|| Three and Half Years Ago ||
The ride to Jade's was... bearable. All thanks to Logan Ryder, of course, his son did a poor job in tearing that extremly uncomfortable tension building in the air. I kept wondering in my mind if coming to this party was actually a good idea. It was pretty sure I had not been invited. Jade hadn't spoke a nice word to me ever since my birthday she could easily banished me from the event as soon as I step in and the anticipation was quickly morphing into anxiety in my chest. I carefuly wipped the cold sweat from my palms on the fabric of the dress.
Please don't let them get madder at me. I just want things back to normal.
As soon as my mother had 'arrenged' me going to that even I had tried to drag Macy with me but it was no use. She was on a family dinner as well but in her situation she wasn't able to skip. Why couldn't my parents be be more strict, uh?
Logan left us on te front door of the incredible mansion and waved at us with a last warning of being responsible and stuff before marching away. The air became heavier as it was suddenly just Brett and me standing there. How great. When did things turned out so wrong between us?
I when to step towards the front door of but Brett's calling stopped me. "Lys wait." I did, tense in anticipation, and he sighed. "I... I'm... I just want you back, okay?" My heart halted. Want me back? Baffled I did meet his gaze this time, my chest tightening at the puppy eyes he was giving me. "I miss you." he whispered in that broken tone that broke my heart. Oh Brett... I miss you too, so so damn much. "Let's just start over, please?" his hands frustratingly slid through his face and tugged his auburn hair. "This really got out of hand. I fucked up. But please, I can't stand you being mad at me."
I bit my inner cheek. He miss me. Brett miss me! I felt the sudden urge to smile but stopped myself. After everything was it enough? My fingers absently traced the cast in my arm and I force myself not to jump too quick in forgiving him as my heart was desperately wishing for. He did broke my arm. And had been rather mean to me this past months... Now he wanted me back? Could I even believe him?
"Let's just head in, okay?" and marched towards the door, flinching as soon as I was sure he couldn't see my face. It hurt not to be in good terms with him, but it wasn't my fault was it? He'd been the one pushing me away and passing all the lines.
A blond guy I barely recognized from school opened for us and led us in. Half of them were in swim suits jumping on the pool or dancing around. As soon as I spotted the water I made my way as far as I could from there. Never in my life I'd learned to swim and after nearly drowning two summers ago in my aunt's pool I avoid those murderous traps as well as I could.
The fact that I spotted Noel's dark hair through the mass of people around the place only made my desire to stay away from there grew. That guy hate me guts. And I didn't even know why.
I'd made a pact with myself that I'll remain for an hour or so there and then would call my parents to pick me up. That way I would fullfiel my 'duty' and they would be happy about me interacting, right?
Brett on the other hand when streight towards the pool, sitting on the verge with other of his mates, leaving me to breathe in relief as I found a chill spot on the corner, on the couch where some where playing thruth or dare. They would spin the bottle and cheer everytime on of them embarrassed himself in front of the group.
Man, that was so not my dreamy sunday afternoon.
No alcohol for me.
No social life cause I'm just that awkward.
So as they keep enjoying themselves all over the place I kept it to myself and instead overthink about everything. Especially what Brett had told me. Maybe he was remorseful and truly want us to be friends again? I could only wish.
Was I ready to forgive him? I mean, I really missed him too. All those days together, sharing secrets and projects, playing, laughing... Could it be that my best friend was actually there, trying to catch me again? I caught his gaze a couple times but I keep avoiding it and remain on the opposite side of the party. I needed space.I need to cleared up my mind, and the rush I felt in my chest whenever Brett was near did a poor job helping me.
The event keep going, and it became suffocating, I couldnt wait 'til my stay there was enough and I could finally get rid of that thick enviroment the party carry with it. This were clearly not my place and I felt awkward and weird.
When I finally managed to remain the proper time there so my parents would be satisfied I excused myself with Molly and Johanna, two girls from my English class that were kind enough to invite me spent the time with them and made my way inside the house. People were clearly more wasted now than when I'd arrived and I literally had to squeez my way through their bodies. Yes, talking about awkward.
Inside the music was more muffled an only several people splashed around, boozy or making out. Gross.
I'd been in Jade's place before and I knew that in that huge house I could either cross the hole first floor tot he front door or shortcut through the kitchen and exit from the side door. I decided from the last. Big mistake.
