did that to her. I made her cry. I made her remember all of that horrible moment of her life but...but she was enjoying it. I saw that myself. Then why? How?I got frustrated and turned my back towards her again. I looked out of the window. The cool wind was calming me down a little.I heard a sound and turned to look back. It was her, sitting on her knees.I was shocked. "Xavier... I...I loved every moment of it. It was something that I experienced for the first time. My body was not in my control when you were in my arms. My heart was beating so fast that I felt it will explode any second. You made me feel this burning need.  I wanted more of you. I... I wanted all of you. You have to believe that." She went quiet. "It was just when you touched...when you touched my legs, for a second I got scared and unwillingly my mind went to all those horrifying moments. I didn't want to but my thoughts were not in my control. One after another, those scenes started playing in my head. I tried to bring myself back to you but then you held my arms. No...no...it didn't hurt at all but it pushed me deeper. I am very very sorry." She was sobbing so much that it was getting hard to understand what she was saying."Hey, shhh... Quiet. It's okay, it's okay. Calm down." I said sitting in front of her. She will get sick if she continues to cry like this. It is not her fault. I should have waited longer."It was my fault. I am... I am sorry. I should have thought about you.""No, it's not. It was not a mistake. It was the most special moment of my life. That's what I am trying to tell you, Xavier. It was special to me. You are special to me." She put her face in her hands and took long breathes.We stayed quiet for some time. Then she looked up at me in the eyes. She looked into my eyes like wants me to see something in her eyes."Xavier, I... I want to... I mean...what I want to say is...I" she took hold of her hairs and groaned in frustration.'Stupid, you had thought about this conversation for more than 100 times in your head and now you could not form a word. Just say it. You were going to do it anyway.' She was whispering to herself.What does she want to say?It was making me nervous. "Xavier, I... I want to tell you that...that I love you. I never thought that I was capable of loving. I know I am no way near perfect and I don't deserve you because you deserve someone much better than me. And I can understand if you don't want to be with me but I needed to tell you this that...""Why would I leave you? I told you that I love you. You are my life, where would I go?" I said taking her face in my hands. "You are not him. I would never imagine that.""It's okay love. I understand. I understand it clearly. I am sorry. I should have known this even without you telling me.""I was so scared that you will leave me. That you will hate me now. I don't think I could live without you.""I could never hate you. I maybe get angry or hurt but hate is not possible." I kissed her head and stood up.I took her in my arms and laid her down on the bed. I get in the bed myself and pulled her towards me. Her head was on my chest and her arms were around me. We laid there like that. "I promise you, I will always love you." She said."And I promise that you will never get hurt again in your life. I will always protect you." I replied.We fall asleep in each other's arms. We kept our promises to each other. That was the last day she remembered her bad memories and let them took control over her and that was the last day when I made her cry and feel insecure about herself.************Hello sweeties.Hope you liked the chapter. It had so many things that's why it took such a long time. I wanted that everyone can feel what 'Xavier and Isabelle'are feeling.I hope it came out nice.This is the end of the story. Hope you see it in my other stories.See you guys soon. Till then stay tuned.