Kai
"Hey, have you seen Stan anywhere?" The sound of my voice erupted from the impatient neediness that I had inside. Both Charlie and Liara looks at me, then to each other. Charlie was the first one to shake his head giving a no. The answer just made me feel more down than I ever expected to feel. Liara puts her hand onto my shoulder, lowering her head slightly to see my face which was now locked to the ground.
"Kai... I'm sure he's around. Maybe... maybe he's busy,"
I bring my head up, I was not having the busy bullshit. "He's not busy! How can he just gets busy all the damn time since Friday?!" I run both my hands through my hair, getting frustrated each time I can't see his face. It was now Wednesday and I haven't seen his face since. We stumble against Felix, and he said he was at school so where was he?
Since Saturday, I tried reaching for him, and he wasn't responding to any of my texts. All that was there was my messages and my ranting of where he was. I don't know if he had something planned for me or not but this has made me feel anxious. I can't help but think that he... left me.
"Dude, are you sure that he came to school today?" Charlie asked me. Again, why does everyone treating me like I'm stupid?
I sigh frustratingly. "He did! I saw his motorcycle today. Who else would ride the same bike as his?"
Charlie bit his lips, looking to Liara for help. I let out a tired groan, starting the two of them. It doesn't help me that they tried to assure me that Stan was this or Stan was that. They should at least help me find where he is.
"I'm done. I'm just gonna go home. Fuck this," I mumbled, slipping between the two and walking away to home. I didn't care if I was going to walk home from school. I really don't wanna face anyone at the moment.
Charlie run-up to me. "Hey! Hey! Are you seriously gonna walk home now?"
"Go away Charlie,"
"Dude, why are you acting like this?"
"I said go away! Nicholson!" I snapped, having him shut up instantaneously. He looks at me with slanted brows and a sad face. "Just, please... I just want to think this shit away," I pleaded, then resume to walk away from the two.
I hate to burst out in front of my best friends, but I just can't help it. It's that the anger, the disappointment, the frustration and the anxiousness just made me can't control my self anymore. I know that when I get back home, I would regret what I did but the least I can do later on would just say sorry. It is my fault for lashing out but it's not my fault that I am like this.
Walking out of the main entrance of the school, I continue to walk to the front gate of the school. But before I could even reach the gate, my eyes went to caught Stan leaning against his motorcycle with a cigarette between his lips. Seeing the sight of him not having care at all that I was here pisses me off.
I rushed angrily towards him. But once I was there, the look on his face was different than I ever expected. He had prominent dark bags under his eyes from lack of sleep and the way his hair looked now was messier than I have ever seen on him. But I pushed the thought away and proceed with my questions. Surprisingly, his friend Felix was there too.
"Where were you?! I texted you many times, I called a hundred times and here you acting like a... where were you?" I asked, gaining his attention on me. He looks at me like I was a stranger to him.
He chuckled. "Do I know you?"
"What?! Stan! Stop playing nonsense with me! I ask you where were you?!" I repeated the same question again. There was no way he's gonna escape me now.
He exhales a cloud of smoke from his lips, then sighing to himself. "I was working. I already told you that," My eyes went to look at Felix who then looks away from me. I honestly don't know whom to trust anymore.
"No. Felix said that you were with him. Even if you were, that doesn't mean you can ignore me from Saturday,"
"Oh my god... Kai. I can't just spend my time all day with you. I made other plans for me as well," He smirked. Hearing that from him, it made my heart broke somehow. To see him like this, it reminded me of when I loathe the sight of him.
"What is wrong with you?" I spoke out, holding back the tears that I had. I can't cry now, not in public where everyone could see us.
"Nothing wrong. Anyway... I gotta go," When he said this, came a girl from our batch who began wrapping her arms around him. My mouth gaped in disbelief. I couldn't speak a word.
He, too, wrapped his arm around the girl, making my heart shatter even more. "There you are, baby. Come on, I want to show you something,"
With all the might that I have left, I turn around with no more words to say. Walking away with my head down, the steps I took were slowly turning into fast paces. All this time I thought he would be the one that I could love forever. Now it all just seems like a made-up fairy tale that sounds frivolous and stupid.
'I did... but it was a lie. Remember when I brought to that dock? I said I bring someone there if I like them. I like you, Kai. I really do... I never liked someone like you before,'
Those stupid words were running through my brain like the plague it was.
'You're my first,'
Stop.
'You're my first,'
Stop.
'I like you,'
Stop!
"Ugh!" The sound of someone grunted had me look up again. It was from Charlie. I wasn't even watching where I was going that made someone hurt. Charlie turned to me, about to get mad until when he saw the look on my face. His expression then became the same one that he made earlier in the hallway but more concerned this time.
He puts his hands on my shoulder. "Kai? Hey, hey, what's wrong? Did something happen? Hey, talk to me. Please," He looks behind me, seeming to know what was going on.
"It's Stan, isn't it?"
When I gave no reply, he sighs, then goes to embrace me into a hug. With the comfort that I had, I have no choice but to cry. I want to cry. "There... there. It's okay, it's gonna be okay. Come on, I'll take you home," He cooed, bringing me closer.
Footsteps then are heard from behind me. "Kai?" Liara asked, but Charlie seems to give her a signal or something that she just understands what was going on. She then approaches us, hugging me as well. It felt awfully comfortable. It made me cry even more, yet I felt safe.
We sat in Charlie's car in silence. Liara chose to join us since she said she wanted to keep me company. Charlie had no time to bicker with her that he himself was enough company, so he just let her in. Sitting in the passenger seat, I lean my head onto the window with my red eyes looking pass the trees that went by.
Charlie and Liara decided that we should go out and drink somewhere to cool me off. Truth was, I don't have the energy left to cool off. I spend my time searching for him, texting him, calling him that I just don't much spirit left to care for myself. Heck, I can't even say his name now. It was something forbidden for me to even say something about him. That it would just wound the open scar that I had just from words itself.
How was I supposed to move on? When all I could think about was him.
I hate that I ever fell in love with someone like that. Someone who can't even keep a promise. Bringing up about promises, he promised me that we would come out together. That we would have each other back. It seemed that promises were just meant to be broken, just like how he broke the wall that I had at first for making me believe that he loved me.
It seems that my head was just playing all along with me. That all this time, what I expected from him was just something that my mind wants me to think and not my heart. It hurts so much something like that was caused by me, myself. It all started with my goddamn stupid mind. Everything was all in my head.
- - -