The very moment I stepped in the megazine-like kitchen I felt like all the air had been sucked off my lungs. An involuntary loud gasp escape me and noticing my presence they harshy parted but I couldn't take that image off my mind.
Brett and Jade.
Kissing.
Like, really into kissing.
I felt like throwing up and ripping my eyes out.
My heart twisted painfully and my head spin. They were together? I mean they both were like perfect. It kinda make sense... I should had seen that coming. But that didn't prevent my chest from crumbling.
Jade's eyes narrowed annoyed while Brett widened his, taking another step from her, looking dumbfulled between us. "I-I..." he didn't ended that sentense but it wasn't like I could heard him even if he did.
All I could do was gawked in disbelief as my heart shattered. Yeah, I might had been cold to him lately, but so had he! And now I knew the reason. I never stood a chance. I'd know that, but either way it hurt like hell to see them together. Like a confirmation that my childish fantasies where indeed just that. Fantasies.
His cheeks had the faintest tone of pink and something unreadable in his eyes but I couldn't focus on that. I just keep seing them kissing all over and over again. It was like I stepped in my own personal nightmare, only that I couldn't step out by waking up. Because this was real.
Brett liked Jade. And she liked him back. It was all written in the way they were devouring each other's mouth when I entered the room.
I couldn't breathe. My eyes welled up and his mouth moved again, taking one stride closer to me this time but I didn't want to hear whatever it was. That he love her? That they were together? Gosh it hurts too much just to think of it. So instead I turned on my steps and went to the back yard again, decided to take the long way out if that prevented me from seing THEM again.
Of course Brett didn't like me. I never stood a chance. Not with perfect girls like Jade around. It was just so obvious... and yet that realization was ripping me from the inside.
Just that on my urge to get away from them I forget about my other reason to be careful here.
"Well! Isn't this little freak?" I barely acknowledge it's mock until an arm snaked around my shoulders and tugged me closer to the pool. It was then that part of my pain morphed into anxiety again. Please nothing more today. "Where's your bikini?"
"Noel." my voice came out breathless but I couldn't prevent it. "I need to go."
"Are you crying?"
My heart skipped a beat. The last thing I needed now was another humiliation from him and if I shown weakness that would surely be what will happen. So despites the way my throat was painfully closing I forced out: "No."
"Yes, you are." he grimaced. "You look uglier like that." against my attemps to keep advancing he just shrugged and guided me closer to the pool. "Come one, one dip will cheer you up."
My eyes widened and I once more struggled but he was too strong, not in vain he was one of the tallers in out grade and one of the titular in the soccer team as well. "No no no, please..." I panicked when I saw the water as people parted.
"Then why are you crying, freak?"
I closed my eyes forcefully, more tears going down my cheeks. This couldn't be happening.
But it became worst.
"Just leave her alone, Whickman."
Oh, no, that voice. My heart was about to pop out my chest and drop. The nightmare keep getting worst and worst and I just wanted the earth to swallow me and never let me go.
"Fuck off, Ryder."
"No. Come on let's talk somewhere else." and my eyes snapped open with a gasp when someone took my good hand and tugged me but Noel's arm around my shoulder tightened keeping me in place.
"We're in the middle of something, here."
They had an agressive staring contest and I felt like pinching myself. Are they really discusing which one would had the chance to mess with me first? I didn't want to be near any of them at the moment. I just wanted to go home, lick my wounds, accept it and came back next monday ready to face them. Not now when my heart was still breaking into million pieces and half our grade was looking.
This was ridiculous. I couldn't believe the stunt they were performing. I couldn't take it anymore. Not the situation nor the urge to curl over myself and sob 'til I dry. I couldn't. So I yanked my hand from Brett's and shrugged Noel's arm off my shoulders and narrowed my eyes at both of them.
"I'm going."
"Lys, let's just-"
But I was already shaking my head, not wanting to hear it. Not now. Not in front of everybody. Not when my mind still going over and over their kiss... Gosh, how could he had kiss her! The rage it ignited in me helped keping me together. It must had been why I snapped: "Don't you get it? I don't care anymore!"
And with that, I saw as his eyes turned into cold glaring holes but didn't stick around to witness my recklessness. Stupid me, I hadn't even managed to do a couple steps when a force shoved me forcefully and I was yanked from the floor with a shriek, shattering the surface not even a second later.
I couldn't breath... I couldn't breath!
The cold water seemed to pull me under, soaking the cast that weighted like a rock drowned me faster. The surface mockingly distanced from me and all I remember from there is my own panic.
|| Present ||
The old church was hid behind the new one. It got crumbled after an small eartquake that sent the fragil old structure down. Now it's just a bunch of ruins half engufled by the forest that surrounded the east side of the town. I like it here. It's chill. It allows me to think and just let it go.
Usually when I come here I enjoy the low sounds of nature, how the grave cracked under the rollers shoes or how the birds sing in the distance... But no today. Today was one of those days when I had so much shit in my head I rather numb my thoughts. So I plug on my earphones and let the music muffled everything else.
Skating always gets the best of me. Its adrenaline and the way my muscles ache at last, or how the wind grazzed my form, or how gravity bend against speed... It just made me feel unstoppable. And considering everything, that's exactly what I needed in that moment.
Convincing Norah to let it go had been one of the more difficult things I'd ever done. She realized the mark in my throat hadn't been something willing on my part but I shut down the rest. Was I ready to voiced what actually happen in that party? I don't think so. Saying it out loud would only make it more real... and I wasn't ready for that. So far I could just close my eyes and convinced myself it was all just a dream. A nightmare, more likely.
I was still refusing to accept Noel would actually had done something like that, even intoxicated. It was just so fucked up. And Jade just did nothing... I shivered just thinking of it.
Panting, I stopped by the rock where I'd laid my jacked and bag, holding on my knees for support and enjoying the ache of my bumbing muscles. Yes, I love the sensation. It just top everything else. But that numbing rush also was my cue to stop.
Once I regained my even breaths -kinda-, I carefully sat by my belongings, unlacing the complicated knot of the roller shoes. The more I let my body recover from the adrenaline, the more I noticed the cold breeze against my damp skin. I glanced up and frowned when I took in the orange in the sky. Shit! It was later than I'd thought. Guess I should call it a day, then.
Quickly standing after my normal shoes where back on, I hang the roller ones on one shoulder, my backpack on the other and began making my way Granny's. I unlocked my phone, wondering if she would had called or something but I found none calls from her. Instead I got several messages from Macy.
Apparently she wasn't that cold about the whole 'almost kiss thing' as Norah had thought. She was rather as shaken as the pink haired. Only more. She told me she'd been too afraid it was all just another charade from Nors. I mean, really? And ever since our conversation has been me telling her she should be fair and solved the misunderstood only to have her shying away and finding more excuses.
Honestly, the more I thought about them together the more I liked it. It was undeniable they had chem and all. But why had them both had to be so insecure on that? On that specifically? Considering none of them were even a shy character. Ahhh. Life, uh? I highly enjoyed it tho because their drama drowned mine.
Half way home I gave up in changing her mind today when she gave me the thrid excuse in a row. Guess I'd have to play Celestina a bit more some other say. Sliding the phone back in my pocket I bordered the park. At this time the place was almost empty, only random people wandering around, but chill. I love the quieteness. I stepped on the small kerb between the path and the grass, balancing over it like I was walking on a tightrope.
Childish, I know, but fun.
From the corner of my eyes I saw huge dog running, barking happily. Nothing out the usual, really, people came here to play with their pets all the time and I might had ignored it if it wasn't that I saw the animal going pretty determined towards, well, me. The heck?
In a matter of seconds it reached me, stopping right in front where I was standing and forcing me into an abruptal halt. Raising my gaze my frown melted when I took him in. A huge, fluffy, golden retriever I knew all too well.
"Bolt?" my eyes widened but the animal ain't gave me time for the realization to sink in and not wasting time he lifted with a happy bark, so he was on his back legs while his front ones pressed my chest and shoulder. Almost as tall as myself he used that new height to lick everything he founds on its way: my hands, neck, face... and inevitably making me lose my balance.
How could I'd forgotten about Bolt? I'd known him since Ryder's family got him for Brett's tenth birthday. But I hadn't seen him since... well, since three years ago?
Now on the grass , my backpack thrown somewhere, and this huge mass of muscles over me covering my face with happy, sloppy dog kisses. I started giggling, but he get more exited and licked with even more enthusiasm. The more he licked the more I laughed and it became an endless loop. My hands buried into his soft, almost white fur to push him but the animal didn't budge. He'd became huge!
"Oh! Bolt...No...S-stop it... ugh!" I chuckled frantically, I couldn't see anything beyond the ecstatic golden above me. I heard his owner laughing somewhere near. "Help?!"
"Okay, Bolt, here." his voice sounded amused but suddenly the dog was peeled off me and I finally could breathe again. I wiped my face with my sleeve and when I looked again I saw Brett pulling Bolt's collar 'til he was siting, with his tongue hanging out and his tail wagging fast. "Seems like he'd miss you." the auburn joked and I lifted my gaze to met his.
"You still have him?" I was unable to wash the grin on my face.
Brett rose one brow. "Why wouldn't I?"
"I-I..." slowly the high that lovely animal had given me was fading and the more it did the more I realized what was hapeining and who was in front of me. Brett freaking Ryder. Friday's events were still too recent and I felt my guts tightening painfully. "I don't know." I mumbled in the end. Not really knowing what my next move might be. "I missed him too. He's so sweet."
Brett smiled and I swear my heart fastened. "They say pets are like their owners, you know?"
"Uh..."
What was I supposed to say about that? That he was sweet? That he wasn't? Hell! I could easily dig my own grave and that was terrifying.
His grin widened and out of the blue held out his hand. The gesture took me by surprise and my heart somersaulted once more. I stared at it hesitantly, and Brett rose his brows.
"What?"
"What?" I echoed puzzled.
He rolled his eyes and I swallowed.
"Will you laid there the whole day?"
I felt my cheeks heating and I diverted my gaze. I had pulled myself in a sitting position but he still towering over me and I started to feel uncomfortable yet ridiculous. Thank God the place was empty at this time or this would had been ten times more humiliating.
"No?" it sounded like a question and his eyes shone with amusement, his hand still outstretched.
"Then?"
I forced myself to pull everything together and I took his hand. As soon as our skin met an electric chill rushed up my arm, crossed my chest and down to my legs. I fought back a shudder and held my breath as he easily pulled me up.
When I was on my feet again I didn't waste a second to let go his hand and repress the instincts of taking a step back. Something about him was just so magnetic... I couldn't help myself and I hated it! Especially considering our last interaction and past situations. My heart pinched at the intensity of those burning blue eyes and the innocent smile he sent me. "So, what's got you out so late?"
I shrugged, picking up my belongings and his gaze fell on them. "Just skating..."
"Really? You still doing that?" I nodded and his grin strenghtened. "That's so cool. Where do you?"
Why does he want to know? "Around..." I shrugged again, and Brett gave me a knowing look but didn't comment one my obvious vague answer. Last thing I need was to lose one of the last peace places I got.
Bolt whined at his feet and snuzzled against his legs. Brett released his collar and threw a small ball -that only then I noticed was in his hand- back towards the park. The dog immediately ran after it. My gaze follow them, more to have a distraction from what he awaken in me than anything else. I felt like I couldn't concentrate when he was fully focused on me... and at that moment it felt like he was.
My mind was frantic. Was he aware of what happen Friday night? Was he part of it? Of the plot? Did he-
Questions keep bombing my brain and I couldn't trust myself nor him, so there was only one thing that would made me feel safer all at once. "Mh, gotta go."
But he stopped me. "Wait! I..." he bit his lip, hesitantely. His blue orbs were full of different emotions I couldn't quite point at diverting them as his voice draw off. "Fuck, you got no idea how hard this is." he mumbled in a low tone I wasn't sure it was for me to hear before clearing his throat and looking up again, now speaking louder: "I know you hate me."
My eyes widened at his deadpan. Hate him? Maybe I should... after everything. But somehow I couldn't. Even now, I couldn't. How stupid does that make me, uh? I diverted my gaze this time, feeling my stomach upside down and reminding my mind constantly how reckless I was.
"But I can change, you know? I just..." Brett let out a harsh breath, confusing me further with his intentions. " Let's just start over, please?" my head snapped up at the faintly familiar words. Haven't I heard that before? "I..." he gulped while messing his hair apparently out of unease. "I just want us to be friends... again." he specified when I knitted my brows together, a powerful emotion roaming my chest. "I miss you."
I'd definitely heard that before.
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Hey! Another chapter!! Do you believe Brett means it? You guys like Bolt? Which one do you think is the meanest: Brett, Noel or Jade? Things are about to get rough... just telling. Let me know what are your thoughts so far and remember I got two more stories you might like in my profile!
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